My Clingy Fiancée Is Forcing Me to Marry Her Again - Chapter 50.1

Bai Shao looked like a dying plant that had been dehydrated for a long time and could no longer receive the nourishment of rain.

Now, let alone traveling, it seemed like she would collapse after just a few more steps.

The most nourishing thing for a person is emotion; conversely, the thing that causes the most pain is also emotion.

“Didn’t you say you were going to travel?” Li Fangge suppressed her smile, walked over to her cousin, and sat down facing her, with her right leg bent and resting on the sofa.

Bai Shao withdrew her gaze from Li Fangge.

Her eyes were like dried-up roses, hollow and dull, and her whole body seemed tightly wrapped by a heavy mass of dark energy.

“No strength. I just realized that traveling during a breakup isn’t suitable for me. It’s better to have someone by my side; that way, that dead woman won’t keep occupying my mind, no matter how hard I try to chase her away.”

Bai Shao’s voice was also weak and powerless.

There was not a hint of blame in her tone; the three words “dead woman” came out of her mouth full of longing.

The sorrow of not being able to have her yet being unable to let go was vividly etched in the corners of her eyes and brows.

“Do you want to see her?”

Li Fangge asked the obvious question. She didn’t want to upset her cousin, but the question slipped out.

Although she didn’t quite understand the situation of unrequited or forbidden love, she was very familiar with the feeling of a million ants biting when you like someone but can’t be with them.

Bai Shao shook her head. Without warning, tears surged violently from her dull eyes like a river bursting its dam.

The more she shook her head, the more tears flowed.

“Damn it, I hate this! I hate that I always—always start crying uncontrollably whenever I think of her.”

“Sis, why don’t you try harder to hold onto Guan Xiaoyan? —Since neither of you can let go of the other.”

“You don’t understand. For some things, effort is useless.”

Bai Shao haphazardly wiped her tears, turned her face away, and presented the back of her head to Li Fangge.

“Is that so.”

Effort is useless; this sense of powerlessness is suffocating.

Perhaps Bai Shao was very soberly aware that effort was futile, which is why she was crying so openly, disregarding her image.

You know, back when she completely fell out with her parents and moved out of the house in a fit of pique, she didn’t shed a single tear.

But recently, she had broken down and cried too many times.

“I’ll stay with you for a while.”

“…” Li Fangge wasn’t sure if telling her cousin that Guan Xiaoyu was moving in at this moment would upset her.

“Is it inconvenient?!” Bai Shao suddenly turned around, staring at her with intensity and sadness.

“Sis, what eyeshadow are you using?”

After shedding so many tears, Bai Shao’s eyes weren’t smudged at all; her eyeliner and eyeshadow were rock-solid.

Li Fangge was deliberately changing the subject. She understood her cousin’s feelings but didn’t want her to remain trapped in unhelpful sorrow.

“Is that the point right now?!”

“Is it perhaps the legendary kind that doesn’t smudge even if you cry yourself unconscious?”

“Li Fangge!”

“Of course, it’s convenient. The house is so big. Besides my room, you can pick any other one you like.”

This villa must have at least twenty or thirty rooms.

Li Fangge hadn’t counted and hadn’t confirmed with the traditional Chen Qiaoyi.

Since she wasn’t paying for food or lodging, she welcomed a bit of liveliness. In this world, she lacked friends as much as she lacked money.

“Your eyes say ‘but,’ hurry up and tell me—” Bai Shao turned sideways, pulled out two tissues, and thoroughly wiped away her tears.

After crying, her eyes were no longer so hollow and dull; even some of the sadness seemed to have been washed away by the tears.

“It’s a coincidence that everyone chose today. Is today some kind of auspicious day?” Li Fangge looked into her cousin’s eyes. She knew that emotions were something she couldn’t offer much help with, and that the various feelings were hard for an outsider to truly understand, so even though her heart ached for her, she rarely gave advice.

Relationships that can be managed by method and chosen without hesitation are generally more focused on self-interest;

while people who prioritize emotion tend to love based on feeling, with not many methods to follow.

“What all chose today?”

Bai Shao straightened her back, tucked the wild strand of hair on her right side behind her ear, and her red eyes showed a hint of gossipy excitement.

“Guan Xiaoyu. She’s moving in this afternoon.”

“You two are moving at rocket speed!” Bai Shao’s surprised tone carried a hint of sourness, and her expression openly revealed envy.

“Right?” Li Fangge smiled, restraining herself, keeping her smile shallow.

The image of Guan Xiaoyu surfaced in her mind. Her happy smile easily pricked a certain nerve.

She was dazzling to begin with, and when she smiled, she became especially bright, like the evening star in the night sky, appearing so brilliant it was almost disorienting.

“The sour stench of love.” Bai Shao pinched her nose and turned her face away.

The more she looked at Li Fangge, the more she inexplicably wanted to see Guan Xiaoyan.

She had thought her affection would wither,

but when she learned that Guan Xiaoyan was still worried and caring for her, even if it was in a way Bai Shao didn’t like,

the longing in her heart seemed to have a life of its own, and no matter how much she suppressed it, it eventually became overwhelming.

Why did their relationship have to be so tormenting? Many Beta and Alpha couples were clearly very relaxed and happy.

Why was it absolutely impossible for her and Guan Xiaoyan?!

Not being able to get closer yet being unable to let go was the most agonizing part.

“It’s clearly the fragrance of love.” Li Fangge simply stopped holding back, and her smile became more dazzling.

Half a month ago, she would never have imagined being able to love so unburdened. The path of this seemingly heaven-sent relationship was paved with thorns, and the intimacy between her and Guan Xiaoyu wasn’t optimistic, but with two hearts leaning towards each other, even the greatest difficulties felt light as a feather. Now, nothing could affect her good mood.

