Junior Brother Has No Idea - Chapter 9

[Hubby, I’ve been officially recruited by the System. I’m now a member of the “Universal Heartthrob System,” Employee ID 190213.]

[It’s a bit complicated. After you left me and went out, I was just sunning myself on the table. Suddenly, the Task Book notified me that Xie Jiusi’s favorability reached 50, and the newbie task was complete!]

[Then I was sucked into the “God Space.” They were having a pep rally, and I even joined in on a few slogans.]

[I met the Great God. I had a huge fight with it and called it a kidnapper, telling it to send me back… but then it said I was already dead in my own world, which is why I was pulled here. Originally, the reward for finishing the mission was my resurrection, but because the system I was bound to 188432 is missing, I can 100% never go back.]

Xie Yong leaned against the headboard, a copy of The Records of Myriad Things in his lap. He appeared to be reading, but his mind was in a state of chaotic noise. He didn’t know how the light sphere was able to speak directly into his mind, but since he still had control over his body and felt no discomfort, he assumed it was simply residing in his consciousness.

He interrupted the endless rambling. “Get to the point.”

[Fine, Hubby. To put it simply: I am now your System, and you are my Host.] [Think of us as partners. I help you finish tasks, and we both get rewards.]

Xie Yong said, “You just said you can’t go back.”

The sphere no, the System let out a dry laugh. Its voice was mechanical and strangely eerie.

[Yes, I can never go back. I’m an eternal member of the System corps now. My ID is 190213. Remember to give me a five-star review when the mission is over!]

Xie Yong was silent for a moment. “Liar.”

[Aiyaya! I knew I couldn’t fool you!] The System sounded exasperated, asking how he knew it was lying.

Xie Yong closed his book and leaned back to rest, replying in his mind: “If you really couldn’t go back, you would have already been crying.”

[If I help you finish the mission, I get energy rewards! The more tasks you complete, the more energy I get. Once I save up enough, I can resurrect myself in my own world!]

The System was incredibly optimistic.

[I did the math. I only need to work for the Great God 99 times, and then I can go home!]

Ninety-nine times. Fine, as long as it can go home. Xie Yong felt a headache coming on and rubbed his temples. “You said the newbie task is done. What are the rewards?”

[Only 20 points. No extra item drops. Hubby, your luck is a bit ‘black’ today.]

Xie Yong asked, “What can we buy? Can we get the Body Tempering Pills or the Marrow Cleansing Soup?”

[…Haha, Hubby, you’re such a joker. Those are 999 points.] The System studied the interface for a moment and suggested the Limited-Time Discount Mall. Since they had just finished the newbie task and hadn’t entered the main plot, a special batch of items was available.

[There’s an item called “Private Room Steamed Goose Heart” (Si Zhai Zheng E Xin) on a massive discount. 0.2 points each. You can get five for 1 point.]

Xie Yong wasn’t interested. He stubbornly asked, “Is there any way to get 999 points immediately?”

[The main story hasn’t started, so I can’t see the big task rewards yet. But we can buy a ‘Body Strengthening Pill’ for 18 points. Want it?]

Xie Yong hesitated, then nodded. Those previous “Systems” had used time-stopping items before, so they clearly had real power. He needed to verify if his own System was legitimate.

[Understood. ‘Body Strengthening Pill’ exchanged.]

The air in front of him warped for a split second, and a palm-sized wooden box appeared out of nowhere. Xie Yong instinctively caught it. The box was solid and real. He opened it and smelled a faint medicinal fragrance. Inside lay a single black pill.

A pill the size of a fist.

Xie Yong’s face soured. “System, is there a mistake? How am I supposed to eat this?”

[Holy crap!] The new System was more shocked than Xie Yong. [That’s the Great-Granddaddy of all pills.]

Xie Yong: “…”

Forget it. Better to rely on myself than this unreliable thing.

He got out of bed and found a knife to cut the pill. He didn’t dare swallow a mysterious object whole, so he sliced it into sections, leaving one piece out and putting the rest back in the box.

When Jing Fusuo came later to check his pulse, Xie Yong handed him the small fragment, saying smoothly, “Mother brought this back from her travels, but I forgot what it’s for. Could Uncle Jing take a look?”

Jing Fusuo sniffed it, pinched it, and even tasted a tiny bit.

“Well?” Xie Yong asked tensely.

Jing Fusuo closed his eyes to feel the effect, then handed the rest back. “It’s for nourishing the constitution. It’s harmless.”

The Unexpected Visitor

Relieved, Xie Yong poured a cup of tea and prepared to swallow the sections of the pill. While he was drinking, the System chirped: [Hubby, let’s just spend 1 point on the Steamed Goose Hearts. They’re so cheap!]

Xie Yong had just swallowed a piece of the pill and nearly choked. He had to drain the entire cup of tea to get it down. “Whatever you want,” he muttered, pouring another cup to finish the rest.

