Living a Scheming Marriage with a Mad Villain - Chapter 115

“This is your room.”

 

It was the couple’s bedroom they had been sharing since the contract. But Loelle spoke stiffly, as if he had never thought about it that way.

 

“It’s right for the uncomfortable person to leave. I’ll give up the space. Stay comfortable, Reus.”

 

The words “uncomfortable person” hit Reus’s heart hard.

 

Though Loelle seemed to be referring to me, it was really about himself.

 

He always tried not to feel that way. But to the woman, he was still an uncomfortable presence. If he had opened his heart a little sooner, or if I had tried a bit harder, would things have been different?

 

Soon, the sound of the door closing was heard. Strangely, that sound seemed to say the outcome would be the same no matter what.

 

If he’s uncomfortable even looking at me, there’s nothing more I can do.

 

Afraid that holding on might cause her to push him away immediately, Reus stood still before the line Loelle had drawn and waited endlessly for her, again and again.

 

 

 

After leaving the bedroom like that, Loelle hid in the library whenever he could. He had clearly said he didn’t want to be disturbed while reading, so Reus didn’t come near him.

 

It was an unspoken agreement between them.

 

They spent time together during meals and when sleeping, but when reading, Loelle would have time alone.

 

Loelle had quit working because Reus kept leaving his office and kept coming up with ridiculous excuses to visit him.

 

Now, the little time spent with Reus was painful for Loelle.

 

His guilt only grew heavier with time. It became unbearable to the point where he often wanted to ask, “Please just leave me alone.”

 

But Loelle endured.

 

Probably because even if he said something unpleasant, Reus would just follow him like a shadow using that as an excuse.

 

Today, Loelle sat in a chair in the corner on the third floor of the library, hugging his legs. Books didn’t even catch his attention. He leaned his forehead on his knees as if collapsing and gave all of himself to the silence.

 

But he remembered Reus holding onto him earlier, and a crease appeared between his brows.

 

“Can’t you walk with me just to the library door…?”

 

“That’s not necessary.”

 

“But still…”

 

“Let’s go now, Reus. I’ll go too.”

 

Loelle turned around and headed for the library. Reus followed a few steps behind, then stopped. Even after Loelle was far away, there was no sound from behind.

 

There was no way to soothe him by saying sorry for pushing him away, nor could Loelle push him away harshly enough to make him give up.

 

Every moment he was going through felt so painful.

 

Right now, he wanted to leave so badly that the words caught in his throat. Still, he couldn’t say anything for a simple reason.

 

Before hearing the reason, it was clear Reus wouldn’t let go, but Loelle didn’t want to talk about his father. And even if Reus heard the reason, he would probably say everything was fine.

 

That scared Loelle the most.

 

‘I should have left a little sooner…’

 

Looking back, there had been many chances to leave. But the kindness of the people at the Grand Duke’s castle and the man’s love felt so sweet that he kept delaying it — and this mess was his own fault.

 

So he had to accept the pain he faced now. Whenever he saw Reus, he felt suffocated and ran away, making his suffering affect the man.

 

Loelle buried his face into his knees again.

 

Then he heard footsteps from afar. The heavy steps hesitated for a moment but soon came closer.

 

“Loelle.”

 

Again. A desperate voice, as if he had been searching for him all day. A loving voice that Loelle no longer wanted to welcome.

 

When Loelle didn’t answer, Reus knelt down on one knee.

 

“Loelle… please, just look up for a moment.”

 

“I’m worried if you’re hurt.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

The short answer was a clear way of saying “Please leave me alone.” The man obviously understood but pretended not to hear and stayed. Hoping that if he ignored him, Loelle would leave. But Reus knelt and waited for Loelle to lift his head.

 

Finally, Loelle spoke in a tired voice.

 

“I told you I want to be alone when I read.”

 

Though no books were around, Loelle gave a clear lie to embarrass the man.

 

“Right now…”

 

Reus, unable to finish his sentence, trailed off, and uncomfortable silence filled the room.

 

A foolish man. He waited for Loelle as if his legs weren’t hurting at all. Slowly, Loelle raised his head and looked at Reus.

 

His face was tired but showing some color.

 

Worried, but… disliked. Staying awake because there was no daughter of the man who killed his parents was no reason to be proud.

 

The sharp man’s face made Loelle’s earlier intention to send him away in a kind way feel pointless.

