Resisting Arranged Marriages: Starting with Myself - Chapter 26

Ye Jiming clearly felt the person in his arms grow stiff. Le Xiao no longer responded with his usual warmth. Gently stroking his back, Ye Jiming asked, “What is wrong? Are you tired?”

“No,” a voice muffled by the sweater replied, though it could not hide the raspiness.

Ye Jiming grew suspicious. He stepped back, gripping Le Xiao’s arms to look at his face. “Why is your voice so hoarse?”

“It is nothing,” Le Xiao said, lowering his head to avoid his gaze. “I caught a cold these past two days.”

“A cold?” Ye Jiming asked with some doubt. “Are you wearing too little at home? You should turn up the heating from now on, do you understand?”

“Let us eat,” he said, taking Le Xiao by the wrist. “I managed to get off work on time for once. Look, I think these are all your favorites.”

Indeed, three dishes and a soup were already set on the dining table, with curls of steam still rising from them. They were all home-cooked meals: stir-fried eggs with tomatoes, braised fish, sautéed cabbage, and corn and pork rib soup. Although simple, they were full of color, aroma, and taste, enough to whet anyone’s appetite.

In the past, every one of these dishes was a favorite of Le Xiao. He would have stood on his tiptoes to kiss Ye Jiming’s lips, saying how good it smelled. Then, he would have done him the honor of eating a whole bowl of rice and clearing the table until his little stomach was round, playfully baring his teeth at Ye Jiming.

Instead, he only gave the food a glance and a simple “Mhm.” He sat at the opposite end of the table and began silently pushing rice into his mouth.

Whether it was due to his heat, the side effects of the medication, or some other reason, the once-inviting food had lost its appeal. It tasted like chewing wax, completely devoid of flavor.

Watching him eat small bites from the other side of the table, Ye Jiming felt his heart sink for no reason, like a sponge soaked in water dripping with sourness.

“What is wrong today? You are eating more delicately than a kitten,” he said, forcing a casual smile. “Is it not good?”

“No,” Le Xiao paused his movements. He then slowly reached out with his chopsticks to pick up a leaf of cabbage, seemingly to prove his point.

Looking at his actions, Ye Jiming suddenly realized that since he had entered the house today, Le Xiao had not made any eye contact with him at all. This was far too abnormal.

“Xiao Xiao,” Ye Jiming started, but after a long pause, he did not know what else to say. He had not spoken to Le Xiao for a very long time. He did not even know what his partner had been doing or thinking lately.

Hearing his name called, Le Xiao finally reacted. He stopped pushing the rice around and sat quietly for a long time, as if making a monumental decision. Then, he looked up to meet Ye Jiming’s gaze and asked, “Are you going to the company tomorrow?”

His voice was so soft that Ye Jiming almost thought it was a mumble from a dream.

“I have to go,” Ye Jiming said truthfully.

“Do you have to keep working overtime every day?”

“For a while longer,” Ye Jiming quickly added. “It will not be much longer. The issue is almost resolved. Once this project is officially finalized, I will not need to work overtime anymore.”

“I see.” No emotion could be heard in Le Xiao’s voice. He lowered his head again and began taking small bites of rice, swallowing the rest of his words along with the food.

Is that true? But I do not think I believe you anymore.

The question sat on the tip of Ye Jiming’s tongue as he weighed it several times. Finally, he asked, “Xiao Xiao, what is really going on with you today? Did something happen?”

Hearing this, Le Xiao’s movements stiffened. Like a machine with severe lag, it took a long while before he slowly shook his head.

“I might just be too tired. I took some cold medicine and feel a bit sleepy.” He put down his bowl and chopsticks and stood up to head upstairs, drifting like a ghost devoid of emotion.

Ye Jiming sat stunned in his seat, watching his back. He actually sensed a hint of indifference and loneliness. His gaze fell upon the rice bowl that had just been touched. It was still a full bowl of rice with no visible change. Even if a kitten had licked it twice, there would have been more progress than this.

Le Xiao lay on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. The excuse of being “tired and sleepy” was not entirely fabricated. Influenced by both the side effects of the medication he received at the hospital and his heat, he felt both hot and cold. While a fire seemed to burn in his chest and abdomen, his limbs were as cold as ice. His whole body shivered slightly, forcing him to wrap himself tightly in the thick duvet.

His eyelids felt heavy, yet his consciousness was incredibly clear. He closed his eyes and turned over to rest.

A moment later, the sound of footsteps came from the stairs. The bedroom door was pushed open quietly, and the warm yellow light from the hallway spilled into the dark room, outlining Ye Jiming’s tall figure.

There was a rustling sound as he undressed and got into bed. Seeing Le Xiao move, he knew he was not yet asleep. He patted Le Xiao’s back like he was soothing an infant. “If you are sleepy, go to sleep. You need more rest when you have a cold.”

His body slowly leaned closer. His arm slid under Le Xiao’s to hold him by the waist. His warm chest was pressed against Le Xiao’s back, and every rise and fall of his breath could be felt clearly. His chin rested on Le Xiao’s shoulder as he inhaled the mint-scented pheromones. His own gland was only inches away from Le Xiao. The scent of cedar poured continuously into Le Xiao’s respiratory tract, and the surging pheromones in his body gradually calmed down, like a tranquil sea after a storm.

