Secret Lover Who Stealthily Fell in Love with My Older Sister - Chapter 66

Chapter 66: Shen Ya saw Qiao Xi’s rosy…

Shen Ya saw Qiao Xi’s rosy lips open and close, seemingly saying something to her. Unfortunately, the continuous sound of fireworks outside the window was deafening. The vibrant, multi-colored light from the fireworks, filtered through the glass, confused Shen Ya’s eyes, preventing her from distinguishing what was said.

She was expressionless, saying nothing, just gazing calmly at Qiao Xi. She saw Qiao Xi stand up, come closer, and take her hand. Qiao Xi crouched down again. That hand felt clammy with cold sweat. Shen Ya looked down, wondering why Qiao Xi’s gaze was so determined.

Shen Ya saw Qiao Xi speak again, but why couldn’t she hear what Qiao Xi was saying? That fervent look was like a fire, as if it would melt her. Qiao Xi continued without stopping, speaking rapidly, but why were those words blocked by an invisible barrier before they reached her ears? She tried hard to listen, staring intently at Qiao Xi’s mouth, attempting to decipher the words being formed by those constantly moving lips.

The silver light outside the window shot into the sky repeatedly. The fireworks dyed the night sky with various colors. In the confined space, there were only her and Qiao Xi. She felt the other person’s rapid breathing, and the hand holding hers was gripping tighter.

Every word Qiao Xi spoke turned into a pink arrow, trying to pierce the barrier at Shen Ya’s ears. As she spoke more, the dullness in Shen Ya’s eyes faded. The moonlight outside, gradually blurred by smoke, seemed to leak into Shen Ya’s eyes.

“Teacher Shen!”

Shen Ya’s head moved slowly, like a rusted machine. Qiao Xi’s frequency of calling her name increased. Countless “Teacher Shen”s crashed into her ears. Those words rolled through her ear canals and into her body. When those words, like sugary sweet candies, knocked on the door of her heart, she suddenly realized how long she had been distracted.

Shen Ya remembered.

When the countdown clock chimed, and the fireworks ignited the new year, Qiao Xi held her hand across the table. With a burst of passion and undisguised affection in her eyes, fervent and sincere, her smile was sweeter than all the candies Shen Ya had ever tasted. This little sun, eyes full of deep feeling, stared into hers and said, word by word: “Teacher Shen, I like you. Can I be your girlfriend?”

In that instant, Shen Ya’s mind went blank. It was as if a mosquito was buzzing in her ear.

Her moment of distraction was noticed by Qiao Xi, who tightened her grip and continued to declare her feelings: “I want to be by Teacher Shen’s side forever. I want to spend every New Year’s Eve with Teacher Shen from now on. I want to raise Shiyi with Teacher Shen, and I want to jointly run our little home with Teacher Shen.”

“I am younger than Teacher Shen, but I can already support myself without relying on my family. While I lag far behind Teacher Shen in many respects now, I will work hard to catch up with Teacher Shen. I am a little liar, a little rascal, and a little troublemaker, but a little liar also speaks the truth, a little rascal just wants to stay by Teacher Shen’s side, and even if I am just a little troublemaker in Teacher Shen’s eyes, Teacher Shen…”

Qiao Xi released Shen Ya’s hand, stood up, crouched in front of Shen Ya again, and pulled Shen Ya’s hand to her chest. She was nervous but still pressing forward: “Can you feel that it’s beating for you too?”

Something in Shen Ya’s mind seemed to collapse with a boom. Qiao Xi’s admiration was like a raging tide, washing over her nerves and heart again and again. How could such a pure and genuine confession not move Shen Ya?

But the movement of her heart made her even calmer. The matter she worried about had still happened. She should have realized that Qiao Xi reserving her New Year’s Eve time so far in advance was for a major event. She could feel Qiao Xi’s sincerity and never doubted her truthfulness. The little sun was always so passionate, as if ready to cut open her heart to prove it.

But she didn’t know how long this sincerity could last. Had Qiao Xi seen all sides of her? What she displayed now was tailored to Qiao Xi’s preferences, but there were more unknown aspects of her that she had never revealed to Qiao Xi. The young little sun had just seen the vast world; could she truly keep her warmth forever?

Qiao Xi was excellent, but she herself was not ready. She didn’t want a fleeting relationship. She couldn’t bear to possess something only to lose it again. Qiao Xi’s feelings were vast and powerful, but because of this, she also felt the weighty responsibility and pressure that came with this love.

How much she wanted to say yes to Qiao Xi! But she was still lost right now. How could she protect her little sun?

