No One Ever Loved Me - Chapter 86

Maybe it was the way I smiled.

Ricardo, who had boldly crawled through a hole in the wall to sneak into the Queen’s palace, suddenly seemed tense.

He looked away, took a deep breath like he was trying to prepare himself, glanced back at me—then flinched as soon as our eyes met and dropped his gaze to the ground. He kept repeating the same motion.

It was the kind of behavior you’d expect from someone who didn’t want to face me.

Didn’t he say he liked me?

The thought came naturally, and so did the answer.

Ricardo didn’t want romantic love. What he wanted wasn’t the affection between a man and a woman—it was companionship, someone like him.

He offered loyalty, and in return, he asked me to become the queen of his world.

I’d already warned him once: we might be similar, but we were not the same.

Still… I understood. Ricardo had probably believed all his life that he was alone in the world, different from everyone else.

So when he found someone who felt even slightly familiar—someone who didn’t make him feel like an outsider—he didn’t want to let go.

But that desire to belong was the clearest sign that he and I were different at our core.

He was blinded by old loneliness and couldn’t see that.

Or maybe he chose not to.

Either way, the longer our connection lasted, the more cracks would start to show.

“Ricardo, do you actually know where we’re going?”

He had been leading me through the overgrown courtyard without saying a word, not even glancing back.

I let him guide me for a while, lost in thought. But if someone saw us like this, it could cause trouble.

Trouble? No, not really.

I was the Queen’s lady-in-waiting. If questioned, I could just say I’d gotten lost. That I was on my way to inform the Queen about a suspicious man in the courtyard. I could say I didn’t even know what he was doing here.

So the real issue wasn’t me—it was Ricardo.

Still, I reached up and pressed my hand against the uneasy beat in my chest.

I told myself I still needed him.

That was a lie.

A lie I kept repeating—not to someone else, but to myself.

“Don’t worry,” Ricardo said suddenly. “No one dares to come here. You’re safe.”

But since the lie was mine, I wasn’t fooled by it either.

Why am I like this?

Ricardo seemed to mistake my inner confusion for nervousness about being caught.

“I found the hole by accident. A dog hole in the Queen’s palace—can you believe it? I thought it might be useful to know, so I checked it out.”

He walked like someone who’d been through here before. He pushed aside tall weeds with ease, and when he saw a sharp rock in my path, he casually kicked it away.

“Lia, I thought I’d see you more often once you moved into the palace. But the Queen keeps making up excuses not to let you out. And what can I do? I have no power.”

Finally, Ricardo stopped and looked at me.

“Isabel and the Queen—they’re not easy to deal with. But you? You’ve managed to charm both of them completely.”

I hadn’t charmed anyone. If I really had that kind of ability, I would’ve escaped Edgar long ago.

“So that’s why you broke into the palace?”

“I go into withdrawal when I don’t see you for too long.”

He said it like a shy boy admitting to his first crush, cheeks flushed pink.

“Like I told you, I’m just a powerless bastard. I have to cheat sometimes.”

But what followed wasn’t as sweet as his smile.

“Sit down.”

Ricardo took off his coat and laid it over a dirty bench.

That’s when I looked around properly. The garden reminded me of Marchioness Federica’s. It wasn’t a maze, but the tall bushes made natural walls, and a bench sat under a wide tree.

If it had been taken care of, it would’ve been a peaceful place to rest.

“Here.”

Ricardo carefully adjusted the coat, making sure my dress wouldn’t touch the dirt.

He moved so close I could clearly see the focused look on his face.

It was almost like keeping my dress clean was the most important thing in the world.

And yet, Ricardo himself was a mess.

His pants, ruined from crawling through the hole, looked ready to be thrown out the moment he got back. But for someone like Ricardo, money wasn’t a concern. Clothes could be replaced.

I stared at him blankly as he fussed over the bench, even letting his hands get dirty to clean it.

“That’s enough. Just tell me where we are.”

He was so busy tidying up that he didn’t even notice a sharp branch scratch the back of his hand. I pulled him down to sit beside me.

“You’re filthy. Don’t touch me,” he muttered, stepping away when I reached for him.

“You can change your clothes. You can wash your hands. Stop making a big deal out of nothing and just sit.”

At my words, Ricardo lowered his head again.

His hand started to rise as if to cover his face—but then dropped again, maybe because of the mud.

I reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him to sit beside me.

“Two questions. First—where are we? Second—if the Queen didn’t allow you to come here, then you must have something important to tell me. What is it?”

Ricardo kept his eyes fixed on the tips of his shoes, but then gave a short nod.

Yes.

“The message first. Is it about Miss Elodie?”

The red finally faded from his cheeks, his skin returning to its usual color.

Good. At least he hadn’t forgotten why he came.

I didn’t know what had embarrassed him so much, but… I decided not to ask.

“It was stillborn.”

Ricardo delivered the news briefly, with no emotion.

He showed not the slightest hint of sympathy for the baby who never took a breath—and neither did I.

