She Is Such A Jerk, And Yet She’s The One Crying! - Chapter 41

“Sister, have you ever seen the koi of the Kuiqing River?”

Qiang Ning was not without shame. While Lin Dongruan was immersed in the moment, Qiang Ning felt a flush of bashfulness spreading across her face. She couldn’t help but speak to alleviate her own helplessness.

Lin Dongruan opened her eyes from her closed-state, responding with a soft nasal hum. Then, she let out a long breath, exhaling as if releasing all her strength, her expression one of utter comfort and ease.

“When a handful of bait is thrown in and the koi of the Kuiqing River scramble for food, their tails tease one another as they swim. They swallow and spit, pecking at the floating bait and bubbles on the water’s surface. The sound of their feeding and the movement of the water create a delightful harmony,” Qiang Ning whispered, her cheeks crimson. “It sounds exactly like the sounds right now.”

It truly was identical.

Lin Dongruan was loosely draped in a single, thin garment. When she tilted her head back to receive the affection, her shoulders trembled slightly. It was taxing but not painful; in contrast, Qiang Ning was not nearly as immersed or uninhibited as her counterpart.

Perhaps due to a lingering nervousness, Qiang Ning’s technique was clumsy and tinged with a bit of trepidation. She didn’t know how to “appreciate and play”; she only knew how to use her fingertips to gently gather and rub against the area as it opened and closed. It was hard to tell if she was being overly cautious or overly precious.

Lin Dongruan propped herself up. As her black hair fell, she tilted her chin slightly, her crimson lips parted, and her eyes lightly closed.

Gradually, a smile touched the corners of her lips again.

“Am I doing this… correctly?” Qiang Ning asked, uncertain. “Sister, my hand is a bit tired. Can I rest for a moment?”

Lin Dongruan nodded and beckoned her closer to rest.

How arrogant and proactive Qiang Ning had been back in Wusang Town was exactly how helpless she was now that the moment had arrived. On one hand, she couldn’t believe she had finally gotten her wish; on the other hand, Lin Dongruan’s reaction was far too unexpected. In her fantasies, she thought Lin Dongruan would be more reserved and shyer, but she didn’t expect her to be…

“Sister, teach me,” Qiang Ning asked humbly and in a low voice. Having tasted the sweetness, she pushed her luck further, requesting to be closer and tighter.

“As long as A-Ning doesn’t cry.”

As a result, the moment Lin Dongruan did as she requested, Qiang Ning couldn’t help but well up with tears.

It was difficult to fully describe the sensation of that moment. In twenty-three years, she had never felt anything like it. Benefiting from the efforts she had just made on Lin Dongruan’s body, the moment of contact felt like being immersed in a pool of warm, moist heat. It was just like Lin Dongruan herself—soft, inclusive, and warm.

Qiang Ning still couldn’t help it. She couldn’t restrain her own initiative, yet she also couldn’t stop her soft sobbing: “Sister, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Lin Dongruan was about to ask why she was apologizing, but then she realized the reason. Startled by the sudden, abrupt thrusting from the other woman, she couldn’t help but let out a light laugh: “A-Ning, do not be in such a hurry.”

Qiang Ning blinked, tears streaming down her face as if she had suffered a great grievance. While sobbing softly, she worked hard at her task: “Sister, don’t leave me, okay?”

Lin Dongruan’s brow furrowed slightly; she had no spare breath to reply.

“Sister, be careful not to hit your head.” The silk quilts shifted, and without realizing it, Lin Dongruan had moved back quite a bit. Qiang Ning quickly grabbed her arm, afraid she might accidentally bump her head.

Years of self-restraint and discipline made the backlash all the more intense. Lin Dongruan knew the consequences of today’s actions, but as one who followed the mandate of heaven, she would naturally not go against her destiny. Though the place beneath her was damp and muddy, she didn’t find it disgraceful; rather, it was Qiang Ning who remained embarrassed.

After her birth, Qiang Ning had been sent to her fiefdom very early. More than twenty years of courtly schemes and subordinate mentalities had long since eroded her conscience. She prided herself on being cold-hearted and dispassionate, never willing to expose her weaknesses. Yet at this moment, she willingly bared her softest parts to Lin Dongruan, accepting everything the other gave. Her very soul seemed shaken. Qiang Ning felt as though she had turned into an exquisite dew-collecting vase, catching Lin Dongruan’s jade-like nectar. The sensation in her fingertips earlier couldn’t compare to what she was feeling personally now.

