No One Ever Loved Me - Chapter 106

The chance to ask the Queen for a leave of absence came sooner than I expected.

For once, Ricardo didn’t show up to the Queen’s residence, and the morning visitor was a mild-mannered young lady, calm enough that there was no need for any subtle turf wars.

Of course, that was probably because Ricardo wasn’t there.

There were even rumors going around that noblewomen visiting the Queen would often end up lecturing their daughters about how “a man’s worth isn’t just his face.” It seemed the gossip wasn’t all that exaggerated after all.

After all, the morning guest had barely stepped in before she was blatantly looking around for Ricardo.

I had no doubt the afternoon visitor would be much the same.

Still, without Ricardo present, the young woman was able to think clearly and even revealed a bit of ambition.

The Queen, in turn, responded more warmly than usual. After the guest left, she even admitted—grudgingly—that some of the other candidates might’ve deserved a bit more credit.

Of course, she also made sure to add that everything had been Ricardo’s fault.

Now that the pool of candidates was growing, the Queen seemed quite pleased.

I called in a palace masseuse to keep her mood soft and mellow.

“What are you up to, doing something this sweet?” the Queen murmured, still relaxed but sharp as ever.

“I’m just happy, Your Majesty. It’s rare to see a young lady who pleases you.”

“You’re still not there yet, Cecilia. In moments like this, you should act jealous. ‘I’m worried she’ll take my place, so I’m trying to stay on your good side.’ That kind of thing would make me find you absolutely adorable.”

She sounded like a whimsical Eastern emperor with a harem, even though she wasn’t the type.

“I’ll happily accept whatever Your Majesty offers,” I replied with a smile, “but if I had a choice, I’d rather have your favor in the form of a vacation.”

The Queen made a small gesture, and the masseuse quietly stepped away. She gathered her tools and positioned herself against the wall.

Every royal masseuse was blind and deaf.

Even so, the way she moved—fluid, confident, with no hesitation—was incredible. She must’ve gone through intense training to reach that level of precision without sight or sound.

“What do you need a vacation for? Is serving me too much of a burden?”

“Not at all, Your Majesty. It’s just… while my divorce was finalized without issue, the cleanup afterward hasn’t been going well. My uncle is doing his best, but without me there, what should’ve taken one try is dragging on for two or three rounds.”

My uncle had already sent several letters, pleading for me to come out—just for a short while.

I’d never met him in person, but even through his letters, I could tell he wasn’t a particularly harsh or stubborn man.

Which was probably why he’d accepted Lady Rosette’s request—to remain in the estate and raise the children, as the late Count had wished.

Lady Rosette’s father, Baron Estas, had done nothing but talk big. When it came to taking real responsibility, he was nowhere to be found.

And from his perspective, bringing home a disgraced daughter was more trouble than it was worth.

So perhaps he thought it better for her to remain Countess Rosette, scandal or not.

“You should’ve said something sooner.”

“Baron Estas isn’t someone worth Your Majesty’s attention. I can handle him. And I still need to prove that Count Linton is lying when he says the family vaults are empty except for cobwebs.”

The Queen tapped her fingers lightly against the table.

I knew she had already heard about these matters—but had chosen not to act.
She was waiting for me to ask.

But she had given me too much already. This wasn’t something Margaret could repay in my place.

It wouldn’t be right to accept her help and pass the debt to Margaret. That would mean extending a deal that had already been fulfilled—Margaret’s marriage to Viscount Damier, her service as a lady-in-waiting. That chapter was closed.

What the Queen had originally wanted from me was to be a replacement for Marchioness Federica.

She had lived her own life as someone’s replacement, so perhaps this was a quiet act of revenge. She wanted to make me into Federica’s substitute.

“Clever little thing,” the Queen muttered, half-scolding me with no real heat.

“Baron Estas, pickpockets on the street—who exactly do you think is out of my reach?”

“Your care for commoners is noble, Your Majesty. But Baron Estas doesn’t deserve such kindness.”

“You always have the right words. Lady Margaret may speak well, but she doesn’t have your instincts. I suppose that’s a small relief.”

Still frowning, the Queen granted me a one-week leave.

It wasn’t enough to do everything: return to the Rosette estate, remove Lady Rosette, find a long-term solution for Isla, confront Edgar, and inform Elodie that I would support her—no matter what she decided to do.

“Karola’s due date is close. If Ricardo comes by today to report his progress, I’ll send him with you.”

That sudden information—Ricardo working on something related to the King’s mistress—caught me off guard.

I must’ve shown it on my face, because the Queen looked surprised.

“What, you didn’t know? I thought Ricardo would’ve told you.”

“No, Lord Ricardo hasn’t said a word…”

“And that is why men are so untrustworthy. Look at that, Cecilia. Everyone in the kingdom knows what that man thinks of you, and yet he still runs around keeping secrets.”

Which was rich, considering she was probably the one who told him to keep it secret in the first place.

But now she casually dismissed his loyalty as nothing special.

“Lord Ricardo was following Your Majesty’s command. And I had no right to ask about something you hadn’t permitted.”

“So, you didn’t ask him anything?”

“No. Even before he said he couldn’t talk about it, I had no intention of asking.”

The Queen gave a dry little laugh.

“So what you’re saying is—Ricardo was dying to spill everything, and you’re the one who shut him up?”

“…Sorry?”

