The Cannon Fodder Dad of Three Villainous Cubs - Chapter 13

Ji Zhiqiu wrestled with his own anatomy for a long while before he finally managed to wrench himself free, but the sudden loss of balance sent him crashing down on his rear end.

Fortunately, the height wasn’t substantial enough to break any bones. Still, the impact left him grimacing in pain, his features twisting grotesquely while his hair, thoroughly charged with static electricity, stood wildly on end in a chaotic mess.

Having heard no noise for a long time, Ji Yanyan hadn’t actually spun around to look, but his tiny body was rocking back and forth in anxious suspense like a massive, plump caterpillar wriggling in place.

Forcing himself past the throbbing pain, Ji Zhiqiu stood up. He brushed the grass clippings off his seat, pretending absolutely nothing was amiss as he walked over. “Alright, you can open your eyes now.”

With his mind entirely occupied by the stray kitten, Ji Yanyan paid zero attention to his father’s disheveled state, immediately grabbing his hand and surging forward.

Ji Zhiqiu knew full well that the tiny kitten was now under its mother’s care and that their rescue mission was effectively over. However, unwilling to crush Ji Yanyan’s compassionate spirit, he allowed himself to be dragged along anyway.

“Daddy, where did the kitty go?”

Ji Zhiqiu smiled gently. “He went home with his mommy.”

Ji Yanyan blinked his large, watery eyes. “Then will we ever see him again?”

Ji Zhiqiu ruffled his hair. “Of course. We’ll definitely meet again in the future.”

Gaining a modicum of comfort from the reassurance, Ji Yanyan finally nodded and allowed Ji Zhiqiu to lead him home, casting lingering glances behind him.

……

The exact moment Ji Zhiqiu spotted his eldest son waiting at the apartment door, he realized that their feline rescue mission had consumed far too much time. He immediately offered a string of apologies.

Meanwhile, images of that perky rear end firmly wedged into the fork of the tree branches flashed uncontrollably through Ji Zishen’s mind. He remained silent for several seconds, staring at his father with a highly peculiar expression.

Ji Zhiqiu was still putting everything into maintaining his persona as a dignified, respectable father, completely oblivious to the fact that his dignity had already been thoroughly demolished. He pitched his voice into a high, gentle register. “Zishen, what would you like to eat for lunch today? Daddy will cook for you.”

Snapping out of his thoughts, Ji Zishen was just about to engage in another round of mutual theatrical acting when memories of his father’s utterly unpresentable culinary skills suddenly hit him.

“I want to eat braised pork belly (Hongshao Rou),” Ji Zishen said, narrowing his eyes into a bright, innocent smile.

Ji Zhiqiu’s movements froze instantly, a troubled expression bleeding onto his face.

He was fundamentally a kitchen novice, and braised pork belly was entirely beyond his current curriculum. After a few seconds of frantic mental calculation, he replied, “Braised pork belly needs to simmer for a very long time, so we won’t have enough time for lunch. How about Daddy makes it for you tonight instead?”

Ji Zishen had always kept his true emotions deeply guarded, but this time, he deliberately allowed a look of profound disappointment to wash over his features before forcing his bright smile back on a few seconds later. “Okay, I’ll listen to Daddy.”

Ji Zhiqiu whipped up a few stir-fried dishes. Their solitary saving grace was that they were fully cooked; they possessed absolutely no color, aroma, or presentation. Aside from Ji Yanyan, who ate with immense gusto, the remaining adult and child mechanically manipulated their chopsticks with expressionless faces, barely managing to fill their stomachs.

Following the afternoon nap, Ji Zishen shouldered his small schoolbag and went back to school.

Throughout the entire afternoon, no matter how much academic knowledge washed through his brain, that massive rear end persistently hovered right before his eyes. It rendered him completely incapable of fantasizing that Ji Zhiqiu was some deeply calculating, sinister villain.

However, Ji Zishen wasn’t someone easily hoodwinked. He refused to lower his guard completely, planning to test Ji Zhiqiu further the moment he returned home. Yet, the absolute second he pushed open the front door, a rich, savory aroma drifted into his nose.

Ji Zhiqiu walked out of the kitchen balancing a plate of braised pork belly, calling out with a warm smile, “Hurry up and wash your hands for dinner.”

Ji Zishen froze on the spot, staring at him blankly.

