Resisting Arranged Marriages: Starting with Myself - Chapter 28

At four in the morning, amidst the boundless night and the whistling cold wind, Ye Jiming stood on the balcony and silently lit a cigarette.

The flame flashed, followed by curls of white smoke rising as the scent of tobacco drifted through the air. He brought the cigarette to his lips and took a slow drag. The smoke rolled through his lungs before being exhaled slowly, vanishing into the darkness. After only that one puff, he held the cigarette between his fingertips and rested his hand on the balcony railing, letting the weak spark flicker in the cold wind.

The arguments at the company, the clamor of the bar, and the chaos of the midnight hour all receded like an ebbing tide at this moment. His world had not been this quiet for a long time. In this freezing silence, every heart-wrenching word was magnified a million times, lingering in his mind until every sentence felt like a bloody wound.

Three hours ago, when he found Le Xiao in the bar, he expected to see him unconscious from drink or acting like a silly drunk. He thought Le Xiao might have fallen asleep on the spot, or would cling to him without letting go, or would mumble unintelligible nonsense. He never expected to hear those decisive, resonant words: “I want a divorce.”

His world was instantly shattered by those four words, leading to a total collapse of his reality. He did not even know how he managed to maintain a flawless smile after that moment of despair. Under the doubtful and worried gazes of the crowd, he had simply picked up Le Xiao as if nothing were wrong and walked away.

Le Xiao lay in his arms, his hand unconsciously clutching Ye Jiming’s collar like an infant, making meaningless humming sounds. Ye Jiming placed Le Xiao steadily in the back seat and fastened the seatbelt. A second later, Le Xiao’s head tilted, and he fell unconscious against the cold leather seat.

Ye Jiming drove steadily, eyes fixed straight ahead, remaining silent the entire time. Only his knuckles, turning white and blue as he gripped the steering wheel, betrayed his thoughts. In the back, Le Xiao remained oblivious, shifting restlessly and occasionally murmuring Xiang Nan’s name.

After the car stopped, Le Xiao hung on him like a large koala as he was carried home. Upon entering the house, Le Xiao immediately rushed to the bathroom and began to vomit, retching so violently it seemed as if he would bring up his own bile. Ye Jiming knelt beside him, gently stroking his back with warm water ready for him to rinse his mouth.

It was only after vomiting until his eyes were red and filled with tears that Le Xiao finally felt his stomach settle. He sat on the bathroom floor, gasping for air. Ye Jiming carefully cupped Le Xiao’s face, tilting his chin up slightly to help him rinse his mouth. After cleaning up the mess, he carried Le Xiao to bed. However, as he set him down, Le Xiao grabbed the hem of his clothes.

“Do not go.”

Ye Jiming froze in place, not daring to move. Yet, the next sentence shattered the hope that had just risen within him.

“Nan Nan, do not go. Stay with me.”

Ye Jiming stood there in a daze for two seconds before turning back to the bedside. He took Le Xiao’s hand and comforted him in a soft voice, “I am not leaving. I am right here.”

Le Xiao closed his eyes and began to whimper like a kitten, nuzzling his head into the crook of Ye Jiming’s neck while muttering, “Nan Nan, do you think I should get a divorce?”

He had returned to that heart-stabbing question. Ye Jiming suddenly felt a desperate urge to use Xiang Nan’s identity to tell Le Xiao: Do not divorce, absolutely do not divorce.

Baby, I hurt your heart and made you suffer so much. You can do anything to me, but please, do not divorce me.

I can work from home, I can be on call twenty four hours a day, I can be by your side every moment, and I can accompany you in everything you want to do. Just please, do not divorce me.

I beg of you.

But he did not. He could not use Xiang Nan’s mouth to speak Ye Jiming’s inner thoughts, nor could he use Xiang Nan’s identity to influence Le Xiao’s decision. He simply stroked Le Xiao’s hair and asked in a low voice, “Does Xiao Xiao really want a divorce?”

“I do,” Le Xiao said, clearly mistaking him entirely for Xiang Nan. “Did we not agree on this long ago? Were you not in favor of my divorce from the beginning?”