“He probably chased after you, didn’t he? All guilty and sweet, saying something like, ‘Her Majesty asked me to keep it secret. I really want to tell you, but I can’t…’ Am I right?”

I thought back to my Ricardo.

Yes. He really had looked sorry that he couldn’t tell me.

When I told him I understood and wouldn’t ask, Ricardo kept his promise of silence—going so far as to reveal the reward he’d received from the Queen, all while protecting her secret.

As it turned out, Ricardo had taken on a task involving the King’s illegitimate child—a mission that could very well cost him the King’s favor. And yet, the only thing he got in return was permission to meet with me freely.

Honestly, it was such a terrible deal that I couldn’t help but sigh.
The man truly had no sense for negotiation.

Maybe he should start spending more time with Viscount Damier and learn a thing or two about making deals—starting with that wedding invitation.

“It wasn’t just about playing coy,” I said. “Even if I had begged him to tell me, Lord Ricardo wouldn’t have said a word.”

“You’ve been betrayed by men before, and yet you’re still this naïve?” the Queen clicked her tongue.

“And you think you’ll be able to resolve everything with Baron Estas and Count Linton on your own? It’s not out of spite that I’ve been keeping you in the palace, you know.”

I had no response, so I simply smiled.
Only the Queen ever called me naïve.

Ricardo had once said I was too fair, that it made him nervous. Margaret had once accused me of being cold.

“Your Majesty sees me fondly, that’s all.”

“Fondly?” The Queen burst out laughing, like I’d just made the joke of the day.

She looked me over from head to toe with a raised eyebrow.
“Well… yes. You’re cute in a way. You’re so predictable it’s funny. But if I’d only thought you were ‘pretty,’ I wouldn’t have made you my lady-in-waiting. Pretty girls are a dime a dozen. I invite them from time to time to entertain me, and that’s that.”

In other words, she had once found Ricardo attractive enough to keep around.

She’d gifted him to Marchioness Federica and enjoyed calling him in now and then—watching him, in her words, perform like a trained monkey.

“Cecilia, you’re not just innocent. You’re… difficult. You’re exhausting as a decoration, and even when you’re still, I can hear the gears in your head turning. How could I ever see you as just another pretty face?”

“Well, in that case, I think Lord Ricardo is just as exhausting as I am.”

I adjusted my tone to sound casual—not too defensive, not too sympathetic. I didn’t want to seem like I was taking Ricardo’s side. Just mildly annoyed at being called exhausting.

“Is that so?” the Queen replied, unconvinced. She wasn’t buying it—not that I really expected her to.

“In any case,” she continued, “a woman like you—one who thinks too much—needs a man who doesn’t think at all. Someone single-minded, who charges straight ahead. Only someone like that could ever rattle your heart.”

Calling Ricardo simple-minded was almost comical. There couldn’t be a word that suited him less.

And yet… he was single-minded. He did charge straight in, with no hesitation.
I wouldn’t admit that he’d ever stirred my heart—but it was undeniable that I’d ended up here because of that reckless persistence.

“Either way, he’ll report to me today. Once he does, you may take him with you tomorrow morning.”

“Your Majesty, if I show up at the Rosette estate with Lord Ricardo, there will be quite a scene.”

“Well, sometimes you have to give them a carrot, don’t you?”

Having just turned me into that “carrot,” the Queen smiled in satisfaction.

Late that night, Ricardo quietly slipped into the Queen’s residence. After a quick ten-minute report, he knocked on my door.

“You’re leaving tomorrow?”

“It’s just a vacation.”

The look on his face made it seem like I’d finally agreed to go to Nathan, take him as my lover, and live happily ever after.

“It’s only for a week,” I clarified. “I have things to take care of—”

I didn’t even finish before he grabbed me and pulled me into his arms.

Until now, our physical contact had been minimal—just a kiss on the hand, maybe a gentle pat on the shoulder to calm him down.

We’d danced once during my debut, close enough, but not like this—not with zero space between us.

“Ricardo—”

“I heard I’m going with you. To the Rosette estate.”

We were still in the Queen’s residence. He hadn’t even entered my room yet.

There were still attendants in the halls, even at this hour.
If someone saw us like this—in a very public embrace—it wouldn’t matter that he was my accuser in court. No one would care.

I’d meant to scold him in a firm tone, but his overwhelming emotion pushed everything else aside.

“Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?” I asked.

“Because the Rosette estate is your home now. And this is the first time… you’re inviting me into it.”

Even hearing the explanation didn’t help.

I backed into my room with him still wrapped around me, and reached behind him to close the door.

“Let go.”

“No.”

“Ricardo, didn’t you just say not long ago that there wasn’t a hint of lust in your heart?”

I expected him to claim again that this was just the pure joy of a devout follower reunited with his messiah. But instead, he hesitated and awkwardly let go, leaving a heavy silence behind.

“…Ricardo.”

“It’s your fault.”

He even had the nerve to blame me.

I just looked at him. Ricardo, of all people, was stumbling over his words.

“Lia, when you said… you needed someone to warm your bed… I started wondering if a loyal follower could do both.”

“You felt lust?”

I took three steps back. He instinctively took one forward—then forced himself to stop.

“No. Not at all. Not even a little.”

They say excessive denial is just another form of confession.
He’d denied it three times—perfectly on cue.

And in that moment, I knew: this week would be anything but peaceful.

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