In the past, Ji Zhiqiu had been fiercely biased, placing only his biological son at the center of his universe while consistently ignoring Ji Zishen’s requests. He hadn’t expected that a casual comment he threw out at noon would be held so deeply in Ji Zhiqiu’s mind, actually translating into reality.

Within the span of a mere two days, Ji Zhiqiu had delivered far too many anomalies. Ji Zishen’s gaze turned increasingly complex as he silently observed the man.

After washing up, the one adult and two children seated themselves around the dining table.

Ji Zhiqiu pretended to look casual, but his attention was entirely locked onto Ji Zishen’s reactions. This was his absolute first time attempting braised pork belly. Although he personally felt highly satisfied, viewing it as an extraordinary, logic-defying breakthrough, he still felt somewhat anxious.

Pretending to notice nothing, Ji Zishen picked up a piece of pork that featured a perfect distribution of lean meat and fat, popping it into his mouth.

“……” Well, it’s cooked. It’s edible.

His internal state remained perfectly flat, yet his face instantly molded into an expression of sheer delight, his eyes shining like brilliant stars as he looked at Ji Zhiqiu. “The braised pork Daddy made is incredibly delicious!”

Being showered with praise sent Ji Zhiqiu floating on cloud nine. Behaving in a manner identical to his toddler son, he began to rock back and forth in his chair for no apparent reason.

Witnessing this display, Ji Zishen lowered his head, his emotions deeply conflicted.

In reality, he actually thoroughly enjoyed cooking, and his culinary skills were leagues ahead of Ji Zhiqiu’s. His previous foster parents had routinely beaten and scolded him, treating him like a useless tagalong while dumping every single household chore onto his shoulders. It was during that dark period that Ji Zishen had begun teaching himself how to cook.

Oddly enough, he didn’t hate the kitchen. Children possessed an abundance of restless energy, and cooking happened to be an excellent outlet for his manual dexterity. Watching raw ingredients completely transform into something else provided Ji Zishen with a bizarre, deeply grounding sense of order.

Furthermore, cooking gave him the beautiful illusion of self-reliance. It made him feel as though he were no longer trapped inside this minuscule, powerless childhood frame that he was free from the physical abuse and strict oversight of a guardian, entirely capable of living independently in this world.

But he knew it was nothing more than wishful thinking. Ji Zishen understood with absolute clarity that he could only slowly endure the passage of time, waiting until he grew into adulthood before he could finally claim the freedom and respect he so deeply craved.

After being adopted by Ji Zhiqiu, he had deliberately hidden this skill to avoid drawing any unnecessary complications. But right now, the impulse in his chest was acting up.

This is genuinely so unpalatable! The proportion of fat to lean on that pork belly was practically a work of art it isn’t easy for meat to grow so perfectly! How could he waste such flawless ingredients like this?!

Ji Zishen resisted with everything he had just to keep his true expressions from leaking out, finishing that texturally abysmal dish of braised pork belly entirely devoid of any culinary enjoyment.

Academic qualifications were of paramount importance in the adult world. Consequently, without needing any prompting from Ji Zhiqiu after dinner, Ji Zishen proactively retreated to the study to tackle his homework, even assigning himself additional learning tasks.

Ji Zhiqiu felt immensely gratified. Delighted to enjoy some leisure time, he spent a rather beautiful evening, though an unexpected crisis reared its head right before bedtime.

Ji Yanyan had been exceptionally well-behaved recently, no longer throwing unprovoked tantrums. He launched into a lengthy, sticky display of sweet-talking and acting cute, begging to watch cartoons. In a moment of weakness, Ji Zhiqiu’s heart softened, and he granted permission.

He had no idea he had just poked a hornet’s nest. When official bedtime arrived, Ji Yanyan was still wide awake, his eyes completely glued to the television screen, utterly refusing to blink.

Ji Zhiqiu’s brow furrowed tightly. He intended to forcefully shut off the television, but the exact millisecond his hand gripped the remote control, Ji Yanyan bounded up from the sofa, shouting at the top of his lungs: “No! I haven’t finished watching yet!”

A child’s high-pitched screech possessed devastating psychological warfare capabilities. Ji Zhiqiu’s eardrums throbbed with sharp pain. Hurrying over, he clamped a hand firmly over the toddler’s mouth. “It’s already nighttime. Shouting like that is going to disturb the neighbors! If someone comes knocking on our door later, I am absolutely not shielding you!”

