My 'White Moonlight' First Love Came Back, but I Don't Love her Anymore - Chapter 20

Luo Yuening bit her lower lip, her cheeks instantly flushing a deep crimson, like the first glow of sunset on the horizon.

“When did you become so smart?”

Zhou Wanyan struck a pose of deep thought. “I’ve always been smart, okay?”

Luo Yuening gave a light huff, clearly disagreeing with her. “Yes, yes, you’re brilliant.”

The night lights were a kaleidoscope of colors, clashing and intertwining. After a few seconds of silence, Luo Yuening asked softly, “Zhou Wanyan, you still care about her, don’t you?”

“No,” Zhou Wanyan replied quickly.

Luo Yuening did not believe this was her true feeling. Instead, it felt like she was flustered and anxious to end the topic. She believed that true indifference was calm, not like this. It was impossible to let go of a six-year relationship overnight; it required the washing away of time.

Thinking this, Luo Yuening’s mood improved significantly. “But your actions tell me you still care.”

Zhou Wanyan looked at her in surprise. “You’ve never even been in a relationship, yet you seem to understand this better than I do.”

Luo Yuening forced a small smile, trying to mask the bitterness in her heart. Unrequited love was a bitter wait—a thousand flavors that only she could taste. She guarded her affection, waiting for a response that might never come.

“Did you forget that person I told you about last night?”

“The one you love?”

“Mhm.”

“But it’s different.”

“How is it different? Isn’t it said that the torment of unrequited love and the pain of a breakup are the same?”

Zhou Wanyan was stunned. She had not expected Luo Yuening to love so deeply. She felt an increasing urge to see who this person was and what made them so special.

“Since you haven’t let her go, why don’t you confess your feelings?” Zhou Wanyan suggested. “At worst, you just go back to being strangers. That’s better than watching her be with someone else.”

Luo Yuening shook her head slightly. “I’m afraid she’ll reject me. At least now, I can look at her openly.”

The first time she gathered the courage to reach out, it had taken her six years to pay the price. As she spoke, her beautiful eyes rested on Zhou Wanyan, the deep affection within them growing more profound.

Zhou Wanyan looked toward a bright star in the distance and sighed. “This is the first time I’ve seen you like this. It seems we’ve both changed more or less over these six years. I remember one day in tenth-grade gym class, you fell for a senior who was playing badminton. You confessed the very next day. When she rejected you, you didn’t look sad at all; you just went to the cafeteria for lunch with Gao Yao, happy as could be. You were so brave back then.”

Luo Yuening’s affection instantly froze over. She huffed, “Zhou Wanyan! Didn’t we agree… never to mention that again?”

The only reason that happened was because she had heard that to prove if someone likes you, you should confess to someone else in front of them to see their reaction. If they were jealous or angry, it proved they liked you too. She had wanted to see Zhou Wanyan’s reaction. And the result?

The woman didn’t care at all.

That day, she had intentionally made Zhou Wanyan come along and sit at the next table. While confessing, she kept glancing at Zhou Wanyan, only to see her watching with a look of great interest, as if she were enjoying a show. On the way back after the rejection, Zhou Wanyan even analyzed the scene for her, saying her phrasing was wrong and that if she had said it differently, the girl might have agreed.

At that time, there wasn’t even a trace of fluster on Zhou Wanyan’s face.

Zhou Wanyan suddenly remembered she had indeed promised never to bring it up. “Oh, I really forgot. It just popped into my head, and I said it. You can punish me.”

“Punish you?”

“How should I punish you?”

“In the future, if one of us makes the other angry, the angry one gets to flick the other’s forehead three times.”

“No, that’s not a good method. I don’t want to.”

“Could it be… you don’t know how to flick?”

“Nonsense! Who doesn’t know how? Let me try one on you.”

“Aha, so Luo Yuening was waiting for me here.”

“What do you think?”

A flicker of darkness crossed Luo Yuening’s eyes. What right did she have to punish her now? Agreements only work when the relationship reaches a certain level of intimacy. Right now, they were just fragments of a broken friendship that had only just begun to show signs of life.

“Who wants to punish you? The night wind is cold; I’m going back.”

Luo Yuening’s high heels clicked irregularly against the floor. Her steps were frantic, mirroring her heart. As her silhouette faded and her footsteps vanished, only the chatter of others remained.

Zhou Wanyan didn’t plan on staying either. She turned and followed in Luo Yuening’s direction. However, as she passed through the corridor, her path was blocked by someone—Yan Jiuqing.