Just as he swallowed the second piece, the door was slammed open. Xie Jiusi marched in, looking ecstatic. “Xie Yong! You’re brilliant! Guess what? That Liu daughter’s body really was occupied by that ghost—”

He stopped mid-sentence. Xie Yong’s face was turning bright red, one hand clutching the table and the other on his throat, coughing painfully.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jiusi rushed over, grabbed the teacup from the table, and held it to Xie Yong’s lips while rubbing his back.

Once the pill finally went down, Xie Yong felt like his throat had been torn open. Furious, he punched Jiusi in the shoulder. If this idiot hadn’t barged in, I wouldn’t have choked!

Jiusi took the punch and, strangely, didn’t get angry. He rubbed his shoulder and thought, Xie Yong’s punch actually has some weight to it now.

[Xie Jiusi favorability +5.]

Xie Yong leaned back in his chair, looking at Jiusi with confusion. What’s his deal? Does he like being hit?

Jiusi, oblivious, was still riding the high of his first exorcism mission with his mother. “This is for you,” he said, pulling a paper parcel from his storage ring.

Xie Yong glanced at it. “What is it?”

Jiusi tore open the paper and shoved the contents into Xie Yong’s hand. “Poria Cake (Fuling Cake).”

Xie Yong was confused. “Aren’t you practicing inedia (fasting)?”

Jiusi frowned impatiently. “It’s for you.”

Before Xie Yong could argue, Jiusi picked up a piece and stuffed it into his brother’s mouth. The soft, sweet cake melted on his tongue, and Xie Yong’s eyes widened.

“How is it?” Jiusi asked, watching his expression. “Good, right?”

“Xie Jiusi, you bastard!” Xie Yong roared, spitting out the cake and wiping his lips. “Did you even wash your hands after coming back from outside?!”

Naturally, he hadn’t. Jiusi had come straight to Xie Yong’s room. Seeing Xie Yong’s rage, he went silent, and Xie Yong proceeded to beat him out of the room.

“Take this with you!” Xie Yong crumpled the paper parcel and threw it into Jiusi’s chest, slamming the door shut with a BANG.

Outside, Jiusi rubbed his sore arm and looked at the cake. Did Xie Yong always hit this hard?

The “Goose Heart” Incident

After getting rid of the nuisance, Xie Yong finished the pill. He sat on the bed and tried to regulate his breath, but his spiritual energy was still thin and difficult to control. Feeling frustrated, he lay down and stared at the canopy.

[Hubby, I bought five Steamed Goose Hearts!]

The System’s cheerful voice rang out, and a small white dish appeared in the air. Xie Yong caught it, but suddenly, his body went out of control. His eyes grew vacant as he looked at the golden objects on the plate.

In a stiff, emotionless voice, he said: “Wow, it looks so delicious. Watashi is going to start now.” (Translation: I am going to eat now.)

He pinched one and stuffed it into his mouth.

[AAAAAAAHHHH!] The System let out a high-pitched scream. [Why did you eat it?!]

The golden object melted instantly. Xie Yong, regaining himself, was bewildered. “I don’t know…”

He tried to sit up, but his body was paralyzed. Panic set in. “What did you give me? Why can’t I move?”

[Item: Private Room Steamed Goose Heart (Si Zhai Zheng E Xin)] [Description: Otaku’s favorite! (Pun on ‘shǐzhái zhēng èxīn’ / ‘Otaku is disgusting’)] [Function: Grants two layers of debuffs. For the duration, all Stamina is cleared and Health drops to the minimum. Let’s feel the power of a shut-in together! Ho ho ho~]

“What kind of garbage…” Xie Yong’s vision blurred; he saw stars and felt like he was going to vomit blood.

[Hubby, you accidentally ate the Otaku heart. You’ve been ‘Hard-Controlled’.] The System’s voice was tiny.

“Accidentally?” Xie Yong wanted to curse. The moment he touched the dish; his body was hijacked!

He collapsed on the bed, unable to lift a finger. “When will it wear off?”

[I… I don’t know…] The System’s voice got even smaller.

The Path Forward

About fifteen minutes later, Xie Yong felt his strength slowly returning. He sat up in silence. The System, knowing it had messed up, hid in his consciousness and didn’t dare make a sound.

Xie Yong sat on the edge of the bed for a while. “How many did you buy?”

[F-f-f-five.] [Waaaah, I’m sorry, Master!]

Xie Yong sighed. “Stop crying. They’ll be useful eventually.” (He was already planning to feed them to Xie Jiusi so he could beat the boy up while he was paralyzed).

The System was instantly moved. [Waaaah, Hubby! Dad! No, Master! I will follow you forever!]

“Enough. Be quiet.”

He stood up and moved around. He realized his limbs didn’t feel as heavy as they used to the Body Strengthening Pill was actually working. He pressed on his injured leg; the pain was gone.

The System’s items were the real deal.

Now that the truth was verified, the plan was simple: finish tasks, get points, and obtain the Marrow Cleansing Soup.

“When is the next task?” he asked.

[Let me see… Soon! Once you follow Daoist Master Fuying to Mount Qingyun to join the sect, the main story officially begins!]