She Is Such A Jerk, And Yet She’s The One Crying! - Chapter 50

“A-Ning, do not panic; we old courtiers will pave the way for everything,” Lin Dongruan exhorted Qiang Ning, holding her hand as they traveled the road to the capital. “Before the great cause is achieved, you must not place yourself in danger. Protecting yourself is the most important thing.”

Lin Dongruan spoke at length, and as Qiang Ning listened, she increasingly felt that this woman was someone who possessed a profound love for the world. To minimize damage and avoid mobilizing a single soldier, she actually intended to enter the palace alone and resolve everything through the Emperor.

“You are unwilling to let me be in danger, but what about you? Have you considered yourself?” Qiang Ning felt that in certain aspects, Lin Dongruan was practically obsessed to the point of madness. How much righteousness resided in her heart that she could gamble her own life for the affairs of the world without regard for death?

Lin Dongruan said it was not important.

“Tell me, how is it not important?” Qiang Ning argued with her. “Your heart holds the world and the common people, but my heart holds you. Whether it is love or hate, you are my, Qiang Ning’s, person. By what right do you dare to recklessly sacrifice your life without my consent?”

The look in Lin Dongruan’s eyes was filled with incomprehension, as if she were asking: Does this kind of thing… truly require consultation with you?

Qiang Ning nearly lost her breath in frustration. She never knew what Lin Dongruan was thinking; it was like observing a person through a layer of gauze—a hazy vision, a misty atmosphere. She could not grasp Lin Dongruan’s heart, nor could she see through her thoughts.

This sense of resentment gradually accumulated, transforming into a fire of anger deep in her heart, yet she ultimately had no way to deal with Lin Dongruan.

“Lin Dongruan, tell me, exactly how much sincerity do you have for me? In your consistent utilization of me from beginning to end, have you ever actually been moved by me?” Qiang Ning tightly gripped her own sleeves, refusing to look at her. “Is it because I am the daughter of the late Empress and the current Princess that you are willing to deal with me with false pretenses and act out this play?”

Inside the carriage, Lin Dongruan sat to one side, remaining only in silence.

The longer Qiang Ning waited, the more despair she felt. It was as if for all this time, it had been a one-woman show. Her acting weak and well-behaved, her revenge, and her anger were all insignificant things to Lin Dongruan. The other woman’s eyes held only the world and the imperial throne; she just happened to appear at the right time and in the right position.

“You, Lin Dongruan, are a transcendent saint, a hidden and enduring official of the former dynasty, and if you truly succeed, you will even be the great savior of the new dynasty,” Qiang Ning said with a despondent expression, a mocking smile touching the corners of her mouth. “You haven’t failed the late Emperor’s deathbed entrustment, and you have completely fulfilled my mother’s commission. In this world, do you feel that you haven’t wronged anyone?”

Lin Dongruan sat to one side, cold and upright, her eyes closed, and it was unclear whether she was listening at all.

Qiang Ning could not see the thoughts in her eyes, and her voice inevitably became choked with sobs: “I was the one who bullied and deceived you first, and though you clearly knew my heart, you never resisted or exposed me. Do you think that by doing this… you can offset everything else?”

What are all my self-righteous schemes and vengeances in your eyes?

Until the moment she stepped onto the carriage, Qiang Ning had not felt these distressing emotions. Half an hour ago, she was still immersed in the intimacy of last night, feeling smug about her revenge on Lin Dongruan. Although she hadn’t truly made Lin Dongruan unable to leave her bed for three days, she had slept with her enough, and her heart felt satiated.

But… once she boarded the carriage, she realized how ridiculous she was.

“I can’t even get an answer.” Qiang Ning could no longer endure it. She grabbed Lin Dongruan’s clothes and sobbed, “You are unerring in your calculations; you even utilized my wicked nature. Even in moments of passion, you were calculating me to alleviate the guilt and debt in your own heart. Lin Dongruan, answer me: yesterday, when I forcibly plied you with wine, did you intentionally choose not to resist?”

This time, Lin Dongruan nodded slowly.

Qiang Ning let go of her, retreating a distance in disbelief, and finally huddled in the corner with her knees hugged to her chest, falling silent.

Lin Dongruan’s expression was full of pity as she looked down at Qiang Ning in the corner—the Eldest Princess returning to the capital, dressed in purple robes and a golden crown, a magnificent display. Following behind her were the old courtiers who held power in various regions. Many people were plotting great things for her; it was clearly a triumphant situation, yet A-Ning was currently so lonely and disappointed.

“The turn of events was sudden, and I had no choice but to inform Your Highness truthfully,” Lin Dongruan looked at the purple-clad young woman in the corner and said softly, “A-Ning, this is your destiny. You should take back what you were meant to have and settle this chaotic world for the common people of the land.”

Qiang Ning: “If you don’t know how to comfort people, you can choose not to speak.”

