Save That Miserable Protagonist - Chapter 22

The day Grandma passed away was stormy, but unexpectedly, the seventh day—the day of the initial memorial visit to her grave turned out to be a rare, clear day.

The continuous rainy season that had lasted for nearly half a month finally came to a halt. After being washed by the heavy storms, the sky took on an extremely clean, azure blue. The sunlight poured down almost without reservation, carrying the unique warmth of early autumn.

However, this warmth felt particularly jarring at this moment. Pei Tingsong remained silent the entire way. Since Grandma’s passing, he had become like a marionette.

For these past few days, he had been in a state of having lost his soul. Grandma’s funeral affairs were handled almost entirely by Lu Xun. He contacted the funeral parlor, selected the cemetery, and dealt with various tedious procedures. Lu Xun arranged everything in an orderly fashion, requiring only a signature from Pei Tingsong.

Pei Tingsong did whatever Lu Xun told him to do, neither initiating nor resisting. If Lu Xun did not remind him, Pei Tingsong could sit on a bench for an entire day without eating or drinking. This state left Lu Xun exceptionally worried.

He had tried coaxing him with soft words and had tried accompanying him in silence, but Pei Tingsong remained like a pool of stagnant water, without a single ripple.

Today was the same. The two of them arrived at Grandma’s tombstone in silence.

Squatting down gently, Pei Tingsong placed the cluster of small white chrysanthemums in his hand onto the ground. Then, he stared expressionlessly at the tombstone. As his fingertips lightly brushed against the stone, he remained silent throughout.

Seeing him like this, the frustration and heartache that had accumulated in Lu Xun’s heart for days suddenly surged to a peak. His suppressed emotions finally erupted. Lu Xun took a step forward, pointed at the tombstone, and shouted, “Pei Tingsong, how much longer are you going to stay like this?”

Because he was so agitated, Lu Xun’s voice sounded almost sharp. He had never used this tone with Pei Tingsong before. Upon hearing those words, Pei Tingsong’s body stiffened for a moment, but he still did not look back.

Lu Xun’s voice continued, his sharp tone filled with heartache. “Not eating, not drinking, and not talking, just like a robot! Is this the happiness that you promised Grandma?”

Taking a few steps forward to circle around in front of Pei Tingsong, Lu Xun blocked out the piercing sunlight and continued, “Look at yourself right now! If Grandma sees you like this from heaven, do you think she can rest in peace?”

As the last sentence fell, Pei Tingsong jerked his head up. His eyes, which had been devoid of emotion, instantly became crystal clear as large teardrops gathered in them. He choked back his tears and said, “Shut up!”

His voice, having not been used for too long, was hoarse and dry. As he spoke, tears rolled down his cheeks. “What do you know?”

“I do not know? I do not understand the bond between you two!” Reaching out to grab Pei Tingsong’s wrist, Lu Xun pulled him toward the tombstone and roared, “But I know that the living have to keep moving forward! I know what it means to cherish yourself! Look at yourself, Pei Tingsong! Look at yourself in front of Grandma! Look at what you have turned yourself into!”

“So what?” Vehemently shaking off Lu Xun’s hand, Pei Tingsong’s emotions were so intense that his entire body trembled slightly. “I do not have a family anymore! I do not have a single relative left! I studied so hard because I wanted Grandma to live a good life, but she is gone! She is gone! All my hard work over the years has been for nothing! I am all that is left; I do not even have a reason to study anymore! Who am I supposed to cherish myself for? Where can I even go if I move forward?”

By the end, Pei Tingsong was practically screaming. The despair and helplessness accumulated over several days finally poured out in this moment.

“You still have me!” Looking at Pei Tingsong’s bloodshot eyes, Lu Xun shouted back without the slightest hesitation. His voice even drowned out Pei Tingsong’s, carrying a tone of ironclad determination. “I said I would stay with you! I will stay with you for a lifetime! Do you think my words are just nonsense?”

The moment those words were spoken, Pei Tingsong’s tears burst from his eyes without warning. He froze in place, his only movement being the continuous stream of large tears proving the depth of his emotion. This was followed by uncontrollable sobbing.

Seeing that Pei Tingsong had finally started to cry, the fire in Lu Xun’s chest was instantly extinguished, leaving only dense, aching heartache.

Taking a deep breath, Lu Xun’s tone softened. Placing his hand gently on Pei Tingsong’s shoulder, he coaxed him carefully, “It is okay, let it out. You will feel better if you cry. Do not hold it in.”

Moving his palm along the back of Pei Tingsong’s neck, Lu Xun finally cupped his face, wiping away the tears bit by bit. He chose his words carefully. “Grandma wanted you to be happy. She did not want you to forget her; she wanted you to live well on her behalf. Seeing you like this, imagine how much it would hurt her.”

Hearing this, Pei Tingsong could no longer hold himself up and collapsed into a squat. Burying his face deep into his knees, his shoulders shook violently. The long-suppressed weeping finally broke out in intermittent sobs, sounding like a wounded little animal.

