The Cannon Fodder Dad of Three Villainous Cubs - Chapter 12.1

As it turned out, folk remedies were entirely useless. After drinking that mug of concentrated green tea, Ji Zhiqiu’s manipulative “Green Tea” artistry didn’t see a single bit of improvement. Instead, it chased away any trace of drowsiness, forcing him to stare wide awake at the ceiling until dawn.

Looking beside him at Ji Yanyan who was sleeping like a log, his chubby cheeks puffed out and flushed with a rosy glow Ji Zhiqiu felt a profound sense of injustice. He had to resist with every fiber of his being just to stop himself from giving the toddler a little pinch.

Accepting his fate, he crawled out of bed and crept out of the bedroom to prepare breakfast for Ji Zishen.

The breakfast was nothing complicated. Ji Zhiqiu easily whipped up a few sandwiches and poured a cup of soy milk.

When Ji Zishen finished washing up and came out carrying his small schoolbag, this was the scene that greeted him: Ji Zhiqiu stood there wearing a soft pink apron, holding a clean white porcelain plate. His face was slightly pale, his handsome features etched with exhaustion, yet he still managed to force a small smile. He fit the persona of a tragic, self-sacrificing father perfectly.

Confronted with this version of Ji Zhiqiu, it was truly difficult to harden one’s heart. Ji Zishen had originally harbored other intentions, wanting to scheme against him, but when the moment came, he found himself unable to voice them. He could only continue to disguise himself as an innocent, naive child, running toward Ji Zhiqiu with a bright smile: “What did Daddy make? It smells so good.”

Ji Zhiqiu hadn’t slept the entire night. His mind was currently a total blank, and his legs felt weak. He smiled, gently smoothing down the boy’s soft bedhead. “It’s sandwiches. I squeezed extra sauce inside for you. Taste it and see if you like it.”

Ji Zishen’s performance was perfectly fitting for a child his age. Cheerful and excited, he took the plate, hopped onto the seat opposite his father, and took a massive bite. A ring of sauce immediately smudged around his lips. Ji Zhiqiu smiled and wiped the corner of the boy’s mouth, presenting a picture-perfect scene of a loving father and a dutiful son.

After breakfast, Ji Zhiqiu originally intended to walk Ji Zishen to school. However, he didn’t miss the fleeting flash of defensiveness and vigilance that crossed the boy’s face. Catching himself, he stepped back and simply watched from the doorway as Ji Zishen left the apartment.

So tired that he could barely keep his eyes open, Ji Zhiqiu stumbled back into the master bedroom. The heavy velvet curtains completely blocked out the bright morning sun, plunging the room into a deep twilight perfect for catching up on sleep. The exact moment his head hit the pillow, he happily went off to meet the God of Dreams.

……

The apartment was dead silent. After an unknown amount of time, the little figure buried beneath the duvet rolled over, landing face-down with his bottom hoisted high in the air, his baby fat pressing his cheek into a soft roll of flesh.

Ji Yanyan had his own unique way of waking up. After puffing out his cheeks and blowing a few invisible bubbles, he finally opened his eyes, looking around the room through bleary, sleep-filled vision.

He wanted to sit up, but the moment he nudged himself forward, a heavy arm draped right over him, pinning him firmly back to the mattress.

Ji Yanyan glared structural disapproval at the arm resting across his body, viewing it like the legendary mountain that imprisoned the Monkey King. Arching his little stomach, he wrestled with it for a long while, making little heihu-heihu straining noises. Summoning every ounce of strength he possessed, he finally managed to hoist Ji Zhiqiu’s arm off him.

Completely oblivious to Ji Yanyan’s struggles, Ji Zhiqiu simply rolled over and continued to sleep deeply.

Having slept his fill, Ji Yanyan felt a bit bored. He sat on the bed playing with his fingers for a while before turning around to face his father. “Daddy, wake up.”

Ji Zhiqiu ignored him.

Navigating the uneven terrain of the soft duvet, Ji Yanyan crawled around in a circle until he was crouching right in front of Ji Zhiqiu’s face. Reaching out a finger, he poked his father’s cheek. “Daddy, wake up.”

Ji Zhiqiu frowned slightly in his sleep. Mistaking the sensation for a persistent mosquito on his face, he raised a hand and swiped at it.

Still caught deep in a dream, he didn’t aim accurately, and the force was incredibly light, but it still landed with a soft smack. Ji Yanyan instantly yanked his hand back, staring in utter disbelief at the faint red mark on the back of his hand.

!!! Daddy hit me! Wahhhhhhh!

