I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 87

Though I said that, it was actually Leia who ended up teaching me magic. Count Kiara had to stay locked in the underground prison all day to break Erma’s brainwashing, which meant that my regular lessons were reduced, and among those who knew the whole story and were well-versed in magic, Leia was the only one.

Of course, thinking about why Leia became so knowledgeable in magic made me feel sorry for her, but… there was nothing I could do about it.

However, contrary to what I expected, Leia readily accepted the task. Afterward, she seemed so engrossed in reading that she forgot I was even there, suggesting that she might be quite interested in magical theory.

“That’s an amazing power… I now understand why Airden was especially suppressed by the royal family.”

After reading the book, Leia spoke with gleaming eyes. She looked more alive than I had ever seen her before.

“Is that so? I thought it was because it was too dangerous of a power.”

“Yes, it is dangerous. But depending on how it’s used, it can truly be an omnipotent power. How much do you know about this power?”

“If you consume a certain amount of my blood, you’ll die. And this isn’t widely known, but I can scatter the blood like mist and massacre everything around me.”

“And?”

“That’s all.”

Leia looked at me with a baffled expression. Though I hadn’t done anything wrong, I quickly avoided her gaze. This was about my family’s magic. Given the thickness of the vision, what I knew was likely only a small part of it.

Everyone in the empire probably knows about the blood, and while the mist is a secret, there are people who know about it. What I knew was just common knowledge for others. I didn’t know anything that only the heir should know. It was a ridiculous thing to be an heir with such limited understanding of my own power.

Moreover, I couldn’t even properly use the powers I knew about. If I fed blood to someone and killed them, poison from Airden would be detected in their body. The culprit would immediately be identified, so I couldn’t just use it carelessly. As for the mist magic, to be honest, I was too afraid to use it.

“That’s a curse that kills people. It’s a truly dreadful power.”

“Your power is like gunpowder about to explode.”

“You’re always carrying a fragile bottle filled with the seeds of a great plague, Yurein. If you make even the slightest mistake, it will shatter, and many will die because of you.”

“Sometimes, you’re frightening.”

I had heard those words countless times since I could understand them. I was like explosive gunpowder, a seed of plague that could wipe out everyone around me. Sometimes, I even wondered if my breath might release a deadly toxin, so I would hide in a small wardrobe. I had spent countless nights awake, afraid that I might use my power while asleep.

That fear grew as I aged. In fact, even just before my execution at the execution grounds, I couldn’t use my power, so I knew it well.

“The simplest thing would be something like this: wrapping someone in poison and killing them.”

“Is that really the simplest way?”

“Other methods would involve letting a drop of blood seep into someone’s internal organs daily, causing them to die of illness, or making the blood as thin as a needle to stab vital points and knock them unconscious, or surrounding specific parts with poison to cause necrosis…”

It seemed like it would require quite a bit of manipulation. I had never even tried to take my blood out as mist. What would I do if blood poured out just by trying one of those small actions?

If I accidentally released an enormous amount of mist right here, Leia would die, and many others would be harmed by it. The air in this room would constantly carry the scent of death. Just imagining it made my blood run cold, and I hesitated before asking.

“Do you think I can do it?”

“It’s simple. You can do it.”

Leia’s rare enthusiasm made my will shrink even further. I couldn’t even express my concerns and began studying. About an hour later, Leia sighed, having never seen me extract blood from my body.

“What’s the problem, Visionary? You are the heir to magic, aren’t you?”

“I’m afraid to release the blood.”

“……”

Leia stared at me quietly, then nodded. Even without a detailed explanation, she understood sincerely, and I was thankful for that.

“Yes, I can see that.”

“Thank you for understanding…”

“No, I also had all sorts of thoughts when I first used the regression magic. It worked for me, but I can’t promise that to anyone else.”

That was true. Just because Leia succeeded in using regression magic on her first try didn’t mean I would be able to master such intricate magic in one go. Leia nodded lightly and said:

“Let’s take it slow. It might work.”

Surprisingly, the phrase “You’ll be able to do it” didn’t comfort me as much as “It might work.”

“What are you most worried about?”

The Duke asked, holding me in his arms. We were lying together on the bed, talking about my lessons with Leia. When I confessed that I couldn’t use magic at all, the Duke responded in a gentle voice.

“Well, first… I’m not sure if I can properly control and regulate my blood. If I make even the slightest mistake, I could kill Leia, and the poison leaking from the room could kill even more people. Handling the room afterward is another problem.”

“You’ve thought about this quite specifically.”

“I’m thinking realistically.”

“Certainly, it takes courage to carry a large container and move its contents into a small vial. Especially if the container is unfamiliar and the contents are dangerous.”

