It's Too Late for Regrets - Chapter 7.2

In fact, Ines’s vision was the reason he was still sane after the funeral.

 

Seeing the ghost of a dead person and still keeping your mind — what a strange contradiction.

 

It seemed he was slowly going mad. Even so, he willingly took a step toward the vision.

 

“Yes, Ines.”

 

She held a white cloth carefully in her arms and looked up at him with worried eyes.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Even though he spoke kindly, her pale face showed no sign of clearing up.

 

After hesitating for a long time, she spoke softly.

 

<Caesar, would you like to hold him once?>

 

Caesar?

 

The sharp name of guilt quickly brought Rayan back to reality. Only then did he realize that what Ines held in her arms was their newborn son.

 

He was standing exactly where he first met Ines after returning from the second Torgen expedition three years ago.

 

As he held his breath, the vision repeated the same words.

 

<Your Majesty. Caesar, would you like to hold him once?>

 

No. He almost said no but stopped himself at the last moment.

 

Because in the woman’s eyes, who read the refusal on his face, a deep hurt flashed. It was an expression he hadn’t seen before.

 

Feeling like his throat was tightening, Rayan spoke in a rough voice.

 

“I’ll hold him. Give him here.”

 

He couldn’t tell if his words were actually spoken out loud or just thought.

 

Whether in the vision or in reality, he took the child from the vision.

 

Ines, who was mumbling that she wanted to take care of the child herself, carefully added,

 

Rayan was speechless and looked at Ines in confusion.

 

Her eyes, which he hadn’t seen before, her trembling dry lips, her restless hands tightly held together…

 

Ah, she was worried about how he would react.

 

Maybe she feared he wouldn’t believe this child was Eleanor’s bloodline.

 

After a moment of silence, she looked at him quietly and spoke again.

 

<I don’t want to be alone. You’ve been gone too long…>

 

Her outstretched hand lightly touched his arm.

 

Though she was trembling with fear, she moved closer to ask if he would come tonight and tried hard to accept him as he kissed her roughly.

 

Rayan moved as if in a trance. The steps of a man who knew exactly where he should go next began to falter.

 

When he entered his bedroom, the sunset was just outside the window.

 

The sunset had the same light as that day, coloring the wide, empty room.

 

The hallucination began to appear again on the empty bed.

 

<I… ha. Please go slowly, huff…>

 

The scene continued from before — the day Ines struggled and he carefully held her for once.

 

That day, instead of moving roughly, he focused more on kissing and sucking her body.

 

Ines, who was overwhelmed even by that, barely moved her lips.

 

Rayan forgot to breathe and listened to the voice in the vision.

 

<I hold you like this, but why aren’t you by my side when I need you…?>

 

<Don’t abandon Caesar.>

 

These were words he didn’t remember.

 

He had been too focused on breathing in her sweet scent and listening to her pretty moans and cries.

 

Her words gradually became hard to understand.

 

Rayan hurried onto the bed and leaned over Ines, who was crying.

 

A little closer…

 

He saw her blue eyes filled with clear tears like halos.

 

He usually forgot useless things easily, so these memories, which should not have come up, slowly resurfaced.

 

Her voice, unable to meet his eyes properly and filled with occasional moans, was full of tears.

 

“…It hurt, huh.”

 

A sudden, fierce pain rose inside him.

 

The target was himself.

 

This stupid man. Of course it must have hurt. He had gone through hell with a body that could break easily with just a little pressure.

 

His throat felt tight, as if a hot coal was stuck inside.

 

He swallowed the shapeless lump of emotions behind his neck.

 

Ines, who had been swallowing terrible loneliness alone, made sounds that were neither cries nor moans.

 

The sheet in his hand crumpled badly.

 

He kept saying no, without knowing what he was denying.

 

“No, Ines, that’s not true…”

 

Ines reached out and gently touched his forehead, smoothing his messy hair.

 

<I wonder what you think of me… Actually, I already know… You don’t like me anymore…>

 

“I don’t hate you.”