His body was soothed, but his heart began to throb with pain. Le Xiao bit his lower lip hard, holding back a single teardrop.

When he woke up the next morning, as expected, he was the only one left in the house. He was no longer surprised. The waves of displeasure, disappointment, and longing that used to appear were now completely wiped away. He could no longer feel any emotion.

His limbs were stiff. He stared vacantly at the ceiling, his eyes hollow and lifeless, like a corpse or a specimen. His heart felt as if a piece was missing, like ruins after an earthquake. His mind was muddled. He did not know what to do or think. It was as if he had regressed overnight into an unawakened child, yet he could not even feel the purest joys and sorrows that a child possesses.

The greatest sorrow is the death of the heart. So this was what that meant.

He lay in bed all day, watching the sun sink lower outside the window until the light faded and the room grew cold. From day to night, he was always the only person in this cavernous house. He listened to the sound of his own breathing, yet he began to wonder if he was truly alive or perhaps caught in a dream from which he could not wake.

He did not know how he fell asleep that night, or if he even slept at all. His consciousness drifted on the border of wakefulness. His mind was in a trance, unable to distinguish between reality and illusion.

It was not until the next day, when the helper came to do the housework, that the house felt a bit more human. A knock sounded at the door, and then the helper entered the master bedroom carrying a bowl of milky-white fish soup. “Mr. Le, you have not eaten yet. You must be hungry, right?”

Le Xiao sluggishly picked up his phone to check the time, only to realize it was already noon.

“I am fine,” he said, giving the helper a forced smile. “I have a cold and no appetite.”

“I know, Mr. Ye told me.” The helper placed the fish soup on the nightstand and gently patted Le Xiao’s hand. “Eat a little, at least. Otherwise, how will you have the strength to recover?”

“I saw that the meals Mr. Ye left yesterday are still in the refrigerator?” she said hesitantly. “Mr. Le, did you go the whole day yesterday without eating? That is too hard on your body!”

Le Xiao smiled faintly but did not answer directly. He only said, “Throw it away.”

“Ah,” the helper was confused. Her instinct was to lament the wasted food. She was about to say that cooked dishes kept in the fridge do not spoil easily, but when she saw Le Xiao’s pale, sickly face, she swallowed her words. She gave a few awkward instructions and then quietly left the room. Silence returned instantly.

Le Xiao glanced at the steaming fish soup on the nightstand, but he had no desire to eat. He picked it up and took a symbolic sip. He could tell immediately: the fish was not his favorite kind, it had not been pan-fried, there were no scallops in the broth, only tofu had been added, and there were too many green onions floating in the bowl.

This was not fish soup made by Ye Jiming, nor was it the flavor he liked. Ordinarily, he would not have finished it. However, looking at this clearly “unauthentic” fish soup, he acted as if he were punishing himself. He endured the waves of protest in his throat and drank it all in one go.

On the third day, Le Xiao finally got out of bed, but he was like a puppet with no one to move him. He often sat in the same spot for hours. He did not want to eat, sleep, write songs, look at his phone, or go out. Life had become a black-and-white silent film, stripped of all vivid color and joy.

Was this what being brokenhearted felt like? Such a ridiculous, one-sided heartbreak. The “love” he had lost was still in the dark, foolishly believing that everything was perfect. He could not see the cracks in their relationship, just as he could not see Le Xiao’s current sorrow.

How absurd, Le Xiao thought. Their relationship had started in a hurry and was ending even more haphazardly. It all felt like a grand dream. If he could return to the day they met, he might not choose to walk through that door at all.

On the evening of the fourth day, a ripple finally appeared in Le Xiao’s stagnant life. His phone began to vibrate regularly, successfully catching his attention. He picked it up and saw the caller ID was a friend from his band.

“Xiao Xiao!” He answered the phone and was immediately startled by the noisy crowd on the other end. He instinctively moved the phone away from his ear. “We are drinking! Are you coming?”

“Do not ask him to come!” Xiang Nan’s voice was in the background. “He has not recovered yet. Why should he drink?”

“Brother Nan is making a mountain out of a molehill. It was just a cold; he is fine now!” The speaker was the drummer. “Besides, if he stays cooped up at home every day, it would be a miracle if he got better!”

“That is right, Xiao Xiao, come out and play!” The bassist was a girl with a sweet voice. “I won the lottery today! Five hundred yuan! My treat, come quickly!”

The background was immediately filled with voices echoing her, loudly shouting for him to come. The voice on the other end changed back to Xiang Nan, who had likely snatched the phone back. He covered the mouthpiece and spoke softly amidst the bar’s clamor. “If you are not feeling well, forget it. We can do without you for one drink, you hear me?”

“I know.” Le Xiao listened quietly to the excitement on the other end and, for once, let out a smile. “It is fine. Send me the address. I am coming over now.”

For the first time in days, he finally felt as if he were coming back to life.

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