Irreversible - Chapter 49

Chapter 49: The Little Wretched One Grows Taller (Part 3)

At lunch, Yan Qing and Gu Xizhou went to the cafeteria together. On the way, many people stared at Gu Xizhou as if she were a rare alien sighting.

Gu Xizhou didn’t know if she was being overly sensitive or if it was because she lacked experience eating with others in middle school, but she felt these gazes were exceptionally burning. However, the joy of eating with a friend outweighed her internal discomfort. After buying their food, she and Yan Qing sat down at a window seat.

As they ate, Yan Qing asked when she could start training at their family club.

Gu Xizhou replied, “Next week will be fine. The doctor said I’ll be able to exercise like a normal person by then.” During the growth phase, her body was so fragile that even slight movements could risk injury to her tendons or bones, meaning she had to strictly control her activity levels to ensure her safety.

Hearing this, Yan Qing expressed understanding. “It’s been hard on you. Alphas with second differentiation are quite rare.” Usually, this only happened to teenagers with nutritional deficiencies or hormonal and neurological issues; through a second differentiation, the body’s potential is stimulated to take a step forward. Since differentiation is already dangerous, this added layer of risk made it even more intense.

Gu Xizhou smiled but said nothing. Just then, a round-faced little Alpha with a cute appearance passed their table with a tray and greeted Yan Qing: “Yo.”

Yan Qing nodded. “Yo.”

Gu Xizhou couldn’t help but look up. When the round-faced Alpha saw Gu Xizhou, her eyes lit up, and she accurately stated her name: “Yo, Gu Xizhou.”

Gu Xizhou instantly became flustered. She raised her hand and gave a localized, awkward greeting: “Hello.”

The other girl smiled, looking satisfied like a tourist who had just checked in with a giant panda at the zoo, and left with her tray. Once the Alpha was gone, Gu Xizhou turned and couldn’t help asking Yan Qing, “Was that Alpha your friend?”

Yan Qing kept her head down, eating nonchalantly as she replied, “Someone from my middle school. We have some vague impression of each other.”

Gu Xizhou’s eyes sparkled with admiration. “You’re so amazing! The people you know even remember the friends who appear around you—she could even remember my name.” To her, this meant Yan Qing was so popular that everyone paid close attention to her companions!

Seeing Gu Xizhou’s childlike look of worship, Yan Qing sat up a bit straighter. After a moment of thought, she said, “Have you considered that she knows you not because she knows me, but because she knows you personally and wanted to greet you?”

Gu Xizhou was bewildered and blinked. “Me?”

Yan Qing nodded. “Mhm. Just you.”

Little Xizhou was very puzzled. “Why?”

0820 let out a yawn in her mind and mocked her younger, foolish self: “Your photos with Su Nanfeng have been floating all over the internet forums for the past three weeks. Any student who likes a bit of drama would remember your face.”

Gu Xizhou ignored 0820 and soon heard Yan Qing give an answer similar to the voice in her head: “One reason is the thing with Su Nanfeng; everyone remembers your face. And then there’s what happened the day you differentiated at the military base.”

Gu Xizhou had absolutely no memory of that. Neither did 0820, as she had withdrawn her consciousness and returned to the nutrient pod the night before Gu Xizhou’s differentiation.

0820 sensed something was wrong and urged Gu Xizhou: “Ask her what happened that day.” Even though Su Zhiyi said it was just a fever that sent her to the hospital, 0820 felt there was something left unsaid.

Following 0820’s lead, Gu Xizhou asked, “The day I differentiated? What happened?”

Yan Qing gave Gu Xizhou a strange look, her tone subtle. “It was that day you had a fever. You suddenly ran from the infirmary to the training grounds, grabbed Su Zhiyi’s thigh, knelt on the ground, and wailed at the top of your lungs.”

Gu Xizhou’s head went boom.

She stared blankly at Yan Qing, watching her moving lips, trying her best to distinguish the words being uttered, yet she couldn’t seem to decode them when they were pieced together.

Yan Qing assumed Gu Xizhou didn’t mind the topic and even teased, “All of us students saw it. You were clutching Su Zhiyi, kneeling on the ground like a scumbag Alpha (渣A) begging his wife for forgiveness. That scene… tsk.”

Scumbag Alpha? Wife? Forgiveness? The information overload made Gu Xizhou’s brain explode further.

Yan Qing continued, still feeling the weight of it: “I tried to pull you away, but you shoved my hand off and told me to get lost while you were crying. You even released pheromones and drew a large ‘circle’ to ensure no one could get near you and Su Zhiyi—like a beast marking its territory. Even the instructors didn’t dare approach you. Some people even guessed you were in your rut…”

Rut? Crying and begging while hugging Su Zhiyi? Marking her territory…

What on earth was that? Was this why she had felt people’s gazes on her all day?

