Married the Abandoned Puppy Alpha - Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Owing Nothing

The two of them returned home in silence throughout the entire journey.

To He Xinglou’s surprise, Shi Qingze showed absolutely no intention of explaining his behavior today; instead, he headed straight for the kitchen.

“What are you making?” He Xinglou leaned over curiously.

Shi Qingze was still in a foul mood: “You didn’t eat your fill at the banquet just now. I’m making some hot cream soup for you.”

Back when the two lived in the slums, He Xinglou often worked part-time until very late, and Shi Qingze would prepare late-night snacks for him. However, the kid truly had no culinary talent; even if the soup looked white, creamy, and rich, one sip was enough to nearly turn He Xinglou into a dehydrated sponge from the saltiness.

Thinking of that memory, He Xinglou said hesitantly, “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

Shi Qingze’s hand paused. He lifted his eyelids to look at him, a hint of a smile appearing: “Is Brother looking down on me?”

He Xinglou admitted honestly: “Your cooking skills… I haven’t been able to compliment them since the old days.”

Shi Qingze’s eyes crinkled. He lowered his head and continued preparing the ingredients: “This is the first time I’ve heard Brother proactively mention things from the past.”

He Xinglou slowed his breathing. After thinking it over, he made up his mind to speak: “Tonight… Do you have anything you want to say to me?”

For example, that rainy night two years ago. For example, how Shi Qingze found out about what happened.

Shi Qingze continued chopping vegetables and nodded: “There is something I want to ask Brother.”

He Xinglou’s heart rate quickened. He tried to maintain a calm expression: “What is it?”

“Regarding the question Shi Zhao asked at the banquet—Brother helped me out of that predicament, but aren’t you curious about the real reason?”

He Xinglou froze, not reacting immediately: “What question?”

He had thought Shi Qingze would start by asking about the manager.

Shi Qingze lowered his brow: “Why… I never came to find you during these past two years.”

So it was that.

He Xinglou waved his hand dismissively: “That was just his tactic to sow discord. I won’t take it to heart.”

He originally wanted to say it was because he had a guilty conscience toward Shi Qingze and wished they would never meet again, but the emotional intelligence he had developed from drifting through society immediately stopped him, lest saying such a thing make Shi Qingze go mad again.

“But I don’t want to be misunderstood by Brother,” Shi Qingze said with a heavier tone. “I don’t want… any rift between us.”

Now that we’ve been separated for two years and our statuses are worlds apart, it’s not a rift it’s a chasm, He Xinglou internally complained.

Shi Qingze continued: “I made a huge mistake back then, so I didn’t dare come to find Brother. I was afraid you truly hated me and that meeting me would only annoy you.”

As for the “mistake” he mentioned, both of them understood it perfectly.

It was nothing other than that out-of-control differentiation period.

“Brother said it at the banquet just now that it was your first time, so you were very scared.” Shi Qingze’s voice began to tremble.

He Xinglou couldn’t bear to watch and walked over to take the knife from his hand, worried that Shi Qingze might cut himself.

As soon as the knife was gone, Shi Qingze’s hands wrapped around him, gripping his wrists again.

“I’m sorry, Brother. I didn’t control myself back then. In that situation, I even… even…”

Xinglou moved his lips, not knowing what was appropriate to say.

At the banquet, he had only thought about helping Shi Qingze out, but saying he was “scared” was actually the truth.

That day, he had been kicked out of the estate directly by the manager.

Perhaps it was because the manager saw Shi Yaoran’s attitude toward him, or perhaps he smelled the stench of poverty on him from the moment He Xinglou entered the estate, the manager never gave him a kind face. He didn’t even provide a chair, making He Xinglou stand in the empty hall for over two hours.

Later, Shi Yaoran cursed him out to vent his rage. Once he secured He Xinglou’s promise that Shi Qingze would return home the next day, the manager took it upon himself to drag him away and shove him forcefully out the front gate.

Xinglou walked for a long time in the pouring rain; he was cold and exhausted. When he finally returned to their home, he opened the door and smelled an overwhelming scent of pine. Only then did he realize Shi Qingze had differentiated into an Alpha.

That was the first time he had witnessed an Alpha’s differentiation period, and he was truly terrified.