“When A-Ning and the Emperor were heirs, they shared the same temperament; he was always rebellious and threw small tantrums like this as well.” Lin Dongruan recalled the past, looking toward the direction of the capital with a sigh, as if she could see the little Crown Prince from back then, who was only half a person’s height, across the great distance. “His eyes were just like yours—bright and full of spirit…”

Qiang Ning rarely heard about the new Emperor’s past from Lin Dongruan, so she couldn’t help but quiet her mind to listen.

“You both learned things very quickly, and you both had times when you were very obedient.” Lin Dongruan stood up and walked toward Qiang Ning, finally stopping beside her. She lightly stroked the brilliant golden crown, the long gold tassels falling through her fingers, feeling so cold and noble.

“If there is a rebellion, the old Emperor will surely be executed. You have had a teacher-student relationship for so many years; can you bear to kill him?” Qiang Ning said. “If you kill him, you must personally sever that bond. If you do not kill him, you will fail me and the people of the world.”

The new Emperor was not a good monarch, but as a student whom the Imperial Preceptor had cultivated for many years, he had no inherent faults. For Lin Dongruan to kill him personally was a cruelty within her heartlessness.

“It is because I did not teach him well. I have failed the people of the world.”

Lin Dongruan said she would bring all of this to an end.

Qiang Ning said: “If I ascend the throne and turn out not to be a good monarch, would you also kill me with your own hands?”

Previously, she had been driven nearly mad with jealousy toward the new Emperor; he had occupied so many of Lin Dongruan’s years and received her protection and cultivation… but today, she was about to replace him, yet she felt a sense of “the fox mourning the death of the rabbit” melancholy.

“A-Ning, it won’t be like that. The same thing will not happen to you,” Lin Dongruan said. “A-Ning is the monarch who conforms to the mandate of heaven. You will not do things wrong, nor will you suffer heavenly retribution.”

“As you can see, I am not a kind person. Compared to the current Emperor, I will only be more cruel,” Qiang Ning asked her. “Even so, are you willingly pushing me onto the throne?”

“A chaotic world does not need a weak Emperor. Amidst the smoke and fires of war, where winners are kings and losers are bandits, only someone with blood and means can unify the world.” Lin Dongruan trusted Qiang Ning. “The current chaos can only be quelled by A-Ning.”

Lin Dongruan believed in her.

Qiang Ning understood her meaning and felt a slight comfort amidst her disappointment.

“Then if the world truly changes masters, will you still enter the court as an official?” Qiang Ning held the advantageous position and continued to test Lin Dongruan. “Or… do you want to be my Empress?”

“If A-Ning ascends the throne, the official system will be reformed. Talented people of the world, regardless of gender or whether they come from humble origins or noble families, will have the opportunity to serve in the court.” Lin Dongruan began to talk to her about the official system. “The chaos of buying official titles must also be managed…”

Qiang Ning said coldly: “Lin Dongruan, must you insist on avoiding my question?”

Being interrupted, Lin Dongruan could not naturally shift the topic, so she had to respond tactfully: “As for what will happen in the future, I cannot predict that either.”

“I don’t need you to predict fate. I want you to speak fairly from your heart—whether you want to stay by my side,” Qiang Ning said. “Only discuss your own heart, nothing else.”

“At that time, when A-Ning ascends to the supreme position, there will be more people to accompany you,” Lin Dongruan only said. “After A-Ning has met more people, you will no longer place all your thoughts on me. To set one’s heart on one person becomes an obsession, and obsession becomes a handle and a weakness, giving you a vulnerability that can be used to threaten or manipulate you. As an Emperor, you should not have such an obvious soft spot.”

“Now you are just talking nonsense to deceive me.” Qiang Ning was so angry she practically didn’t want to speak to her anymore. “If you don’t want to be with me, just say it clearly. Is it necessary to make up stories like this to lie to me? Lin Dongruan, I like you a little, but I’m not a fool.”

Lin Dongruan lowered her head: “Feelings will fade, and bonds will change. There is nothing eternal in this world. A-Ning, if you feel burdened by this relationship, it is better to forget me.”

“Loving you feels as if I owe you a debt.” Qiang Ning did not know why Lin Dongruan could remain indifferent throughout. The more composed the other was, the more passive and helpless she became.

The one who loves first suffers all the bitterness and pain, while the beloved acts without fear. In this relationship, Lin Dongruan indeed had no weakness, because she was sufficiently heartless and cold.

Lin Dongruan apologized quietly: “A-Ning, I am sorry.”

The late Emperor limited my lifespan to thirty-five, and the antidote was fake—it might even be the trigger for my demise. Zhang Lihan died from this very scheme; how can I break this deadlock?

She was next. Lin Dongruan could not guarantee she would live past thirty-five, but she could carry out her plans as quickly as possible and push Qiang Ning onto the throne before her own time of death.