No One Ever Loved Me - Chapter 111

Joanna had been Edgar’s number one supporter.
Once the divorce proceedings went public, she became his only remaining ally.

And now, I had turned her around—using a mix of persuasion and just enough pressure. From here on, everything should move smoothly, like a ship sailing with the wind at its back.

“I’m worried about Isla. I didn’t realize Baron Estas would be such a disaster. Of course, it was the right decision to remove that woman, but still do you think Isla will be treated properly over there?”

I had spent an entire day of my rare week-long break convincing Joanna.

While I was contemplating how best to use the remaining six days, Count Berger came to see me.

I should’ve sent this man off yesterday too.

The thought was a little harsh, but I smiled politely, nodding as if I understood and shared his concerns.

“Lady Joanna is smart. She really does love Isla. And she said she wouldn’t go back to House Estas, so I think they’ll be fine.”

“She said that, but come now—what kind of life is it for a divorced woman to live alone with her daughter? She’s proud, so maybe she said it in the heat of the moment. But in the end, her only real option is to return to her family home.”

“She’s still Lady Joanna, Uncle. Even if she’s no longer part of our affairs, we should speak of her with respect.”

Count Berger gave me a look that was noticeably more distant than yesterday.

I’d seen that look before, so I knew exactly what he was thinking.

It was the same look Marchioness Federica wore when she saw the queen—a mix of doubt and resistance.
As if she couldn’t believe the person in front of her was really the beloved family member she used to know.
And even more, she hated herself for feeling that way.

“You were the reason we could send Lady Joanna away while preserving the dignity of House Rosette. I’m truly grateful.”

At my words, Count Berger coughed awkwardly and waved a hand in embarrassment.

Given the thoughts he’d just been having about me, my sudden gratitude must’ve made things more uncomfortable.

Compared to the queen, he was incredibly easy to handle.

Lately, my world had been full of people who seemed to be the exact opposite of Count Berger.

The queen went without saying. Even Margaret, who I’d once thought would be the perfect transactional partner, had started carving her own path—completely ignoring my plans in the process.

And Ricardo… Ricardo had been my biggest mistake.
I couldn’t even blame him, because the fault lay entirely with me.

I was the one who had turned him into the obsessive follower he had become.
There had been a time when I tried to untangle the mess I’d made, but now… I couldn’t help feeling like I no longer cared how it unraveled.

“Cecilia, why not bring Isla back here? In a few days, that woman—Lady Joanna—will start to see reality more clearly. When that time comes, you could gently suggest that Isla stay here under the protection of House Rosette. She’d probably agree.”

And just like that, Count Berger became the first obstacle in my smooth-sailing plan.

He reminded me of all the people I’d had to deal with over the years—just kind enough, just cowardly enough.
A textbook bystander.

Just like yesterday—he hadn’t protected me from Baron Estas.

He hadn’t stood up to the baron’s crude behavior. Instead, he’d chosen to back away and let Ricardo handle it.

Not because he trusted me to defend myself, but because he assumed Ricardo, who supposedly liked me, would jump in if anything happened.
It was a lazy kind of defense plan.

And now, after a single night of sleep, he was wringing his hands over poor Isla.

Still, I acknowledged the role he played by staying at the Rosette estate during my time at the palace.
If he hadn’t, Joanna would’ve used this comfortable manor to gather weaker noblewomen and form a new social circle.

Even if that new circle hadn’t gained much influence, it would’ve been more than enough to fuel endless rumors about me.

Especially with Isla loudly claiming I had mental health issues—which only served to win Edgar more public sympathy.

“Uncle, Lady Joanna is no fool. I gave her time to find another home, and she left without hesitation. That means she already had somewhere to go. Isla will be much happier living with her mother—I don’t even need to say it.”

Still, Count Berger didn’t look fully convinced. I knew what was bothering him, so I added,

“I was the one who told Isla to leave. You, Uncle, were worried about Father’s biological daughter and tried to stop me—but I ignored your advice and pushed forward anyway. You can say we argued about it, and that’s why you returned home. It’s mostly true, aside from the argument part.”

This moderately cowardly old man smiled brightly for a moment, then quickly grew somber, probably imagining the scolding I’d receive.

“No, Cecilia. That would make you the victim. Wouldn’t it be better for both of us if you just brought Isla back?”

If he had been openly selfish, things would’ve been easier.
I let out a quiet sigh. But after being surrounded by so many cold, calculating people, there was something almost refreshing about someone like Count Berger—still flawed, but oddly human.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to give him half a day of my precious six-day break.

That was when the door suddenly burst open.

“You’re still here, Count?”

Ricardo strode in without so much as a knock. As always, he made himself comfortable in a chair no one had offered, stretching out his long legs like he owned the room.

“Lord Ricardo.”

“I thought you’d already gone back to your estate. Didn’t you finish dealing with Lady Joanna and her adorable little burden?”

Though Ricardo had become a respectable man again, thanks to the queen’s intervention, some of his old habits—formed during his broken years—were hard to shake.

Just like me, Ricardo seemed to have seen through Count Berger’s true nature. The way he abandoned all formal speech made that clear.

Count Berger, stunned that the knight he had once praised as the epitome of chivalry was now acting like a completely different person, twitched visibly beneath his eyes.

“I was just talking about that,” Berger said, trying to recover. “I was thinking it might be best for Isla to be protected here, at House Rosette.”

