The Immortal Venerable Went Mad After My Faked Death [Transmigration] - Chapter 5

“Senior, you misunderstand. I wasn’t thinking of anything.”

Yan Fulang’s voice was somewhat hoarse.

Having an adult man hanging on his body was of no benefit to his injuries; if Ji Yunzhao hung on him for any longer, it was hard to say whether his fractured ribs would worsen.

Ji Yunzhao blinked and released his hold without a hint of reluctance. “I see. Then I must have misunderstood; I thought you were thinking of something rather… excessive.”

The two of them circled around their hidden meanings for quite a while, until the System was almost dizzy, feeling that it really shouldn’t be in this room.

The little black cat, which was about to merge with the darkness of the night, hesitated before walking to Ji Yunzhao’s side and rubbing against his leg. “Meow~”

[Host, it’s almost time for dinner. What are we eating tonight?]

Distracted by the interruption, Ji Yunzhao’s thoughts immediately drifted to food and drink, and he was too busy to continue teasing Yan Fulang.

When he searched the place that afternoon, no surplus food was found in the kitchen; what to eat was indeed a major problem.

He was absolutely not going to eat Spirit-Cleansing Pills.

Things without flavor—what difference did they have from nutrient solution?

Besides, Yan Fulang had not yet drawn spiritual energy into his body to step into the world of cultivators; Spirit-Cleansing Pills were useless to him.

“Are you hungry?” Ji Yunzhao asked suddenly.

Yan Fulang shook his head. “Not hungry.”

That means he is hungry.

The little Dragon-Pride protagonist was at the age of growing; how could he not be hungry?

Ji Yunzhao nodded in understanding, told Yan Fulang to rest in the room for a while, and then went out carrying the System.

In the middle of the night, deep in the mountains—in the mountains of an ancient world, no less there were no light sources, which was very unfriendly to humans.

However, Ji Yunzhao’s main account was that of a cultivator, and he brought along a System that was convenient for cheating. Walking in the mountains was naturally no problem at all.

Apart from being poked and snagged by branches and vines from unknown origins from time to time, everything progressed very smoothly.

At the bottom of the cliff, apart from Ji Yunzhao, there was only Yan Fulang as a living person. After walking a bit further away, the System restored its original appearance and even turned on its own light.

The glowing little black cat flew ahead to lead the way, and Ji Yunzhao followed behind, carrying his sword.

The person and the System swaggered around the vicinity of the bamboo house, and before long, returned with a mountain chicken, two fish, and the little red fruits they had eaten that morning and noon.

While Ji Yunzhao was out looking for dinner with the System, Yan Fulang hadn’t been idle either.

Lights had been lit all over the bamboo house, making it bright as day.

[The child is grown; he knows how to work.] Ji Yunzhao said with his hands behind his back, feeling an “old father’s” gratification. [Picking him up wasn’t in vain.]

The System, which was carrying the mountain chicken with its tail, the fish hung around its neck, and a basket of little red fruits on its back, walked beside him grumbling. [Then you should have him do the work! Why did you make me do everything? My backup power even dropped by 0.01%!]

Ji Yunzhao brushed it off: [It’s only 0.01%; don’t panic, it’ll be back in one night.]

Ji Yunzhao didn’t see Yan Fulang in the courtyard and didn’t know where he had run off to, so he urged the System to put all the ingredients in the kitchen first.

When it came to blowing up a kitchen, he was very proficient, but when it came to cooking… his level was likely limited to preparing instant noodles.

“Host, are you sure about this?” The System crouched on the windowsill, looking at Ji Yunzhao with great suspicion. “If you can’t, boiling them in plain water for one meal is okay too.”

With Yan Fulang not around, the System and Ji Yunzhao did not communicate in their minds and spoke aloud instead.

The little black cat spoke in human language, its tail tip swaying as it leapt off the windowsill and pawed at the edge of the countertop. “I’m really worried the male lead will be poisoned to death by you.”

“What nonsense are you spouting? How could the male lead die? He’s the protagonist of the book, the darling of heaven; if anyone dies, it wouldn’t be him.” Ji Yunzhao was displeased, raising his spatula and mercilessly knocking on the pitch-black cat’s head. “This isn’t something a little kitten should worry about; shut up.”

System: “…”

The System silently shrank its head back.

A clatter and clang came from the kitchen for half an hour before it finally stopped.

When Yan Fulang walked toward the kitchen, following the sounds, he happened to run into Ji Yunzhao, who was coming out with a tray.

