No One Ever Loved Me - Chapter 104

It was a lovely wedding and a reception full of heartfelt preparation—but in the end, all the attention was swept away by Ricardo.

I stayed close to Josephine, avoiding questions like, “Since when have you and Lord Ricardo been so close?”, “A secret engagement—how adorable and shocking!”, and “When can we formally offer our congratulations?”

Even so, I couldn’t escape the murmurs entirely. People made sure their curiosity was loud enough to reach my ears, so Josephine’s intended shielding effect only worked halfway.

Viscountess Damier and Viscount Damier were among the few who weren’t surprised by Ricardo’s outrageous behavior.

The words the viscountess had said—when she had stopped Ricardo from following me to Margaret—made it clear that she had known something about this situation.

Margaret, newly married, wore a face twisted with rage, as if she couldn’t believe what was happening. Viscount Damier, watching her closely, offered only feeble lies like, “I had no idea.”

“Go away.”

Josephine was quite effective at fending off gossiping busybodies—but even she couldn’t drive away Ricardo.

He approached slyly, his eyes landing on the bouquet in my hand, and a satisfied smile spread across his face.

The hollow expression of a man who had lost a crucial piece of his humanity—something all people possess—was nowhere to be found. His face looked too whole.

After everything he’d done, was he really still trying to act like I was the only one who understood him, like I was the one true believer in his delusion?

“You said you’d have to get married eventually.”

“That could’ve all been resolved if you had gone to Nathan.”

“The Queen…”

At Ricardo’s careless use of her title, Josephine shot him a sharp glare. He turned slightly, placing his back toward her.

Like a petulant four-year-old who thinks that if he can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.

“The Queen would never send you to Nathan.”

“Convincing her was something I needed to do myself.”

“Doesn’t matter how you tried. To the Queen, it was already a closed matter. I asked her directly—she’s already searching for your second husband.”

Josephine seemed more focused on eavesdropping than on Ricardo, who was rudely speaking with his back to her.

“You’re leaving?”

I gave an awkward nod.

“That was the plan, yes.”

“Everything’s settled now, and you’re leaving? That makes no sense, Cecilia.”

Brazen as ever, Ricardo turned back around as soon as it seemed Josephine might try to stop me, jumping in like he’d been on her side all along.

“Exactly what I’ve been saying. She’s officially separated from that degenerate, and in three months, Lady Margaret will be serving in the Queen’s court. But Lia’s being completely unreasonable about this.”

Aside from Marchioness Federica, Josephine was the only noblewoman Ricardo spoke to with any degree of respect.

There was a time when he had desperately tried to stay in Marchioness Federica’s good graces—so showing some deference to her closest friend was the least he could do.

Still, his tone with Josephine was noticeably different. With the marchioness, he acted like an immature, arrogant youth. With Josephine, he was more adult—though still insufferably arrogant and overbearing.

“Think before you speak, Lord Ricardo. From what Cecilia told me, you two aren’t even engaged—barely acquaintances—and yet you’re being far too familiar.”

Josephine wasn’t one to be trifled with. Ricardo glanced at her with a sidelong look and just shrugged.

“If Lia’s uncomfortable, then I’ll stop.”

“I’m uncomfortable.”

I didn’t even need to think about it.

If this had been before the Queen’s treatment, Ricardo might have backed off just from that. But unfortunately, now that he had regained what he had lost, he wouldn’t go down so easily.

“But Lia, you call me ‘Ricky,’ don’t you?”

“I don’t remember that. And if I did, it must have been because I couldn’t resist Lord Ricardo’s stubborn insistence.”

“Maybe I just remember it that way. Besides, my stubbornness is nothing compared to yours. You let me win.”

Josephine’s expression twisted ever so slightly. If I had to describe it, it was like watching a couple who looked annoyingly good together—simultaneously amusing and mildly irritating.

“Anyway, I’m going to Nathan. Whatever Lord Ricardo says, I’ve already made up my mind. This conversation is over.”

“Well, if you really insist…”

Even before he was “cured,” Ricardo had been a talented actor.

And acting, after all, is a form of deception—a craft of creating falsehoods. That he was so good at it just proved he was never the same as me.

Regret always comes too late—and I was never one to indulge in regret.

The idea of going back and making a different choice was simply not in my nature.

Whether in the past or in the future, my decisions would always be the same. So no, I didn’t regret including Ricardo in the divorce plan.

Back then, I already suspected he might eventually gain a trace of humanity.

I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

If not for the unpredictable element that was the Queen, he would’ve separated from me smoothly, wallowed briefly in misery, then met someone new and moved on.

But I didn’t regret becoming one of the Queen’s ladies-in-waiting either.

My only regret was misjudging Ricardo from the very beginning.

Even after I sensed—vaguely—that there was something off about him, something unlike myself, I dealt with him far too carelessly because of that first mistaken assumption.

“Nathan looks like peaceful farmland. A life spent farming there wouldn’t be so bad.”

“You mean I’ll be the one living that life, of course?”

“Lia, you wouldn’t even be able to lift a hoe. Obviously, I was talking about myself. Working the fields during the day and playing the lord’s mistress at night… that actually sounds pretty great. No—really great.”

Ricardo had officially started spouting nonsense, and worse, he was being completely serious.