Gu Xizhou’s face turned bright red instantly. In Yan Qing’s description, she felt for a moment like a drowning person washed up on a beach; everyone present had seen her “naked.”

Ah! So embarrassing! I want to die!

The heat made Gu Xizhou lose all ability to think. She sat in the middle of the noisy cafeteria, her heart pounding like thunder, losing perception of everything around her.

As Yan Qing spoke, she sensed something was wrong. She looked up sharply at the Gu Xizhou sitting across from her. The girl was frozen like a wooden block, her face flushed so red she looked like a fully ripened tomato. Gu Xizhou’s expression was one of shock, bewilderment, shame, and helplessness.

Recalling Gu Xizhou’s behavior toward Su Zhiyi today, Yan Qing realized something belatedly. She asked in surprise, “You… you don’t have any memory of this at all, do you?”

Heavens. Had she just publicly executed her new friend for the second time? She had assumed Gu Xizhou had high stress tolerance and didn’t care, which was why she brought it up.

Gu Xizhou’s eyes welled with tears; she looked like she was about to cry. “I don’t remember.” She shook her head, feeling aggrieved and humiliated. “I was delirious with fever that day; I have no impression of anything. Even the fact that you sent me to the infirmary was something Su Zhiyi told me.”

Yan Qing understood instantly. Su Zhiyi must have realized Gu Xizhou lost that part of her memory through their interactions, which was why she could interact with her so calmly and protect her self-esteem.

But now… after her own “chattering,” that self-esteem was completely gone.

Looking at Gu Xizhou’s teary eyes, Yan Qing felt a wave of guilt. She wished she could slap her own mouth and curse herself for not being able to keep it shut. Being a tactful person, she immediately pressed her palms together and bowed her head in apology: “I’m sorry, Gu Xizhou. I didn’t know you didn’t remember. If I had known, I definitely wouldn’t have mentioned it.”

Gu Xizhou sniffled, trying to stay calm. “It’s okay. I would have found out eventually.” With so many students in the grade, if it wasn’t Yan Qing, someone else would have told her. If anything, the fact that she was only finding out now proved how much Su Zhiyi cared about her feelings. At least, Su Zhiyi herself didn’t seem to mind.

Gu Xizhou wiped her tears, endured the heat in her face, and thanked Yan Qing sincerely: “I should thank you for telling me. I… after all, it’s something I did. Even if it was unconscious, I still did it. There’s nothing more to say.”

Yan Qing opened one eye and peeked at Gu Xizhou cautiously. “You’re really not mad at me?”

Gu Xizhou shook her head, forcing a smile. “I’m not mad. After all, we’re friends.” She had finally made such a good friend; she wouldn’t throw a tantrum over something like this.

Yan Qing breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good, that’s good.” She sat upright and comforted her: “Don’t worry too much. In the past two weeks, Su Zhiyi has mostly settled the matter. At least the Omegas in her dorm know that you were acting on instinct due to the second differentiation—looking for someone familiar—not because of a rut or anything messy like that.”

Yan Qing’s reasoning was very persuasive: “After all, Su Zhiyi was the only one who helped you during all those years Su Nanfeng bullied you. We can all understand that. That’s what I told my friends, too.”

Of course, these explanations were requested by Su Zhiyi herself to ensure the incident of Gu Xizhou hugging her was separated from the years of bullying—treating it as an isolated incident. But some people still didn’t believe it; some Alphas, for instance, thought Gu Xizhou had designs on Su Zhiyi or had temporarily marked her, otherwise, why would she have such strong possessiveness?

Though Yan Qing felt it wasn’t possessiveness—it was more like a “tadpole looking for its mother”… but she couldn’t say that to Gu Xizhou, could she? She was a clever, socially adept child who knew how to comfort a friend.

Gu Xizhou indeed looked grateful. “Thank you, Yan Qing. It’s so good to know you.”

Ah, and of course, it’s also so good to know Su Zhiyi.

Realizing her slip of the tongue, Yan Qing bought Gu Xizhou an ice cream after lunch as compensation. Despite Gu Xizhou’s protests, Yan Qing forced her to eat it.

As the two walked back to the classroom eating their ice cream, Gu Xizhou began to brainwash herself on how to forget the established facts. Her self-regulation was strong; since it had already happened and she couldn’t go back in time to erase her unconscious self, she decided to pretend that memory didn’t exist. She even blamed it on 0820, brainwashing herself into believing 0820 had controlled her to cause that “social death” event. In short, everything was 0820’s fault.

