My Idol Turns Out To Be My Ex-Girlfriend - Chapter 45

Looking at the chat window where no new messages appeared, Lin Sanyuan let out a long sigh of relief. She prepared to turn off her phone, but in that lingering moment of hesitation, her finger moved instinctively to tap open the character promotion image.

She stared at it, dazed, lost in thought for a long time.

After more than a month of frantic work, the calendar had become a relentless countdown, and in the blink of an eye, the Lunar New Year was approaching.

This winter, a heavy snow fell over Huacheng. The swirling, reed-like flakes piled into soft white drifts across the ancient mountain town. The sound of firecrackers echoing through the alleys, mixed with the scent of fresh winter snow, served as a silent reminder of family reunions.

Lin Sanyuan’s hometown was South Town in Jiu City, a remote little place nestled against the mountains. Unlike the city center, there were no bans on fireworks here. Early in the morning, children could be seen in the small courtyards setting off crackers and having snowball fights. A morning draft swept through the halls, making the bright red lanterns that had stayed lit all night sway and rustle.

Under those lanterns, Lin Sanyuan stood with her father, helping him put up the New Year couplets.

“Yuanyuan, how was that boy Auntie Chen introduced to you last time? He has a stable government job. Good, steady conditions like that aren’t easy to find. When I was your age, you were already in kindergarten.”

Mother Lin was in the yard washing shrimp and twisting off their heads, her nagging concerns starting with the sunrise. Although this routine played out every year, it had started exceptionally early this time around.

Lin Sanyuan kept her face taut and didn’t take the bait, silently handing the paste to her father.

Mother Lin couldn’t stand that “lifeless” look on her daughter’s face; early in the morning, the irritation in her gut surged straight to her head. Her face darkened, and the deep furrows between her brows—etched by age—became frighteningly prominent.

“Playing the mute again. Every single day, I have no idea what goes on in that head of yours. Isn’t it good to start a family early? You’re twenty-four. How much longer am I supposed to worry about you? A woman’s health starts going downhill after twenty-five. You’re already so frail, who knows how much having a child in a few years will hurt you. Can’t you just put in a little effort yourself?”

As she spoke, her temper flared. She twisted a shrimp head off with a sharp snap and repeated the line Lin Sanyuan had heard so often she practically had callouses on her ears: “Exactly what kind of man are you looking for?!”

Lin Sanyuan watched her taciturn father focus solely on the couplets without a word. She stared blankly for three seconds. Only when her mother aggressively tossed the shrimp aside did she seem to snap out of it.

“Guo Chaoyang was fine. It’s him who didn’t like me.”

“Guo Chaoyang?” Mother Lin froze, taking a good while to realize her daughter was talking about the last blind date.

Lin Sanyuan felt a wave of exhaustion. Ever since the introduction, her mother had been praising how excellent and ambitious the boy was, swearing up and down that he was a responsible, high-quality man. Yet, in reality, her mother hadn’t even bothered to get his name right.

Lin Sanyuan couldn’t understand how her mother could be so certain about a stranger’s character and responsibility.

“The conditions were quite good, and I wanted things to work out. I even treated him to dinner that night, but after he heard I had a younger brother, he wasn’t very interested anymore.”

After years of blind dates and years of her mother’s lectures, Lin Sanyuan had long ago discovered the survival tactic for avoiding a fight.

Sure enough, Mother Lin froze. Her half-raised hips sat back down as she muttered with a frown, “How can a man be like that? Who doesn’t have siblings? He has an older brother himself, doesn’t he? What kind of person is that, letting a girl pay for dinner on a blind date?”

Lin Sanyuan smiled slightly but said nothing.

Mother Lin continued her mutterings. “A woman must get married, you know? A good man is like fruit on a stall, you have to pick them early while they’re fresh and bright. Otherwise, if you wait too long, they’ll start growing worms. Right now you’re at that awkward age where you can still pick and choose, but after twenty-five, it’s other people picking you. You have to realize, successful boys aren’t short of options. They want someone young and pretty. So, taking advantage of the New Year, I’ve scouted a few more good boys for you. After breakfast, go fix yourself up and look nice. A boy is coming over for lunch, so make sure you get to know him properly.”

Even though she had expected this, Lin Sanyuan could never wrap her head around the habit of bringing a complete stranger into the home for a meal during the Lunar New Year. Her hand tightened around the paste jar, her mind becoming a jumble. Her mother’s familiar voice seemed to whisper and circle incessantly in her ear, and a dull throb began to pulse in her temples.

She struggled to keep her emotions in check, her throat tightening. “I don’t even know him. Why bring him to the house for a meal? It’s the New Year, what is this even supposed to be?”

The fire that Mother Lin had managed to suppress shot back up.

“If you were even slightly useful, like Jiajia, and found a good husband, would I have to worry every day and beg people for information? This year for Jiajia’s mom’s birthday, she even bought her a gold bracelet. Unlike our house, where we even have to handle the New Year supplies ourselves. Every year you don’t bring a boyfriend home, do you have any idea how your Third Aunt’s family laughs at us? If you’re so capable, go meet a boy yourself! I was born to work myself to death! I serve you like an ancestor every day and don’t get a single word of appreciation! I must have owed your Lin family in a past life!”

For all these years, Mother Lin had always spoken this way. When she was little, Lin Sanyuan thought that if she just got a little older, and then a little older again, she would eventually get used to it.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t afford a gold bracelet. But Mother Lin was always envious of what others had. Lin Sanyuan knew how hard her mother had worked to raise two children, and she never doubted the love her mother had given her. So, whatever other mothers had, she would try her best to provide it.