“Imagine if I’d fallen for the Queen’s trap and actually married you. I’d end up like Viscount Damier over there, grinning like an idiot. The honeymoon would last three months at most. After that, the Queen would probably let me take the occasional leave to ‘perform my duty’ and try for an heir. And if you got pregnant right away, you’d be stuck under the Queen’s control until the day you died.”

Josephine gasped and began smacking Ricardo’s mouth with her fan.

“What on earth are you saying? Babies? Pregnancy? Cecilia may have been married once, but she hasn’t even had her first child yet! Aren’t you even a little ashamed of yourself?”

Ricardo dodged the fan as he pushed his fantasy further.

“But life in Nathan would be perfect. Yes, we’ll make Matias the estate manager—he’d be great at it. He’s not the type to do heavy lifting, but he’s smart and good with paperwork. And if you bring your nanny and those freeloaders, you can live a righteous life just spending tax money other people collected for you.”

Eventually, Josephine gave up on her fan and smacked Ricardo’s back with her bare hand. If she hadn’t been wearing gloves, it would’ve looked exactly like a mother smacking sense into her unruly son.

“Shut your mouth, Lord Ricardo!”

She added the title, but there wasn’t a hint of respect left in her tone.

“Ow! That hurt, Lady Josephine.”

“It should hurt. Did you think I was trying to give you a massage?”

“Lady Josephine, a noblewoman of your standing shouldn’t be tossing away etiquette like this. It’s unbecoming.”

Which was rich coming from the man who had barged into our conversation and literally turned his back on her.

Josephine must’ve thought the same. She let out a deep breath and started fanning herself again.

Her once-beautiful fan now looked pitiful, beaten up from slapping Ricardo around.

“That’s actually… not a bad idea.”

I waited until Josephine calmed down before continuing the conversation.

“What?”

“Cecilia!”

Ricardo’s voice was full of shock. Josephine’s was full of scolding.

Ricardo, who had come up with the idea in the first place, suddenly looked suspicious when I didn’t immediately reject it.

“You can’t seriously fall for the ramblings of this fool. Going to Nathan to become his mistress? A man who doesn’t even plan to support his own family? Men like that should be tossed out with the trash.”

“My harvests would go straight to Lia, of course, Lady Josephine.”

“You don’t even own land in Nathan! And even if you did, it would be Cecilia’s land you’re working!”

Before things could spiral into another argument, I stepped between them.

I pushed Ricardo aside and stood next to Josephine. Slowly, her breathing started to settle.

“I meant sending Sir Juan to Nathan—as the steward. Along with Martha and Justin.”

Sir Juan was currently unemployed. He hadn’t actively testified for me in court, but he had protected Martha and Justin, and that made him a “traitor” in the eyes of many.

Public opinion was generally in my favor—people said things like, “Count Linton went too far,” “I never thought he was that bad,” and “Thank goodness Lady Cecilia got away from him”—but none of that goodwill extended to Sir Juan.

No matter the reasons, most nobles weren’t willing to hire a knight who’d turned against his employer. Martha and Justin were in the same boat.

Martha was older and couldn’t easily find work. Justin, though young and healthy, was marked by his association with Sir Juan. People feared he might also be disloyal, so they avoided hiring him too.

The three of them were stuck at home, jobless and doing nothing.

They weren’t in dire straits yet—Martha had some savings, and Sir Juan had money put aside—but it wouldn’t last forever.

As a lady-in-waiting to the Queen, I held a noble position, but it didn’t come with a salary. I’d received the deed to Nathan, but I hadn’t had time to sort everything out yet. So the taxes were just sitting in the estate’s coffers.

And as for the Rosette family estate… well, it was basically bankrupt.

The land and jewelry had already been sold off by Lady Rosette. My fifth cousin had written, sighing in a letter, that it would be almost impossible to get any of it back.

If Edgar had paid the settlement quickly, I could’ve used the money to support the three of them. But instead, he kept replying with things like, “I’ve always lived modestly. You’ll find nothing left at Count Linton’s manor.”

He was so eager to present himself as a brilliant businessman before—but now? Now he claimed there was no money left. Not even a stray dog would believe that lie.

“Sir Juan should be the steward, and Justin can assist him. As for Martha… she’s getting older, her vision’s fading, and she looked so worn out during the trial. She deserves a peaceful, comfortable life now.”

Still, Josephine wasn’t ready to lower her guard.

“So you’re just going to leave Lord Ricardo here?”

“Of course. How could I send the Queen’s treasured knight off to some remote farmland? That would be treason. I’d never do something so disrespectful.”

Ricardo, crushed, muttered about how his dreams were dashed and how he’d rather be my lover than become Duke Bastian.

“And what about marriage?” Josephine asked, clearly exasperated as she looked at him like he’d completely lost it.

At her question, Ricardo suddenly came back to his senses and stared at me, waiting for my answer.

I remembered what Josephine had said earlier, just before Margaret arrived—about considering Ricardo, and how a Duke was a much better deal than a Count. I finally had the right response ready.

“I’m going to ask Her Majesty to arrange it. Whoever she recommends, I’ll trust her judgment and accept.”

“Smart girl,” Josephine said with a nod of approval.

I glanced at Ricardo out of the corner of my eye.

His face looked like he thought the world was ending—but also like he still believed he was better than the ending itself.

And somehow, seeing that expression made my heart ache just a little.

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