I've Been Waiting a Long Time for You to Break Up - Chapter 2

Gu Xiaoshuang sat in her room for an hour. Once she wiped her tears clean, she began to pack her things quickly.

They had lived in this house for two years, and due to the nature of their work, they had accumulated too many possessions. She only took her undergarments and two sets of clean clothes, along with all her personal documents, valuables, and the essential camera equipment required for her work.

When she reached the door, Gu Xiaoshuang opened it quietly and lifted the two large suitcases out. She looked back at the person sleeping on the sofa, who did not react at all.

She could not stop the tears from falling again. She stared at the figure for a while, her mind blank, feeling as if she had nothing left. She could not recall any specific moment from their four years together, nor could she imagine what she should do next. She simply stood there, her body swaying as if she were sleepwalking.

Gu Xiaoshuang clearly felt something peeling away inside her heart, bringing with it a sensation of grainy pain; even her breathing felt laced with the scent of blood.

The first romantic relationship of her life had ended just like this. The person lying on the sofa was probably dreaming of a happy future.

So, all the hesitation and anxiety Jiang Xu had shown over the past few days were because she was worried about how to push her away in a “reasonable” manner.

So, she had long since stopped needing her, or perhaps, she had never needed her from the very beginning.

Outside the building, the faint sound of birds chirping could be heard, but inside, the room remained as dark as night. The dim light illuminated Jiang Xu’s calm profile, which looked more and more like a dream. It felt as if, should she wake up now, she would be back in college, back to the day they first met, and that all of this was merely a warning to Gu Xiaoshuang to choose more carefully.

Gu Xiaoshuang wiped her tears, walked over, and gently placed her hand under Jiang Xu’s nose. After feeling the clear rhythm of her breathing, she frowned, took one last look, and walked away quickly.

Despite such heavy movement, Jiang Xu had not woken up at all.

However, she was still alive, her breathing even and long. Gu Xiaoshuang did not need to worry about anything else.

She booked a hotel in a different district and drove there herself. She and Jiang Xu owned two cars; Gu Xiaoshuang left the older one for Jiang Xu—since she was the one who had done something to wrong her.

Gu Xiaoshuang relied on this childish bit of temper to sustain herself until she reached the hotel. Once she lay down, she immediately fell into a state between consciousness and sleep.

All the past memories that she hadn’t recalled while leaving now came flooding back like a tide.

Jiang Xu was a very quiet person. When they first met, she had been so shy that her face turned bright red just from coming over to speak to Gu Xiaoshuang.

She had asked if she could take a set of photos of Gu Xiaoshuang because she was trying to start an account.

Gu Xiaoshuang had agreed generously. After the shoot, Jiang Xu asked to exchange contact information so they could collaborate in the future.

Gu Xiaoshuang still remembered that after parting ways with Jiang Xu that day, Lin Huai had said in a harsh tone: “It feels like she’s here to trick you into being a free model.”

Gu Xiaoshuang, full of pride, had declared that the next time she wanted photos, she would charge a fee. As it turned out, she never charged her; she hadn’t charged her for all these years.

When Jiang Xu first confessed her feelings, the words rolled around in her throat three times before they finally came out. She kept repeating: “Are you willing, are you willing…”

Gu Xiaoshuang watched with a smile. She was waiting for Jiang Xu to say the confession in her own words, as that was the best way to experience Jiang Xu’s sincerity.

“Are you willing to be my girlfriend? I will be good to you for the rest of my life.”

Once Jiang Xu finished speaking, Gu Xiaoshuang nodded gently and reached out her hand with a smile: “Actually, I had already decided.”

Jiang Xu’s palms were icy cold, and when she took her hand, it felt as if she had placed a bottle of ice water into Gu Xiaoshuang’s palm. She rubbed Jiang Xu’s hand: “You should have known my intentions long ago. Don’t worry.”

Jiang Xu stuttered another sentence: “I will be good to you for the rest of my life, don’t worry. I will definitely be worthy of you.”

