Self-Perception - Chapter 32

The dawn light was faint as Wen Jinyan pushed open the window. Mist swirled around the distant mountains, and a pale golden light filtered through the clouds, piercing the white streak on the horizon.

Wen Jinyan tidied herself up and put on her glasses. Today, she was supposed to go for a walk in the village with Su Muqing. Just as she headed downstairs, she heard the waitresses talking. She had no intention of eavesdropping, but their voices were simply too loud.

“Have you heard? In the early hours of this morning, a super famous star came to the farmhouse stay.”

“Drop the ‘heard,'” a girl whispered, leaning closer to another. “It’s Gu Wansheng.”

“For real?”

“My cousin works at the village party branch. She said the village secretary sent messages for several days straight, and Gu Wansheng came as soon as she saw them. And get this, her team didn’t charge a cent in promotion fees, she’s promoting our village’s plums for free.”

“Then she really is a good person. Do you think we’ll see her later? I’ve never seen her in person.”

“Who knows? Stars are always surrounded by bodyguards and assistants. It’ll probably be hard to even get close.”

“Then we’ll just watch from a distance.”

Wen Jinyan caught every word. She looked back toward the second floor.

Gu Wansheng had indeed mentioned yesterday that she would be promoting agricultural products, but would she really be here?

The two girls spotted her and, feeling the awkwardness of being caught gossiping, smiled. “Morning, gorgeous. Down for breakfast?”

Wen Jinyan nodded.

“Just find an empty seat. We’ll bring you some pickles.”

Wen Jinyan found a seat by the window. She left it halfway open, allowing her to see the distant clouds and the nearby banyan trees. Sunlight slanted through the gap, and in the faint golden light, even the tiny dust particles in the air were clearly visible.

Wen Jinyan reached out. Light covered the back of her hand, as she moved her fingers, irregular shadows fell across her skin. After sitting for a while, she stood up, asked the waitress where the breakfast was, and served two bowls of congee.

As she returned, she happened to run into Su Muqing coming downstairs. Su Muqing took a bowl of congee and sat down with her.

The waitress brought over the pickles in two small dishes, more than enough for the two of them.

Once the waitress left, Su Muqing spoke up. “Hey, when I was coming down, I heard someone in the room next door say they saw Gu Wansheng last night.”

Wen Jinyan held the bowl in one hand and a porcelain spoon in the other, stirring the surface of the congee. The spoon made no sound against the bowl. “Mm.”

“What does ‘mm’ mean? Is it true?” Su Muqing’s curiosity was piqued, and she leaned forward.

Wen Jinyan: “I don’t know either.”

“You… didn’t ask her?” Su Muqing picked up a piece of pickle and ate it with the congee, her eyebrows arching. “This pickle and congee combo is amazing.”

“Would asking her be too much of a boundary violation?” Wen Jinyan had searched online for how to interact with someone you like. Most of the answers were maintain an appropriate distance, do not excessively linger or disturb their life, be natural, and find topics with a sense of tact.

So, she wouldn’t constantly monitor Gu’s time, even though she missed her dearly and looked forward to her arrival.

Su Muqing: “Asking her would only make her feel that you care about her. Why would she think it’s a boundary violation? Besides, Teacher Gu is truly good to you. Believe me, she has feelings for you.”

Wen Jinyan’s hand gripping the spoon paused. “She has feelings for me?”

Su Muqing teased, “After all, it’s not just anyone who, upon hearing you mention marriage in a bar, doesn’t treat you like a lunatic but actually agrees to marry you.”

Wen Jinyan ignored the jab. Her eyelids lowered slightly. Su Muqing pursed her lips and added, “But that just goes to show she has a great deal of interest in you. Why else would she have agreed?”

Wen Jinyan rested her chin on one hand, using the other to stir the congee, the plump grains of rice shifting in the porcelain spoon. “Because I’m good-looking and fit her aesthetic.” Everyone has a love for beauty, she herself had been moved by Gu’s looks, so why wouldn’t Gu be the same?

Is this what it’s like to like someone? Every small action, every word, every bit of care given by the other person is taken out and analyzed, guessed at, and doubted. One moment doubting, the next affirming, it was truly contradictory.

Su Muqing shook her head in disagreement. “Teacher Gu is different with you. She’s so attentive and caring.”

Wen Jinyan looked into the distance and suddenly stood up.

Su Muqing was startled. “What are you doing?”

“You eat first,” Wen Jinyan dropped the words and walked away quickly.

Wen Jinyan: “Meng Qiu.”

Meng Qiu turned around and was surprised to see Wen Jinyan. “Sister Jinyan! You’re here on vacation?”

“Mm, with a friend.” Wen Jinyan looked around and asked in a low voice, “Where is Gu Wansheng?”

“Sister Gu is sleeping on the second floor. I came down for breakfast and I’m heading to town to buy a power bank.” Meng Qiu continued while serving herself congee, “When Sister Gu got off the plane last night, it was already midnight. Then she had a four hour car ride. The mountain roads here are bumpy, so she didn’t sleep well at all.”

Distress flickered in Wen Jinyan’s eyes. She asked instinctively, “Which room is she in?”

Meng Qiu took out Gu Wansheng’s room key and handed it to Wen Jinyan.

“This is the key to Sister Gu’s room.”

Wen Jinyan took it. Her mind was so full of Gu Wansheng that she forgot the fact that, usually, only the owner has a spare, and a room only has one key.

Meng Qiu felt a secret joy.

