The Cannon Fodder Dad of Three Villainous Cubs - Chapter 7

The livestream session had gone even better than expected. Not only had his follower count surged, but the gifts he received were a delightful windfall. By the time Ji Zhiqiu signed off, his face was practically beaming.

He looked at Ji Yanyan, who was sitting in his lap, curiously peering around the room.

This isn’t a villainous cub, he thought. This is my little God of Wealth!

When Yanyan wasn’t being a brat, he was so cute it made one want to kiss his little face until it bruised. Ji Zhiqiu resisted the urge, struggling to maintain his “daddy” image. He gave a restrained cough and said, “Yanyan helped me a lot today and behaved very well. What kind of reward do you want?”

Ji Yanyan tilted his head, his cowlick sticking up.

Although he looked adorable, Ji Zhiqiu saw his eyes darting around and knew he was brewing some mischief. He hurriedly changed his tune: “How about this, shall I read you a bedtime story?”

This successfully diverted Yanyan’s attention. His eyes lit up. “Okay! I’ll go pick a book!”

Ji Yanyan scrambled off his lap with his chubby legs, eager to hit the floor. Ji Zhiqiu laughed helplessly. “It’s still early before bedtime. We can look for it in a while.”

Yanyan was too excited to listen. He trotted off to the bedroom and laid out the storybooks one by one on the floor. He squatted next to them like a little rice ball, picking through them with a serious expression, his face all scrunched up.

Seeing that the child wanted to make his own decisions, Ji Zhiqiu didn’t interfere. Yanyan debated until it was almost time for bed before finally selecting one. “I want this one!”

Ji Zhiqiu looked at the giant frog on the cover and couldn’t help but chuckle. “Does Yanyan like frogs?”

Ji Yanyan nodded vigorously.

Recalling his own mischievous streak, Ji Zhiqiu decided to set a trap. “I bought a frog costume. Do you want to try it on for Daddy?”

Not realizing his father was plotting to prank him, Yanyan jumped up and down on the bed, his soft flesh wobbling. “Yay! I’m going to turn into a frog! I’ll have big eyes and a long tongue!”

Before Ji Zhiqiu could think further, Yanyan leaned in close. “I want a pink tongue, soft and squishy. When you pull it, it gets really long, and I can whip it out really far!”

“…” Ji Zhiqiu suddenly realized something was wrong. “Why do you want that?”

Yanyan held his face and giggled, looking wistful. “This kind of tongue is so cool. I like it.”

He opened his mouth and mimicked a frog flicking its tongue out. It looked adorable, but Ji Zhiqiu couldn’t bring himself to smile anymore.

What… what a unique way of thinking.

Children have wild imaginations. This kind of innocence should be protected and not interfered with… Ji Zhiqiu pretended this interlude didn’t happen and tucked Yanyan into the quilt. “Don’t wiggle around. I’m going to tell you your bedtime story now.”

Yanyan looked at him with starry eyes, clutching the edge of the blanket. He kept squirming inside, wrapping himself into a little silkworm cocoon, leaving only his soft, tender face exposed and blinking his big eyes.

Ji Zhiqiu chuckled and flipped to the first page.

Bedtime stories these days had been upgraded; they weren’t just the usual Snow White routine anymore. This was Ji Zhiqiu’s first time reading this particular fairy tale, so not knowing the plot, he just read along: “In the green forest, there lived a frog. Master Frog finished his busy day of hard work and returned home. It was a giant, round lotus leaf…”

Ji Zhiqiu flipped to the next page, but before he could read on, he caught a glimpse of fuzzy hair moving closer in his peripheral vision.

He licked his lips and slowly extended a finger to poke the hair whorl on Yanyan’s head.

Sunflower-anti-balding-poke.jpg

Yanyan didn’t know what his father was doing, only feeling a weight on his head. He looked up at him, bewildered. Ji Zhiqiu cleared his throat once he realized what he’d done, pretending nothing had happened.

Yanyan didn’t care. He pressed his face against the storybook, studied it for a long time, and said with great seriousness, “The frog wanted to take a nice bath, so he called Uncle Raincloud.”

“…” Incredible. The world’s first weather-controlling frog has been born.

Ji Zhiqiu looked at the picture in the book a frog struggling to hold on against a raging storm and smiled kindly. “Why does Yanyan think the frog is taking a bath?”

Yanyan nodded. “He played outside all day and got dirty. You have to wash up before you can go to sleep. That’s what Daddy said yesterday.”

Ji Zhiqiu flipped to the next page. “Then what about here? Why did the frog jump into the water again?”

Yanyan pondered it seriously. “He must have enjoyed his bath so much he suddenly wanted to go swimming. Look, see how well he’s swimming?”

Ji Zhiqiu suppressed his laughter and asked deliberately, “Is he really swimming well? Look, he drank a lot of water and even rolled over he’s showing his belly.”

Yanyan patted his chest, chin held high, looking like a loyal bro. “It’s okay. Even if he’s a bad swimmer, he’s still my good friend. It’s enough that I swim well. When the time comes, I’ll save him.”

Ji Zhiqiu stayed silent for a few seconds, then pointed to the text on the side. “But it seems like the story doesn’t go that way.”