Gu Xiaoshuang held her hand and walked through the May sunshine and the scent of flowers, and it didn’t take long for her to warm Jiang Xu’s hands.

The first time she wanted to kiss her, Gu Xiaoshuang dropped hints several times in advance. Finally, she leaned in within a deserted alleyway, but Jiang Xu shook her head in panic and pulled away.

Her face turned bright red, and she didn’t even dare to look at Gu Xiaoshuang, so Gu Xiaoshuang reached out to hug her and ruffle her hair: “I was being too forward. Let’s take it slow.”

Jiang Xu’s personality was reserved, steady, and prone to embarrassment. Gu Xiaoshuang never forced her to do anything.

They never truly grew very intimate in that way, but they found happiness in other things: traveling together, eating together, playing games together, and watching movies together.

During those four years, they were the closest people to each other, sharing their visions of the future and joking about whose turn it was to take out the trash the next morning.

As the memories flickered by, Gu Xiaoshuang could not help but smile, even as tears gathered beneath her eyelids and streamed into her ears.

When Jiang Xu said she would be good to her for a lifetime, Gu Xiaoshuang had made a silent vow to be good to her for a lifetime as well.

They had clearly made promises to each other; they had clearly left prayers in every strange place they had visited; it was something witnessed by all the gods.

She had been saving money to buy a wedding home for the two of them. The house was to be bought in the mountains where Jiang Xu liked to be—a villa with a massive area, including her own photography studio, so they would no longer have to ask nicely to use someone else’s. It would have a window from which they could see the distant city, and behind the house, there would be a plot of land for a cemetery, where they would be buried after they died.

She had planned to propose to Jiang Xu once she bought the house. By that time, perhaps Jiang Xu would have learned to accept her. They would move into their home, sit by the window every day watching the traffic of the city, and even if they did nothing at all, sitting like that for a lifetime would be enough. Every step she took, she really had been thinking of a lifetime.

When it was completely bright outside, Gu Xiaoshuang began to lose control of the most desperate thought: perhaps Jiang Xu had been lying to her from the very beginning.

For these four years, Jiang Xu had never been physically intimate with her, except for a few times when she acted coyly to demand a kiss. The closest they ever were was when Gu Xiaoshuang insisted on cuddling her to sleep at night.

They were incredibly happy chatting and walking every day after work, but in truth, ordinary friends could do those things, too. Now, thinking about it carefully, they didn’t have any evidence to prove they were lovers rather than intimate friends.

So why give this relationship the title of love? Why did Jiang Xu tell her that she liked her back then?

She hadn’t said those things on a whim. Before the confession, Jiang Xu had already been pursuing Gu Xiaoshuang, overtly or covertly, for five months.

She had clearly seen the emotion in her eyes, which was why she had agreed. Gu Xiaoshuang had truly seen it at the time.

Could that shy and focused gaze have been fake? Was all of this just a figment of Gu Xiaoshuang’s imagination? Was all Jiang Xu ever looking for the ability to use her?

Gu Xiaoshuang lay on the bed, struggling with these thoughts. She did not know how long she had been lying there when she was woken up by a few messages. She opened her eyes, stared at the ceiling for a while, and slowly sat up, suppressing her pounding heart, even hoping against hope that the messages were from Jiang Xu.

But when she saw the name on the screen, tears welled up and fell from her eyes again.

It was Lin Huai asking if she had the contact information for another blogger. Gu Xiaoshuang recommended the person to her, and before she could even put the phone down, another message came in.

[Awake so early?]

Gu Xiaoshuang buried her head in her arms and replied: [Hmm]

The message from the other side came back quickly: [What’s wrong?]

[Nothing]

Gu Xiaoshuang replied expressionlessly, but immediately added: [Do you know any photographers who specialize in video?]

[Are you planning to collaborate?]

The messages from Lin Huai stopped for a moment; she didn’t know if she was looking for someone.

