I’ve Decided to Let You Go - Chapter 70

The one day when both of them would have to face the truth was finally approaching.

Imperial Victory Day.

The only day the usually lively Aschart estate fell completely silent. The one day when even the most loyal servants quietly looked away from their masters.

The bright, peaceful sunshine from the day before felt like a distant memory. Natasha’s bedroom had once again sunk into darkness. She lay alone in bed, staring emptily at the ceiling.

“Are you really going to wait for him?”

A voice, one she didn’t recognize, suddenly broke the silence and spoke to her.

It felt like something new had been born out of her pain. It wasn’t Kayeina. It wasn’t her family. But it sounded eerily familiar.

“How can you be so blind? How could you lean on the man who killed you? And today, of all days? How could you even think of inviting him to your bed?”

Nothing it said was wrong.

She was ignoring his sins. On the very day when his past crimes shone the brightest, she was trying to find comfort in him.

“Stop. He’s not the same person anymore…”

Natasha clenched her eyes shut and whispered as if to quiet the voice.

That voice had been silent ever since that day. She had managed to bury it under guilt and rationalization. But now it was back, louder than ever. Maybe it had returned because she had started relying on Sieghart again after parting ways with Kayeina.

“So he’s changed? Just because he’s being kind to you now? That’s your reason? You really think he’s different just because he’s sweet to you?”

The voice mocked her excuse. And again, it wasn’t wrong.

The man who pretended to have told her everything still kept parts of himself hidden.

He claimed it was to protect her, but who could say for sure? Maybe, like in her past life, he was just using gentle lies to win her over again.

“But he’s not as cruel as he used to be. That should count for something, right?”

She asked herself with a desperate kind of hope.

The voice laughed in response. A cold, unsettling laugh that made her skin crawl. Even a bug crawling near her ear wouldn’t sound this disturbing.

“Sure, he’s different now. But his past hasn’t changed. Are you really planning to forgive all of it?”

The voice circled back to where it started. It laid out once again all the reasons Natasha should never let Sieghart near her.

“I never forgave him.”

“Letting him sleep beside you on a day like today is forgiveness. And you know it.”

“I only did it to shut you out…”

“Funny how I disappear every time you touch him. But I’m not supposed to disappear. I’m still here.”

A breeze carrying the voice brushed past her ear.

That was when Natasha finally realized the voice was mimicking her own.

It was her. The Natasha Aschart from her first life. The one who had died cursing Sieghart, full of hatred.

“No. No, no, no.”

“Did you forget everything? Or are you just making excuses now? He killed you. He killed your family. And you’re pretending none of that matters because he’s ‘changed’?”

“Please. Stop.”

“What excuse will you use this time? Are you going to say he was just a loyal dog to the Emperor, and he had no choice?”

The voice grew more mocking, tearing through her fragile defenses. Natasha trembled, overwhelmed by everything she had tried so hard to ignore.

She knew. She had always known. But still…

“I just need somewhere to breathe. I know his past is dark. I know he might still be the same man deep down. But if I need him now, can’t I be allowed to stay close to him?”

Right now, she had nowhere else to turn.

She didn’t know what tricks Sieghart might be using. But in this moment, he was the only person she had left to lean on.

Even knowing he might poison her, Natasha was willing to drink.

“You’ve really convinced yourself, haven’t you?”

The voice didn’t stop. All through the night, it kept whispering. It dragged her back through memories she tried to forget, accusing her of selfishness. Telling her how cruel she was for clinging to comfort while ignoring the past.

Even when she covered her ears and closed her eyes, it wouldn’t go away.

But deep down, Natasha understood. If she wanted this torment to stop, she had to be near him again.

“Will you sleep in my room tomorrow? I sleep better when you’re beside me.”

That was all she wanted. If it was Sieghart, then maybe…

Please, just this once.

“He won’t come. Don’t you remember when you needed him most? He always turned away from your pain. He did it before, and he’ll do it again. He won’t come tonight either. Sieghart is never there when it matters.”

It knew her weaknesses better than anyone.

As the voice replayed memories from the past, her chest tightened. It felt like her heart was going to explode.

Sieghart. Sieghart. Sieghart.

Her lips trembled as they repeated his name, over and over again.

And then, the door opened.

And he came to her.

“Tisha!”

Sieghart’s large hands gripped her shoulders. The voice that had haunted her all night disappeared the moment he entered the room.

Natasha, half out of her mind, couldn’t even recognize him at first. She kept struggling until he pulled her into his arms.

Held tightly in his warm embrace, she began to mumble.

“There was a voice. I could hear it, Sieghart. But now… I think it’s gone.”