0820 was fuming: “So I’m your scapegoat now, is that it?”

Gu Xizhou ignored her, desperately telling herself in her mind: It has nothing to do with me, it has nothing to do with me…

Unfortunately, when she returned to the classroom after learning the truth and saw Su Zhiyi through the crowd, she still felt mortified. Her face flushed instantly. For the rest of the afternoon, as she sat in class listening to lectures, she felt like a little monkey with a bare butt, unable to sit still. Every person here had witnessed her wailing; they had seen her hugging Su Zhiyi—what would they think? What would they guess?

That’s how humans are; once you start thinking about how you appear in others’ eyes, you are destined to become a slave to those useless observations. 0820 knew this feeling well. She couldn’t help but wonder what Su Zhiyi’s reaction would be if she knew the truth about being violated by Su Nanfeng—constantly guessing, which made her afraid to speak up time and again. Even if you know someone well, they are ultimately not you; you will still worry about your image in their heart. This is why people long to be close yet cannot be fully honest with each other.

0820 sighed. Seeing Gu Xizhou sitting on pins and needles, she comforted her: “Actually, there’s nothing to care about. Humans only care about new things. You just happened to do two big things at the start of school, so the students remember you. But as their campus life gets busier and they find people they actually care about, they won’t focus on you anymore. As time passes and memories fade, their impression of you will only be: ‘Ah, that person who was beaten by a school bully and then had a second differentiation in public while hugging the Omega she liked.’ If you and Su Zhiyi get married in the future, it might even be a beautiful story.”

At least this kind of high school life is infinitely happier than the real world, isn’t it?

It would have been better if 0820 hadn’t spoken; now Gu Xizhou wanted to die even more. Her face was incredibly red, and her ears were still burning. 0820 had no choice but to say disdainfully, “You Alphas at this age are just too self-important. You’re so narcissistic, thinking you’re so important that you’d dwell on something like this. This isn’t even ‘losing face’ yet—you’re going to lose much more face in the future.”

This was the experience of someone who had lived through it, but young Gu Xizhou was just a teenager; she hadn’t experienced it and couldn’t listen.

She remained restless. However, after 0820’s “guidance,” she was at least able to continue listening to the lessons.

School soon ended. Coincidentally, it was Gu Xizhou’s turn for cleaning duty today. She stayed behind with three other students to tidy up. By the time Gu Xizhou returned with the mop, the others had already arranged the desks and chairs. The last one to leave waved at her: “Only the blackboard is left. Gu Xizhou, I’ll leave this to you!”

“Mhm, okay.”

Gu Xizhou put down the mop, took an eraser from the podium, and began wiping away the black marker notes on the whiteboard. But there was one spot she couldn’t reach; she stood on her tiptoes and hopped a few times, only managing to wipe a little bit.

Su Zhiyi, who had just walked back into the classroom, saw this and sighed. “Let me do it.”

Her sudden voice startled Gu Xizhou. Clutching the eraser, Gu Xizhou turned toward the door to see Su Zhiyi standing there against the light. She looked panicked: “Su Zhiyi…”

Heavens, why hasn’t Su Zhiyi gone home yet?

Su Zhiyi nodded, walked to her side, took the eraser, and easily wiped away the marks. She asked calmly, “Have the others on duty left? Why were you left alone? Did you mop the whole floor by yourself?”

Given Gu Xizhou’s good-natured personality and her history of being bullied by Su Nanfeng, Su Zhiyi found it hard to believe she hadn’t been saddled with extra work.

Gu Xizhou let out a small “ah” and quickly explained, “No, they just left. I mopped the hallway, and they mopped the classroom. I’m just a bit slow…” She spoke hurriedly, her core point being that no one was bullying her.

“Mhm.” Su Zhiyi nodded, wiped the whiteboard several times until it was clean, and placed the eraser back on the podium neatly.

Gu Xizhou looked at her curiously. “Why haven’t you gone back yet? Did you leave something behind?”

Su Zhiyi nodded, looking at the Gu Xizhou beside her and sizing her up. “I forgot a workbook.”

“Oh…” Gu Xizhou folded her hands, looking hesitant.

0820 egged her on in her head: “A rare opportunity! Invite her to go home together! Quick, quick, quick… and apologize for that differentiation incident while you’re at it.”

But before Gu Xizhou could speak, Su Zhiyi spoke first: “Gu Xizhou…”

Gu Xizhou looked up at her, only to see Su Zhiyi smiling with an extremely gentle gaze. “Have you grown a bit taller?”

Eh? She could tell even that?

Gu Xizhou’s eyes instantly lit up, her tone excited: “You also think I’ve grown a bit taller, right?”