It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 7.8

He had a dream.

 

For nearly a month, Rayan kept dreaming about Ines.

 

Instead of appearing as a vision, she would intrude into his subconscious at random times.

 

Today was no different.

 

Ines was crying.

 

<You said you’d change things. You said you had the power. That this was your country… Was all of that a lie from the beginning?>

 

Her trembling blue eyes filled with sorrow captured all of his attention, and Rayan couldn’t stop his mouth from speaking on its own.

 

His face twisted wickedly as sharp, cold words came out.

 

<Nothing will change. You, Millian, neither of you will leave even the slightest trace in this Eleanor.>

 

You idiot. Don’t say things like that.

 

A murderous urge rose inside him, a desire to rip apart his own mouth for speaking so carelessly.

 

Ines looked shocked. A tear ran down her pale cheek—and then the scene changed.

 

My dear nephew.

 

Rayan was standing on someone’s body. His hand, holding a sword, was soaked in dark red blood.

 

He blankly lowered his gaze and confirmed the face beneath his feet. A low groan escaped his lips.

 

It was Uncle Millian.

 

<I know. I know I don’t belong in Eleanor…>

 

<…>

 

<But that doesn’t give them the right to kill my mother.>

 

Millian Eleanor—the only illegitimate child ever granted the family name—had a mother who used to work in a brothel.

 

She was the only woman Rayan’s grandfather ever cherished after the early death of his wife.

 

After the grandfather died, the woman took her own life. Perhaps she feared what her fate would be in Eleanor without her husband.

 

Everyone, including Rayan, had believed that.

 

Blood-mixed saliva dripped from Millian’s lips as he began to speak.

 

Millian coughed up more blood and reached out, grabbing the sword.

 

Even though the blade was cutting through the flesh of his palm, he seemed to feel no pain anymore—understandable, since his body was already beyond saving.

 

<Nephew… Rayan, I never believed your lies. That if I came back, you wouldn’t hold me accountable, that you still liked me a lot… After what I did to your mother and father, there’s no way you could forgive me.>

 

<Then why… did you come?>

 

<I thought maybe you’d understand.>

 

<What…?>

 

<You have to understand me, Rayan.>

 

Millian’s swollen, torn face twisted into a strange, crooked smile.

 

<You’re killing the one who murdered your parents too, aren’t you? And in such a cruel way…>

 

Pulling the sword to his own left chest, Millian gave a faint smile.

 

<That makes you and me both pathetic and ugly people. Doesn’t it?>

 

With those final words, the blade pierced the man’s heart. Rayan gasped and pulled out the sword, causing a fountain of blood to spray out.

 

The red drenched his vision, and when it cleared, Ines’s face was in front of him again.

 

Her lovely face was horribly twisted. Blood was already smeared around her mouth.

 

<What did I do wrong?>

 

<You never even told me you loved me. Then why did you keep me by your side?>

 

<Why did you kill me?>

 

As those last words left her mouth, red blood started to cover her entire face.

 

And then, with a chilling sound, her head burst apart.

 

“…!”

 

Blood, flesh, bones, and brain matter splattered everywhere.

 

Ines’s body collapsed; her neck gone.

 

And at that moment, Rayan’s eyes flew open.

 

“Gasp…”

 

He couldn’t breathe.

 

He rolled halfway across the bed, choking. Barely propping himself up on the sheets, he exhaled roughly.

 

“Damn it…”

 

It was early dawn, still dim outside.

 

His whole body was drenched in cold sweat.

 

He hadn’t even changed clothes before collapsing into bed the night before, so he was still in his shirt.

 

The white shirt clung to his skin, soaked and sticky, but he had no room to feel uncomfortable.

 

He clawed at his throat with his fingernails, scratching red marks onto his neck.

 

“Haa…”

 

It took several long minutes before he could finally breathe properly again.

 

His groans slowly turned into hollow laughter.

 

“Ha, haha…”

 

Bit by bit, his mind started returning to normal, and what he saw of himself was truly pitiful.

 

Nightmares about Uncle Millian had haunted him for over fifteen years. But tonight, Ines had appeared in it too…

 

The one thing they had in common—”illegitimate child.” Those dreadful words.

