It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 8.9

Looking back, even the smallest gestures from Ines would easily arouse him. He would lose control just because she called his name.

 

The desire to leave a mark on her somehow. The longing to find peace in her arms.

 

Those weren’t things he could always control. Just thinking of Ines made his heart feel like it was about to burst, and he couldn’t stop it.

 

Whenever he clearly recognized the burning heat in his body, a terrible sense of shame choked him.

 

You filthy bastard… You’ve come this far, and you’re still dreaming like this—are you insane?

 

Ines had died leaving a final will: “Let’s not meet again in our next lives.” To her, he had been nothing short of a nightmare.

 

Knowing that, he had brainwashed himself a hundred times: once he found her, he had to let her go so she could be happy.

 

But… when he found out that she was alive, could he really be satisfied just watching her from afar?

 

Could he truly let go?

 

Whenever he asked himself, there was always only one answer…

 

And so the end of those thoughts always led to intense self-loathing, never to a clear conclusion.

 

Then, he heard someone say that she might have lost her memory.

 

If Ines had forgotten everything that happened between them…

 

“Maybe…”

 

Rayan couldn’t stop the wild branches of hope from spreading.

 

Maybe they could start over from the beginning.

 

This time, he would give up the whole world just to win her heart, to seek her affection, to make her love him again…

 

No, not even love. He would be happy with just one look of affection from her eyes.

 

If he could just get that much…

 

His vision blurred, and his tangled thoughts swirled around in his head.

 

A knight who had seen the pale look on his face carefully called out.

 

“Your Grace?”

 

“…Wait. Just a moment.”

 

Rayan stood in place, struggling to calm his chaotic heart.

 

When he turned his head, he saw his reflection in a smudged, dirty mirror.

 

Drawn as if by a spell, he took a step closer.

 

The man in the mirror had bloodshot eyes. His cheeks were gaunt and colorless, making him look far too thin.

 

Though he was still always named as the most handsome man in Lezan, no matter how he looked at himself now, that face could not be called beautiful.

 

Rayan tried to steady his breathing and removed his hood.

 

He wiped away the moisture from the corners of his eyes and smoothed his disheveled silver hair.

 

He pressed his knuckles against his eyelids, trying to calm the killing intent in his green eyes. He rubbed the blood off his lips, which had cracked open from biting them too hard.

 

“I can’t scare her…”

 

Whether she remembered him or not, when they met again, he had to look normal.

 

There was no woman in the world who liked a man who looked so broken and worn down.

 

Most of all, he couldn’t cry.

 

If he burst into tears the moment they met, Ines would be terrified.

 

Only after inhaling and exhaling deeply, over and over again, could Rayan finally move his feet.

 

When he entered the room at the end of the hallway, guided by the guild master, he realized part of his instinct had been correct.

 

“She” was sitting on the old, creaky bed.

 

A black-haired woman quietly flipping through pages of a book, wrapped in a thick blanket.

 

Sensing someone’s presence, she turned her head toward the door.

 

Their eyes met in midair.

 

While Rayan stood frozen cold, the woman’s mouth dropped open in a daze.

 

“Your Grace…?”

 

At the sound of that soft voice cutting through the heavy silence, a shiver ran down his entire body.

 

It wasn’t his mind that responded, but his body, reacting instinctively. Even from a distance, he knew—this woman was completely different from all the others who had dared to deceive him.

 

Yes. It was Ines.

 

“Rayan… Eleanor. It is really… Your Grace, right?”

 

It was Ines.

 

Her thin black hair hanging lifelessly, her clear blue eyes, the soft features on her small face, the delicate line of her neck…

 

“You’re… here…”

 

Even her vocal cords producing that voice.

 

It was the perfect body of Ines.

 

Rayan, who had been frozen like a statue, finally took a painful step forward.

 

The distance between them closed, little by little.

 

He had to see her up close. His clenched fists began to tremble.

 

“Her eyes… her eyes…”

 

As soon as he got close to the bed, Rayan knelt on one knee.

 

It was an unconscious habit—because he remembered how she used to tremble when he looked down at her from above.

 

His trembling hand reached toward her.

 

“Ines…”

 

But his calloused hand stopped just short of her cheek.

 

The jarring sense of wrongness hit him like a brick wall, and Rayan froze.

 

Ines took his hovering hand and held it gently. Then, leaning her cheek into his palm, she whispered softly.

 

“Your Grace… I’ve been waiting for you.”

 

“….”