Ji Zhiqiu was currently trapped in a nightmare where people kept pointing at him and calling him a gorilla. His eyes darted beneath his eyelids until he finally, painfully forced his eyes open only to see a triangular rice ball sitting right in front of him.

The triangular rice ball was biting his lower lip, his expression overflowing with immense grievance. Cradle-holding his own little hand, he stared at his father on the verge of tears.

Ji Zhiqiu snapped awake instantly. Sitting up, he asked with deep concern, “Yanyan, what’s wrong?”

It would have been better if he hadn’t spoken, because the moment his voice rang out, Ji Yanyan accused him in a tearful whine, “Daddy, you hit me!”

Ji Zhiqiu was entirely bewildered, having absolutely no idea what had just occurred. He gently cradled Ji Yanyan’s little hand. There was no real red mark on the back of it, just standard toddler plumpness where every poke left a little dimple. “I hit you?”

“You did hit me!” Seeing that Ji Zhiqiu was refusing to acknowledge his wrongdoing, Ji Yanyan stood up in a huff, waving his arms and legs wildly to re-enact exactly what had just happened.

Only then did Ji Zhiqiu realize that being called a gorilla hadn’t been a dream; it had been Ji Yanyan poking him.

“I wasn’t awake just now; I was just swinging blindly. I didn’t mean to hit you. Does it hurt? Let Daddy blow on it.”

Ji Yanyan sat back down on the mattress crossly. Folding his arms and stiffening his neck, he resolutely refused to look at Ji Zhiqiu, giving him nothing but a cold, unyielding back view.

Ji Zhiqiu leaned forward, attempting to scoop him up and coax him, but Ji Yanyan remained steadfast, stubbornly pulling his arms out of reach.

Staring at the boy’s puffed-out profile, Ji Zhiqiu dropped into a helpless half-kneeling position beside him. “Even though Daddy didn’t mean to, it was wrong of me to strike you for no reason. I apologize to you. How about I take you out to play after we eat?”

At the mention of the word “play,” Ji Yanyan’s ears twitched. However, bound by the constraints of personal pride, he found it difficult to gracefully accept the olive branch, resulting in his little body just rocking back and forth in sheer excitement.

Failing to notice the internal struggle, Ji Zhiqiu suppressed a laugh. “Come on, Yanyan, give Daddy a chance to make it up to you.”

Ji Yanyan finally couldn’t hold the facade any longer. Letting out a haughty “Hmph,” he said, “Well, alright then.”

Before the words had even fully left his mouth, he eagerly spun his head back around, his eyes shining like brilliant stars as he locked onto Ji Zhiqiu. “Where are we going to play?”

“We’ll go play on your absolute favorite whoosh-whoosh.”

Only then was Ji Yanyan thoroughly appeased. Unable to wait a single second longer, he scrambled up from the bed, preparing to blindly launch himself right off the edge.

Ji Zhiqiu’s brow furrowed, and he lunged forward just in time to catch the toddler by the collar, preventing him from face-planting directly onto the floor. “Be careful.”

Ji Yanyan’s short little legs paddled wildly in the air. The absolute second his feet made contact with solid ground, he blasted off like a rocket.

Ji Zhiqiu followed behind him with a look of pure resignation.

He actively wanted to cultivate Ji Yanyan’s independence, but at the end of the day, the boy was still just a three-year-old child. He did everything with clumsy, frantic haste. While washing his face, he nearly submerged his entire head into the basin, and while eating, he managed to turn himself into a messy little calico cat. The morning dissolved into complete chaos, leaving Ji Zhiqiu utterly exhausted as he cleaned up the wreckage in his wake.

He realized that educating Ji Yanyan was going to be a long and arduous journey. He originally intended to seize this opportunity to impart a few words of wisdom, but seeing the boy in such high spirits, he couldn’t bring himself to rain on his parade. Instead, he simply tapped the boy’s forehead gently. “Once we’re done playing and come back home, I have some things to discuss with you. You must listen to me seriously.”

For the sake of going outside, Ji Yanyan nodded frantically. At this point, he would agree to absolutely anything Ji Zhiqiu said.

With the agreement sealed, Ji Zhiqiu held the little hand and walked him to the neighborhood playground. He settled back to enjoy a bit of sunbathing while watching Ji Yanyan scramble up and down like a hyperactive little monkey.

Perhaps he was truly reaching that stage in life; in the past, he would have found such a scene nothing but noisy and irritating, but now, he found himself entirely captivated by that vibrant, overflowing life force.

He had to admit, when this brat wasn’t throwing a tantrum, he was genuinely adorable.

He took after him, after all.

Ji Zhiqiu watched Ji Yanyan unleash his natural instincts, never once stepping in to interfere until the time was running short.

