Is That Prison Food That Smells Good? It’s the Judge! - Chapter 5

Wang Yisun: I wouldn’t dare.

The Pallas’s Cat Spirit scratched his head. Could Your Majesty’s long imprisonment have damaged his brain?

No, no, no! He shook his head vigorously. How could His Majesty’s mind be so easily damaged? It must be… he must have been cut off from all news in prison and never heard the rumors about Yan Zhi!

Although Wang Yisun had only recently started this job, the rumors about Grand Inquisitor Yan of the ABMA were already deeply ingrained in everyone’s minds: He was the absolute pinnacle of combat power, an iron-faced man without a shred of bias, cold and ruthless. His mere presence was enough to intimidate everyone. Over the years, only the Director and Deputy Director had worked closely with him due to their positions. As for everyone else…

Heh. Getting close to him meant either being scared to death or frozen solid. It was hard enough to even touch the hem of his clothes, let alone try to develop a relationship…

Besides, Wang Yisun had never heard that Yan Zhi liked men!

He hesitated, not wanting to discourage His Majesty, so he said tactfully:

Wang Yisun: Yan Zhi is such a dangerous person… How about I test the waters for you first?

Fan Jue frowned instinctively: You? Test the waters?

Wang Yisun: (Waving hand jpg) No, no, no. What I mean is, I can gently gauge his… attitude toward you.

[ File Transferring… ]

Wang Yisun: Wait! Let me send you a file!

Fan Jue: This little waving person… how do I use it?

Wang Yisun: Oh! That’s called a sticker!! (happyspinjpg). Your Majesty, do you want some? I’ll send you a whole set! You can even turn text into stickers! They’re perfect for you! Just click the smiley face next to the input box to use them!!!

The stickers arrived along with the file. Fan Jue glanced at them for a moment, then replied.

Fan Jue: (thumbsupjpg)

Wang Yisun: (shockedjpg) Ahhhhh, Your Majesty praised me! Your Majesty praised me!!! (faintwithhappinessjpg)

Fan Jue, who had only wanted to test out the stickers and had simply typed “Okay,” which automatically sent the thumbs-up sticker: “…” Forget it. He’s too foolish. I shouldn’t tell him the truth.

Wang Yisun: Your Majesty, hurry and look at the file! You’ll definitely praise me again after reading it!!!

Fan Jue opened the file: The Demon Race Courtship Bible

? What is this?

Fan Jue flipped to the first page:

A New Era, A New Society! As a demon, are you still using those old-fashioned courtship methods? Wake up! It’s no longer the age where the strongest magic user defeats his rivals to win the beauty! From now on, learn the New Era Demon Race Courtship Bible and save our lonely demons!

Fan Jue: “…”

This seemed a bit ridiculous, but as someone who had lived through the old era and its old-fashioned society, Fan Jue still kept an open mind and turned the page.

“This book is divided into four parts:

1. Stop Guessing! Learn to analyze facial expressions and body language to figure out if you and your crush have a chance!
2. Stop Dreaming! Master 108 flirting techniques to make him fall for you!
3. Stop Being Dull! A secret recipe for dating and keeping the spark alive in your relationship!
4. Stop Waiting! An ultra-detailed Demon Race Guide to Sex and Intimacy, ensuring a blissful life with your partner!

Four simple steps to lead you and your partner to the altar!”

Fan Jue’s eyes widened slightly. This actually seems quite comprehensive and useful!

Wang Yisun (pats chest.jpg): “Your Majesty, you only need to read the first part! Just see if you even have a chance…”

Anyway, Yan Zhi probably won’t let him get past the first step… Your Majesty is so smart… He’ll definitely realize Yan Zhi isn’t interested in men or women, and then he’ll give up!

Hehe, I can advise Your Majesty without getting scolded! This Pallas’s Cat Spirit is a genius!

Meanwhile, Fan Jue was already engrossed in studying the Bible. He opened the first section:

“For most demons, whether he actually has feelings for you is a timeless mystery! If he truly dislikes you, the difficulty of winning him over is straight-up MAX! But if he isn’t resistant to you, or even has a shred of goodwill, then by following the guidance of the Bible, everything will fall into place naturally!”

Fan Jue propped his head up. What does MAX mean? Based on the context… does it mean the difficulty is very high? But that’s not important… goodwill… Although he and Yan Zhi are enemies, Yan Zhi isn’t the type to let his stance affect his personal feelings… So it’s hard to say if he dislikes him or not. He probably has no feelings at all, just not resistant.

Fan Jue continued reading:

A few simple tips to test whether he actually has feelings for you?

“1. Eyes never lie.

If he stares straight at you! Congratulations! He might be openly in love with you! There is a 100% chance between you and him!

If he dares not look at you! Congratulations! He might be secretly in love with you! There is a 100% chance between you and him!”

Fan Jue froze for a moment. Is this right?

The Bible continued to proclaim its wisdom: “You ask if this is correct? Of course it is! Because if someone hates you, they won’t even want to see you! You won’t even get a chance to see their eyes! Only when you like someone will you see their eyes every day!”

Fan Jue felt something was off. He saw the Sparrow Spirit and the Gecko Spirit every day in prison, yet even after a thousand years, he wouldn’t feel a single ripple in his heart.

“What? You think my logic means students love their Chinese, Math, and English teachers every day? Or that corporate slaves love their never-ending clients? Of course not! Remember this: when you like someone, you’ll only look at their eyes in a crowd, but when you make eye contact, you’ll suddenly look away!”

Fan Jue found this a bit troublesome, but he decided to memorize it first and move on to the next point:

“2. Body language and distance are always honest. If he likes you, he won’t resist contact with you. An accidental brush of hands, trust that allows you to cross the safe distance (less than 0.45 meters), and your hearts will grow closer and closer! If he keeps a galactic distance from you and avoids you like the plague, we suggest you give up on your romantic fantasies and immediately switch to studying astrophysics.”

Hmm… Fan Jue pondered. He and Yan Zhi were practically touching when they fought. Did that count?

“3. Amplify any signs of jealousy!

You only get jealous of someone you like! If he constantly interrupts your conversations with others, tries every trick in the book to pull your attention back to him, and seems vaguely annoyed while doing so, then yes! He’s jealous! There’s infinite potential between you two!”

Fan Jue’s lips curved. In a way, when he was about to possess Warden Feng’s soul, hadn’t Yan Zhi grabbed his chin, “pulled his attention back,” and looked “vaguely annoyed”?

“4. Look for clues on social media!

If he always replies instantly and constantly shares things with you, congratulations! He’s definitely interested! But if his replies are just ‘Mm,’ ‘Oh,’ or ellipses and periods, well… you might want to ask if he’s been kidnapped. If he is, just send a period.”

Fan Jue raised an eyebrow. He glanced at the balcony nearby, opened his keyboard’s emoji menu, and thought for a moment before searching for “express affection.”

A flower-sending emoji popped up automatically. Without overthinking it, Fan Jue sent it.

On the balcony, Yan Zhi hung up the phone and checked the special notification on his screen. He opened his chat with Fan Jue.

Fan Jue: (winksendingflowers.jpg)

Yan Zhi: …

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