On the tray were two dishes and a soup, each a different color.

The first dish was half-red and half-green; the second dish was dark as charcoal; the soup was clear to the bottom, with a fish floating inside, rolling its eyes and still covered in scales.

Seeing him, Ji Yunzhao happily raised the tray high: “Dinner is ready.”

Yan Fulang: “…”

Yan Fulang struggled to withdraw his gaze from the three terrible-looking things: “Senior, I’m not hungry.”

“At your age, how can you not be hungry?”

Hearing this, Ji Yunzhao’s beautiful almond eyes rounded out. “They say a growing boy eats his father out of house and home; you only ate some fruit this morning and noon, and you’re not hungry even now? You don’t have some sort of ailment, do you?”

Yan Fulang: “…”

The “ailing” Yan Fulang was forcibly dragged to the table by an enthusiastic Ji Yunzhao.

There was no proper dining room in a loose cultivator’s house; presumably, they just ate wherever. Ji Yunzhao planned to buy a large round table to put in the third utility room later, but for today, he was too lazy to fuss and simply carried the meal to the main house.

“Ah, there’s rice; almost forgot.”

After putting down the tray, Ji Yunzhao stood up in a whoosh, shoved the chopsticks into Yan Fulang’s hand, and hurried toward the kitchen.

“You eat first, no need to wait for me.”

The white figure left like a gust of wind, and the door to the main house was violently opened and closed.

Yan Fulang held his chopsticks, stiffly poking at the “black charcoal” closest to him.

Is this… chicken?

Not sure, let’s look again.

Before he could pick up a small piece of chicken and head to the courtyard to find a lucky passing animal to test the poison, Ji Yunzhao returned with two bowls of rice.

The rice looked normal clean, white, and sparkling; it wasn’t burnt, yellow, or stained with any strange colors.

Yan Fulang breathed a sigh of relief and took a taste.

Miscalculation. It’s raw; it wasn’t cooked.

Just as Yan Fulang was thinking of a way to spit out what was in his mouth without anyone noticing, he looked up and met a pair of sparkling almond eyes, seemingly hiding the starry sky.

“How is it? Is it delicious?” Ji Yunzhao looked at him with anticipation. “Which dish do you like the best?”

Yan Fulang moved his lips, seemingly wanting to say something, but remained silent and pressed his lips together.

Ji Yunzhao didn’t understand what was wrong with him, blinking his eyes.

Could it be that the food I made was so delicious, so delicious that Yan Fulang couldn’t even choose one?

He had said it before: he could handle missions in so many worlds, and he could make instant noodles without burning them; there was no reason he wouldn’t be able to fry a chicken, stir-fry some little red fruits with green onions, or stew a fish soup.

The presentation was just a bit bad, but he wasn’t a professional chef in a restaurant.

For home-cooked meals, bad presentation was normal.

Ji Yunzhao cleared his throat and finally picked up his chopsticks.

He carefully picked up a piece of fish and put it in his mouth.

Half a second later.

“Ugh—”

The fish was spat out onto the table.

A strange taste, impossible to describe, spread on his tongue. Ji Yunzhao’s brows furrowed tightly, and he subconsciously picked up his bowl.

“Senior!”

By the time Yan Fulang wanted to stop him, it was already too late.

Ji Yunzhao’s cooking technique was bad, but his speed at “devouring rice” was fast.

One mouthful of white rice was swallowed, instantly causing him to cough earth-shakingly, almost losing his breath.

First, his eye sockets slowly became flushed with a pitiful reddened tint, and then, a layer of mist gradually covered his clear, moist almond eyes.

It was hard to say whether he was crying from the terrible taste, crying from anger at his own cooking, or if it was just physiological tears stimulated by the strange seasonings.

In any case, after Ji Yunzhao put down his chopsticks, he buried his head, not speaking for a long while.

[Damn.]

[Damn damn damn damn damn!]

[PS: “Damn” (Cao) is a type of plant.]

The System comfortingly said dryly: [It’s okay, Host; if you want to curse, just curse. We’re on a private channel; others can’t hear, and the Main God… er, the Main God might not notice.]

Ji Yunzhao pressed his eyes shamefully: [Is your brain broken? Why didn’t you stop me from cursing? What if I lose points?]

After he eased up for a while, his mood moderated.

The meal was all dumped.

He had originally wanted to keep the plate of “little red fruits with green onions,” but Yan Fulang’s movements were too fast, giving him no chance to hesitate, and dumped it all directly into the bucket he had specifically brought out for trash.