“Wanyan, I’ve finally found you.”

The implication was that she had been waiting there specifically for a long time. Zhou Wanyan’s face was cold. “What are you waiting for me for? Are we that close?”

Yan Jiuqing replied, “Wanyan, don’t be like this. I know you’re angry with me, but if you’re this cold, it makes me sad.”

“If you’re sad, then go home.” Zhou Wanyan tried to walk past her.

Yan Jiuqing was relentless. “Wanyan, are you angry because I got with Du Shangwei the very next day?”

The hickey on her neck, the betrayal… Yan Jiuqing, you really won’t mention any of it, will you?

Zhou Wanyan felt helpless. The betrayal and the “seamless transition” disgusted her, but now that they were broken up, she didn’t want to say another word. Once someone changes, they are no longer the person they used to be, and the beautiful memories are best packed away and buried.

“That happened after we broke up. It has nothing to do with me, so why would I be angry?”

Yan Jiuqing’s eyes flickered. “It’s good that you aren’t angry.” She then continued emotionally, “Wanyan, I’ve been thinking these past few days—what would it be like if we hadn’t broken up? I haven’t been able to sleep for several nights. I regret it. I don’t want to be apart from you at all.”

“I went to see a doctor. They said I had mild PTSD at the time, so don’t worry. That’s why I deliberately avoided you; I didn’t want you to see me sick. Wanyan, if you come back to me, I can break up with Du Shangwei immediately. I’ll give you ten percent of Huasheng’s shares. And the house we lived in—we bought it together. Even though only my name is on the deed, it’s our home. I’ve never let Du Shangwei stay there. Wanyan, love me one more time, please?”

Zhou Wanyan never looked at Yan Jiuqing once. This plea for reconciliation was nothing more than a one-woman show. When Yan Jiuqing finished, Zhou Wanyan gave her a casual, icy glance. “Are you done?”

Yan Jiuqing nodded, her face full of expectation. Without a word, Zhou Wanyan turned to walk away. The expectation on Yan Jiuqing’s face froze instantly. She stepped forward and grabbed Zhou Wanyan’s wrist with force.

Caught off guard, Zhou Wanyan stumbled. Yan Jiuqing used the momentum to pin her against the freezing wall and kissed her frantically, venting the frustration of her unanswered feelings.

The moment their lips met, a sharp pain shot through Zhou Wanyan’s lip, followed by the metallic taste of blood. She pushed Yan Jiuqing away with a violent shove, her eyes filled with disgust. “Are you crazy!”

“I’m not crazy! Wanyan, I said so much, and you won’t say a single word to me? You just turn and walk away?” Yan Jiuqing’s eyes were filled with tears, her voice aggrieved.

Zhou Wanyan’s fingertips touched the place where her lip had been bitten. It was like playing a lute to a cow—there was no communicating with someone so detached from reality.

“Everything you said is just for your own self-satisfaction. Yan Jiuqing, you won’t mention your cheating or the hickey on your neck at all. Do you think if you don’t mention it, it never happened? I remember when we first got together, I told you I don’t accept betrayal.”

“That night in the rain, you said you’d love me for a lifetime and never betray me. And now? Were those vows washed away by the rain? Since you’ve already broken them, stop saying things that make me sick. Never seeing each other again is also a form of letting go.”

Yan Jiuqing did not directly answer the accusations. She only responded to the last sentence: “What if I’m not willing to let go?”

Zhou Wanyan said sharply, “Yan Jiuqing, I’ll say this one last time: don’t make me hate you.”

“And what about Luo Yuening? You just broke up with me and you’re already hanging out with her? Have you forgotten how she deleted you six years ago?” Yan Jiuqing countered.

“Don’t bring her into this.”

“Worried about her? Zhou Wanyan, just admit you have feelings for her. We’re the same kind of people.” Yan Jiuqing took a step forward.

Zhou Wanyan stepped back.

“Wanyan, I love you. I don’t care about her. Let’s just call it even and come back, okay?” Yan Jiuqing coaxed.

Zhou Wanyan rejected her flatly. “Luo Yuening and I are just friends. I won’t let you insult our relationship. And don’t push your disgusting thoughts onto me.”

Yan Jiuqing accurately caught the most useful words in Zhou Wanyan’s response.

“Just friends.” That was good enough.

It seemed Luo Yuening hadn’t made a single bit of progress. Then again, with that tsundere personality of hers, it would be a miracle if she had.