Ji Yanyan puckered his lips, his face written with absolute defiance.

Ji Zhiqiu tried to deploy a tactical bribe: “If you behave and listen to me right now, I’ll let you watch another half-hour of cartoons tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to! I want to watch it right now!” Ji Yanyan began bouncing up and down violently on the sofa cushions, acting so utterly bratty it made one want to deliver a swift slap to his behind.

If he resorted to physical discipline, Ji Yanyan would undoubtedly erupt into deafening wails, which would likely draw the residents of the entire apartment building to their doorstep. Suppressing the violent urge, Ji Zhiqiu simply placed his hands on his hips, glaring furiously at the boy.

Yet, Ji Yanyan mistook the hesitation for powerlessness, assuming Ji Zhiqiu had run out of options. His attitude grew even more arrogant as he went limp on the sofa, throwing a tantrum: “If you don’t let me watch TV, I’ll scream as loud as I can, and I won’t eat any food either!”

“……”

Ji Zhiqiu fell into a profound silence for two seconds. Suddenly, a brilliant smile broke across his face—an expression that could genuinely be described as incredibly tender. He reached out and stroked Ji Yanyan’s hair. “Do you truly love cartoons that much? Then how about we watch them together for the entire night?”

Ji Yanyan could scarcely believe his own ears, his eyes rounding into massive circles. “Really?!”

“Really.” Ji Zhiqiu reverted instantly into that “doting father” from before, catering to his son as if he were an emperor, offering absolute compliance.

Ji Yanyan leaped into the air with joy, instantly attaching himself to his father like a warm piece of taffy, wrapping his arms around Ji Zhiqiu’s arm to act cute. “Daddy, you are the absolute best!”

Ji Zhiqiu’s expression remained perfectly unchanged as he cast a deeply meaningful, lingering look at the toddler. Ji Yanyan was far too young to detect the sheer danger laced within that smile, merrily resuming his cartoon marathon.

The initial screeching had disrupted Ji Zishen’s studying. He walked out of his room, observing the scene covertly through the crack of the door.

He had previously assumed Ji Zhiqiu had undergone a structural shift, no longer possessing a bottomless capacity to spoil his biological son. Yet, the man’s current actions made him desperately want to laugh.

A fool would only ever cultivate another massive fool. The basic logic that “spoiling a child is akin to killing them” was far too simple for an idiot to ever comprehend.

Ji Zishen silently pulled the door shut, completely unwilling to waste another second of his energy on this foolish father-son pair.

……

Minutes dissolved into hours, and the clock struck ten in the evening. Under normal circumstances, Ji Yanyan would have long since drifted into a peaceful slumber by this hour. Yet, here he was, sitting on the plush sofa watching cartoons, practically bubbling over with sheer delight.

Initially, he had felt a bit guilty, throwing sneaky, cowardly side-eyes at Ji Zhiqiu. However, Ji Zhiqiu was simply lounging on the opposite side of the sofa playing with his smartphone, looking infinitely more relaxed and invested than he was. Seeing this, Ji Yanyan thoroughly abandoned his anxieties.

Time marched forward, and eleven o’clock at night arrived.

The biological clock finally came online. Ji Yanyan felt his eyelids growing heavier by the second, and he couldn’t stop himself from unleashing a massive yawn.

Yet, his stubborn refusal to sleep persisted. Fighting off the overwhelming wave of drowsiness, he strained his eyes open to stare at the television screen.

In the past, whenever he watched cartoons, he always felt that time flew by at lightning speed, leaving him perpetually unsatisfied. But right now, the experience felt like an agonizing form of torture. Ji Yanyan fought valiantly for what felt like an eternity, only for a mere fifteen minutes to pass on the clock.

He unleashed another massive yawn, completely unable to maintain his sitting posture any longer. Tottering left and right, he collapsed onto the sofa cushions.

Finding a comfortable angle, Ji Yanyan eagerly closed his eyes. The exact millisecond he was about to cross the threshold into dreamland; his entire body suddenly went airborne.

“!!!” Defying his own exhaustion, he snapped his eyes open only to see Ji Zhiqiu standing over him with an entirely expressionless face.

“Weren’t you the one shouting that you wanted to watch cartoons? Didn’t you say you wanted to watch them for the entire night? Keep going.” Ji Zhiqiu manually adjusted the triangular rice ball, forcing him to sit up perfectly straight and rigid.