“Yes,” Ye Jiming smiled, a smile filled with indescribable bitterness. “So, has Xiao Xiao decided now? Are you still insisting on a divorce?”

Like a puppy hearing the words “go out to play,” Le Xiao began to nod vigorously in his arms, reasserting loudly, “I want a divorce!” He then wrapped his arms around Ye Jiming’s waist, swaying restlessly as if he were a human pillow. “But what about my parents? What should I tell them? And Ye Jiming, how can I make him agree to the divorce?”

“It will be easy to say,” Ye Jiming patted his back gently. “Go to sleep. I will go talk to him for you.”

“I promise that by the time you wake up tomorrow, everything on Ye Jiming’s side will be settled.”

“Hehe, I knew you were the best!” Le Xiao smiled foolishly and pinched Ye Jiming’s cheek. “Thank you, Nan Nan.” With that, he flopped back onto the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

Seeing that Le Xiao was completely asleep, Ye Jiming finally seemed to shed his armor. He walked dejectedly to the balcony and lit a cigarette. As the scent of tar and nicotine entered his nostrils, he slowly closed his eyes. Every word he had heard felt like an inescapable haze circling in his mind.

“Do you not think that staying at the company for long periods and leaving your partner alone at home is a form of torture?”

“I want a divorce.”

“If you continue like this, love is nothing more than a way to torment your lover.”

“I do. Did we not agree on this long ago? Were you not in favor of my divorce from the beginning?”

“If you cannot fulfill your promises, then what is the point of making them?”

“I want a divorce!”

“What right do you have to say you love him?”

“And Ye Jiming, how can I make him agree to the divorce?”

I want a divorce, I want a divorce, I want a divorce.

The cigarette burned to its end, and the flame singed his finger. He flinched instinctively from the burn and pressed the butt out against the railing. Their marriage felt like this finished cigarette; it had reached its end unnoticed, turning into a formless wisp of ash.

What had happened to them? How did he let things get to this point? He was once full of confidence, believing they possessed something unique and extraordinary. He thought he and Le Xiao were absolutely perfect for each other and would grow old together.

In the end, it had come to this mess. The relationship he thought was sweet and happy had developed a chasm, and the person he thought would stay for a lifetime had said “divorce” with such conviction. It was unbelievable that they would reach such a conclusion. If they divorced now, was there any hope for reconciliation?

Or perhaps “reconciliation” did not exist at all. Their marriage was nothing more than a complete farce. Maybe from start to finish, it was only his own wishful thinking and the inescapable cage the family had placed on Le Xiao. From the beginning, Le Xiao had never been willing to marry him. What right did he have now to beg and cling to Le Xiao, and how could he clip his wings to domesticate him into a submissive canary in a cage?

Le Xiao should have his own freedom, his own love, and his own happiness. He was meant to be an eagle soaring in the blue sky.

Ye Jiming stared into the boundless night. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box; the deep blue velvet felt soft and comfortable. The lid popped open with a click, revealing a sparkling diamond ring.

Under the cold white light of the balcony, the large diamond reflected a dazzling brilliance, as if all the light of the morning star had fallen into this tiny box. The light hit every precisely cut facet, refracting, dispersing, and recombining countless times, bursting into bright white flames within the small crystal. With the slight movement of the box, the light seemed to flow with substance, blooming into brilliant rainbows that were almost blinding.

Small diamonds were set around the main stone like scattered stars or a burning galaxy, catching the light of the main diamond and silently revolving around it. The silver band was as smooth as a mirror, and the inner circle was engraved with a line of script: Lx and Yjm 04130902.

Ye Jiming stared at the sparkling ring for a long time before closing the lid again. How did they reach this point? He was, after all, one step too late.

His body felt as if it were filled with lead and flowing with heavy mercury. The mercury filled every gap in his bones, pulling his flesh downward as if it were about to be stripped from his skeleton. His bones felt like dumbbells, making it nearly impossible for him to support his own weight. Every muscle weighed a thousand pounds, rendering him unable to move. He gripped the railing stiffly, remaining silent in the night for a long time.

