My Upperclassman Wants me to confess my feelings - Chapter 33

Chapter 33: Don’t Be Afraid

On the night before New Year’s Day, Xia Xiaohan finished packing her things and took the subway home with her Senior.

At this hour, the subway was packed with people. Xiaohan was talking to Cheng Wu enthusiastically: “Mom is very busy, so she might not be home for New Year’s. But I can cook—you can tell me whatever you’d like to eat, Senior. If Auntie is home, her cooking is great too; she can make us a meal.”

The subway reached a station, and the crowd began to surge toward the doors. Cheng Wu turned and shielded Xiaohan in a corner, preventing her from being jostled by the crowd. As more people squeezed in, the two were gradually pressed tightly against each other.

Xiaohan tilted her face, leaning against her Senior’s chest. Listening to her heartbeat, the corners of her mouth curled up uncontrollably, and she quietly raised her hands to embrace her Senior’s waist. Feeling the warmth on her waist, Cheng Wu looked down and kissed the top of Xiaohan’s head.

She glanced at the time on the subway television; Zhou Rui should be calling about now. Just as the thought crossed her mind, the phone in Xiaohan’s pocket vibrated.

Xiaohan took it out and answered immediately: “Brother, Senior and I will be back in about an hour and a half.”

“Don’t go back yet. Come to the inpatient department of Tongqi Hospital. I’ll give you the ward number in a moment.” Zhou Rui’s voice was heavy.

Xiaohan froze abruptly. She wanted to ask for details, but Zhou Rui didn’t give her a chance to speak: “Hanging up now.” With a beep, the call disconnected.

“Why is Brother at the hospital? And why does he want me to go there too?” Xiaohan’s hands began to tremble. She had always known her mother wasn’t in the best of health, but hadn’t everything checked out fine over the past few years?

Seeing Xiaohan’s terrified expression, Cheng Wu remembered Zhou Rui’s words. She held her tight and whispered comfortingly, “Don’t be afraid, I’m here with you.”

Hearing her Senior’s voice, Xiaohan’s nose stung, and tears began to flow.

…

They found the inpatient department using the ward number Zhou Rui had sent. They arrived just as Chen Lan was emerging from the ward, rubbing her brow. Xiaohan ran over immediately and asked urgently, “Auntie, what happened to my mom?”

Chen Lan looked haggard. Seeing Xiaohan, she forced a smile. “Don’t worry, Xiaohan. The first surgery is already done. Now she just needs a second one and then some good rest, and your mother will slowly get better.”

Xiaohan opened her mouth, and a thought suddenly struck her: “Is it… is it stomach cancer?”

“Yes.” Chen Lan nodded. Seeing Xiaohan’s tears, she heart-wrenchingly raised her hand to wipe them away. “Don’t cry, Xiaohan. Everything will be okay. You have to stay strong, you know? That way your mother can recover faster.”

After comforting her for a while, Chen Lan noticed Cheng Wu and was slightly stunned. “Aren’t you Xiao Rui’s—”

Cheng Wu nodded with a smile. “Yes, Auntie. I am Cheng Wu, Xiaohan’s dorm mate and Senior.”

After a brief exchange, Chen Lan looked at the two of them thoughtfully. A nurse came by looking for Xia Yu’s family, so Chen Lan entrusted them to Cheng Wu: “I’ll have to trouble you to look after Xiaohan. I need to go see the doctor.”

“Go ahead, Auntie. I’ve got Xiaohan.” Cheng Wu nodded and watched Chen Lan leave.

Standing at the door of the ward, looking through the glass at the person on the hospital bed, Xiaohan bit her lower lip and couldn’t help but clench her fists. Cheng Wu stood beside her, gripping her hand tightly. “Auntie will be fine.”

…

Sitting on a chair outside the door, Xiaohan stared blankly at the people passing by. Before long, Chen Lan returned with a doctor. Xiaohan and Cheng Wu stood up immediately.

Chen Lan introduced them to the chief surgeon: “This is Xia Yu’s daughter, Xia Xiaohan.”

The doctor took out a responsibility form and handed it to her. “Your mother needs another surgery in seven or eight days. This procedure carries certain risks. You should consider it first.”

“Auntie…” Xiaohan turned to the side, only to see Chen Lan nod.

After the doctor left, Xiaohan stared fixedly at the terms on the form. Two drops of tears fell onto the paper, soaking through in two spots.

Chen Lan helped her sit down and explained, “Your mother signed the papers for the previous surgery herself, but now she is unconscious most of the time…” At this point, Chen Lan’s gaze darkened. “My… my signature isn’t valid, so I could only call for you.”

“Don’t worry, Auntie. In my heart and my mom’s, you are family!” Xiaohan pulled herself together immediately and comforted Chen Lan in turn.

Toward evening, Xia Yu woke up. Chen Lan led them inside. When Xia Yu saw Xiaohan, her eyes instantly turned red. Xiaohan sat by the bed, holding Xia Yu’s hand, trying her best to smile. “Mom, just focus on recovering. Everything is fine with me at school. This is Senior Cheng Wu, who has been taking care of me.”

She turned to introduce her, and Cheng Wu gave a polite greeting. Xia Yu nodded appreciatively, feeling as though she had seen Cheng Wu somewhere before, but she couldn’t place it and didn’t think much of it.

After chatting for a while, Xia Yu grew tired. The nurses came to change the medication, so they all stepped out. Zhou Rui arrived with dinner, and Chen Lan went home to rest.