Since Wanyan was so resistant to her right now and Luo Yuening was stuck at a standstill, Yan Jiuqing decided she didn’t need to be in such a rush. It would be better to let Wanyan’s emotions settle first.

As Zhou Wanyan walked away, Yan Jiuqing didn’t try to stop her this time. She simply gazed at the receding figure, feeling a hollow void in her heart, as if she had lost something precious.

After the scene Yan Jiuqing had caused, Zhou Wanyan was no longer in the mood for anything and went straight back to her hotel room.

Sitting in front of the mirror, she checked the wound on her lip with a cold expression. There was a cut about two millimeters long at the corner of her mouth. A surge of irritability instantly swept through her.

She pulled a lip balm from her bag, but just as she was about to apply it, a knock sounded at the door. When she opened it, she saw Luo Yuening standing there quietly.

Luo Yuening’s gaze shifted upward, finally fixing on the bitten corner of Zhou Wanyan’s lip. At that moment, Luo Yuening hated to admit it, but she was jealous. The emotion hit her like a wildfire, igniting her heart.

Zhou Wanyan held the lip balm, her mood low. “You’re here.”

“I saw you hadn’t returned to the venue or the terrace, so I thought I’d check the room,” Luo Yuening explained, her words clearly a cover for her true intentions.

In truth, Luo Yuening had noticed Wanyan hadn’t followed her, so she had turned back to look for her. She had overheard Wanyan defending her in front of Yan Jiuqing, followed by Wanyan turning away in frustration.

If only that phrase “just friends” hadn’t been said.

Zhou Wanyan noted, “You heard everything.”

It was a statement of fact, not a question. Luo Yuening’s heart skipped a beat, and she instinctively blurted out, “I only saw the end of it, and only heard the final words.”

However, judging by the wound on Wanyan’s lip, she could guess exactly what had happened between the two. Luo Yuening suppressed the urge to reach out. Her voice carried a slight nasal tone from her lingering cold. “Does it hurt?”

The redness at the corners of her eyes looked like a brewing storm of anger, but beneath it was mostly heartache for the woman in front of her.

Zhou Wanyan shook her head gently. Her voice was soft, as if soothing the tense woman. “It doesn’t hurt.”

“Let me apply some medicine for you.”

“Okay.”

The room door closed again, and they sat on the edge of the bed. Luo Yuening took the lip balm from Wanyan’s hand, her brow knitting. “You were going to use this?”

“It’s the only thing I have here.”

Luo Yuening tucked the balm away and said quietly, “I sent He Jia to buy ointment. She’ll be back any second.”

A five-minute silence followed. Zhou Wanyan’s mood had hit rock bottom after the run-in with Yan Jiuqing. Luo Yuening sat quietly beside her, hoping her presence would make Wanyan feel less alone.

When the doorbell rang, Luo Yuening took the ointment from He Jia and returned to Wanyan’s side. The soft light of the room fell over them. Luo Yuening’s gaze was gentle and focused. She squeezed a bit of ointment onto her fingertip, the warmth of her skin wrapped in the coolness of the cream, and leaned in to apply it to the wound.

Zhou Wanyan’s thick eyelashes fluttered. Seeing Luo Yuening’s careful movements and worried eyes, a warmth spread through her, and her furrowed brow relaxed. As their gazes met, the distance between them closed inch by inch until they could hear each other’s breathing.

Luo Yuening shyly lowered her eyes, her red lips pursed in nervousness. The tips of her ears turned a bright red. Her eyes were like deep pools of water—one glance was enough to unsettle the soul.

“Zhou Wanyan, do you feel a bit hot?”

Zhou Wanyan’s hands, propped behind her on the soft bed, tightened their grip on the quilt. She turned her head slightly. “Yes… it is a bit hot.”

Luo Yuening didn’t want to let this chance slip by. She was determined to make a breakthrough. Her cold voice took on a subtle, lingering lilt, intending to hook Wanyan’s attention. “Then what should we do?”

Zhou Wanyan whispered, “Take it off. You might be wearing too much.”

I was waiting for you to say that.

The corners of Luo Yuening’s eyes tilted upward irrepressibly. She continued her coaxing. “Then help me take it off, okay? My hands have ointment on them; it’s inconvenient.”

The logic was perfect. Zhou Wanyan couldn’t find a single flaw in it.

Zhou Wanyan sat up straight and carefully began to slide one sleeve off. She tried her best not to let her fingertips touch Luo Yuening’s delicate skin, her breathing slowing as the garment came away. By the time the second sleeve was off, Zhou Wanyan suddenly snapped back to reality—she could have just given her a wet wipe to clean the ointment off first!