“Was it because of when she collapsed?”

“That’s what she believes.”

Whether it was true or not didn’t matter. If Elodie believed it, then that worked in my favor.

“That’s good news.”

I said it flatly, glancing sideways at Ricardo. At the same moment, he was sneaking a glance at me too, so we ended up looking each other in the eye.

I didn’t know what he saw on my face. But he smiled—brightly.

And strangely, I felt relieved by that smile.

“She started imagining that Edgar planned to harm the baby. I didn’t bother correcting her.”

“Good.”

I added, sensing from the look in Ricardo’s eyes that he wanted more from me.

“You did well.”

“Yeah.”

Ricardo’s expression lit up with pride.

“I handled it pretty well. Elodie, completely consumed by anger, is doing her best to recover. She even said she’s planning to return to the stage.”

That wasn’t bad.

If Elodie regained her popularity, public sympathy would grow. And the bigger her comeback, the faster Edgar would fall from grace.

“Her return needs to be flawless. Being backed by the bastard son of Duke Bastian isn’t enough.”

My sharp words didn’t seem to bother Ricardo.

“I’ll be settling things with him soon anyway.”

“You mean Duke Bastian himself, right?”

“Lia.”

Ricardo suddenly stood, then knelt on one knee in front of me.

“Everything I have belongs to you. Sadly, what I have right now isn’t worth much—it’s embarrassing. So…”

He spoke playfully, but there was sincerity in his eyes.

“What power do I have?”

He’d said those words earlier too.

“I need to raise my worth.”

This time, those words sounded different.

Earlier, I thought he was just complaining about being blocked by the Queen and Marchioness Federica. But now…

He had trespassed into the Queen’s palace when denied entry. And now, he was saying he intended to confront Duke Bastian head-on.

“Seems to me like you already have enough power.”

I said it, half-dazed. Ricardo just shrugged.

“There are four obstacles between you and me.”

I started counting on my fingers. The Queen and Marchioness Federica came to mind right away. But the other two weren’t as obvious.

“Oh, right. Edgar.”

I folded down a third finger. But Ricardo shook his head and reached out, lifting that finger back up.

“He’s not an obstacle.”

“Then what is he?”

Ricardo picked up a small rock near his foot, tossed it in the air a few times, then threw it far away.

So Edgar… was just a rock—easily kicked aside?

“Then who are the other two?”

“Better if you don’t know.”

I was about to press him further when he suddenly looked up at the sky.

“It’s getting late… I should go.”

I tilted my head up too. At some point, the sun had shifted westward. When I met the Queen, it was still late morning. When I found this hidden garden, the sun was overhead.

“You’re right.”

If I stayed away too long, people might grow suspicious. I assumed Ricardo had the same concern.

But then he looked at me with a completely serious face.

“You shouldn’t skip meals.”

“What?”

“It’s lunchtime, and no one’s even come looking for you. I gave you up because the Queen insisted she had a duty to protect her lady-in-waiting—but this is how she treats you?”

Surely, the Queen’s “protection” didn’t extend to something as trivial as making sure I ate on time. Still, I gave Ricardo a firm push on the back.

If I left him alone, he looked ready to storm off and confront the Queen himself—not that she’d actually allow it.

“Let’s go.”

Even as I nudged him forward, Ricardo kept muttering complaints about how cold-hearted the Queen was.

I couldn’t help but wonder how he’d react if he knew the Queen had used the same words to describe him earlier.

“You said this was a place no one dared to set foot in, didn’t you? Of course no one came looking. Now stop whining and crawl back out.”

Ricardo finally fell silent. As we walked, we reached the spot where he’d said the hole was.

I looked down, following the trail of flattened grass—and there it was.

“You really came through that?”

The hole was small. And Ricardo wasn’t exactly small. He was well-built, with broad shoulders. I eyed his frame, assessing. His hips were narrow—he might’ve squeezed through—but those shoulders…

“It’s all about technique. Not that I’d teach you.”

As if I’d ever ask.

Ricardo bent down. He was just about to climb in backwards, feet first, when he saw me biting my lip to stop a smile. He paused, then pulled himself back out.

“This is as far as you go, Lia.”

It was a clear plea not to watch him embarrass himself squeezing through the hole.

Honestly, part of me wanted to stay and watch—it would’ve been a sight. But I respected his pride and turned my back first.

Even once I left the courtyard, I didn’t laugh. Sure, the whole scene had been funny, but I wasn’t someone who easily smiled, let alone laughed out loud.

So, if I looked like someone biting her lip to hide a laugh… it was because I was a fool who didn’t even know how to smile properly.

Shaking my head, I patted down my dress, which was still spotless thanks to Ricardo’s ridiculous efforts. Then I walked casually back through the corridor toward my room.

“Lady Cecilia.”

Standing outside my door was the chamberlain.

Only then did I realize I’d completely forgotten the Queen’s orders while I was with Ricardo.

Support