 

Rayan finally stood up. With rough hands, he unbuttoned his shirt.

 

The firm lines of his tense, muscular body showed clearly under the moonlight.

 

The soaked fabric dropped to the floor, and he stepped on it as he moved.

 

Instead, he threw on a black silk robe that had been draped over a chair.

 

Rayan picked up the sword resting by the bed and opened the door.

 

“My lord…?”

 

The knight guarding the door called out anxiously.

 

The memory of their master ruthlessly slaughtering the traitors a month ago still haunted everyone in the estate.

 

Since then, the Duke had often—or rather, very frequently—looked unstable.

 

Before, only his closest aides could notice the subtle changes, but these days, even passing maids could easily tell from his face.

 

It was clear he had no control over himself.

 

Almost every night for the past month, Rayan would wake up choking back groans and leave the room in a disheveled state.

 

Since he never let go of his sword, the knights stayed on edge constantly.

 

However, since that day, he had never drawn his sword again.

 

Every night, he always went to the same place—the chapel where the late Duchess’s coffin lay.

 

Rayan stopped the knight who tried to follow him.

 

“Don’t. Stay here.”

 

“But—”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

You don’t look fine at all. The knight swallowed the words and bowed.

 

He already knew from experience that trying to stop him was useless.

 

Rayan walked away with unsteady steps.

 

The cold night wind dried the sweat on his skin, stealing what little warmth he had left.

 

A chill ran through his body, as if sensing something terrible to come.

 

He stepped out of the main residence and onto the garden lawn.

 

Instead of the clean path, he crossed the overgrown grass of the backyard. Dew clung to the blades and brushed against his ankles.

 

It took only a few minutes to reach the chapel, which no one else was allowed to enter.

 

That was the physical distance between him and her.

 

Only Rayan had the key to the chapel. Inside the dim space, he lit the candles on the wall.

 

The room filled with a warm orange glow.

 

He pulled a candle from the stand and walked slowly.

 

Hot wax dripped onto his hand, but he didn’t flinch.

 

The green silk-covered coffin drew closer.

 

Without stopping, Rayan climbed the stairs to the altar.

 

Only after leaning back against the glass coffin did he finally take a deep breath.

 

“…You completely tamed me, Ines.”

 

The words came out in a broken, dry whisper.

 

A far cry from the cold, indifferent tone he’d used with the knight earlier.

 

He came here every night because the habit had been seared into him over the past six years.

 

Every time he lost control, every time he was shaken, he had always turned to Ines. Held her. That was his ritual.

 

I want to see her. I want to hold her.

 

Bury my face in her fragrant neck, hear her soft moans, and calm all my fears…

 

Whenever the line between dream and reality blurred, that habit pulled him here.

 

And once again, he found himself here tonight.

 

He didn’t do much after coming.

 

He couldn’t even bring himself to lift the silk cloth. He just sat beside the coffin until dawn broke, reliving the past and drowning in guilt.

 

Millian. Ines. Illegitimate children. His mother’s body swinging from the wall…

 

Drowning in all those memories, he was far from normal.

 

And at the end of every long, painful dawn, Rayan always reached the same conclusion.

 

“How long will it take for Caesar to grow up…”

 

Caesar—his son, with eyes just like his own—came to mind.

 

“Ines, today that boy told me to forget you.”

 

Rayan muttered blankly, then let out a bitter laugh.

 

There’s no way I could ever forget. Just like Millian still haunts my subconscious, Ines will follow me for the rest of my life.

 

If this is the price of my sins, then maybe I deserve it…

 

But lately, his thoughts had been moving in a different direction.

 

Rayan whispered softly.

 

“I’ve been thinking, Ines… Praying to God seems useless.”

 

Please turn back time. Please send me to the past like this.

 

I’ll pay any price, so please bring her back.

 

He had prayed those foolish, desperate prayers hundreds of times, but God never answered. Maybe even God found it too much.

 

What could he possibly do now?

 

But that didn’t mean he had nothing left he could do.

 

“…How is it, over there?”