It looks like I won’t need to take care of Sister Gu anymore. Time for a little break!

Wen Jinyan returned to her seat to finish breakfast. Su Muqing asked where she had gone, and she simply replied that Gu Wansheng had indeed arrived.

Su Muqing’s hand froze with her spoon, a look of shock on her face. “She really came. You two are truly destined.”

Wen Jinyan: “Mm.”

In the past, she believed that human effort could overcome fate and that “destiny” was a hollow concept found only in dreams or on TV. Now, she believed in it, at least where Gu Wansheng was concerned, she was willing to believe in destiny.

Gu Wansheng had gone to bed late. Near noon, Wen Jinyan timed it and opened her door. Gu Wansheng was still asleep. Her bed was near the wooden window, which was currently tightly shut. The pale blue curtains were drawn closed, blocking out every bit of light, the room was dim.

Wen Jinyan stared at Gu Wansheng’s sleeping face. Gu’s sleeping posture was very disciplined: one hand on the blanket, lying on her side, with the other hand tucked under the pillow.

Wen Jinyan worried that Gu’s hand under the pillow would be numb when she woke up. Gu’s hands were very cold. Wen Jinyan took the back of her hand and tucked it back under the covers.

“So cold, and you didn’t even know to put your hand back in.”

Wen Jinyan pulled up a nearby wooden chair and sat down facing Gu Wansheng.

She just stared, not changing her position, her lips curling into an unconscious smile after watching for a long time. The lights were off, so her vision was limited. She leaned her upper body forward, resting her chin on her right hand.

This way, she could see her clearly.

Gu Wansheng’s eyelashes were so long, and her lips were so soft, she had already tasted them personally.

It wasn’t until Gu Wansheng showed signs of waking that she withdrew her hand, sat up straight, and rubbed her right wrist.

Her hand had gone numb.

Gu Wansheng half-opened her eyes, sensing a shadow above her. She tried to see who it was, but her eyes hadn’t adjusted yet, so she closed them again.

In her groggy state, she felt her blanket being pulled up to her neck and tucked in.

When she finally woke up, she instinctively looked around. Everything was in its original place.

Was I dreaming?

Gu Wansheng stretched, got out of bed, and went to the bathroom to wash up. Hearing the door open, she assumed it was Meng Qiu. “Xiao Qiu, help me prepare some lunch,” she called through the glass door.

Receiving no response, she stopped, thinking Meng Qiu hadn’t heard her, and raised her voice.

Still silence. After washing up, Gu Wansheng came out to find the room empty. She pulled open the curtains, and light filtered through the cracks, gradually widening to illuminate the room.

Gu Wansheng sat in the chair and opened her makeup bag.

Twenty minutes later, the door opened again. Gu Wansheng was still doing her makeup. Hearing the sound, she again assumed it was Meng Qiu and didn’t turn around. “Xiao Qiu, is that you? Please help me get some lunch ready.”

“Gu Wansheng.” Gu Wansheng’s hand drawing her eyebrows paused. Half a second later, she turned around and saw the woman. Her eyes crinkled with a smile, and her voice carried it too. She put down her eyebrow pencil. “How did you get here?”

“I’m here for a vacation. I ran into Meng Qiu this morning.” And then I knew you were here.

Wen Jinyan was holding a bowl, steam rising from it. Gu Wansheng’s eyes drifted downward.

“The waitress said they’re still prepping the main dishes and it’ll be another half hour. Eat this first to line your stomach.” Wen Jinyan held the bowl with both hands. She had borrowed the kitchen’s stove to cook these noodles.

There were greens and a fried egg in the bowl, which was only half full.

Gu Wansheng took it and set it on the table, looking happy as she packed away her jewelry. “You made this for me?”

“Mm. Taste it.” Wen Jinyan’s hands, hanging at her sides, tightened inside her sleeves.

She was nervous. Though it wasn’t her first time making noodles, she was afraid Gu Wansheng wouldn’t like the flavor. While cooking, she had realized that Gu Wansheng knew her tastes and could always make things she liked, but she didn’t know what Gu Wansheng liked.

Gu Wansheng looked into her eyes. Wen Jinyan’s gaze was too direct, too easy to read.

She took a few bites while it was hot. She didn’t eat fast, but the noodles straight from the pot were scalding. Tears pricked Gu Wansheng’s eyes from the heat, and her mouth hung open slightly. “It’s good.”

She bit the tip of her tongue lightly, trying to soothe the burning sensation.

“Did you burn yourself?” Wen Jinyan watched her movements, her voice full of concern. She immediately reached out, her left index finger pressed down slightly on Gu’s lower lip while her right hand steadied Gu’s face, trying to check her tongue.

Wen Jinyan was facing the sunlight. It wasn’t blinding, but she still squinted uncomfortably.

Wen Jinyan was mixed race, with an exceptionally elegant bone structure. Up close, her features felt even more profound, especially those amber eyes, which looked as if they were glowing to Gu Wansheng.

“I’m fine.” With her face being held and her lip being gently pried open, Gu Wansheng’s voice was muffled, but Wen Jinyan seemed to understand. Realizing her actions might be a bit forward, she let go.

Only then did she realize, they had already done much more intimate things, so why was she acting so reserved now?

As the pressure left her face, Gu Wansheng felt a strange sense of loss. She actually wanted to see how far Wen Jinyan would go, but if Wen Jinyan really had toyed with her lips with her fingers, she would have felt a surge of inexplicable shame.

Truly contradictory.