“Senior, I will cook in the future.” Yan Fulang took the initiative to clean up the empty plates and said, “You don’t need to worry about such small matters.”

Actually, Ji Yunzhao wasn’t particularly worried.

He was just shocked that his cooking level was so bad.

But, since Yan Fulang said so—

Ji Yunzhao immediately fished a handkerchief out of his space and pressed it to his eye corner: “Ying.”

Yan Fulang: “…”

The white-robed youth sitting opposite had messy hair, reddened eye sockets, and his cheeks were stained with a light pink. His beautiful face, flickering under the indoor light, reflected the thin, watery color in his almond eyes.

A beauty in tears.

Although this beauty was not very “serious” and his behavior was very bizarre, he was indeed beautiful.

Yan Fulang’s expression instantly became complex, and he simply looked away.

“What does Senior want to eat tomorrow?”

Ji Yunzhao stopped his fake crying action and asked enthusiastically: “For breakfast, I want Century Egg and Lean Meat Porridge with fried dough sticks!”

Yan Fulang: “…What is that?”

Ji Yunzhao: “Uh, I meant clear porridge and small side dishes.”

The empty bowls and plates were taken to the kitchen by Yan Fulang, who said he would help wash the dishes.

Although Ji Yunzhao felt it was only natural for Yan Fulang to wash the dishes, a healthy Yan Fulang with fully healed injuries would be more efficient.

As the saying goes, “a hundred days to heal a broken bone.” Yan Fulang was currently still a mortal and needed to recuperate quietly.

…Wait, are you kidding me? He didn’t have that much time to wait for Yan Fulang to heal before proceeding with the plot.

If the timing was inaccurate, it might cause the plot to be chaotic; besides, he didn’t want to spend so much time working!

Overtime pay is triple the points!

Therefore, during the time Yan Fulang was washing the dishes, Ji Yunzhao directly advanced a very small plot point.

He located the position of the secret manual Yan Fulang was supposed to obtain at the bottom of the cliff in the original plot and snuck out with the System.

The System assisted him in fighting monsters; the two of them didn’t take long to solve the demon beast guarding the secret manual treasure chest.

The “Mingque Sword,” which had followed Ji Yunzhao for many years, dripped with blood; the headless demon beast fell to the side. The System stretched its tail and fished the secret manual out of the treasure chest.

“Why is there still a treasure chest?” Ji Yunzhao didn’t really understand, feeling that this setting in the original work was a bit casual. “Oh right, you said, can the meat of this demon beast be eaten?”

Ji Yunzhao poked the corpse of the demon beast with Mingque.

“Such a big piece of meat, don’t waste it.”

System: “I think it might not taste very good; if you want to try it, Host, it’s not impossible.”

Ji Yunzhao: “I think it’s okay, bring it along.”

When Yan Fulang returned to his room, he was greeted not only by an uninvited Ji Yunzhao and a tattered secret manual, but also by a sack of minced meat.

“You’re done washing dishes; do your ribs still hurt?”

Ji Yunzhao held up the secret manual and swayed in front of Yan Fulang, the white robes fluttering past his side.

A tattered, very thin little booklet was gripped by fair, slender fingers, shaking in front of his eyes.

Ji Yunzhao deliberately smiled very sweetly, blatantly bewitching.

Bewitching him to learn.

“Care to learn this secret manual?”

Yan Fulang looked at the secret manual and did not answer Ji Yunzhao immediately.

His gaze then fell on the bloody sack.

“Senior, this is?”

“You take the manual first.”

Ji Yunzhao didn’t want to let him get sidetracked anymore; work was important.

“Didn’t you want to repay your gratitude? Hurry up, this is the second step of repayment. Once you learn this basic cultivation manual, you will quickly learn to draw spiritual energy into your body and become a cultivator; you’ll be able to wash dishes faster in the future!”

After he finished speaking, he thought about it and added: “Cooking will also be faster, and if you get injured, your wounds will heal faster; falling off the cliff again won’t be so miserable.”

Yan Fulang: “…”

A moment later, the youth laughed softly, somewhat helplessly.

“Alright, I understand. Thank you, Senior.”

When he formally accepted the secret manual, Yan Fulang was quite solemn.

The secret manual was too tattered; even if Yan Fulang’s movements were as careful as possible, it couldn’t withstand Ji Yunzhao’s carelessness and years of improper storage.

The moment he was about to tuck it into his robe, the manual shattered.

First, the cover split, then the cotton thread stitching the book fell off, and the inner pages turned into a pile of fragments.