Gu Xiaoshuang did not reply. She truly didn’t know how to talk about this. She had moved out decisively in an attempt to cut ties with Jiang Xu. These things were within her control, and she could choose how to handle them, but she didn’t know how to announce their breakup publicly, and she didn’t dare do such a thing while she was in this state of emotional turmoil.

After a long time, Lin Huai finally replied: [Me]

Gu Xiaoshuang stared at the single character on the screen; no matter how much she scrolled down, there were no new messages. She slowly exhaled and typed slowly: [Can I come to your place?]

Lin Huai replied instantly: [Come, I’ll be waiting for you.]

She must have realized something. There was very little Gu Xiaoshuang could keep from Lin Huai; she was far too intelligent.

After eight o’clock, Gu Xiaoshuang knocked on Lin Huai’s door. As soon as she took her hand down, the door opened. Lin Huai had her hair tied back, with a few stray strands hanging in front of her face, looking somewhat messy. She looked at Gu Xiaoshuang, full of worry, and asked, “What happened to the two of you?”

Gu Xiaoshuang said nothing. She went inside and sat down on the bench at the door first. Leaning against the wall, she huddled among Lin Huai’s bags and coats, slowly trying to control her breathing and suppress the urge to cry.

After a long while, she got up, tidied up the small space, and said through gritted teeth, “It’s nothing. I’ll tell you later. I’m hungry.”

Lin Huai had been standing there watching her ever since she sat down. In a place where Gu Xiaoshuang couldn’t see, various emotions flickered across Lin Huai’s face. Once Gu Xiaoshuang stood up, she immediately went to the kitchen and opened the takeout she had ordered in advance, “Eat this for now. I didn’t have time to cook, and besides, I’m not a good cook anyway.”

Gu Xiaoshuang sat down and sniffed the bowl of pork and century egg porridge, which looked quite appetizing. She smiled reluctantly and said, “Since when was your cooking bad? If it was bad, why would I keep coming over to mooch meals?”

Her smile was forced. Lin Huai smiled but didn’t say anything more. The two finished breakfast in silence. In the living room, the sunlight had already reached the sofa. The white sofa glowed blindingly in the warm light. Gu Xiaoshuang, feeling physically drained and still sleepwalking, stared at it for a while before saying suddenly to Lin Huai, “I’m going to sleep over there for a while.”

Lin Huai looked at her with eyes full of concern. She didn’t respond immediately after hearing her speak; her hand, resting on her lap, gripped her trousers before she said, “Three hours. I’ll wake you up in three hours, okay?”

Gu Xiaoshuang lifted her chin. With unsteady steps, she walked to the spot bathed in light and lay down. Lin Huai brought her a light blanket and an eye mask with a faint scent.

Gu Xiaoshuang simply placed the eye mask over her eyes to block out the light and curled up under the blanket, inhaling the familiar scent. This was her own blanket; whenever she stayed over at Lin Huai’s, she used this one. It was filled with a scent that made her feel safe.

Those three hours were so long that Gu Xiaoshuang thought she had slept away a lifetime of fatigue. When she woke up, Lin Huai was sitting in front of her, assembling a Lego set that had been unfinished for a long time.

The eye mask was tilted over Gu Xiaoshuang’s eyes, and she peered at Lin Huai through the gap. The person assembling the Lego felt a change in the breathing behind her and immediately turned to look. Their eyes met in silence. Gu Xiaoshuang was still struggling with the embarrassment of how to explain things, but Lin Huai turned back, looked at her phone, and said, “You can still lie there for thirteen minutes.”

She didn’t turn back around and sat there quietly assembling the pieces. Gu Xiaoshuang turned over, facing the back of the sofa, and closed her eyes to compose her feelings.

After the gentle alarm went off in the room, Lin Huai continued to assemble the Lego. She didn’t turn off the alarm, letting the soft, steady melody continue to play, echoing throughout the entire room.

When the song was halfway through, Gu Xiaoshuang sat up, folded the blanket, and said, “I’m going to start my own account.”