Ricardo’s brow twitched. He clearly hated the way Berger spoke half-formally, half-casually—but considering the man was a relative of the body I currently inhabited, he was probably doing his best to hold back.

It was oddly refreshing to see Count Berger, who had been so polite yesterday, change his tune the moment he realized Ricardo’s sincerity toward me.

Yes, I thought. This is the kind of person I know how to handle.
Count Berger was the familiar road you find at a crossroads in an unfamiliar land.

“Good morning, Lia. The bed at the Rosette estate was quite comfortable. Didn’t even need warming.”

If Count Berger was a well-worn path, then Ricardo was standing at the edge of a cliff.

A cliff that might—just might—lead to some paradise on the other side, but only if you were foolish enough to jump without knowing what awaited.

“It’s a warm day,” I replied calmly.

“So if the weather turns cold, would that change things?”

“Usually, yes, Lord Ricardo. But more importantly, since you’re already here, could you talk to my uncle? I’ve got a lot to do.”

Observing Count Berger had its charms, but Ricardo’s arrival changed things.

Spending the entire day dragging him around while juggling the count’s anxieties was not on my list of enjoyable tasks. I’d rather let Ricardo handle it.

“Se-Secilia?”

As I rose to leave, Count Berger reached out, visibly panicked.

Yesterday, Ricardo might have been a welcome sight, but today’s Ricardo was another story—and Berger clearly sensed it.

“Don’t worry, Uncle. Lord Ricardo would never do anything to harm House Rosette. I guarantee it. He has the full trust of His Majesty and Her Majesty. So if he makes a decision, people will assume it was for good reason. Listen to him first, and then take your time deciding.”

Count Berger still looked uncertain—but Ricardo? He had completely taken the bait.

Just look at that slow smile creeping onto his face the moment I said I trusted him.

Exactly as I predicted: once Ricardo was confident, Berger’s desperate reaching hand became irrelevant.

“You heard her, Count Berger. Lia says you can trust me—so now it’s my job to fix that soft head of yours. And since she vouches for me, that means you’ve got nothing to worry about. What should we tackle first? Oh right, we were talking about calling back Lady Joanna’s little ‘burden,’ weren’t we? Well, since Lia says I’m trustworthy, I’ll say this: it’s better for everyone if that burden stays right where she is.”

I should have known he’d run with it. Of course he would. Watching it unfold in real time, though, made me want to leave the room as quickly as possible.

I exited the sitting room and made my way to Count Rosette’s study.

The day’s agenda included reviewing the list of Edgar’s hidden assets—Joanna had started compiling them—and then heading off to meet Elodie.

If Count Berger hadn’t shown up begging me to take Isla back, I could’ve spent three full hours combing through those records.

Still, seeing such a familiar shade of humanity again made the lost time feel almost worth it.

I hoped Count Berger’s brand of gentle cowardice would last a little longer.

Of course, he wasn’t strong enough to stand firm against someone like Ricardo Bastian, but as long as he could maintain that weakness until I left to meet Elodie, I’d be fine.

If I were going to see Edgar, bringing Ricardo would be a strategic move.

But Elodie was different.

She had been tricked once by Ricardo’s words and exposed to Edgar’s true nature.
Even if the fault lay with Edgar, people have a way of resenting not only the one who hurt them—but everyone around them too.

And Ricardo had been present in Marchioness Federica’s Garden when Edgar had coldly dismissed Elodie as “nothing.”
She would remember that. And she would remember that Ricardo heard it, too.

“Not like he was broken anyway. He already used Lady Cecilia’s estate as collateral and secured his share.”

Ah, right—I should say my estate now.
I’d paid off all of Cecilia’s debts. This body was mine now, and everything that came with it belonged to me—without guilt.

“I wanted to tell him.”

My eyes skimmed the asset list, while my hands made notes—mapping out how best to hit the bastard where it hurt most.

But part of my mind was still stuck on Ricardo.

I really should have sent Count Berger away yesterday.

If this went on, I’d spend the whole day preoccupied with everything I hadn’t said to Ricardo, like some lovesick fool—not even a fanatic, just someone regretting the silence.

“Oh, he bought land in the capital too. Used Nathan as collateral. Even if nothing else works, land prices in the capital are sky-high. If I reveal that the collateral no longer belongs to Edgar, that’ll get their attention.”

I’d finally found a pressure point—a real one.

Anyone who played with land in the capital would find out eventually, with or without me.
But Edgar would want to keep it hidden as long as possible. If I brought it up now, his first move would be to silence me—before I said anything else.

I stretched, working out the tension in my shoulders, and stepped out of the study.

I caught a passing maid and asked about the sitting room. She told me Count Berger was still there.

Good. Ricardo’s attention would still be locked on him. I needed to get to Elodie while the coast was clear.

“Lady Cecilia!”

The queen’s guard greeted me with a loud, booming voice the moment I stepped outside.

I couldn’t tell if he was naturally loud or if his ambition to be noticed by the queen had doubled his volume.

Either way, I shoved him into the carriage before he could draw any more attention.

“We’re leaving. Now.”

“Pardon?”

I climbed in and gestured to the driver.

“Before Lord Ricardo catches up. Hurry.”

For all his ambition, the guard clearly feared Ricardo too. Without hesitation, he cracked the reins and took off.

Just before the carriage pulled away, I glanced back through the curtain.
Two figures remained in the sitting room.

That was enough for me.

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