I’ve Decided to Let You Go - Chapter 90

Natasha knew exactly who was standing behind her. It didn’t take long to figure it out.

The moment he grabbed her, the moment his voice whispered near her ear, the truth struck her mind instantly.

She didn’t answer. She didn’t bother turning around to confirm whether it was Sieghart Aschart. She just stood there, completely still, staring ahead as if frozen in place.

“Are you trying to drive me insane?”

Again, Natasha said nothing. Not because she refused, but because she genuinely didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t find an answer, maybe because she didn’t fully understand the question.

Why would her leaving be enough to drive him mad?

Ah… was it because she didn’t follow his plan?

She was supposed to take Duke Kshant’s hand, return to House Aschart, and follow the path Sieghart had laid out. But instead, she had threatened the duke with a blade to his neck and fled like someone with nothing left to lose.

While she was trying to make sense of it all, Sieghart’s voice came again, lower this time, edged with frustration.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t be able to find you after you left me?”

His voice, deep and rough, sank into her ears like a growl.

Of course she hadn’t thought she could escape him forever. She had always known that Sieghart Aschart would find her eventually, and that he would come for her just like this, with a desperate grip and impossible demands.

With every blink, she noticed fewer passengers boarding the ship. The deep, strained breath of the engine echoed, letting everyone know that the ship would be departing soon.

“Let go of me, Your Grace.”

“…”

“If you don’t, I’ll bite my tongue and die right here.”

She felt the tension in his chest pressed against her back. After a moment, his arms slowly fell away from around her.

She didn’t need to explain how little she feared death, or how serious she had been. Her silence had said enough.

“Don’t follow me again. If I see you one more time…”

“You say things like that as if they don’t mean anything.”

“What?”

“You’re heading to the Galonde Empire with one knight. Do you honestly think that’s any different from walking into death? Every step you take is like another cut, another act of self-destruction. And you expect me to just stand by and watch?”

His voice was strained, like he was forcing the words out. His tone sounded broken, as if he were carrying something too heavy to bear.

And still, anger seeped through. That frustration, no matter how tightly held back, finally reached her.

“I told you, I would give you everything. All I wanted was for you to stay by my side.”

He looked genuinely afraid—afraid of losing her for good.

“If you asked me to bring you the heart of Kail, I’d do it without hesitation. If you wanted your kingdom back, I would reclaim it for you. If you told me to spend the rest of my life making up for everything, I’d do it.”

“…”

“If you didn’t want to see my face, I’d tear it off. If hearing my voice hurt you, I’d cut out my tongue.”

His voice trembled. His words felt like chains, wrapping around her ankles and holding her in place. The raw, desperate emotion in them scattered like shattered breath in the air between them.

“So please, Natasha.”

Don’t leave me.

The space between them wavered with heat and pain. The moment passed slowly, but it left something behind.

The feelings she thought had sunk to the bottom of the sea were still there, gathered at her feet. She had to walk away. This was the only chance. But her feet refused to move.

Come on, Natasha. Get it together.

Across from her, the last of the passengers had boarded. Even the crew was heading back inside.

There was no more time. She had to let go now. She had to push him away.

Her own voice echoed in her head, urging her forward.

Yes, she had something she needed to do. She had to board the ship where Sir Dante was waiting and head to the Galonde Empire. She had to meet the Emperor.

Even if, just like Sieghart said, it was a reckless, near-suicidal mission.

“Bring me Kail’s heart and restore the Kingdom of Charlier,” she said quietly, finally speaking.

Her voice was cold, in complete contrast to his desperate plea.

“Even if everything is returned to me, what’s the point if the people I love are gone?”

“…”

“You said you’d do anything. Then I have one request.”

Her eyes locked on his, sharp and unwavering.

“Bring my family back to life, Sieghart. Can you do that?”

There was only one way to silence Sieghart.

Mentioning the pain he had caused Natasha long ago.

“Just like you saved me, save my family too. Offer yourself if you have to, do whatever it takes.”

“…”

“Then maybe I’ll consider forgiving you.”

At some point, Sieghart’s breath, which had lingered near her ear, went completely still. He stood frozen, as if he had forgotten how to breathe altogether.