Ji Yanyan puckered his small mouth in intense dissatisfaction. However, this had indeed been his own explicit demand. A mini alpha male placed immense stock in his personal pride, making it impossible for him to back down now. He could only force his eyes open and continue watching.

But the cartoons had suddenly lost every shred of their magical allure. Even his absolute favorite animated characters had transformed into annoying, incredibly noisy entities.

I want to go to sleep so badly, orz.

Ji Yanyan threw a stealthy glance at Ji Zhiqiu. Seeing that his father’s attention was completely swallowed by his smartphone, the toddler quietly slid off the sofa, preparing to make a silent break for the bedroom.

But he had barely executed a single step when Ji Zhiqiu caught him dead in his tracks. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Ji Yanyan’s entire body went rigid. At his tender age, he experienced the profound weight of social awkwardness for the very first time. Twirling his fingers together, he spun his body around, offering a hollow, nervous laugh, not daring to lock eyes with Ji Zhiqiu.

“If you have nothing to say, sit back down and keep watching.” Ji Zhiqiu patted the cushion right beside him.

Ji Yanyan climbed back onto the sofa with immense reluctance; his face completely puckered into a wrinkled mess. “Daddy, why aren’t you sleepy?”

Ji Zhiqiu glanced at the time, his face a picture of total bewilderment. “It’s only midnight. The beautiful nightlife has literally just begun. Sleepy? What nonsense! Get up and party!”

Ji Yanyan: “……”

Seeing that Ji Zhiqiu refused to grant him a way out, and lacking a dignified exit strategy, he could only settle back into his seat despondently, propping his face up with his hands as he forced himself to stare at his beloved cartoons.

Ten minutes later, Ji Yanyan truly comprehended the agonizing reality of a single day feeling like a thousand years. His body tilted to the side, intending to shamelessly fake passing out from exhaustion. Yet, after barely a single minute of peace, Ji Zhiqiu hoisted him right back up by the collar.

The toddler suffered a misery he couldn’t voice, forced to sleep while remaining seated. But within minutes, his body would begin to wobble precariously before toppling backward again.

With boundless, exhausting patience, Ji Zhiqiu hoisted him up every single time, strictly supervising him to ensure he kept watching the screen.

After this cycle repeated itself five or six times, Ji Yanyan finally snapped completely. He began to internalize his misery, opening his mouth wide as he prepared to launch into a full-blown crying fit.

Ji Zhiqiu pointed an index finger directly at his face, instantly disrupting the spellcasting. “Weren’t you the one who demanded to watch for the entire night? Didn’t you spend a long time cheering earlier? What on earth are you crying for now?”

The tears were instantly blocked in Ji Yanyan’s throat. He pressed his lips together tightly, remaining silent, thoroughly tormented by the agonizing weight of sleep deprivation.

Ji Zhiqiu smiled, reaching out to stroke the boy’s hair with the exact same tenderness from before. “A real man keeps his word. I explicitly told you to go to sleep earlier, but you absolutely refused to agree. So now, there’s simply nothing to be done.”

Ji Yanyan faintly sensed the trap he had fallen into, but his stubborn pride kept him from admitting his mistake. Turning his body away, he mumbled tiny, unintelligible complaints under his breath.

Fearing that the boy might try to sneak away again, Ji Zhiqiu set his phone down and sat right beside him to maintain strict supervision. Feeling a bit bored, his gaze uncontrollably drifted toward the television screen. Within a mere few minutes, his attention was completely ensnared.

!!! Are cartoons actually this incredibly masterpiece-tier?!

Ji Zhiqiu’s eyes widened further and further. From time to time, he would let out a knowing, heartfelt chuckle at the dialogue, his expressions growing increasingly intrigued. He cast a thoroughly complex look at the chubby little lump beside him; Ji Yanyan was currently yawning like a maniac, displaying zero psychological reaction to the onscreen narrative.

“……” Is this show seriously produced for children? How could a toddler possibly grasp these narrative layers? Watching this as an adult is literally the perfect sweet spot. This is so fascinating, hehe.

It was as if he had discovered a pristine, unexplored continent. The more he watched, the more energized he became. The moment the credits rolled, he eagerly clicked through to the next episode.

Ji Yanyan’s fur stood completely on end.

He had fought with everything he had just to survive until the end of that episode, so why on earth was there another one?!