 

“I want to be alone.”

 

“So please leave now.”

 

Was it so painful to ask to be left alone? Loelle’s face showed no intention of hiding his rejection anymore, and Reus smiled bitterly without realizing it.

 

“Loelle.”

 

But after saying her name, his patience suddenly broke. He couldn’t control his expression and his voice trembled pitifully.

 

“If I did something wrong, please tell me. I’ll fix anything.”

 

Loelle had been the one acting coldly without saying a word. But Reus felt sorry as if it was all his fault.

 

Loelle wanted to cry.

 

No matter how cruel he was, he felt sorry because Reus was kind, and… he also hated him.

 

Reus was not to blame for Loelle’s guilt, but somehow he hated the man. He resented that Reus never told him anything even though he knew everything until Loelle fell in love.

 

He hated Reus so much for treating him well despite knowing he was the daughter of the person who killed his parents.

 

No, actually, Loelle hated himself so much it was driving him crazy.

 

He was the daughter of Count Ivelle, the cause of Reus’s parents’ death. Carrying the Ivelle name, he felt ashamed for hating the man. And he was terrified of the days he smiled next to the man under the Rochester name without knowing the truth.

 

“Loelle, I really will fix everything. So—”

 

“Please…! Please, can’t you just leave me alone?”

 

The resentment was aimed at his own existence, but the man in front, who had stiffened, seemed to be the most hurt.

 

“I want to be alone…”

 

But hearing the tearful voice, Reus became restless quickly. And as if punishment for not leaving, a cold voice was heard.

 

“I want to leave.”

 

“Please let me leave now.”

 

Their avoided problem finally surfaced. Now, neither could back down. Loelle decided that if Reus asked for the reason, he would tell everything and then leave.

 

Even if it meant dying after leaving this safe place, he didn’t want to kill Reus here.

 

But Reus only kept repeating the same words as if he didn’t hear.

 

“If I made a mistake… I will apologize. I’m clumsy, so please understand with a kind heart. If you just tell me what I did wrong, I can really fix it…”

 

“Then don’t come looking for me like this anymore.”

 

But in their fight, Loelle had the upper hand.

 

“No, just please stop holding me. Please, just let me go like we promised.”

 

“Loelle…”

 

“Don’t even say my name.”

 

Loelle barely spoke and then dropped his head. It seemed horrible for her to even look at him.

 

“Don’t call me that, just… just please let me go, Reus…”

 

Did she really hate being by his side that much? Hearing Loelle’s blaming tone, Reus barely held back silent tears.

 

What had the emperor said to make her push him away so much?

 

He wanted to ask but swallowed the words again with sadness. He had to kill his feelings and curiosity to shamelessly hold on.

 

Soon, Reus took Loelle’s hands and begged desperately.

 

“Not that… anything else, I’ll do anything. I’m sorry for saying no after asking you to say what you want. But please, think again about not leaving, Loelle…”

 

Loelle didn’t move, whether he was listening or not.

 

“Loelle, I’m sorry for being selfish. It’s all my fault. So can you say anything else besides ‘don’t hold me’?”

 

“If I don’t leave, will you really do anything?”

 

“Yes, anything you want, I will do.”

 

Anything, as long as it wasn’t leaving. Loelle met Reus’s eyes and said with an empty voice,

 

“Then don’t come looking for me anymore, and don’t call my name all the time.”

 

“If you don’t plan to let me go, then don’t care what I do from now on.”

 

She asked him not to call her name or meet her eyes while they were in the same space. It was almost the same as saying she wanted to leave.

 

But Reus thought it was enough just to get the promise that she wouldn’t leave.

 

It meant the woman still had some mercy left for him. He believed he could work harder.

 

Even if they never returned to how things were before, Reus was okay with that.

 

As long as she stayed by his side. That alone was enough for him to live through.

 

After all, he was the one who forced the person who wanted to leave to stay. He should be grateful she stayed by his side for no reason.

 

“I hope you leave now.”

 

“Understood. I will do that. I won’t bother you anymore, Loelle.”

 

Without even giving the blanket he brought, Reus quietly left the library.

 

Loelle slowly lifted his head and saw the blanket on the floor. It hadn’t been there before Reus came. The blanket lying alone on the cold floor felt like Reus’s heart that Loelle had pushed away, and he couldn’t look away. Biting his lower lip to hold back tears, Loelle finally broke down and cried.