In a spot Wanyan couldn’t see, a beautiful curve formed on Luo Yuening’s lips.

“There,” Zhou Wanyan said.

Luo Yuening glanced at the clearly uncomfortable Wanyan and feigned innocence. “What’s wrong? You seem a bit off. Are you unwell?”

Zhou Wanyan immediately replied, “No, I’m perfectly fine. My face is just a bit hot.”

“Is that so? Let me feel—maybe you caught my cold.”

As she spoke, Luo Yuening reached out to touch the blush on Wanyan’s cheek. Zhou Wanyan panicked and caught the hand as it drew closer. “Don’t… I’m fine.”

Luo Yuening slowly retracted her hand and instructed, “Don’t eat anything spicy for the next few days so the wound doesn’t get inflamed.”

“Okay,” Zhou Wanyan replied. Then she added, “Actually, I went to find you earlier, but Yan Jiuqing stopped me.”

Luo Yuening froze for a moment, then broke into a smile as bright as the morning sun. Zhou Wanyan looked down, missing the look of pure joy. She didn’t know why she felt the need to explain herself to Luo Yuening; it just felt like a natural impulse.

“Zhou Wanyan, I can help you get rid of Yan Jiuqing’s harassment,” Luo Yuening said.

Zhou Wanyan looked up, a faint smile in her eyes. “No need. I don’t want to owe anyone.”

Anyone. Luo Yuening felt a string snap in her heart, and a sharp pain throbbed in her chest.

Late that night, after her bitter encounter with Zhou Wanyan, Yan Jiuqing returned alone to the place where they used to live together. She drank glass after glass of wine, but nothing could calm the agitation in her soul.

The sight of Zhou Wanyan and Luo Yuening leaving together had made her heart mad with jealousy. Gradually, her vision blurred. Her eyes closed, and she fell into a drunken stupor on the sofa.

Because of the alcohol, she found herself back in that rainy night from six years ago.

She had gone to look for Zhou Wanyan that night, only to see her running out of the house in deep sorrow. She didn’t approach; she simply followed her to the gates of Luo Yuening’s villa complex. She hid behind a tree and watched as Wanyan ran into the villa, only to come running back out a short while later.

The rain was pouring. She felt Wanyan must have encountered something heartbreaking—perhaps she hadn’t found the comfort she sought from Luo Yuening. She followed Wanyan until the other woman stopped at the entrance of her own villa, letting the rain soak her shoulders, her expression turning numb.

It was the first time she had seen Wanyan look like that. She thought that if Wanyan and Luo Yuening had truly fallen out, then maybe she had a chance.

The sound of her footsteps was drowned out by the rain. When she held her umbrella over Wanyan’s head, she saw the sheer disbelief in Wanyan’s eyes. Wanyan probably never imagined that the person by her side at that moment would be her, not Luo Yuening.

For some reason, she felt it was the perfect time to confess. She had been pursuing Wanyan for six months and had made two subtle attempts that were both firmly rejected.

“Zhou Wanyan, what happened?”

“Nothing. Why are you here?” Wanyan asked.

“It’s Christmas. I brought you a gift.”

She pulled a music box out of her bag. In Wanyan’s eyes, she saw a whirlpool of complex emotions.

“I know you love music. I’m willing to help you achieve your dreams. Wanyan, I can see you’re hurting. Can you let me ease your sorrow? Or just let me stay by your side? Wanyan, I like you… I don’t ask you to like me back immediately, but can we just try being together?”

That night, she tilted her umbrella toward Wanyan, thinking she would keep it tilted that way for a lifetime. She never expected that in six short years, everything would change. And that music box had long since been smashed by her own hands.

So, was I really wrong?

She just felt insecure. She could never find a sense of security with Zhou Wanyan.

Under the teasing of their classmates, was it a burst of hidden emotion, or did it just cause her to lose sight of her own feelings? She didn’t know then. At first, she thought it was just the noise of others that blurred her feelings for Wanyan.

But things hadn’t turned out as she hoped. Now, seeing Wanyan and Luo Yuening reconciling, her heart wouldn’t stop aching.

Yan Jiuqing slowly opened her eyes, letting tears roll down her cheeks. Wanyan, how am I inferior to Luo Yuening? Why can you reconcile with her even though your conflict was never resolved? Yet I make one small mistake and I have to endure you leaving forever?

Fragments of their past happiness flashed through her mind, dragging her down. A plan began to take shape in Yan Jiuqing’s mind.

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