“Sister, I am no match for you.” Qiang Ning didn’t need to look; even with her eyes closed, everything was clear.

In this regard, Lin Dongruan was not lying to her. Qiang Ning concluded through her own experience that it was a softness and sweetness that didn’t belong to her, nearly drowning her.

No wonder so many silk quilts were needed… Qiang Ning thought to herself, her strength gradually failing.

Lin Dongruan allowed her to rest for a moment, then called her name again.

Qiang Ning was a bit sleepy and didn’t want to exert herself.

Lin Dongruan began to speak of serious matters: “When the Emperor came today, he gave Zhang Lihan an antidote.”

Qiang Ning didn’t hear much else, but the word “Emperor” snapped her into alertness. Instantly harboring irritation, she continued her unfinished business: “Sister, at a time like this, don’t mention such unlucky things.”

“Years ago, when Jiang Weilan brought his eldest son to the capital, the late Emperor was suspicious of the Sanqi Prefecture… A-Ning, A-Ning!” Lin Dongruan’s words were cut short by a sudden soft hiss. Her slender neck arched back, and she grabbed the silk quilt, trembling slightly. “A-Ning, don’t be so urgent.”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Qiang Ning stopped poutily, the tears in her eyes not yet receded. “Sister, is it because I’m not good enough that you’re getting distracted thinking about other things? I can get anxious and discouraged too.”

Lin Dongruan caught her breath and explained, “It’s not distraction. Calculating by the time, the medicine should be taking effect on Zhang Lihan’s side about now.”

“I don’t care if it’s taking effect or not,” Qiang Ning said unhappily. “We have done all that is humanly possible. Whether he remains mad or not has nothing to do with us.”

How could it have nothing to do with them?

The late Emperor was deeply suspicious. When he entrusted the orphaned matters to Lin Dongruan, he limited her lifespan to thirty-five. If she couldn’t find the antidote, she would be helpless.

The late Emperor had said he gave the antidote to the new Emperor, but the new Emperor held onto this leverage tightly, refusing to let go, preventing Lin Dongruan from leaving completely.

Since Lin Dongruan couldn’t detect the poison within herself, she absolutely required that antidote.

Of course, all of this was predicated on the antidote being real.

Only a true antidote could turn danger into safety…

But… what if the late Emperor never intended to let her live from the start? To pull the problem up by the roots, what if he only left her a non-existent “antidote” or a poison even more lethal?

Was the thing in the new Emperor’s hands truly the antidote?

Lin Dongruan didn’t know her own answer. Every divination resulted in a lack of life; the only breaking point in the deadlock lay with Qiang Ning.

That year, when heavy snow blocked the mountains, she asked the gods for a divination and calmly accepted her destiny—she found a girl outside her door who was about to freeze to death.

A girl who was both fierce and prone to crying, like a small beast that would bare its sharp teeth at people—aggressive on one hand, and unexpectedly clingy and easy to coax on the other.

“A-Ning, come closer.” Recalling the past, Lin Dongruan’s gaze was extremely tender.

Qiang Ning approached huffily and was caught by the other.

Lin Dongruan gently pinched the back of her neck, like pinching the scruff of a wild cat, easily making the other turn around.

Qiang Ning thought Lin Dongruan was going to kiss her, so she didn’t resist: “Sister?”

Lin Dongruan smoothed her black hair. Looking down, she saw the birthmark hidden behind the tresses. Though tiny, it was much more distinct than it had been in childhood. The birthmark was shaped like a reddish butterfly.

—The Celestial Butterfly.

The symbol of rebellion.

“Sister, is there something on my back?” Qiang Ning didn’t receive the kiss and didn’t know what the other was looking at, so she asked uneasily, “Could it be that I’ve grown white hair?”

Lin Dongruan smiled to reassure her: “There is no white hair. I must have seen wrong.”

Only then did Qiang Ning lean against her with peace of mind.