The well-behaved kid he lived with day and night had suddenly changed, his eyes blood-red as he lunged forward. No matter how He Xinglou struggled, he couldn’t escape.

The pheromones were like a net for capturing prey, stimulating He Xinglou until his legs went weak, leaving him with no strength to resist.

It felt as though he was going to be swallowed whole by Shi Qingze.

“But it wasn’t your fault,” He Xinglou said softly, pulling himself out of the damp memories.

“I was just scared, but I know that a differentiation period is impossible to control. If I had come home earlier, maybe I could have helped you handle it better.”

“Come home earlier?” Shi Qingze asked back.

He raised his head, emotionally agitated: “How could you have come home earlier? You suffered so much bullying at the Shi house; you were bullied by them because of me, yet you say you should have come home earlier to… take care of me?”

He Xinglou didn’t quite understand his reaction but still tried to comfort him: “Calm down. I’ve already said it wasn’t your fault. Besides, you stood up for me today.”

“It was my fault.” Shi Qingze shook his head.

“If it weren’t for me, Brother wouldn’t have encountered these terrible things at all.”

How could that be? If he hadn’t picked up Shi Qingze and received that emergency subsidy, He Xinglou wouldn’t even have been able to pay that month’s rent.

He Xinglou wanted to argue, but Shi Qingze’s eyes reddened, and two tears fell, landing on the back of He Xinglou’s hand.

He’s crying again?

He Xinglou looked up blankly.

Shi Qingze’s gaze was sorrowful, his eyelashes wet as if coated in a layer of crushed ice: “Brother, I beg you…”

In a daze, He Xinglou seemed to see that child from three years ago again.

The child curled up in his arms, crying bitterly even in his dreams.

“I beg you, Mom… don’t die. Don’t leave me.”

Why does he always have to make this “abandoned” expression?

Xinglou sighed and slowly pulled his wrists away, then reached up to pinch Shi Qingze’s cheek.

“You said you’d matured over these two years, so why are you crying again?”

After feeling the warmth from his cheek, Shi Qingze’s eyes snapped wide. He urgently covered the back of He Xinglou’s hand with his palm, finally feeling a sense of reality.

He Xinglou’s expression softened; he even smiled slightly: “Let the past be the past. Honestly, when you dealt with the manager today, it gave me a shock. Even if he kicked me out back then, so what? Haven’t I survived just fine? A few insults don’t affect me; they’re essentially painless.”

“Of course, regarding his bribery, that is a private Shi family matter. I certainly have no right to say much about it; you surely have your own considerations.”

“So…” He Xinglou thought for a few seconds and changed the form of address, “Xiao Ze, let’s neither of us be stubborn. Back then, if it weren’t for your minor’s subsidy, I couldn’t even have paid the rent. In that sense, I was the one who used you.”

“No! My brother did not use me!” Shi Qingze retorted even more emotionally.

Xinglou quickly pressed his other hand against him to soothe him: “Fine, fine. Since you feel I didn’t use you, then similarly, I have never felt you owed me anything. When the contract ends, let’s just owe each other nothing, alright?”

After saying this, he himself was stunned. The phrase “owe each other nothing” was actually what he wanted to say to Shi Qingze most.

For the past two years, he had carried guilt toward Shi Qingze, but for some reason, after everything that happened tonight, he was able to speak smoothly about the past.

It should be considered “moving on,” right? Yes, that’s it.

Just as Song Xiao said, the past was a mess of bad debts. No matter how you calculate them, they’ll never be clear, so it’s better not to think about them. We owe each other nothing.

He patted Shi Qingze’s shoulder: “Then it’s settled. Let’s never mention the past again. From now on, we’ll focus on executing the plan. I get my residency, you get your inheritance, everyone’s happy.”

Xinglou felt he had moved on and felt much lighter at heart. Consequently, he didn’t notice that after he said “owe each other nothing,” the color of Shi Qingze’s eyes suddenly turned dark and murky, like a soul-snatching abyss or a brewing storm destined to destroy the world.

He only realized he hadn’t heard a response from Shi Qingze for a while and looked at him in confusion: “Shi Qingze?”

He Xinglou finally noticed something was wrong and leaned in close: “Are you feeling unwell? Why is your face so pale?”

Shi Qingze blinked slowly. A stray tear fell and was considerably wiped away by He Xinglou.

