No One Ever Loved Me - Chapter 59

I’d failed.

Failure wasn’t new to me. People came close, got disappointed, and eventually walked away.

Even when I tried to mimic them, I always hit a wall—something I couldn’t overcome.

My mother said I was a rotten seed.

That my roots were spoiled from the start, and no amount of nourishment could ever fix them.

She had tried—she had really tried. Once, she had loved the seed that bloomed so briefly and had hoped it would blossom under her care.

But to my father, I was a loathsome snake wrapped around her ankle.

And because the person she loved saw me that way, my mother slowly started to agree.

Anyone who believed that an unwanted pregnancy could bind two people together and lead to a happy ending clearly hadn’t read many fairytales—because even there, such a plot wouldn’t fly.

I looked up at Ricardo, who still had me cornered. He was trying to act composed, but the tension showed in his throat as he swallowed hard.

He had me trapped between his strong thighs like I was the one helpless here, and yet it was clear he felt powerless.

“Ask me for something. Command me, Lia.”

I had to shut that ridiculous Lia nonsense down.

“If you don’t like Countess Linton, then settle for Lady Cecilia, my lord.”

It was my way of saying: I won’t deny what you feel, but don’t expect more than that.

I would acknowledge it, narrow it down, reduce it to desire—and that was as far as I would go.

Ricardo’s brows fell low.

He looked so much like a wounded animal it wasn’t even funny.

“I don’t mind entertaining you for a while,” I said. “Your life must be dull.”

More than dull—lonely. I knew that.

When Ricardo first saw me, it wasn’t just desire. He had genuinely believed he could belong somewhere, with someone.

After my mother left, I too had held a flicker of that same hope.

I had committed an unforgivable sin, yet felt a kind of freedom in its wake.

That was the difference between me and Ricardo.

I was a sinner who needed to pay for her guilt.
He, on the other hand, still had an innocent soul.

Rico. A nickname used only by his birth mother. That alone told me the relationship hadn’t ended in destruction.

While I had been transformed from a rose to a snake in my mother’s eyes, Ricardo had remained a symbol of hope to his mother.

Even if they couldn’t meet before he inherited the dukedom, she probably still believed that her noble son would one day return to rescue her.

Ricardo would never abandon her. I could tell from how tightly he held onto the name she had once called him.

“Lia.”

“If there’s a name to give,” I said coldly, cutting him off, “I’ll be the one to choose it. I don’t need the one you gave me, my lord.”

Ah. That got him.

A vein pulsed in Ricardo’s neck, and his lips tightened as if he were holding back a sob.

But that trick wouldn’t work twice.

Even if he cried again, I wouldn’t let it pull out my real self—not this time.

“Lady Cecilia.”

Thankfully, he didn’t cry again. He obeyed.

That wasn’t necessarily a good sign. Seeing someone swing between heaven and hell with just a few words from me—there was nothing satisfying in that.

Now what?

He clearly wasn’t planning to back down. And I wouldn’t be able to leave this house without using him somehow.

“Edgar will be back soon.”

Ricardo’s mouth twisted in disgust.

“If things had gone according to plan, time wouldn’t have been a problem. But something came up.”

“Are you hoping to become a widow, Lady Cecilia?”

The yellow-eyed beast made no effort to hide his nature anymore.

That thought alone sent a chill down my spine.

Ricardo might call himself a beast, but I knew—he was still more human than I was.

Even if he tried to act otherwise, I saw a man. One who could live among others, if only he’d let down the walls he’d built.

“Elodie. I need to hide her.”

“Elodie?”

I gave him a brief summary of what had happened.

The moment I mentioned Elodie’s pregnancy, a vein bulged in Ricardo’s forearm.

Thankfully, it was the sofa’s armrest he gripped and not my wrist, or I might have ended up with a broken bone.

“She promised to do as I asked.”

“People break promises every day. Surely you know that.”

That’s exactly why I had come to him.

He seemed to understand, and gave a slight nod.

“So, you want me to watch her?”

“I need somewhere Edgar won’t find. Somewhere Elodie will be safe.”

Ricardo let out a short, bitter laugh.

“Safe? You’re talking about the woman who lied to you. Why the hell should I care if she’s safe?”

Ricardo was easiest to handle when he dropped the mask.

When he showed his weakness so openly, it made things simpler.

His eyes begged me—soothe me, conquer me, command me.

A man who thought of himself as a beast was silently pleading with me to tame him.

It was easy. But exhausting.

I didn’t want to grip him tightly or manipulate him.

Honestly, I just wanted to stay as far away from him as possible.

“If it’s not something you want to do, my lord…”

“Lady Cecilia.”

Ricardo shook his head.

“Don’t dodge the truth.”

Of course I was dodging it—because I knew it. He was a fool who knew what he was and still chose to be pitiful. Not that he lacked intelligence. For someone as smart as he was, to be this foolish… I wondered if there was a cure for it.