Ji Yanyan hadn’t played nearly enough. He hid his hands behind his back, refusing to let Ji Zhiqiu hold his hand. “I still want to do the whoosh-whoosh.”

Ji Zhiqiu raised an eyebrow slightly. “Just how long is enough for you? From what I can see, you’d gladly move in and live on that slide. Be good, I’ll bring you out to play again another day.”

“Which day is another day?”

“As long as the weather is nice, I’ll bring you out. I won’t leave you cooped up at home.”

“Really?”

Ji Zhiqiu let out a couple of soft chuckles, using a handkerchief to wipe away the dust smudged across Ji Yanyan’s face. “When have I ever lied to you?”

Ji Yanyan twirled his fingers together, looking somewhat conflicted.

He could feel that his father had changed; the man wasn’t as unconditionally permissive as before, but he didn’t dislike this version of his father at all.

For the first time in his life, Ji Yanyan processed an emotion peacefully without throwing a screaming fit. Reluctantly, he extended a tiny hand. “Okay then.”

Looking at the filthy little hand, a flash of deep disgust crossed Ji Zhiqiu’s eyes. He extended a single index finger, allowing Ji Yanyan to loop his hand around it with immense reluctance. “I’m taking you to wash your hands first.”

Ji Yanyan: Hmph hmph orz.

Once the hands were thoroughly scrubbed, Ji Zhiqiu readily enveloped the boy’s hand in his own. Ji Yanyan’s residual anger vanished instantly, and he began to chatter away like a little songbird.

The father and son duo walked back into their apartment complex. Beneath their building stood a massive tree with lush, sprawling foliage, offering shade and coolness to anyone passing by. The property management had intentionally installed a ring of wooden benches around its trunk for residents to rest.

Standing before the towering tree, Ji Yanyan looked impossibly tiny. He tilted his head back as far as it would go, yet he still couldn’t catch a glimpse of the highest leaves.

Watching Ji Yanyan’s mouth drop open in pure awe, his expression entirely dazed, Ji Zhiqiu couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “This tree is way older than you. You should actually address it as ‘Uncle Tree’ (Shu Shumu).”

Ji Yanyan pondered it for a moment, attempting to repeat the words: “Shu Shumu.”

“Correct,” Ji Zhiqiu said with a beaming smile. “Though it would be even better if you didn’t spray spit everywhere while saying it.”

Ji Yanyan really didn’t mean to. He had always put far too much physical effort into his pronunciation, puckering his lips incredibly high. With the forceful vibration of his breath, saliva naturally went flying.

Ji Yanyan glared at Ji Zhiqiu in protest: “I didn’t!”

Ji Zhiqiu teased, “You’re unhygienic. Careful, or the other kids won’t want to play with you.”

“I am very hygienic,” Ji Yanyan argued righteously. “I never eat poop.”

Ji Zhiqiu: “…” Well, that truly is a magnificent accomplishment.

“To be fair, ninety-nine percent of the human population shares that exact virtue.”

Seeing that Ji Zhiqiu was refusing to cooperate with his logic, fury surged into Ji Yanyan’s heart, and he blurted out without thinking, “No! Daddy, you eat poop!”

These words landed like a sudden bolt of lightning from a clear sky, frying Ji Zhiqiu thoroughly from the inside out.

His absolute first instinct was to whip his head left and right to check their surroundings. Seeing that no neighbors were nearby, he let out a massive sigh of relief. Turning back, he placed his hands squarely on his hips, confronting Ji Yanyan: “You’re talking nonsense! I do not eat poop!”

Ji Yanyan mirrored his posture exactly, puffing out his round little stomach and lying through his teeth without blinking an eye: “You do too eat poop!”

“I don’t!”

“You do!”

Ji Zhiqiu glared at Ji Yanyan in a fury, pushed past his absolute limit. “Then you eat poop too!”

Ji Yanyan was completely dumbfounded. He scrambled over on his short legs, desperately attempting to reach up and cover Ji Zhiqiu’s mouth. “I don’t! Daddy is talking nonsense!”

Looking down at the little creature thrashing around frantically at his feet, Ji Zhiqiu deliberately cleared his throat and amplified his volume, shouting toward the open air: “Little Ji Yanyan from Building 8, Unit 1, Apartment 1502 eats poop!”

Ji Yanyan: !!!

In that exact instant, he felt as though his entire sky had collapsed. His legs buckled, and he nearly planted his bottom flat onto the ground.

“I don’t! I don’t eat poop, I really don’t! Daddy, how could you be like this?!” The more Ji Yanyan spoke, the more aggrieved he became, his nose sniffing violently.