I've Tried Going Back to Life After Dying - Chapter 21

“Atrey”

A shadow of sorrow seemed to seep into Atrey’s amber eyes. Hildegard didn’t try to confirm what or how much he had heard from their uncle.

The only thing she could say for certain was that the idea her father had once mentioned of Atrey marrying into their family was now becoming a tangible reality.

“Atrey, I won’t let you be sacrificed for this.”

When it had been decided, with both her family and uncle present, that Hildegard would become the heir, one condition had been placed upon her: she must take a spouse.

Hildegard was afraid.

What if, in this life too, she couldn’t bear a child?

In her previous life, she had failed to conceive Clifford’s child.

The physicians had never been able to determine the cause. Aside from her infertility, Hildegard had been perfectly healthy.

Perhaps it had been a matter of compatibility with Clifford. She had believed they loved each other, but their bodies had told a different story.

That sorrow had never truly faded, even with time. It had dulled, yes, but never disappeared.

Even now, it lingered deep in her chest, like an old wound that still ached.

Taking a husband was about securing Hildegard’s lineage about fulfilling her duty to pass on her family’s blood to future generations.

“But what if… what if I still can’t conceive? Even if I take a spouse, it might all be for nothing.”

In front of her parents, Hildegard finally voiced the fear she had kept locked inside.

In her past life, she had never been able to confess to her parents not until her husband, pressured by the marquis’ family, had suggested adoption.

But now, Hildegard was still a young lady, sheltered under her parents’ care. Now, she could still cry and share her fears with them.

“Hildegard. If we’re speaking of such things, then this is no different from the anxieties any couple might face.”

Her father didn’t dismiss the fears of his sixteen-year-old daughter, who worried she might be barren.

“Leaving an heir is undoubtedly your foremost duty. But that isn’t why I’m urging you to take a husband.”

In her father’s eyes, she saw both a parent’s love and the sternness of a family head.

“You don’t have to be alone. For official duties, you have stewards, butlers, and attendants. Even secretaries to assist you. There are countless vassal houses you can rely on. But a husband he is family. Your family.”

“Father…”

“Family is someone you can confide in when you’re suffering. Not all marriages are like that, I know. But I have been saved by your mother.”

As he spoke, Hildegard’s mother, standing beside her, smiled softly at him.

“If all goes as it should, we will depart for the afterlife before you. Even if your family is just your husband, as long as you’re not alone, I can die in peace.”

In her past life, after losing Lauren, her father had welcomed Atrey into their family as the heir. She still remembered how relieved her parents had been afterward.

Her daughter had failed in her duties as a wife in the marquis’ household, and in the count’s family, the heir’s life had always been in peril.

She couldn’t ask her parents now just how much worry they had carried.

“Don’t be afraid of whether or not you can bear a child.”

“Father…”

“If you can’t, then adopt. Didn’t you once say it yourself? That if it came to an heir, you could take in a clever boy from one of the vassal houses? That families with many children would surely have one to spare?”

Hildegard had indeed said that. She had argued with her father over it.

“Then there’s nothing to worry about.”

Her father dismissed the matter just like that.

“There’s no problem at all.”

It was decided then that Hildegard would take a husband but not immediately.

First, they would announce to the vassal nobles that Hildegard had been named heir. After her debut, there would still be time to arrange a match.

She was no longer in a position where she needed a spouse as a wife now, she needed one as an heir.

The reason marriage wasn’t being rushed was that Hildegard had only just entered the academy. She had been granted a reprieve.

“Atrey. I don’t know what Uncle told you, but there’s one thing I need to say to you.”

A shadow passed over Atrey’s face. That was exactly why she couldn’t make the same mistake again.

“You don’t have to be sacrificed. Lauren lived the life she wanted, you should do the same. I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for the family’s sake. This time, I want you to choose the life you truly want.”

“This time?”

Damn it. She had let slip something from her past life.

“Ah, well, you know what I mean.”

She tried to brush it off, but Atrey wasn’t about to let it go.

“Don’t decide things for me. It’s annoying.”

“A-Atrey?”

He was angry. Or was it just her imagination that his amber eyes seemed to burn with flecks of crimson?

“No matter what kind of life it is, I’ll think for myself and move forward on my own terms. I don’t need you worrying about me or deciding what’s ‘happy’ or ‘unhappy’ for me.”

Hildegard was completely thrown. Atrey always calm, always kind to her was genuinely furious. For once, her forty-year-old mind had fled, leaving only the heart of a sixteen-year-old girl.

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you angry!”

“N-no, it’s not that. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Sorry.” Atrey looked down as he muttered the word. In moments like these, they were both still just kids young and green.

“Anyway, you don’t need to worry about me. I’ll decide my own path. You know as well as I do that my parents aren’t the type to force unreasonable things on me, right?”

Finally, Atrey gave her a small smile the usual one she knew so well.