However, if she bought her a gold bracelet, Mother Lin would only get more irritable. She would rather lose money on the return just to give the cash back, saying what her daughter bought “wasn’t the same,” or that it was just “moving money from the left pocket to the right.”

Lin Sanyuan didn’t know what she had to do to make her mother happy. Perhaps living apart was better. Why did every holiday gathering have to end in an explosive argument? And the source of every explosion was always the fact that she wasn’t dating.

It was as if, by not marrying, she was a worthless waste of space.

Lin Sanyuan’s head pounded. Her voice took on a low, heavy pressure. “I am useless. And I didn’t ask you to manage me, or go around asking about this or that. If you think Jiajia is so great, go ask her to be your daughter.”

Mother Lin exploded instantly, her eyes wide. “What kind of talk is that?! I worked so hard to raise you this big, and I raised you wrong?”

A breath felt trapped in Lin Sanyuan’s chest. Forcing back the stinging in her eyes, she suddenly let out a weak laugh, though her tone was unexpectedly resolute. “Mom, I don’t think I can date anymore. I don’t want to get married.”

She used to say things like this when she was nineteen, but her expression was different then. At nineteen, Lin Sanyuan wasn’t as submissive as she was now; back then, you could see a small, youthful streak of rebellion in her.

Mother Lin hadn’t heard such words in years. She never imagined her twenty-four-year-old daughter could say something so shocking with such hollow, numb eyes. She was speechless, followed by a surge of anger—a sense of betrayal that turned her blood cold.

Like she was having a fit, she stood up from her stool and began dragging Lin Sanyuan toward the house. Tears streamed down her face as she cursed.

“How did I give birth to such a pathetic thing!”

Lin Sanyuan allowed herself to be dragged along numbly, glancing at her father. Her father’s expression was complex. He climbed slowly down from the ladder and said softly, “It’s the New Year, don’t fight with your mother. Her blood pressure is high.”

Lin Sanyuan didn’t struggle or make a scene. She was dragged into her room, watching as Mother Lin rummaged through the wardrobe, pulling out the new clothes she had bought for the holiday and throwing them on the bed.

“Change your clothes and put on makeup! That boy will be here any minute! If you’re really dead set on not marrying, I’ll never look after you again!”

When have you ever actually looked after me?

Lin Sanyuan desperately wanted to ask that. She had so many questions.

She never wanted to be a “left-behind” child, living in this house one day and that house the next. She didn’t like moving her luggage, she was terrified of the annual parent-teacher meetings, and even her birthdays had to be celebrated alongside her older siblings’.

For some reason, even though it was the New Year, she felt like she still couldn’t go home.

She had thought about university, even though her grades were average and she only got into a second-tier school. That “looking after her” meant listening to her uncle say that a girl going to an ordinary university was a waste of youth and money, and she’d be better off earning money early and marrying well.

Her mother, who had no education, saw her business-savvy uncle’s words as divine decree, believing him to be the best leader for the family. So Lin Sanyuan lived her life aimlessly, trying her best to be “good.” In the end, she was still seen as disobedient.

As the rebuttals reached the tip of her tongue, a distant memory surfaced in Lin Sanyuan’s mind.

She was very small, only five or six years old. Her mother didn’t look like she did now, with mottled hair and fine lines crowding the corners of her eyes—lines that showed the layers of time even when she wasn’t smiling.

Back then, her mother didn’t smell like medicated patches for muscle strain. She didn’t lean forward slightly when she walked, and the furrow between her brows wasn’t there. She wore a red floral dress and held an umbrella to shield them from the summer sun and rain, her soft arm supporting a tiny Lin Sanyuan as they walked through the dusty old factory streets.

Where they were going, Lin Sanyuan could no longer remember through the hazy layers of memory. The only things that remained vivid were the dust, the leaves, and the scent of soap on her mother’s skin that summer.

That memory was playing foul.

Lin Sanyuan didn’t want to fight with her. To speak of it made her feel melodramatic; she wasn’t one of those tragic, “beautiful but miserable” heroines from her own books. She hadn’t actually suffered any monumental hardships growing up. She just hadn’t grown up by her parents’ side. She never lacked for pocket money.

Just because of a difference in views on marriage, neither she nor her mother was “wrong.” Even though her mother’s words were harsh, Lin Sanyuan knew it was her unique way of expressing anger and helplessness—in this, she was exactly like her grandmother.

The relationship between her and her mother wasn’t even as terrifying as the one between her mother and grandmother. When they fought, her grandmother would even kneel on the floor with her hands pressed together in prayer while hurling the most vicious insults. Most women who came out of the mountains were ground down into this state of hysteria and desperation.

She sat on the bed, staring blankly at the clothes her mother had pulled from the closet.

“You should wear the short padded coat. It looks good with the skirt and small boots. Don’t let your hair hang down, tie it up high so you look energetic. During the meal, make sure to serve the boy food and tea. It’s the New Year, don’t throw a tantrum, or people will say our family has no manners.”

She even wanted to control what she wore and how she styled her hair. If Lin Sanyuan wore something her mother didn’t like, her mother could be angry with her for an entire day, refusing to speak to her.

Lin Sanyuan had no energy left for a tantrum. Her head hurt more and more, the pain making her stomach churn with a wave of nausea. She went to the bathroom to wash her face. Lin Shengsheng stepped out of his room; having stayed up all night gaming, he was up unusually early today.

He glanced at Lin Sanyuan while brushing his teeth and said, “Sis, that animated movie you wanted to see is out. Let’s go to the county seat for a meal at noon and then catch the movie, yeah?”