Shen Ya knew clearly that if she said yes now, this relationship would not last. She was the one looking before leaping, and she was the one lacking courage. Qiao Xi’s passion would surely be slowly eroded by her repeated hesitations. She feared seeing Qiao Xi’s disappointed eyes, and she dreaded them drifting apart due to relationship problems.

Not being ready, what right did she have to accept this burning love?

“I’m sorry, Qiao Xi. I can’t say yes to you right now.”

Qiao Xi’s smile froze on her face. She had anticipated rejection, but only when it actually happened did she realize she couldn’t accept it at all.

Why?

Did Shen Ya not like her at all?

But she clearly felt that Shen Ya treated her differently. Expressions could be faked, but the emotion in one’s eyes, even if strongly concealed, would eventually show a little. She was sure Shen Ya held different feelings for her too, so why the refusal? Was there something she did wrong?

“Teacher Shen,” Qiao Xi clutched Shen Ya’s clothes. “Did I do something wrong? Or did I not make myself clear, making you still doubt my sincerity?”

“No, Qiao Xi.” One of Shen Ya’s hands rested on her face. Her gaze was gentler than the moonlight, but also carried unmistakable sadness. “I’m the one who isn’t ready. Your feelings are too pure and dazzling. I’m not ready to accept them yet. Give me some time, okay? Let’s calm down for a while. Perhaps we can see things more clearly.”

Qiao Xi’s hand gripping Shen Ya’s clothes tightened continuously. She wrinkled Shen Ya’s clothes tightly. Her eyes welled up with mist, but she didn’t want to use tears to pressure Shen Ya. She wanted Shen Ya’s genuine, heartfelt acceptance, not acceptance out of pity.

But she felt so unwilling. She wasn’t sure if Shen Ya’s words were meant to temporarily placate and stabilize her, or if she genuinely wanted time to think. Teacher Shen was older, yet less courageous than her. As long as they liked each other, couldn’t they be together? If they faced difficulties in the future, they could overcome them hand in hand. Why wouldn’t Teacher Shen give her a chance?

Qiao Xi stubbornly held back her tears. Today should be a happy day. She absolutely couldn’t cry. She still wanted to fight for it, but when she opened her mouth, she found she couldn’t make a sound. The words were all caught in her throat. She feared that if she spoke, the tears would fall first.

She lowered her head, like a dejected puppy, and quickly closed her eyes before she couldn’t hold back the tears. Looking on the bright side, Teacher Shen hadn’t completely rejected her. Perhaps the other person just wanted a little time to clearly consider their relationship.

Teacher Shen was older than her, so her thoughts and considerations would naturally be more numerous. She was still young; she could wait. As long as she wasn’t completely rejected, there was still a chance.

Qiao Xi searched for excuses to soothe her heart. It was New Year’s Eve; they should be happy. She bit her lip, and her other hand was gripping her palm tightly. She hoped the pain would restore her sanity and that she could manage to force a smile.

It was then that Shen Ya placed her palm on Qiao Xi’s head, her voice as gentle as a light breeze: “I’m sorry, Qiao Xi.”

Qiao Xi, who had just managed to hold back, suddenly burst open. Tears streamed down her face, yet she gritted her teeth, not making a sound. She didn’t want to add pressure on Shen Ya, but Teacher Shen was breaking the rules. How could she be so gentle at a time like this?

Shen Ya clearly had feelings for her. Why did she still have to wait? She really wanted to be stubborn and demand they be together, but…

She just couldn’t do it!

The fireworks outside had ended at some point, leaving only thick white smoke obscuring the city, just like Qiao Xi’s heart, which was now shrouded in a layer of oppressive and impenetrable thick fog.

‘Knock knock~’

A knock sounded at the door. Qiao Xi, like a startled rabbit, immediately stood up. She turned her back to Shen Ya, wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, controlled her voice, and said, “Come in.”

A waiter entered, pushing a small cart with two plates of dessert. The woman smiled politely and said to them: “I apologize for the interruption. This is complimentary strawberry mousse to celebrate the New Year.”

Qiao Xi rubbed her nose and forced a faint smile: “Thank you.”

The waiter placed the desserts on the table for them and said, “Enjoy,” before quickly leaving.

The previous sad atmosphere was interrupted, but now it was somewhat awkward. Qiao Xi didn’t know what expression to wear when facing Shen Ya, so she didn’t dare to look at her.

Turning around, she avoided Shen Ya’s gaze, managing only a strained, fake smile: “Th-Then let’s try it.”

Qiao Xi returned to her seat, keeping her head lowered. She picked up a small spoon and dug a scoop into her mouth. The strawberry mousse was clearly sweet, but why did it taste so bitter in her mouth?

