If You Cheat, Just Don’t Tell Me - Chapter 22

“…What am I even saying. Though this isn’t the time to be thinking about such things.” (Freya)

This is the worst. I’m the worst. Absolutely unbelievable. I want to slap myself.

What was that? That attitude wasn’t something you show to your fiancé, nor was it something you show to the boy you like. I’m truly the worst.

Dicca was just worried about me. I know that. Yet I took out my own anxiety on him and made him uncomfortable. Of course, he got angry.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll take you away from here. I have enough money to support us living somewhere far away for a while. I could find work right away too.”

…Honestly, it would be a lie to say my heart wasn’t shaken. Being taken away by the boy I like, living together in a new land where nobody knows us. It’s an enduringly popular ending in romance stories circulating among the common people, and I’ve enjoyed such romance stories myself and have even dreamed of such things.

If it were Dicca, he’d probably follow through with his words. Taking me away, starting over together somewhere nobody knows us. Dicca working to earn money, and me supporting him.

It wasn’t impossible. If I had nodded to Dicca’s words, it probably would have come true.

…But there’s no way I could do that.

That day, that moment. I, who admired Dicca, used the Spirits family’s influence to force the engagement talks with the Regis family. On paper, it’s framed as considering the interests of both families… but in reality, it was just my selfishness that forced them to the negotiation table.

The fortunate thing was that the Regis family didn’t show any particular reluctance. Well, as I interacted with Dicca, I came to somewhat understand the reason for that too.

At first, it wasn’t like I particularly liked Dicca. I just wanted to see up close what kind of person this person who had made such an impact on me was.

In the very beginning, just as Dicca said, I intended to break off the engagement if I didn’t like him. The Spirits family had that much power.

…But that thought disappeared quickly. Talking with Dicca, arguing with him, watching how he lived.

I thought Dicca lived exactly as he wanted, doing whatever he pleased. Unlike me, who was like a doll, he wasn’t bound by anything, free like the wind.

But that wasn’t actually the case. He was placed in an environment he didn’t want. He kept trying hard to meet the heavy expectations from those around him. And at some point, he snapped.

I think he grew tired of days where no matter how hard he tried; he wasn’t rewarded. He grew angry and exhausted with his helpless surroundings and himself, and thus strayed from the path.

But ultimately, what he had built up until then didn’t change easily. Though he talks tough, he can’t completely hide his fundamentally serious and kind nature.

That’s why he helps even complete strangers like me, and takes in people with nowhere to go on the streets. Whether he’s aware of it or not.

If he truly hated it, he wouldn’t permit such gatherings. If he were truly the dropout people say he is, there’s no way he’d be so beloved by everyone.

The people at that meeting place all understand Dicca well.

Dicca himself understands Dicca the least. Surrounded by so many people, with everyone around him smiling yet he only has his family and school on his mind. That’s why his self-esteem is low. He’s always thinking in his heart that he’s worthless.

He probably has no awareness of it himself.

But that’s exactly why I wanted to stay by his side. Putting these feelings I have for Dicca into words is difficult.

It’s similar to the feeling of dealing with a troublesome child, similar to the feeling of a mother watching her child grow, and similar to the romantic feeling of wanting to walk beside him and spend the future together.

It was a complex emotion made up of all these mixed feelings, but there wasn’t a single unpleasant feeling among them.

So, I’ll marry Dicca as planned. I think Dicca feels the same way. Ah, since he said those things to me, that must be the case, right?

There’s no way he’d say “Actually, let’s pretend the engagement never happened. ” from this point on, right? Right?

…W-well, it can’t be helped! I’ve never been in love before either! It’s only natural I’d feel anxious!

Sigh… That’s exactly why I couldn’t nod to Dicca’s proposal. Of course there’s my family to consider. I can’t betray the family that raised me until now by stabbing them in the back and leaving.

But more than that, I can’t make Dicca throw away everything he’s built up in this town – his position, his bonds with his companions, all those things. That’s what I think.

“…What am I even saying. Though this isn’t the time to be thinking about such things.”

Right now, I’ve fought with that same Dicca and am riding shaken in the Fidel family’s carriage.

Why did things turn out like this? Did I do something wrong? Did I do something to offend some god, and now I’m being punished for it?

If that’s the case, I’ll sincerely apologize to whatever god may or may not exist in this world, so please tell me what I did wrong. If it means getting out of this situation, I’ll bow my head as many times as needed.

…Is thinking such things itself already irreverent? But it can’t be helped. I’ve never met or seen any god until now.

“Freya, you don’t need to make such an angry face. You’re ruining your beautiful features.”

Lucius, riding in the same carriage, calls out to me with those words.

Dressed in an expensive black formal suit unusual for a student, he sits across from me with his long legs crossed as if to show them off.

He wears what looks like a refreshing smile, but in reality, his head is only filled with thoughts of money. That became clear from our recent interactions. He only sees me as a ticket to acquire noble blood, or a trophy to keep by his side.

Well… as the heir to a financial guild, that might not be wrong.

“I’m not angry. And please don’t call me by my first name so casually? As I’ve told you before, there’s no reason for a man who isn’t my fiancé to call me by my first name.”

“It’s going to happen soon anyway, so what’s the problem?”

I had no retort to Lucius’s words.

…Ultimately, this man is right. The Spirits family couldn’t prepare the money by the promised date. To be precise, there’s still a little time left, but in terms of being unable to come up with the money, nothing has changed.

The deadline for the agreement between the Spirits and Fidel families is when today’s date changes. Due to the Fidel family’s wish to exchange documents immediately when the deadline arrives, I’m being taken to the Fidel family early.

Since we parted after that fight, I haven’t been able to properly talk with Dicca until today. I wish I could have at least properly said goodbye. That’s the regret swirling in my heart right now.

“…What’s that? It’s unusually noisy outside.”

Drawn by Lucius’s curious murmur, I suddenly peer outside through the carriage window.

The town looks somewhat more hurried than usual, and suddenly a familiar explosive sound rings out.

“Really, what an unpleasant sound. You think so too, don’t you?”

“Dicca…”

While my heart races at the sound of the engine and exhaust that a motorcycle makes when running, I continued being shaken in the carriage on my way to the Fidel family.