The ship was truly preparing to leave now. With another burst of steam, it began to move slowly forward.

Natasha, her hand gripping the railing, turned around for the first time to face Sieghart.

The breeze danced through his hair, tossing the strands across his face. As the wind settled, his features gradually came into view. Even after all this time, his face remained unbearably handsome, so much so that it felt like a tired cliché.

But what caught her eye wasn’t his beauty. It was his red eyes, strangely dim, filled with a quiet sorrow. Though they reflected the sunset behind her, they looked more like dying embers than burning fire.

She spoke to him with steady conviction.

“Sieghart Aschart. You begged for mercy using my trust. Then I’ll beg for indifference using my life.”

“…”

“This is the only form of apology you’re capable of giving.”

When he stepped toward her, Natasha instinctively stepped back. Her back hit the railing, and the freezing sea breeze curled around her ankles. It was as if the ocean itself was reminding her how deep and cold the fall would be.

“If you come any closer, I’ll jump. I’ll disappear into the sea, somewhere so deep that you’ll never find me again. I’m serious.”

Sieghart stopped immediately.

Again, there was no need to explain how serious she was about dying. Her words had already made that clear.

“You’re right. Going to the Galonde Empire with only Sir Dante may be reckless enough to call it a suicide mission. But whether I die, get hurt, or suffer, it’s none of your concern. Stay out of it.”

“…”

“Just like before. Just like in our past life, when I begged at your feet and you didn’t even flinch. Be like that again, Sieghart Aschart.”

She didn’t see the expression he made in that moment.

Maybe it was because her own will pulled her away. Maybe she simply had to move quickly to board the ship. In the end, it didn’t matter. There was no need to search for meaning in it.

She didn’t look back after boarding either. She never turned around to see what Sieghart did next.

Inside the ship, Natasha paused in the corridor. Her legs, no longer held together by tension, suddenly gave out. She collapsed onto the floor, helpless, in front of everyone.

She didn’t feel well.

Not on the day that should have brought her the most relief.

And she was in pain.

On the day that should have made her feel light.

From down the corridor, Sir Dante appeared, calling out her new name—Ellis, his voice filled with concern.

When he saw her on the ground, he rushed forward and lifted her up gently. Her body, limp like a soaked cloth, leaned into him for support.

Inside the cabin, Natasha sat in silence, staring blankly out the small window. She needed somewhere for her restless thoughts to land.

“Did something happen?” Dante asked quietly a little while later.

Natasha, still half-absent, slowly returned to the moment. When she turned her head, she saw him watching her with deep concern.

She considered telling him about the encounter with Sieghart but chose not to. Dante already had enough on his shoulders. Knowing what had happened would only weigh him down more.

“Sir Dante,” she began, her voice soft but clear, “if I had the chance to take a simpler, easier path by borrowing someone else’s power, do you think I should have taken it?”

She smiled faintly, trying to sound casual, even though there was meaning layered beneath her words.

“What I mean is… if I could’ve staged this rebellion in a safer, more certain way by sacrificing myself instead of risking your lives, would that have been the right choice?”

Dante, being as perceptive as he was, would likely guess that the story involved Sieghart and Natasha.

Still, this vague scenario was better than revealing the full truth.

Or maybe, deep down, Natasha wanted to hear his answer. Maybe she asked because she needed to know what he thought.

“No.”

His response came quickly and firmly.

Then he added, “Our homeland, and you, Your Highness, are what we are trying to protect. If you sacrifice yourself, that’s the same as letting our country fall. So please, choose the path that brings you happiness. It’s okay to be selfish.”

“…Sir Dante.”

“The day we failed to protect our kingdom, that was the beginning of all this suffering. But making up for that mistake doesn’t require your sacrifice. Not even a little.”

Dante had always been someone who said exactly what she needed to hear, without fail.

“Thank you, Sir Dante. I won’t look back anymore. Let’s make our plan succeed in the Galonde Empire.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Thanks to him, Natasha was finally able to bring some peace to her heart.

She repeated it to herself again and again, almost like a chant, trying to believe it.

Refusing Sieghart had been the right choice.

Three days later, the ship carrying Natasha and Sir Dante finally arrived at the port of the Galonde Empire.

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