“I want Elodie to give birth safely. Neither she nor the baby can come to harm.”

Ricardo narrowed his eyes, trying to read between the lines.

“Your sense of justice doesn’t change with the person or the situation, does it, Lady Cecilia?”

I didn’t have the strength to correct his misunderstanding.

It didn’t matter what he believed. What mattered was saying what I had to say and getting away from him.

“Elodie is five months along. With the right dress, she can hide it for maybe a month more.”

“You don’t want Edgar to find out, right? Wouldn’t it be easier to handle it… now?”

Elodie still seemed to believe she and Edgar were some sort of fated lovers.

Before the baby, she probably wouldn’t have left him, no matter how anxious she felt.

But what about Edgar?

He liked Elodie. She was a great choice for someone trying to maintain a reputation as a tasteful noble businessman. Supporting a talented artist, acting as her muse—it all reinforced the image he wanted to project.

Even when he traveled for “business,” claiming it was for managing Cecilia’s estate, it was just an excuse to go away with Elodie.

“Edgar is sharp. He’s proud of his charm. If Elodie vanishes without a word, how hard would it be for him to guess the truth?”

Edgar was sensitive to public perception. If he found out about the pregnancy, there would only be one thing he’d do:

Convince Elodie to get rid of the baby.

To him, Elodie was a resource—an asset too valuable to lose.

“That’s why Elodie has to be the one to leave him first.”

Ricardo hesitated. Or rather, pretended to. He just wanted to keep me here longer.

“Lord Ricardo.”

I picked up the whip he’d willingly handed me and gave it a reluctant swing.

“Your answer is taking too long.”

“Is that… an order?”

He smiled, delighted, like a child given a toy. The heaviness in my chest grew.

“If that’s how you’d prefer to think of it.”

“Fine. I’ll find a place for her to stay.”

“And a doctor.”

Ricardo grimaced but nodded.

“When I do, you’ll come check it out, right?”

His handsome face lit up with excitement—like a boy eager to show off a new toy.

“No.”

But I could throw cold water on him easily. I placed my hand on his forearm before he could argue.

“I trust you, my lord.”

“Lia…”

Still clinging to that name, huh?

“I don’t doubt you’ll carry out my order with everything you have.”

“An order…”

His breath hitched.

“If it’s your order…”

“Yes. I want Elodie to give birth safely. So, naturally, you’ll want that too.”

“The same…”

Was he malfunctioning? He kept repeating my words like he was short-circuiting.

I gave him a little flick on the cheek—just enough to snap him out of it.

“Ah…!”

Even while blushing, his face was so perfectly sculpted he looked like he’d stepped out of a Renaissance studio. But I could only sigh.

“If Elodie does as I ask, the divorce from Edgar might be easier than I expected.”

“Divorce?”

Ricardo’s eyes sharpened like a blade.

“Did you say divorce?”

He stared at the spot where my fingers had briefly touched him. Then he turned his gaze to my lips, eyes fixed.

“Say it again. That you’re going to divorce Edgar Linton.”

“I will. I’m divorcing Edgar.”

“Then you’ll be…”

For the first time since meeting him, I was able to give him a real answer—one that satisfied even me.

“I’ll be free.”

To be honest, Edgar himself wasn’t the biggest obstacle.

I was more worried about how the Marchioness Rosette would react.

Edgar valued reputation, appearances, and what others thought of him. But the Marchioness cared about something far more sacred.

Motherhood.

Whatever tension existed between us, that was something even I couldn’t deny.

“More than anything, be careful not to let the Marchioness catch wind of this.”

Ricardo still hadn’t snapped out of his personal euphoria.

Even though he already knew I wasn’t truly the Countess, the idea that I’d be giving up the title entirely seemed to mean something extraordinary to him.

While he was basking in that strange, unknowable joy, I slipped through the gap between his now-relaxed knees.

“Lia!”

He noticed I was gone almost immediately, reaching for me.

“Lady Cecilia. Lord Ricardo, you said you wanted me to use you. Then consider this our agreement: as long as you remain useful to me, I’ll give you what you want.”

This was just another illusion—a trick I used to fool myself.

I’d rejected the friendship Margaret desperately wanted, and yet here I was, hopelessly entangled with Ricardo.

“I’ll contact you through Madame Penelope if needed.”

A true Countess would’ve bowed politely. But I held my head high and simply nodded.

Ignoring the emotion swirling in Ricardo’s eyes, I left his house.

And just outside, my knees gave out.

“My lady!”

Penelope, who had been keeping watch, ran to steady me.

“Did that idiot Ricky actually refuse your proposal?”

“No.”

I forced strength back into my legs.

I ignored the questions in Penelope’s eyes and climbed into the carriage.

It was time to return to the estate and reflect on everything I’d just done.

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