It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 9.3

“Mmm, so that’s why you came to the ball with your father.”

 

“Yes. Normally, my father doesn’t like bringing me to places like this, but my nanny told him it would be good for me to make new friends.”

 

Ines was walking through the duke’s garden with the child.

 

She had thought the waiting room was empty, but there, a young child with black hair and green eyes was nibbling on snacks and resting.

 

Just then, the child’s nanny had left to get a drink, and Ines had walked in.

 

The child blinked with big eyes at her, then gave a bright smile.

 

Ines had been drawn into a conversation with the child as if under a spell, and when the child innocently asked her to take a walk, they ended up walking hand in hand through the garden.

 

“So, did you make lots of friends?”

 

“Yes! I even guessed some of their names, so they took off their masks. But none of them knew who I was.”

 

The child, small for six years old, was still wearing a mask that covered their eyes.

 

They were so tiny, Ines could hold them in her arms without effort.

 

“You’re so pretty and handsome—how could they not recognize you? That’s strange.”

 

“It’s my first time in the capital. I haven’t met any of them before…”

 

“Oh, that’s just like me.”

 

“Um… Is this your first time in the capital too?”

 

Ines sat the child on the marble fountain’s edge and sat next to them. Her golden mask glittered over her clear green eyes.

 

‘This child looks like the one from my memories…’

 

Ever since her time at Elroin Monastery and even after coming to Randeva, Ines would stop without realizing it whenever she saw young children like this.

 

Especially if they had black hair, her heart would drop, and her eyes would heat up.

 

And it was the same now. Ines whispered softly,

 

“This is my first time here too. Everything feels unfamiliar.”

 

“But isn’t it warm? Everyone is smiling.”

 

“…Yes. Maybe because it’s spring… and the music is cheerful.”

 

Even though she had wiped her tears earlier, she could feel them welling up again under the mask.

 

Not wanting to alarm the child, she quickly changed the subject in a light tone.

 

“But if you stay out this long, won’t your parents worry? I think your nanny is probably back by now.”

 

The child seemed hesitant.

 

They glanced toward the terrace they had come from, then looked back up at her, blinking in confusion.

 

Then, in a small voice, they murmured,

 

“Can I stay just a little longer…?”

 

But their guardian would probably come soon.

 

Perhaps seeing the concern in Ines’s eyes, the child added quickly,

 

“Father said he’d come at ten. And Berry—my… I mean, my escort knight will explain everything. It’s not cold here, and there’s no dusty wind, and I’m not sleepy yet…”

 

“….”

 

“I could walk a bit more…”

 

At some point, the small hand had tightly grabbed Ines’s sleeve.

 

Watching the child constantly checking her expression felt like a claw scraping her heart.

 

Instead of answering, Ines gently brushed the messy black hair from the child’s pale forehead.

 

Why did she feel so drawn to this child she had just met today? Why did she feel so overwhelmed?

 

Could this child be connected to the past she had lost?

 

The child took her touch as permission and smiled brightly. It didn’t feel unfamiliar.

 

‘They kind of look a lot like the old me…’

 

She carefully asked,

 

“Did you come to the capital only with your father? Is your mother at home?”

 

“No. Mom is in another place.”

 

“Another place…?”

 

The child shook their head slowly.

 

It meant they didn’t want to answer.

 

Then, after seeming deep in thought, they clung to her with a bit of a whine.

 

“You know… I haven’t told anyone this before.”

 

“You’re telling me a secret?”

 

“Yes. I didn’t even tell Berry… or my escort knight.”

 

Ines happily bent closer to the child.

 

After hesitating and moving their lips several times, the child finally whispered,

 

“I miss my mom.”

 

Ines was at a loss for words. Of course, a child missing their mother was normal. It wasn’t even something that needed to be a secret. So why make it one?

 

The child couldn’t even look her in the eye and quietly mumbled,

 

“Mom was very sick because of me. She said she was sorry and left…”

 

“….”

 

“So I prayed she would go to a place full of happiness. But sometimes…”

 

The once clear and mature voice now became softer than the wind brushing against grass.