He found a very appropriate analogy as he spoke and kissed my forehead. The natural contact during our conversation had become familiar now. In fact, if it didn’t happen, I would feel empty, and once, without thinking, I extended my hand to the Duke for him to hold it in front of others—thankfully, their laughter was warm.

Anyway… I was holding poison in a large container. Until now, I had only learned the method of dumping it all out. I had never even tried doing that. But now, I had to transfer it into various small containers. The basic magic used in Airden’s vision wasn’t about “pouring” but about “transferring.”

Turning an entire area into ruins and making the land as deadly as the poison itself was considered an ultimate, forbidden magic.

I was an incomplete heir who had only learned fear and taboos about magic.

“Right. I’m so scared of spilling that container.”

Just thinking about it sent a chill down my spine. Moreover, the container was larger and heavier than my body. Could I really do it? I sighed unconsciously, and the Duke stroked my hair, then gently kissed the top of my head.

“Someone must have made you afraid of that container. People who always told you it wouldn’t work.”

“…”

That would be my parents. In the first place, the image of the large, easily spillable container was something my parents had created. And then there was Erma, Vihen, the servants at the time, and the Emperor.

“Slowly forget those words. Each word you forget will teach you a new hope.”

“…Yes.”

Erma, Vihen, and my parents’ words swirled in my head. Words that formed the framework of who I was. I was gradually replacing each of those words with the ones the Duke gave me, with the hope I had learned. How fulfilling it was.

Though I didn’t yet have the confidence that I could do it, I hugged the Duke.

“Stop worrying and go to sleep. You have to wake up early tomorrow.”

I nodded. Tomorrow, I was going to visit Erma early in the morning. I fell into a deep sleep in the Duke’s arms without dreaming. When I woke up, I was still nestled in his warm embrace. The Duke must have already been awake, as he kissed my forehead when I stirred.

“Did you sleep well, Yurein?”

“Yes… and what about you?”

“I sleep well anytime.”

When it seemed we were both awake, I heard a faint noise from outside. The Duke told them to prepare water for washing. A quiet response came back immediately.

The inside of the bed curtains was warm, but not as much as the blanket, and certainly not as much as the Duke’s embrace. I pressed myself closer to him, feeling like I was melting in his warmth, until the servant brought in the washing water.

After a while, when we got up, even though the room was filled with stoves, I still felt the cold. Isser’s winter was colder than Airden’s. The number of stoves in the room was different, but even so, the cold was difficult to fully chase away in the early morning and late at night.

I had breakfast in the bedroom. Perhaps because of the lingering warmth of the night, the Duke seated me next to him and fed me. Since there were only the two of us, I didn’t hesitate and opened my mouth.

While eating a salad made from young leaves, some dressing got on the corner of my mouth. When I stuck out my tongue to lick it off, the Duke smiled and wiped my lips and mouth with a napkin.

Next, a spoonful of mashed potatoes and bacon came toward me. I opened my mouth wide to accept it, and after eating, the Duke chuckled and muttered softly.

“You have such a small mouth…”

“…”

Realizing what he meant while chewing the potatoes and bacon, my face turned bright red, and I quickly averted my gaze. My mouth wasn’t unusually small, was it? The mistake was his. As my eyes inadvertently flicked toward his lower half, he burst out laughing loudly.

“It’s a shame, though. We don’t have much time.”

It was a joke, but there was sincerity behind it. I thought the same. Besides, I had to go see Erma. After finishing our meal and preparing, we headed to the underground prison. Though it was morning, the atmosphere in the prison was still grim and dull.

The surroundings were eerily quiet. Though Erma and the Count were surely inside, it felt as though no one was there. As I stepped inside, I understood the reason for the silence. Erma was slumped over, her face vacant, and the Count was quietly using magic in front of her. Erma barely moved, breathing only faintly, as though she were a corpse. Her breath was so shallow it was almost imperceptible.

Upon seeing us, the Count simply nodded in greeting.

“How is she?”

“Well, the period of brainwashing was so long… Her soul seems almost fused with the other.”

The Count’s voice echoed, muffled like it was traveling through wet walls. A fused soul, he said. Since magic was involved in tampering with another’s mind, I wondered if, after being so entangled for so long, the connection had become as twisted as vines, blending them together.

“How does the fusion happen?”

“In Erma’s case, the caster’s consciousness has almost swallowed hers. It’s almost as if it became another personality of hers.”

Another personality. That phrase made a thought cross my mind. Could it be…?

“Then, Count… Doesn’t the Emperor feel the pain Erma experienced?”

The Count, as though understanding what I was asking, smiled faintly.

“The intense sensations are reflected and felt by the Emperor as well. Especially something like this.”

He pointed to Erma’s bandaged eye with his finger.

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