Lin Dongruan took the opportunity to pull her close, bowing her head to touch the other’s forehead—she remembered many years ago. For a woman to be an official was unprecedented. It was the late Empress Xiaochan who had defied all opinions to allow her into the court. She was well-versed in divination and ritual; despite her youth, she still entered the Ministry of Rites as a Priestess, in charge of the imperial sacrifices.

The late Empress Xiaochan had been her benefactor, a debt she never forgot. Therefore, when the Empress entrusted the newborn princess to her, she chose to help hide the secret without hesitation.

The Imperial Astronomers had observed the heavens and said the national destiny was declining, that “night butterflies obscured the sky”—various sins pointed directly at the newborn princess. It was she who stood up to refute the celestial omens, barely persuading the late Emperor to suppress his desire to kill his daughter.

During the sacrifice, she had also tampered with the ritual vessels to change the hexagram.

—Heavenly fate cannot be denied.

If the princess were killed according to the late Emperor’s wishes, it would surely invite heavenly punishment.

The young Lin Dongruan had, for the first time in her life, hidden a true divination. Risking the execution of her entire clan, she saved the young Qiang Ning.

Qiang Ning survived, but Empress Xiaochan soon passed away. Before her death, the Empress worried that the princess would still incite the late Emperor’s suspicion in the future, and decisively planned for the princess’s future.

“After I die, protect A-Ning as she goes to her fiefdom. Unless absolutely necessary, do not let her return to the capital…”

Lin Dongruan still remembered the scene from that day. The usually solemn and majestic Empress showed an unprecedented softness before her departure. In that moment, she was nothing else but a mother loath to leave her child, tender yet powerful.

The Empress clutched her hand tightly, her eyes red: “Before His Majesty passes away, do not let anyone discover the birthmark on the back of her neck. Not anyone.”

Lin Dongruan said she could directly remove the mark, but Empress Xiaochan was unwilling to truly erase it.

The Empress wept on her sickbed: “I will never see A-Ning grow up. If it is as the Astronomers said, and A-Ning has the destiny to uphold a flourishing age, I believe she can ensure that the common people are no longer treated as grass, and that men and women of humble origins can aspire to the imperial court… Dongruan, you must see that flourishing age with your own eyes for me. Only then can I be at peace in the afterlife.”

“I will plant a Gu (venomous parasite) for A-Ning to erase that birthmark.” Lin Dongruan hesitated slightly. “It’s just… to use the Gu as a cover, the princess will likely suffer some hardship. The Gu poison affects the heart; I fear the princess will develop a heart ailment.”

Empress Xiaochan asked if the heart ailment could be cured.

“It can. In the future, she will just need to nourish her body well. However, the antidote to remove the birthmark is somewhat difficult to prepare,” Lin Dongruan said. “One must take the creations of the twenty-four solar terms of heaven and earth, dry them, and grind them into powder. This must be supplemented with whole herbs, leaves and flowers, fruits and seeds, roots and rhizomes, wood and bark, and minerals and insects. Boil them and keep the dregs; use the clear juice to make a paste. The dregs must be re-boiled and sealed—when it’s time to take it, the powder, paste, and dregs are mixed together with water and honey before consumption.”

Empress Xiaochan smiled slightly, saying jokingly, “That antidote sounds like a grand ‘twenty-four solar term’ tonic meal.”

“At that time, the princess only needs to take it for a period, and it will remove the Gu poison, allowing the original birthmark on her neck to reappear.” Lin Dongruan took the pulse of the Empress on the sickbed and suddenly felt a “Dead Pulse.”

A Dead Pulse…

It was just like many years ago, when the divine physician who taught her medicine was passing away. He had pulled her to learn even then, instructing her: “This is the True Viscera Dead Pulse, also known as the Defeat Pulse. It has no flavor, no root, and no spirit. You must remember it clearly; I can only teach this once…”

Once the Dead Pulse appears, the pain of illness pierces the heart, and there is no way to bring them back.

“Rest assured, I will take care of A-Ning.” Lin Dongruan saw the Empress on the sickbed showing a look of agony and gripped her hand sorrowfully. “If you are in pain, then please, let go.”

The Empress’s gaze grew unfocused, and she used her final strength to urge: “A-Ning… I entrust her to you…”