 

“Why did you take so long? I was so, so scared here…”

 

Rayan stared blankly into her blue eyes. Inside them, he saw something that shouldn’t be there.

 

Joy, happiness, relief.

 

Those beautiful, bright emotions filled her shining eyes.

 

Her face glowed with the warmth of life more than ever before.

 

Meanwhile, the trembling in Rayan’s green eyes was erased, as if someone had scrubbed it away with their palm.

 

What cooled his head and stopped him in his tracks was a kind of revulsion.

 

Ines… is smiling at him like this?

 

“…Do you remember me?”

 

“Of course. How could I ever forget Your Grace?”

 

“They said your memory wasn’t intact.”

 

“Even if I forgot everything, I could never forget you. You’re still so vivid in my mind.”

 

The expression faded from Rayan’s face.

 

Ines remembered him—and yet she was saying these things, with that face.

 

He had always longed to hear her confess her love to him again. But separate from that desire, he knew very well that Ines would never say such things to him.

 

But her body… Ah, this body.

 

Before he even realized, he was already stroking her narrow back.

 

He could feel the sharp shoulder blades under his fingers.

 

Just by tracing the line down her spine, he could tell.

 

This was indeed the body he had kissed with everything he had for all those years.

 

Whatever she interpreted from his reaction, the woman’s tearful face bloomed like a flower.

 

“Now that you’re here, Your Grace, I think I can finally feel safe. Honestly, I’ve been so confused until now…”

 

Rayan’s face twisted in a flash.

 

There was no need to ask questions to confirm it.

 

The hand that had been on her back moved in a blink and tilted her chin up.

 

The barely restrained flame in his green eyes exploded into fury.

 

The startled woman gasped.

 

“I—I…”

 

“Who are you?”

 

The low growl was not human—it was closer to a beast’s snarl, or even a demon rising from the depths.

 

Her terrified face reflected in his twisted, wrathful expression.

 

Rayan’s voice stabbed into her eardrums like a knife.

 

“You. Who are you?”

 

 

“Young Lady, you must not go any further…!”

 

Clara, out of breath, blocked Ines’s path. Before Ines, who had been moving quickly, could say anything, Clara shouted.

 

“This alley leads straight into the Gelnor slums. It’s not a place for someone like you.”

 

“Slums?”

 

Only then did Ines look around.

 

The busy main streets were long behind her, and she had entered a quiet, humble street lined with old shops.

 

For dozens of minutes now, she had followed that strange energy, letting her body move on instinct as if something were pricking her skin.

 

It kept moving, never staying in one place—until a little while ago, when it began to settle in one spot.

 

The closer she got to the source of that unknown feeling, the more her heart pounded as if it would burst. It felt like something locked away in her memory might spill out at any moment.

 

“It’s a dirty place full of commoners and illegitimate children. It’s dangerous, and… you’ll be very uncomfortable there. Let’s go back to the mansion, okay?”

 

A dirty place?

 

At Clara’s words, Ines suddenly felt strange.

 

Somehow, the word “dirty slums” felt less unpleasant than the elegant noble mansion Clara wanted her to return to.

 

It was odd.

 

“I think it’s okay, Clara.”

 

Ines answered, frowning, but then looked down at the hem of her dress and realized the problem.

 

The silk dress, embroidered in fine detail, was clearly not something an ordinary person would wear.

 

On top of that, she was wearing a hat decorated with feathers and flowers and carrying a parasol. It was obvious what might happen if she walked into the slums like that.

 

‘Should I turn back here…?’

 

But it felt like if she just went a little farther, she could catch it.

 

Right in front of her was a clue that could help bring back her memory. It was a tempting chance, hard to resist.

 

But Clara’s next words broke Ines’s resolve.

 

“And Young Lady, if you don’t leave now, you won’t make it to the square by 5 p.m. You went out today because you wanted to see the Eucalyptus statue, remember?”

 

“…That’s right.”

 

Today, she had planned to meet someone.

 

It was disappointing to let such an important chance slip away, but she couldn’t take risks just to find her memories—or cancel a promise she had already made.

 

‘There might be another chance later…’

 

With regret in her eyes, Ines finally turned around. Clara smiled with relief and stepped ahead of her.

 

“This way, Young Lady. It’s a shortcut to the square.”

 

“Yes, let’s go.”

 

Clara’s eyes left Ines and began to scan the street.

 

As Ines started to follow her, she suddenly stopped.

 

“…!”

 

Her foot wouldn’t move forward.