I’ve Decided to Let You Go - Chapter 105

Very few people knew Sieghart’s true identity.

He had hidden the fact that he was Enoch Callete with meticulous care. Other than the late emperor, the only one who knew his secret was likely Kail Letius.

Sieghart already knew that it was Kail who had revealed the truth to Natasha.

So what he was really asking for now was a detailed explanation of how it happened.

There was no point in hiding it anymore.

She was sure Sieghart would find out that she had been in danger. Normally, he would have insisted she withdraw from the mission for that reason alone. But the operation in the palace was already over, so she didn’t need to hide it.

And as for the mission involving Ron Letius, they were already in the carriage together. It was too late to stop her now.

Natasha hesitated, watching Sieghart’s expression, then finally began to speak.

“It was after we found the hidden door in the emperor’s bedchamber. When the knights entered to begin their investigation, the emperor suddenly returned. He should have been at the banquet, but instead he came back to his chambers.”

Sieghart’s face darkened as he listened. He was silent, likely recalling the moment himself, his quiet murmurs confirming her guess.

“I was worried. If Kail Letius figured out what we were doing, everything would fall apart. If he noticed the hidden door or realized the knights were inside, the whole plan would be exposed.”

Natasha tried to explain things calmly, not overly dramatic or emotional. But her words came slowly. Maybe she was trying to show that there had been no other choice.

“I had to distract the emperor. I had to protect the plan, and the knights.”

She paused for a moment, then continued with a softer tone.

“I provoked him. I did it to make him focus on me. And when he got angry, he began to talk.”

Sieghart still said nothing.

“He told me what kind of person I was. That I was pathetic. That I was a contradiction. A burden to you.”

She told him how she had seen Enoch Callete’s pain, and the despair of Sieghart Aschart. How the images had appeared before her like visions. As if the past had come alive in front of her.

“And maybe he wanted me to suffer. Maybe he thought others saw us as getting along well. If I found out the man I loved had suffered because of me, of course I would feel devastated.”

Sieghart remained silent.

“He was right in some ways. It hurt. Learning that the person I hated had been suffering all this time, and that I was part of the reason… it made me feel guilty.”

She hadn’t intended to say so much. The air between them grew heavy, the atmosphere sinking lower with every word. She tried to end on a lighter note, but it didn’t work.

Waiting for Sieghart to respond, Natasha gripped her skirt and stared down at her hands.

“You don’t need to feel guilty.”

She had expected him to scold her. But what she heard instead was unexpected comfort.

She looked up, confused.

“You don’t have to carry that weight.”

“…”

“You don’t need to feel guilty just because you learned about my past.”

She couldn’t understand.

So what was he saying?

Was he trying to make her hate him again?

Just as she was frowning in confusion, he answered.

“That pain was mine. I created it.”

Sieghart’s voice was steady.

“I brought you back to life because I was selfish.”

“…”

“My selfishness is what made me come close to you.”

“…”

“My selfishness is what made me want your love. And that same selfishness made me wish to be forgiven for my past. That’s why I acted differently from before. Because I didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes.”

There was a faint, bitter smile in his expression. The shape of his mouth carried guilt, as if it had taken root deep in his breath.

“My guilt belongs to the past. Natasha, yours lives in the present.”

“…”

“You don’t have to carry both.”

Why?

The question circled inside her chest, unable to escape her lips.

Once it formed, it grew louder and heavier. One question became many, tangled together inside her like a web.

“Why?”

She didn’t mean to say it, but the word burst out before she could stop it.

“Why don’t you hate me? Why?”

Her voice trembled. The emotions inside her poured out, and she couldn’t pull them back.

“I didn’t know anything about you. I hated you. I said terrible things to you. I demanded that you bring my family back. I hurt you.”

Sieghart still didn’t look away.

“I already told you. Everything started because I was selfish.”

“…”

“You only learned the truth and felt guilty because I set everything in motion.”

Natasha still couldn’t make sense of it.

According to him, she had learned the truth because Sieghart brought her back and made her repeat a life that should have ended. But that didn’t change the fact that the truth had always been there. Why did he talk like he was blind to that? Why did he act as if things were that simple?

She chose not to think too hard about it.

After all, when had she ever fully understood him?

“I want to ask you something. Why did you bring me back?”

She chose to ask something else instead.

Maybe she already knew the answer. But for some reason, she needed to hear it aloud.

“I wanted to love.”

“…”

“I wanted to go back to the time when you loved me, just as I loved Tisha Winter. I wanted to relive those beautiful moments.”

Even though I destroyed everything, and I knew it was impossible.

He spoke softly, as if the memories were still vivid in his mind.

“So you really did love me.”

The words slipped from Natasha’s lips as she stared into the past.

She had heard his confessions countless times, but she had never believed them.

She had convinced herself that if he truly loved her, he would never have acted the way he did. No matter how tragic his story was, it didn’t erase the way he had treated her like she was less than human.

Now, in this life, he claimed he loved her. But she still found it hard to believe.

“There was never a time I didn’t love you.”

“…”

“Even the feelings I called resentment were really love. I only ignored it because I didn’t want to admit it. But the truth was always the same. Surprisingly.”

He sounded so sure.

But the emotions behind his words were faint, almost fragile. They tugged softly at her heart.

“Then do my eyes no longer disgust you? My background… my birth, you don’t hate that anymore?”

“I love you enough that none of that matters.”

As soon as he finished his sentence, the carriage came to a stop.

The driver called out loudly that the horses needed rest and that they would take a short break.

Before stepping down from the carriage, Sieghart turned to Natasha and smiled gently.

“By the way, Natasha. Thank you for saying that.”

For saying what?

She didn’t ask out loud, but her eyes spoke the question. Sieghart seemed to expect it and answered immediately.

“You told me it was okay to rest for a while.”

“Oh…”

“Thanks to you, the unrest inside me finally stopped. It felt like the curse the world placed on me for rebelling against the gods had finally lifted.”

It took five days for them to reach Osrael.

The beauty of the landscape completely captivated Natasha. She found herself forgetting the true purpose of their visit and simply enjoying the journey.

At first, she played along with the travel plans to avoid suspicion. But eventually, it stopped being just a cover. It started to feel real.

About three days into the trip, they began moving away from the main cities and deeper into the countryside.

A few days later, they finally arrived in a rural village.

Once they settled there, Sieghart paid the coachman and told him to return home.

“From here, we want to explore on our own. The carriage draws too much attention and it’s becoming inconvenient.”

“Ah, yes. Understood.”

The coachman nodded and left with the carriage.

Sieghart went into town to rent a horse and returned an hour later with one as black as his own hair.

He left the horse at a small stable, then guided Natasha to the house.

She was surprised twice. First, by the long hallway, and again when the house opened up into a large interior. It was far bigger than she had expected.

Sieghart had chosen the largest house in the village.

She followed him to the table and sat down in the chair he pulled out for her.

Once they were both seated, Sieghart got to the point.

“We’ll be staying here for a month.”

They planned to live in the village for about a month, long enough for the locals to start thinking of them as residents.

“We’re a couple who came here for a break. You’re the sick wife, and I’m your husband taking care of you. After we’ve been here about ten days, I’ll start approaching Ron Letius as if I were just another neighbor.”

He pulled out a map, which she hadn’t seen before, and pointed to a house.

“This is Ron Letius’s home. He’ll probably recognize who we are, but that doesn’t matter. As long as the villagers don’t find out, we’re safe. The key is to act as naturally as possible. Nothing looks more suspicious than someone trying to approach a fallen noble.”

Natasha nodded in agreement.

A week passed after they settled into the village.

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