“Don’t cry.” Xinglou used the tone he once used for the child. “When I say I don’t blame you, I mean it.”

“Okay.” Shi Qingze nodded obediently, then asked, “Then we’ll get married tomorrow, okay?”

Tomorrow? So soon?

Xinglou hesitated for only two seconds before Shi Qingze’s eyes began to redden again: “Brother…”

“Fine, fine. Tomorrow it is,” He Xinglou said hurriedly.

Since the agreement was already signed, one day earlier or later made no difference.

Only then did Shi Qingze smile through his red eyes.

“Then Brother, go wash up first. Wait for me to finish the soup, and we’ll drink it together.”

After this long night, He Xinglou was indeed very tired, so he said no more and turned into the second bedroom.

It wasn’t until he heard the door to the second bedroom close that Shi Qingze withdrew his gaze and looked expressionlessly at the knife on the cutting board.

He extended a finger and lightly ran it across the thin, sharp blade, but he did not cut himself.

If he got hurt, Brother would definitely feel bad. Although doing so would make Brother soft-hearted and agree to many things, this method couldn’t be used frequently, unless…

“Do we owe each other nothing?” Shi Qingze repeated softly.

How could that be possible?

When they lived in the slums, Shi Qingze had seen people from the slums being taken away by inspectors.

Every person who returned, without exception, looked as if they had lost their soul. They were demoralized and could never again crawl out of the mire called poverty. Some would pick up all sorts of strange vices; their average survival time after release did not exceed two years.

Two years… Shi Qingze gritted his teeth, wishing he could grab a knife right now, find Shi Yaoran, and perish together with him.

How could he have been so stupid? How could he have actually believed Shi Yaoran’s words? He had actually believed that Brother had already obtained residency and was living a good life, which was why he hadn’t dared to disturb him for so long.

And during these two years, how exactly had his Brother survived? If his luck had been just a bit worse, perhaps he would never have been able to reunite with Brother.

Shi Qingze didn’t dare think further.

Did someone like him even deserve Brother’s forgiveness? Whether it was disposing of the manager today or disposing of others who harmed Brother in the future, the person who deserved retribution most… wasn’t it himself?

What he wanted to say to He Xinglou just now hadn’t been finished; it was interrupted by He Xinglou’s gentle reaching out and soothing.

What he wanted to say was: Brother, I beg you, do not forgive me.

Don’t owe each other nothing. Don’t let go of the past. Never, ever forgive me.

Just like this, let us be entangled for a lifetime.

Even at the moment of death, he wanted to hand over the knife and let Brother pierce his heart.

…

A soft knock came from the door.

He Xinglou opened it immediately: “Is it ready?”

Shi Qingze’s emotions had stabilized. He nodded: “Mhm. Brother, come and try it.”

He Xinglou walked over and looked at the steaming bowl on the dining table, feeling a sense of nostalgia.

“Well, after two years, your cooking is much better than before.” He Xinglou took a bite and teased.

Shi Qingze seemed to have no appetite, taking only a few small sips: “Then in the future, I’ll cook for Brother every day.”

“How could I trouble you like that?” He Xinglou laughed. “You’re so busy; you have to inherit the Shi family later.”

He said this sincerely. At the banquet tonight, among the younger generation, only Shi Qingze looked like he belonged; the others were a mess.

At that moment, he heard Shi Qingze whisper something. He Xinglou didn’t hear clearly and asked him to repeat it, but the other only shook his head and wouldn’t say.

After eating his fill, a “carb coma” began to set in. He Xinglou was urged to return to his room to rest. After Shi Qingze tidied up the living room, he did not enter the bedroom.

He lay down on the sofa again, just like the first night He Xinglou had come to his house.

Because he was afraid He Xinglou would leave, he couldn’t sleep all night. He simply made do on the sofa; as long as He Xinglou wanted to go out, he would definitely notice.

Now, for the same reason, as soon as He Xinglou woke up, he would definitely notice.

Shi Qingze took out his headphones and put them on. The white noise of rain to help him sleep immediately began to play on loop.

Before sleeping, he silently recalled the video he had seen tonight once more, etching every frame into his heart.

His Brother had suffered all sorts of grievances in a place he didn’t know about, walking through that dark night, drenched in rain and lost.

And now, he too could not walk out of that rainy night.