Silence filled the private room. Only the occasional clink of Qiao Xi’s spoon against the edge of the white plate broke the quiet.

Watching Qiao Xi lose her usual vibrancy, Shen Ya felt uneasy, but she suppressed her impulse. Her nature was cool and indifferent; she should have let Qiao Xi see her ruthless side earlier. Could Qiao Xi still like her like this?

Seeing Qiao Xi finish all her mousse, Shen Ya thought for a moment and pushed her own portion toward Qiao Xi. But Qiao Xi didn’t even look at it, only put down her spoon and wiped her mouth with a napkin.

Was Qiao Xi angry with her?

That’s fine. Qiao Xi should be angry. It was her fault after all. Anger was better than bottling up emotions. Shen Ya checked her phone. It was getting late. She said, “Shall we go back?”

Qiao Xi nodded. She picked up her bag and stood up, for the first time not proactively approaching Shen Ya but maintaining a one-person distance. She still didn’t look at Shen Ya, only turning her head to say: “I’m going back to my mom’s place tonight. I have to go out tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Shen Ya knew this was just an excuse, because Qiao Xi had explicitly told her that she could stay by her side for the three days of New Year’s Eve. However, since she was the one who refused Qiao Xi first, she had to accept Qiao Xi’s change in mood.

Yet, having grown accustomed to the little sun’s initiative and warmth, the sudden emptiness beside her made her heart ache.

Qiao Xi didn’t speak another word to her until they left the restaurant.

“You drive the car back.” Shen Ya took out the keys from her bag, intending to hand them to Qiao Xi.

Qiao Xi didn’t take them. She stepped back and cast a sorrowful glance, then said curtly: “Teacher Shen is already trying to distance herself from me so quickly.”

“I…” Shen Ya’s hand holding the keys hovered in the air. She shook her head, showing a hint of bitterness and helplessness: “I’m not.”

“Then I’m leaving. My ride has arrived. Teacher Shen, please be safe on your way home. I’ll let Teacher Shen know when I get home safely, and if Teacher Shen is willing, please let me know you’re safe too.”

After saying this, Qiao Xi walked around Shen Ya toward the roadside, but Shen Ya still followed her: “I’ll see you into the car.”

“Teacher Shen.” Qiao Xi stopped. She didn’t turn around, her voice becoming notably calm: “I’m not a child anymore. I can take care of myself. It’s just a rejected confession. It’s not a big deal. I anticipated this result when I made the decision. I don’t know what Teacher Shen is worried about, and I don’t know why Teacher Shen can’t be brave just once. Since you need time to think, I can give Teacher Shen that time. One rejection won’t easily defeat me. If it doesn’t work this time, there’s always next time. Since childhood, I’ve always relied on myself to get what I want. I believe that one day, Teacher Shen will understand my feelings, and also understand your own feelings.”

“…Qiao Xi.”

“I’m leaving.” Qiao Xi took two steps forward, then suddenly stopped. She tightened the strap of her backpack and took a deep breath. Finally, she turned around and ran back toward Shen Ya.

Qiao Xi opened her arms and hugged Shen Ya. She lifted her head, her lips curving upward. Her usual warm smile returned to her face: “Teacher Shen, Happy New Year. This hug is just a friend’s blessing.”

With that, Qiao Xi released her grip and quickly took two steps back, putting distance between them. She raised her right hand and waved her arm, just as she used to say goodbye to Shen Ya at school: “Goodbye, Teacher Shen.”

This time, Qiao Xi turned decisively. She didn’t linger or look back, quickly melting into the crowd.

Shen Ya stood in place, unable to recover for a long time. When Qiao Xi ran towards her, that warmth returned to her. That sentence was sweeter than preserved fruit. She raised her hand to cover her chest. When Qiao Xi released her and drew away, her heart began to ache.

When that final “goodbye” left Qiao Xi’s lips, she almost felt like she would never see Qiao Xi again.

She strained her eyes, trying to follow Qiao Xi, but in the blink of an eye, she could no longer find Qiao Xi in the crowd. In this moment, she realized that something seemed to be disappearing from her life.

Was her refusal tonight right or wrong?

The passing crowd no longer contained her little sun. The path ahead turned gray again. Shen Ya stumbled forward, trying to find a way out without the guidance of light.

The wind swept her long hair. The icy north wind was like a knife, easily slicing through skin. The cold had turned into shards of ice, pouring into her collar. Only the blue diamond necklace on her neck still emitted a faint glow, attempting to help her withstand the wind and frost.