“Show-off!”

“The two sisters are so different.”

“How could they not be? Guan Xiaoyan has nothing, while Guan Xiaoyu—has so many people who adore her.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t know?”

“Sis, what are you talking about?”

“It seems Guan Xiaoyu hasn’t told you,” a hint of triumph flashed in Bai Shao’s eyes, as if she had inadvertently scored a point. “They are half-sisters, sharing the same father but different mothers. Guan Xiaoyan’s mother was an orphan who passed away when Guan Xiaoyan was very young. Before she met me, she was always very lonely.”

“Is that so.” Li Fangge couldn’t help but sigh with emotion.

No wonder Guan Xiaoyan always seemed so aloof; it turned out that was the baseline of her life.

“I understand her,” Bai Shao’s gaze quickly dimmed again. “But understanding doesn’t mean I have to accept it, right?

“I’m too tired. I also have a pile of messes to deal with myself. A lot of the time, I also want to be a willful, clueless woman who can throw a tantrum whenever she wants, but when facing her, I still can’t bring myself to be ruthless. Every time, I only manage to catch my breath by breaking up. I know very well that breaking up rapidly consumes each other’s passion, but—I’m too tired. If we continue being together like that, I’ll eventually suffocate.”

After speaking, her head slightly drooped.

Li Fangge saw that her eyelashes were still damp. “Sis, can you be a little more honest? Why be the type of woman who says no but means yes?”

Right now, the person this tearful woman wants to see the most must be Guan Xiaoyan!

As Li Fangge was thinking this, Bai Shao’s long arm swung over and slapped her on the arm. “Do you have to make me cry, have to make me look awful?!”

“Love is so annoying,” Li Fangge said, then thought of Guan Xiaoyu again.

But no matter how difficult, she still wanted to be with her.

She hadn’t known before, thinking that beautiful relationships held more sweetness. Now it seemed that all human relationships were bittersweet.

However, enjoying the good, facing the heavy, and sharing the joys and sorrows with the person she liked made her feel especially grounded.

Although avoiding harm and seeking benefit is a common human instinct, encountering various obstacles early in the relationship gave Li Fangge the realization that her and Guan Xiaoyu’s meeting was not a frivolous matter.

She knew they weren’t heavily intertwined since high school like Bai Shao and Guan Xiaoyan,

but Li Fangge was confident that she and Guan Xiaoyu would never choose to separate because they loved each other, as they did.

“We weren’t saying things we didn’t mean. Being happy together was real, but being tired was also real. I’m tired, and Guan Xiaoyan is also tired. We were both close to suffocating. If we continued like that, both of us would collapse.”

“Collapsing together, or collapsing apart. If it were Guan Xiaoyu and me, we’d probably choose to collapse together.”

“What foolishness are you talking about? No one can bear to watch themselves and the person they love suffer!”

“…” Li Fangge felt like she’d been struck by an arrow; words spoken by someone who had truly experienced pain carried more weight. “Sis, is the blessing of others really that important?”

She vaguely felt that Bai Shao still wanted to be acknowledged and accepted.

That’s true. The desire for acknowledgment is a shared human trait. For any living being in a group, saying they completely disregard other people’s opinions is likely false, as most people aren’t that detached.

“It’s only because your uncle and aunt never truly gave up on you that you ask this. What I’ve always wanted wasn’t the blessing of others, but simply to love freely, like an ordinary couple, like you and Guan Xiaoyu. But that is still too difficult for Guan Xiaoyan—”

“Oh!”

Li Fangge could imagine it.

She and Guan Xiaoyu still had a slim hope of a secondary differentiation.

But for Bai Shao and Guan Xiaoyan to be together, she truly hadn’t heard of any Beta and Alpha pair having offspring.

Although Beta and Alpha couples are very common in this world, it was clear that Guan Zhao would never allow such a thing to happen to his chosen heir.

The reason Bai Shao had just said “For some things, effort is useless” must be because she had seen through Guan Xiaoyan’s choice. Given Guan Xiaoyan’s situation, between love and career, she would likely choose the latter without hesitation.

“Logic tells me to let go of myself and let go of Guan Xiaoyan, but—”

Bai Shao looked up at the ceiling. “If she doesn’t let go of me, then I—” Her voice dropped, and tears welled up in her eyes again. “I won’t be able to completely let go. This is so damn fucked up! I don’t want to be like this—”

“Guan Xiaoyan doesn’t have nothing; she just can’t bear to let go of everything belonging to the Guan family. She just… wants it all.”

“Telling the truth sounds especially harsh at a time like this.”

Bai Shao raised her hand and used the damp tissue to wipe her eyes again. “You haven’t experienced truly having nothing, so you won’t understand why she wants it all.”

Li Fangge wanted to say something, but her mouth fell silent. Upon reflection, compared to Guan Xiaoyan, she truly didn’t have such a profound shortcoming.

The matter of differentiation not meeting expectations, just like height or appearance, is something one cannot help.

If you cling to things you can’t change, even using them for self-pity and pushing yourself into an abyss, in the end, no one will sympathize with you.

Li Fangge had deeply realized this from the scummy Alpha.

Now, she urgently wanted to climb out of this abyss. Even if there was no secondary differentiation in the end, and even if her intimacy with Guan Xiaoyu was separated by an unbearable, scorching sting, for the sake of wholeheartedly running towards her little white flower, she was willing to strive and to change.

“Sis, sometimes you have to give something up to gain something. Trying to have it all might end up leaving you with nothing.”

Li Fangge didn’t want Bai Shao to be constantly tearful like this and continued to speak the truth her cousin might not want to hear.