Yanyan, who couldn’t read yet, angrily covered the text with his hand. “The frog and I are friends! That’s what he told me whatever’s written here is wrong!”

Ji Zhiqiu didn’t think Yanyan was being intentionally difficult; he felt that having a vivid imagination was a good thing for a child. There was no need to stifle it, and stories shouldn’t just have one version.

He said easily, “Since the frog told you personally, why don’t you finish telling the story, Yanyan?”

Yanyan didn’t hesitate; he snatched the book over, opened to a page, and just as he was about to start, he caught sight of Ji Zhiqiu beside him. He frowned in dissatisfaction. “Bedtime stories aren’t told like this! Lay down properly!”

Their positions swapped, and Ji Zhiqiu was happy to comply, lying down immediately.

Yanyan stared at him, still unsatisfied. He wiggled his butt, knelt on the bed, and tried his best to pull the quilt up for him.

“You have to cover up to your chin,” he pointed at the corner of the blanket, very serious. “Hold onto it.”

Ji Zhiqiu complied, honestly covering himself with the blanket, leaving only his face exposed.

Yanyan was finally satisfied. “Close your eyes! I’m going to start the story now.”

Ji Zhiqiu hadn’t been coaxed to sleep in a long time. Keeping with the principle of not being taken advantage of, he peeked through a sliver of his eyes and asked weakly, “Is there a lullaby tonight?”

Yanyan hadn’t expected his father to be so demanding. He let out a long sigh, finding his willful dad impossible to deal with, and compromised. “If you listen to the story like a good boy, then I’ll sing you a lullaby.”

Ji Zhiqiu closed his eyes immediately, showing his cooperation through action.

Yanyan was satisfied. He mimicked Ji Zhiqiu’s earlier behavior, patting him through the quilt, and continued the frog story.

“Little Frog was a bit tired after his bath, so he fell asleep right in the water. The next day, he woke up, and the weather was beautiful. The sun was big and round, just like an egg pancake… I’m so hungry. The frog saw his best friend Little Mosquito.”

“The frog smiled happily. They had a unique way of greeting each other. He stuck out his tongue to shake hands with Little Mosquito. Then, afraid that Little Mosquito was tired, he specially let him rest inside his mouth and took him along to go play with another good friend.”

“…” Ji Zhiqiu didn’t want to interrupt, but he couldn’t help it. “Mosquitoes and frogs are best friends? And the frog let the mosquito rest in his mouth? Are you serious?”

Seeing that Ji Zhiqiu was being such a disobedient listener, Yanyan looked at him with distress. “Of course! Mosquitoes are so cute; how could anyone not like being friends with them?”

“…” “…” “…”

Ji Zhiqiu struggled to find his voice. “Mosquitoes are cute? Then if a mosquito lands on your face, can you resist not slapping it?”

Yanyan blinked in confusion. “Why would I hit him? I’d invite him to be a guest at my house, let him get nice and full until his tummy is round!”

Ji Zhiqiu nearly cried.

What a filial son. He’s actively bringing mosquitoes home to bite him.

Strange to say, Ji Zhiqiu was a mosquito magnet. Every summer, he felt like he was in a blood feud with them, but Yanyan, with his tender, delicate skin, seemed even more “tasty,” yet strangely, he had never been bitten once.

I guess it’s a mutation from his other father’s genes. Must be nice to have that kind of luck.

He had a deep-seated hatred for mosquitoes, yet he had a traitor living in his house. Ji Zhiqiu wanted to correct Yanyan’s flawed worldview, but then he remembered his earlier decision to respect the child’s imagination. His mouth twitched, and he really couldn’t bring himself to crush his spirit, so he closed his eyes again. “Fine, continue.”

Yanyan was happy and flipped the page.

“Frog and Mos-Mos were so happy. They met another good friend a cockroach! Frog greeted him enthusiastically, but Mos-Mos was a bit shy and didn’t come out of Frog’s mouth.”

Ji Zhiqiu hadn’t expected to hear the word “cockroach” from Yanyan’s mouth. He opened his eyes in defeat. “What? A cockroach is a good friend too?!”

Yanyan puffed out his cheeks, glaring at his dad who kept questioning him. “Of course! Cockroaches are even cuter than Mos-Mos why can’t they be good friends?”

“Daddy, why do you always ask such strange questions? Don’t you like mosquitoes and cockroaches?”

Ji Zhiqiu had completely lost his ability to speak. He stared at Yanyan, dumbfounded, and only after a long while did he stutter: “C-c-cute? Like them?!”

Yanyan nodded forcefully and dealt him a fatal blow: “Of course! Those are my three favorite animals. Daddy, when I grow up, can I keep them? I want to take them out and play with the other kids they’ll definitely be so jealous of me.”

Yanyan was beaming, but in Ji Zhiqiu’s mind, he saw other parents screaming in terror and throwing their shoes at them.

He fell silent for a full thirty seconds, then slowly laid back down and closed his eyes.

He hadn’t fallen asleep he was about to pass out from fright.

So this is the aesthetic and preference of a villain!

TERROR! BEYOND! COMPREHENSION!!