 

The old feelings he had tried hard to erase for days after the funeral surged up.

 

The sharp dull pain near his heart that he always felt when seeing Ines returned. But this time, it was more than pain.

 

The reason his heart was racing wildly was surely not because of pity, anger, annoyance, or any of those stupid feelings.

 

“…You.”

 

Actually, it had never been like that.

 

Rayan stared blankly at the vision of her carefully twisting her hair with her fingers and murmured.

 

“I…”

 

A terrible realization swept over him.

 

Maybe he had felt this way about her for a long time…

 

“No.”

 

He strongly denied the thought he just had. It couldn’t be true.

 

“No.”

 

Even if it were true, now that the funeral was over, he must not admit it.

 

If he did, he would never escape it. For life.

 

His jaw tightened hard.

 

Ines, looking up at him as if waiting for his answer, smiled bitterly.

 

It seemed she heard all the answers in his expression.

 

<…I see.>

 

She buried her face again in the sheet and disappeared completely under the dark blue blanket.

 

“…!”

 

He was shocked and roughly pulled back the blanket, but there was nothing left.

 

Rayan stared blankly at the sheet and twisted his face.

 

“Ines.”

 

His breathing was harsh. His hand searched the empty sheet several times, then clenched tightly in frustration.

 

His nails dug into his palm, leaving scratches, but he felt nothing.

 

“Ines…?”

 

There was no answer.

 

Rayan jumped up and desperately pulled off all the sheets. Unfinished words poured out chaotically.

 

“No, I’m sorry. That wasn’t an answer. Sorry. Don’t go. Okay?”

 

He searched the corners of the room frantically, but Ines’s vision never appeared again.

 

The terrible emptiness pressed down on his chest. The emptiness quickly turned into fear.

 

“Ines, Ines!”

 

From the very day he could not hear any reply, Ines’s vision disappeared from the mansion like a lie.

 

 

Ines was gone.

 

The small, thin woman who popped up everywhere—in the office, bedroom, hallways—without him noticing for a week, stopped coming.

 

Maybe she thought she had heard all the answers from him.

 

After waiting several days without seeing her, Rayan finally went to find her himself.

 

But he couldn’t find her anywhere.

 

That was not the only strange thing.

 

Even after searching the entire mansion, he found no small sign of Ines.

 

Why…

 

Why isn’t she here?

 

Alveron, his assistant, hurried after him as he wandered the mansion all morning without purpose.

 

“Your Majesty. You have an appointment with Marquis Leces today. You need to prepare now to be on time.”

 

“Cancel it.”

 

A sharp light flashed in his green eyes.

 

Back in his office, Rayan opened every drawer of his desk roughly. The drawers rattled loudly as they were pulled out.

 

He clearly remembered putting something here. A handkerchief Ines gave him about a year and a half after they married, before his first Torgen expedition.

 

That was the clearest sign of Ines. She had made it herself.

 

“It should be here.”

 

No one else touched his desk. He had no memory of throwing it away. It must be somewhere in the drawers…

 

“I put it here.”

 

A fountain pen and ink fell to the floor from a drawer. The ink bottle was open, and the floor quickly stained black.

 

His green eyes shook violently.

 

That handkerchief was the only thing Ines had given him.

 

“It’s the only one…”

 

His breathing became rough and his vision blurred.

 

Rayan slammed the last empty drawer shut and straightened his back.

 

‘Something else.’ Trying to breathe properly, he thought he should find something else Ines used if the handkerchief was gone.

 

“But Your Majesty, you need to discuss the southern mine transfer with the Marquis…”

 

“I said cancel it.”

 

“Even if you send a message now, it might be too late. The Marquis will return to the capital in three days…”

 

Rayan angrily pushed away the papers Alveron held. They fluttered like snow, covering the office floor.

 

“How many times do I have to say the same thing?”

 

“Ugh.”

 

Alveron gasped from the sharp look and the tight grip on his neck.

 

“I… I…”

 

“Don’t bother me and get out. Before I really kill you.”

 

The strange impatience that had tightened around him finally exploded.