He began to relentlessly shake Ji Zhiqiu’s arm. “Don’t watch anymore! I don’t want to watch it anymore!”

Ji Zhiqiu couldn’t even be bothered to look at him, his eyes entirely unwilling to tear themselves away from the screen for even a single second. He simply stated, “Have you forgotten your own declarations from earlier? Or do you want the other kids to find out that you aren’t a real man?”

It was as if Ji Yanyan had been struck by an immobilization spell. He went quiet for several seconds before weakly dropping his hands.

Those had indeed been his own words.

But he was wrong.

For the very first time in his life, Ji Yanyan arrived at this conclusion not because he was being steered by the threat of external punishment, but because he genuinely, wholeheartedly recognized it.

He had already paid the devastating physical price and completely internalized the lesson. This time, he didn’t shed a single tear, nor did he throw himself onto the floor to kick and scream. He simply nudged Ji Zhiqiu’s arm, waiting until his father looked over before speaking softly: “Daddy, I was wrong. When bedtime arrives, I should go to sleep. I shouldn’t keep watching cartoons endlessly.”

Ji Zhiqiu hadn’t expected Ji Yanyan to proactively voice such a realization. He froze for a few seconds, his stance softening a fraction. “You need to understand that even though I am the one telling you to go to bed, the sleep belongs to your own body. It isn’t for my benefit. Don’t ever throw a tantrum at me over this kind of issue again.”

Ji Yanyan bit his lower lip, nodding his head with immense force.

Ji Zhiqiu didn’t want to squander such a perfect educational milestone, intending to seize the moment to deliver another round of wisdom. However, his throat felt completely parched, rendering him speechless. He stood up to pour himself a glass of water first. To his complete surprise, the moment he walked back into the living room, Ji Yanyan was already sprawled across the sofa, having plunged deeply into dreamland.

Ji Zhiqiu let out a silent sigh, choosing not to wake him. Instead, he fetched a duvet and draped it carefully over the toddler’s body.

You little punk, having the absolute audacity to challenge a college student to a sleep-deprivation battle. Now you know exactly who’s boss.

I am literally the absolute founding ancestor of pulling all-nighters!

Setting his water glass down, Ji Zhiqiu locked his eyes back onto the television screen with renewed fervor, fully prepared to binge another episode.

……

The alarm clock went off precisely on schedule. Although Ji Zishen was merely an elementary school student, he possessed a flawless record of never sleeping in. After finishing his morning wash, he walked out of his bedroom.

Ji Zhiqiu emerged from the kitchen looking thoroughly refreshed and energized, placing the freshly prepared breakfast onto the dining table while calling out to him with a bright smile.

Ji Zishen immediately plastered a smile onto his face, walking briskly toward the dining table. However, as he bypassed the living room sofa, he suddenly spotted a small, raised mound beneath the covers.

He paused instinctively, focusing his eyes only to discover that it was Ji Yanyan, wrapped tightly in a duvet, desperately trying to keep his eyes open but still tottering precariously from sheer exhaustion.

“……” This is genuinely spoiling a child to a borderless, catastrophic degree. Just wait; if he lets him watch cartoons for an entire night today, the brat will be tearing the roof off the house tomorrow!

As if acting in direct response to his internal monologue, Ji Yanyan slid off the sofa cushions and came running toward his father.

Unwilling to witness such a foolish display of parenting any further, Ji Zishen retracted his gaze with an expression of deep distaste, lowering his head to eat his breakfast.

Ji Zhiqiu’s tone remained exceptionally gentle: “What’s wrong? Do you not want to eat breakfast because you still want to watch cartoons?”

The previous night, even though his heart had softened after Ji Yanyan’s apology, allowing the boy to get some rest, certain boundaries had to be enforced. The exact moment dawn broke across the sky, he had ruthlessly awoken Ji Yanyan and flipped the television back on, delivering an alternative, literal completion of his promise to let him watch for the entire night.

The experience had etched a deeply harrowing memory into Ji Yanyan’s psyche. He couldn’t help but shudder violently, wrapping his arms around his father’s leg as he cooed in a soft, terrified whine: “No! I want to sleep on time! I am never, ever watching extra cartoons again!”

“……???” The hand holding Ji Zishen’s soup spoon froze completely mid-air. He whipped his head up violently, staring at the father and son pair with a completely unreadable expression.

What on earth happened in this house last night?! Why is this scenario completely different from what I imagined?!