 

“I wish she stayed with me, even if she was sick.”

 

Those words stole her breath away.

 

Her pupils widened, and her body began to tremble.

 

“To be with Mom…”

 

Mom, I love you too.

 

The fog in her mind began to shift.

 

Memories surged back of lying on a bed under the moonlight, holding a child close, saying goodbye again and again.

 

“It’s strange. I miss Mom every day. I guess I’m just like my father.”

 

The child, who had been swinging their legs from the fountain’s edge, now had a gloomy face. Without realizing it, Ines spoke.

 

“If you miss your mother, it’s okay to say so. No one will blame you. Not even the mother who’s far away.”

 

“She would probably be even happier if you said it.”

 

“Really…?”

 

The child looked up at Ines, and tears started to gather in their clear green eyes.

 

At six years old, it should’ve been okay to whine and throw tantrums, but the child didn’t even cry loudly—just bit their lips. It was unbearably heartbreaking.

 

“Can I say I want to be with her…?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“…Please hold me.”

 

Ines quickly embraced the child. The small hiccupping sound soon turned into a loud, sorrowful wail.

 

It took quite a while for the crying to settle down.

 

Even though she knew she had to take the child back to the waiting room before the guardians came, she couldn’t bring herself to move.

 

Just a little longer…

 

She didn’t want to let go of this child.

 

She wanted to hold them until they fell asleep in her arms.

 

She wanted to whisper “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” and “I’ll always be with you” a thousand times….

 

But their time together was short. Urgent footsteps of knights began echoing through the garden.

 

“…!”

 

The child, breathing heavily in her arms, quickly pulled away.

 

“F-Father…”

 

“Your father?”

 

“He must be looking for me…”

 

Before Ines could even grab them, the child jumped off the fountain. At that moment, someone shouted the child’s name.

 

“Caesar!”

 

It was a desperate cry. Someone burst through the trimmed trees.

 

“Caesar! Caesar…”

 

Under the moonlight, silver hair appeared.

 

“Father. I’m here.”

 

The man, gasping for breath, twisted his face the moment he saw the child. Without a word, he rushed to hug him.

 

“Caesar, where on earth…”

 

Ines stood still, watching the man press countless kisses to the child’s cheeks.

 

“Where did you go, without a word… I thought I lost you…”

 

His voice was hoarse and trembling. The child glanced at her and muttered softly,

 

“I’m okay, Father.”

 

“I thought you went into the hall and might’ve fallen… What if you got hurt…”

 

The child’s father seemed unaware of Ines’s presence.

 

He kneeled before the boy, frantically checking him from head to toe.

 

He was that man.

 

Duke Eleanor.

 

‘So he was the duke’s son…’

 

She hadn’t recognized him at all—the child’s eyes, nose, and lips were nothing like the duke’s.

 

“Why are your eyes so red? Did you cry?”

 

“No. Just got some dust in them!”

 

“What about pain? You said your head hurt earlier.”

 

“Mmm, I’m okay now. I just went for a walk.”

 

The duke’s face was full of fear as he checked if the boy was alright.

 

Ines felt something indescribably strange.

 

It was like watching a play.

 

A very bad play.

 

After holding his son for a long while, the man slowly turned his head.

 

Only then did their eyes meet.

 

The duke let out a quiet sigh when he noticed her.

 

After a brief silence, he spoke with a shaky voice.

 

“…Thank you for staying with my child.”

 

“….”

 

“My son…”

 

It was as if invisible chains were choking him.

 

He spoke in a whisper, needing to pause to breathe between words.

 

“He must have really liked you. He’s not the kind of child who follows strangers easily.”

 

“…I’m sorry. The young master seemed restless, so I thought a short walk would be okay. I didn’t know you would worry so much.”

 

Ines wondered if her voice sounded too flat.

 

But honestly, wasn’t it kind of strange?

 

A man who seemed consumed by madness still had such genuine affection?

 

It didn’t suit him.

 

Ines quietly moved her lips.

 

“You must love your son very much.”