After a simple meal, Zhou Rui explained Xia Yu’s condition in detail. As early as two years ago, Xia Yu had been diagnosed with early-stage stomach cancer and had been undergoing conservative treatment. It had suddenly worsened in August. Thinking the doctor’s success rate for surgery was high, they had kept it from Xiaohan, wanting to tell her only after Xia Yu had recovered.

Unexpectedly, the day after the first surgery, they discovered the cancer cells had metastasized. The doctor recommended a second surgery as soon as possible. Xiaohan’s reaction was calmer than Zhou Rui had imagined, but this only made him more worried; his brow remained furrowed without reprieve.

Late into the night, Zhou Rui insisted that Xiaohan take Cheng Wu back home to rest.

In the taxi, Cheng Wu didn’t speak to Xiaohan, simply staying by her side in silence. Before reaching the house, her phone vibrated with a message from Zhou Rui. She opened it to see: If possible, I hope you can wait until Xiaohan falls asleep before you sleep.

A moment later, Zhou Rui sent another: You should know what state Xiaohan is in when she’s asleep, right?

Cheng Wu quickly replied: I know. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her.

…

Once they were home, Xiaohan pulled herself together. She arranged for Cheng Wu to shower first, then went to the kitchen to make soy milk and steam a batch of small buns. When Cheng Wu finished her shower, Xiaohan called out, “Senior, come have a glass of soy milk before bed.”

Cheng Wu came over and sat down. Seeing Xiaohan eat buns one after another, she suddenly grabbed her wrist. “Xiaohan, don’t eat too much at night, or you won’t be able to sleep.”

“It’s fine, Senior. I’m just hungry.” Xiaohan’s expression showed no sign of anything unusual.

But the more Xiaohan acted this way, the more worried Cheng Wu became. Releasing her hand, Cheng Wu could only let her finish eating. When Xiaohan finished and felt she was still hungry, wanting to steam another batch of buns, Cheng Wu stood up to stop her. “Xiaohan, I just had some soy milk. Accompany me in doing some yoga.”

“Now?” Xiaohan stopped, but she still agreed. She couldn’t refuse her Senior.

After washing the dishes, Xiaohan found two yoga mats. Cheng Wu adjusted the air conditioning, took off her thick pajamas, and started a yoga video on her tablet. As the soothing music began, Cheng Wu slowly taught Xiaohan how to stretch her body and relax her mind. To Cheng Wu’s surprise, Xiaohan was very focused.

After teaching yoga for about an hour, Cheng Wu checked the time—it was nearly midnight, yet Xiaohan showed no sign of sleepiness. Cheng Wu lay down on her mat and turned to ask Xiaohan, “Did you learn what I just taught you? Why don’t you help me do it now?”

“Mm.” Xiaohan didn’t hesitate. She turned and knelt beside Cheng Wu to assist her with the poses. Xiaohan could actually tell that her Senior didn’t need help at all. But her Senior didn’t say anything, and she didn’t ask.

Just as they finished a movement, the phone nearby vibrated. Cheng Wu, lying on the floor, pulled both of Xiaohan’s hands, forcing her to lean into her embrace. She whispered, “Xiaohan, don’t be like this. It hurts me. Today is the first day of the New Year; please be a little happier, okay?”

Xiaohan originally wanted to struggle free, but the neighbors upstairs and downstairs suddenly became lively. Someone was shouting, “It’s New Year’s!” Several voices could be heard talking.

The living room was quiet. Xiaohan lay in Cheng Wu’s arms, looking at the shadows of the people in the opposite building, and finally choked out, “I’m really afraid of losing my mother.”

“You won’t. Medical technology is getting better and better; Auntie will definitely get well.” Cheng Wu gently patted her back. Soon, Xiaohan’s tears soaked into her undershirt.

After the commotion, the building gradually fell silent. Xiaohan leaned in Cheng Wu’s arms, her breathing steady. But Cheng Wu knew Xiaohan was awake—the very much awake kind.

At some point, Cheng Wu’s phone vibrated, but she ignored it. After a while, the ringer sounded. Only then did Xiaohan sit up and turn to look; it was a call from her brother.

She looked down at Cheng Wu and said, “Senior, let’s go to the room to sleep.”

“Okay.” Cheng Wu sat up slowly and stroked Xiaohan’s tear-stained face. She took the phone and declined the call, quickly sending a message back to Zhou Rui: Don’t worry, I’m staying with Xiaohan.

By the hospital bed, Zhou Rui breathed a small sigh of relief. Looking up at the sleeping Auntie Xia Yu, a look of gratification appeared on his face: Auntie, you can rest easy. Xiaohan has met someone who can take care of her for a lifetime.

…

In the room, Cheng Wu and Xiaohan lay in each other’s arms. Perhaps because of Zhou Rui’s earlier request, or perhaps because she felt Xiaohan’s heart, Cheng Wu remained very much awake as well.

The two people who should have been sleeping stayed awake until ten the next morning. Xiaohan thought her Senior was asleep, so she quietly rolled over, intending to get up and get some fresh air.

Unexpectedly, as soon as she sat up, her Senior’s worried voice came from behind her: “Can you really not sleep?”

Xiaohan was stunned. She turned around to meet her Senior’s gaze and couldn’t help but clutch the bedsheet. “Senior hasn’t slept all night either…?”

“If you can’t sleep, I can’t sleep either.” Cheng Wu sat up as well, casually picking up her clothes. “Since we can’t sleep, let’s get up and move around a bit, then have a good meal. If you get tired, we’ll rest; if not, we’ll go to the hospital to see Auntie.”

Xiaohan looked at her Senior’s standing figure, her eyes full of tension: “S-Senior, you know everything now?”