Seeing him like this, Lu Xun did not speak further. He simply squatted down quietly beside him. Leaning his shoulder in to support Pei Tingsong’s trembling body, Lu Xun reached out and patted his back rhythmically.

Lu Xun knew in his heart that this kind of comfort was actually futile. Pain is a loathsome thing; it can be infectious, but it cannot be shared. Looking at Pei Tingsong, Lu Xun’s heart was also aching, but the pain he felt because of Pei Tingsong could not lessen the other’s pain in the slightest.

Yet, he could not do nothing. Even if it was just a light pat on the back, Lu Xun wanted to convey a message, the message that it is okay and he will always be with him.

The midday sun was bright, casting a warm glow on the two young figures huddled in front of the tombstone. The sound of the wind passed gently through the trees, creating a rustling noise. After an unknown amount of time, Pei Tingsong’s crying gradually subsided, leaving only a few faint whimpers.

He raised his head, tear streaks crisscrossing his face in a mess, but his eyes had brightened with his usual resilience. Pulling a pack of tissues from his pocket, Lu Xun silently handed them to Pei Tingsong.

Taking the tissue, Pei Tingsong wiped his face haphazardly. His voice was heavy with a nasal tone and hoarseness. “Just now, I am sorry.”

Hearing this, Lu Xun sighed softly. “Why are you saying sorry to me? Just now, I was too harsh.”

“No, you were right.” Shaking his head slightly, Pei Tingsong turned his gaze back to Grandma’s tombstone. His voice was very soft as he said, “I understand now.”

He understood that he had to move forward. He understood that he had to cherish himself. He understood that he was not alone.

Thinking of this, the words Grandma said before she passed away suddenly echoed in his mind without warning: “No matter if you are alone in the future or if you live with some good child, you must be happy. Our Tingting is so handsome and kind-hearted; you are a match for anyone.”

At the time, he thought these words were just Grandma’s usual nagging. But at this moment, it suddenly dawned on him. Grandma had seen through everything. She saw the feelings that he had not even figured out himself. She saw how special Lu Xun was, and she saw the indefinable connection between them.

But Grandma had not asked anything. She saw it all, but she said nothing. Her only wish was for Pei Tingsong to be happy.

At this thought, a massive wave of bitterness flooded his nose. Pei Tingsong’s vision blurred instantly. Warm liquid gathered in his eyes in large drops, and his small eyes could not hold so much emotion. Finally, the tears broke through the dam.

Lu Xun, who had been standing quietly behind him, keenly captured that instant burst of emotion. Seeing this, he said nothing, only reaching out to lightly touch Pei Tingsong’s cold wrist. The touch was fleeting, like a feather brushing past, carrying wordless comfort.

Then, Lu Xun withdrew his hand and turned away without a word. He walked back toward the cemetery entrance, one step at a time along the bluestone path they had come from. He knew that Pei Tingsong needed to be alone with Grandma for a while.

Hearing the sound behind him, Pei Tingsong did not look back. He knew Lu Xun understood his need for privacy to deal with these surging emotions. This quiet thoughtfulness almost made him lose control of his tears again.

The tears fell silently, drop after drop, hitting the stone path below and quickly blooming into dark patterns. Pei Tingsong cried silently, without making a sound, simply letting the tears flow as if to release all the suppression, regret, and longing of the past few days, along with the feelings he had only just understood.

Nearby, the warm sunlight shone on his back, dispelling the usual chill of the cemetery. A breeze blew through the surrounding pines and cypresses, making a soft rustle that seemed to wrap around him. The wind gently lifted his hair like a tender sigh, as if Grandma were using the breeze to give him a soft embrace.

Because of this wind, the torrent of tears finally seemed to stop. The suffocating feeling in his chest eased slightly. Raising his hand, Pei Tingsong wiped his face roughly with his sleeve.

Taking a deep breath, a large amount of fresh air mixed with the scent of grass and earth flooded his lungs. He looked at Grandma’s tombstone again, looking at the cluster of small white chrysanthemums blooming quietly in the sun.

He felt as though Grandma was smiling at him. So, twitching the corners of his mouth, Pei Tingsong tried his best to give Grandma a smile in return.

Lu Xun was right. Grandma certainly would not want to see him like this. He had to live a happy and joyful life, just as she expected. He was handsome and kind-hearted; he was a match for anyone. He would live better than anyone.

Standing up, he took one last look at the tombstone, then turned and walked toward Lu Xun.

Lu Xun was halfway down the mountain. Perhaps because he was worried, Pei Tingsong only had to walk a few steps down before he saw Lu Xun peeking back up toward him.

Seeing this, Pei Tingsong finally showed his first sincere smile in days.

He had arrived with a heart full of desolation, but now, looking at Lu Xun’s small figure beginning to hide back away, Pei Tingsong felt that he was not so lonely after all.

The sorrow was still there, but it seemed he could now move forward, carrying that sorrow with him.