It fell all over the floor, and it wasn’t even certain if it could be pieced back together.

The System let out an “Oh my,” worriedly saying: [This secret manual should have been found by the male lead himself; I told you not to go get it yourself, Host—it would definitely violate the rules.]

[Ha, that’s it?] Ji Yunzhao looked cold as he picked up all the remaining pages of the manual, disdainful. [Looking at how tattered it is, maybe the quality of the manual wasn’t that great either. I’ll change Yan Fulang into a new one.]

Actually, Ji Yunzhao didn’t know if he really had another secret manual to give Yan Fulang, but he braced himself and made the bold promise anyway.

Before going back with the shattered manual, he didn’t forget to comfort the little “Dragon-Pride” protagonist.

“Be good, don’t panic; this manual doesn’t suit you. Your master will bring you a new one tomorrow.”

Yan Fulang followed behind him for a step: “Sen…”

“Hey, alright, children shouldn’t pry into adult matters. If you ask, it’s just because I’m alone, bored, and in urgent need of someone to take care of me in my old age, a thousand years from now.”

“As for me, the first time I saw you, I felt you were very suitable, so it’s decided.”

Ji Yunzhao rubbed Yan Fulang’s head and said with a smile, “Call me Master and let me hear it?”

Yan Fulang looked up at him: “Senior.”

“Tch, cheapskate.”

Not hearing the title “Master,” Ji Yunzhao felt a bit regretful, but he wanted Yan Fulang to be his disciple precisely to make it convenient to “salt-fish” (be lazy) in his retirement later on.

Whether he called him “Master” or not didn’t really matter that much.

It was just that hearing those two words would have made him feel satisfied.

“I can’t do it anymore, A-Tong, I really can’t do it!”

Inside the main house, Ji Yunzhao lay on the table like a dried fish soaked in water, nearly puffed up, filled with water called “knowledge,” so full he was about to vomit.

“Before being kicked into this world, no one told me that editing teaching materials was so difficult!”

“But, Host, no matter which world you travel to, you usually don’t need to edit teaching materials yourself, right?!” The System let out a huge yawn. “It’s almost midnight, Host; why don’t you talk about it tomorrow?”

Being told this by the System, Ji Yunzhao wavered, a bit wanting to give up, but—

“Just a little bit more, just a tiny bit.”

A head of dark, long hair was messed up by him.

“I’ll feel uncomfortable if I don’t finish it before going to sleep!”

“Yan Fulang, what will you use to repay what you owe me…” As he spoke, his voice gradually grew quieter. “Want to eat roast chicken.”

The System shook its head: “Born from the same root, why be in such a hurry to fry one another, Host~”

Ji Yunzhao: “You know nothing.”

In the second after the teaching material was finished, midnight arrived.

White mist emerged, and the white-robed youth’s figure on the table gradually faded, like a vanishing painting; a red-and-white little bird appeared in the position where the youth had once sat.

The timing was just right; Ji Yunzhao was very satisfied.

“Alright, you can go charge up with peace of mind.”

The round, little fat bird flew off the chair, poked out of the half-open window, and flew down the corridor, as if it had rehearsed in his mind many times, familiar with the road, squeezed open that small crack used for ventilation, and landed on Yan Fulang’s bed.

The youth was lying on his side on the bed, quiet, with long, steady breaths.

He had long since fallen asleep; his sleeping posture was not as bad as he told Ji Yunzhao, but rather too good—so good that once he fell asleep, he would roll himself into a ball and hold a corner of the quilt in his arms.

A sleeping posture with no sense of security.

Ji Yunzhao stepped on the soft quilt with uneven steps, tilting his long tail feathers, and walked to the edge of Yan Fulang’s pillow.

—The quilt there wasn’t tucked well, leaving a very small gap, just right for a bird of Ji Yunzhao’s side-account size to drill in.

“Seeing that you’re still so uneasy even when asleep, your master will reluctantly let you hug me for a while.”

Ji Yunzhao plunged headfirst into the quilt.

The next instant, under the soft quilt, a small bulge appeared, moving around non-stop.

The quilt was pressed somewhat tightly by Yan Fulang. Ji Yunzhao arched his head for a long while before reaching Yan Fulang’s chest, successfully popping a round little head out of the quilt.

Ji Yunzhao leaned over, rubbing against Yan Fulang’s chin with his tiny bird beak; feeling the System slowly charging, he breathed a sigh of relief.

“Charging station, little patient, cheap disciple, goodnight.”

He said, and rubbed against him with his head once more.