His eyes shifted back to the ring box in his hand. Using the last of his strength, he opened the box again, stared silently at the brilliant ring, and then closed it. He repeated this over and over like an untiring robot.

It was not until the darkness faded and the east turned white that Ye Jiming seemed to finally come to his senses. He moved his limbs, which had grown stiff from the cold winter air, closed the ring box for the final time, placed it carefully in his inner pocket, and turned to go inside.

He sat in the study for several hours. A man who rarely smoked had emptied an entire pack in just a few hours, filling the room with smoke. After cleaning up the remains of his time in the study and washing away the scent of smoke and cold, he returned to the bedroom and sat by the bed, quietly gazing at Le Xiao’s sleeping face.

It was not until the afternoon that Le Xiao finally woke up.

The moment he opened his eyes, he saw the man sitting quietly by the bed. He saw the bloodshot eyes and the dark circles that could not be washed away. He looked directly into those tired yet still deep eyes. His brain was not yet fully awake, but his hoarse voice spoke first, “Why are you still here?”

It felt like a needle pricking his heart. Ye Jiming gave a painful smile and avoided the question. “Do you still feel unwell? Drink this honey water.” He handed over the glass that was still warm.

Le Xiao took the cup and drank it all. The glass was set down heavily, making a thumping sound against the wooden nightstand. For a while, the former lovers looked at each other in silence; only a long stillness remained in the cold bedroom.

Ye Jiming was the first to move, breaking the deathly silence. He moved a few steps to kneel half beside Le Xiao, gently taking the hand Le Xiao had placed on the quilt.

“Xiao Xiao, you were drunk last night. Do you remember?”

Le Xiao nodded and then shook his head. He truly did not remember much. He only remembered that toward the end, taking advantage of Xiang Nan’s absence, he had gulped down bottle after bottle of alcohol. He also remembered Xiang Nan asking if he really wanted a divorce.

He had said yes.

He remembered nothing after that. He had forgotten how he got home, how he washed up, and how he got into bed.

“Then I am asking you formally now: Do you still want a divorce?”

How did he know about the divorce?

Le Xiao was startled. While his face remained calm, his brow quirked uncontrollably. He truly could not understand how his secret had been so clearly seen by Ye Jiming. By some strange coincidence, the word slipped out of Le Xiao’s mouth: “Yes.”

The smile on the man’s face froze for a moment, and his movements became sluggish. As if unwilling to give up, he asked once more, “Xiao Xiao, do you really want a divorce?”

“Yes!” He suddenly began to act out of spite.

What difference did it make? Regardless of whether he said yes or no, would the end result not be an apology and a reconciliation? Was it possible that Ye Jiming would actually let him choose and agree to the divorce?

“I said I want a divorce. Did you hear me clearly? I want a divorce!” He spoke loudly with puffed cheeks.

What is the point? He sneered in his heart. He could almost guess the next part of the plot. Ye Jiming would hold his hand and apologize over and over, begging him not to divorce. He might soften and agree to make up, leading to hugs, kisses, and intimacy. Or perhaps he would continue to act cold, lose his temper, or make a scene, while Ye Jiming would comfort and persuade him, apologizing repeatedly until he changed his mind and they were back to how they were before.

Since there were only these two outcomes, what did it matter if he said he wanted to leave?

As Ye Jiming listened to the decisive answer, his forced smile completely vanished, melting into a deep, rainy sadness.

“I want a divorce.” These four words were like a massive hammer smashing into his heart, shattering it into bloody fragments.

It turned out he had already hurt him so deeply. It turned out that nothing said the night before was the nonsense of a drunk; rather, every word was a heartfelt truth spoken under the influence of alcohol.

He let out a heavy sigh in his heart and pulled two items from his pocket.

There was the deep blue velvet ring box and a stack of neatly folded white papers. He opened the ring box first, and the brilliant diamond ring left Le Xiao speechless with shock. Then, he slowly unfolded the white papers as if he were opening a death sentence.

On the white paper, the black words of the title were strikingly prominent and shocking to the eye.

Divorce Agreement.

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