She wasn’t even sure what she was saying. She just kept repeating the same words, over and over again.

But now, at least, she was safe.

“…Help me.”

The words slipped out of her mouth before she could even think. It was instinct.

She heard her own voice echo in her ears. It was unmistakably Natasha Aschart’s voice—her own voice.

But the way it sounded made her heart ache. That familiar, yet jarring tone rang through her mind like a haunting echo.

“Help me, Sieghart. Help me. Please help me… Help me, help me, help me…”

I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear it. Even if it’s my voice—I can’t stand to hear it.

Even after the voice that had tormented her disappeared, Natasha continued to cry out for help. The sound was gone, but its remnants lingered like ash. It felt like insects were crawling across her scalp.

“Ah… ah…”

She whimpered, overwhelmed. The pain was too much. She couldn’t even think clearly.

Her mind snapped, and her mouth moved on its own, spitting words she didn’t fully mean.

“Why… Why do you keep hiding things from me?”

She put the blame on the only person in front of her.

“Sieghart, every time I try to trust you, I hesitate. Why… Why are you still hiding something from me? What are you going to do to me? Why, Sieghart… Why?”

It must be his fault.

He killed her family.

He was hiding something from her.

He was being kind to her now.

He had once abandoned her completely.

Could it be… that this man was still the same Sieghart Aschart from her past life?

Even though his actions seemed different, his body, his face, and his past were the same. Could she really believe he was a different person just because their paths were different now?

Who was this man, really?

Natasha didn’t know. She couldn’t be sure anymore. It felt like she was being swept away by that voice again, carried along by its words.

“Who are you?”

He didn’t answer.

“Why… Why do you keep confusing me like this?”

Was he really different from the man she once knew?

Or was he someone she could finally trust?

Why did she keep leaning on him without even realizing it?

Because you’re a fool.

The voice that wasn’t really echoed once more. And then, her body began to convulse.

“Natasha!”

Sieghart shouted her name. His voice, full of anguish, sounded just like the one that had been screaming inside her all night.

“I’ll never leave you. I swear it. The only reason I still want this marriage… is because I want to keep you by my side.”

He sounded as if he would give up his heart if it meant making her believe him. His arms pulled her close, wrapping around her with desperate strength.

To stay by his side… That’s why?

It sounded so dependable, so real. It was exactly the kind of thing the Sieghart from her past life would have said, too.

But still…

“But Sieghart… they’re saying no.”

“…”

“My family. They’re telling me not to trust you. Even the me from before… she says I shouldn’t trust you.”

She wasn’t sure what she was saying anymore. The words she’d held back for so long were now spilling from her lips without warning.

“Has anything like this ever happened to you? It’s been like this since long ago… But on this day, the voices become louder. And now… I can hear myself.”

“…”

“The Emperor must’ve done something to me. He had to. Otherwise… this doesn’t make any sense. It just doesn’t make sense…”

Her mouth was dry, and even her breath smelled burnt. Still, Natasha didn’t stop speaking. She had to speak. She had to remember that this voice was her own.

“It’s alright, Natasha.”

Only when his warm skin touched her ear did she finally start to calm down.

His large hand cupped her ear, big enough to cover it completely. The sounds of the house vanished. All she could hear now was the low, steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

“When the voices come back on days like this… then hate me. Blame me instead.”

“…”

“If they accuse you, then defend yourself. Prove your innocence and lay the blame on me. I’ll accept it all. Judgment, punishment… whatever it is, I’ll take it.”

He seemed to understand exactly what those voices were to her. Sieghart, always sharp, could solve any puzzle in front of him with quiet precision.

“So please… just calm down.”

“…”

“Please, Natasha. Calm down.”

At last, it seemed like she was coming back to herself. Her tightly shut eyes slowly opened after a long pause.

She looked up at him.

Sieghart met her gaze and moved his lips gently, as if he didn’t want to disturb the fragile silence.

Are you alright?

It looked like he was asking her that.

And Natasha hesitated.

Was she alright?

She thought maybe she was.

Or maybe… she was going to be.

“…The thing you’ve been hiding from me,” she began.

Maybe if she could just hear the truth, she’d be able to breathe again. Maybe it would give her something to fight the voices with.

“Are you really hiding it to protect me, Sieghart?”

He didn’t answer.

“Is it really for me, not for yourself? Are you hiding it because the truth might hurt me?”

After a long silence, Sieghart finally nodded.

“Then… do you really believe you can keep that ugly truth hidden forever?”

This time, the answer came more quickly. His expression grew serious, and again, he nodded.

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