I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 81

The testimony hearing ended late at night. Exhausted, I headed to an inn near the imperial palace by carriage. There, Countess Chiara waited with Sir Reon—and, of course, Erma.

We quickly prepared two sturdy horses and mounted them. The Countess tied Erma’s hands and feet and slung him onto her horse like cargo. I rode with Sir Reon to keep up with their pace as best as I could. While I could ride a horse on my own, it would have been impossible for me to match their speed alone.

Initially, the plan was to meet the Duke’s envoy in Sert, but we changed course, traveling nonstop from the capital to Iser. Though we moved swiftly, it took longer than when I had traveled with the Duke’s prized black steed. His unparalleled riding skills and exceptional horse were unmatched by either Sir Reon or Countess Chiara.

Besides, we had additional burdens—Erma and me. If I had ridden separately, we would have been even slower. Throughout the journey, none of us—except Erma, whose mouth was gagged—spoke a word, focused solely on riding.

We paused only to water the horses before continuing, finally reaching the ducal estate as dawn approached. As the gates of the estate loomed into view, a guard on the watchtower spotted us and promptly opened them. The heavy gates creaked noisily as we passed through into the safety of the estate.

Sir Reon dismounted first, exhaling deeply as if relieved. He reached out to help me down. I intended to dismount on my own but had no choice but to accept his support; my legs were trembling so badly I could barely move.

“Your Grace, Countess, Sir Reon,”

Elan, now the steward of the estate, greeted us one by one. Her face was etched with worry as she escorted us to a warm reception room. Soon after, she returned with hot tea made with milk and sugar.

The warmth of the room and the tea slowly thawed my frozen body. Sir Reon, already feeling warm, removed his cloak and robe, while the Countess and I handed our dust-covered and cumbersome coats to the attendants.

Elan approached us and spoke carefully.

“The Duke is currently away from the estate.”

“At this hour? Where has he gone?”

“To search for Sir Riseon.”

My mind went blank for a moment. He had gone to search for my brother? In the dead of night, with the gates closed? I wanted to ask for more details, but before I could, the sound of commotion came from the entrance, and the Duke entered with a group of knights.

“Your Majesty…!”

I stood up abruptly and moved toward him, nearly running. I stopped just short, reaching out to him, but my legs gave out before I could touch him. If I hadn’t collapsed into his arms, I might have fallen to the ground.

“Oh, dear.”

Despite the situation, I found myself leaning into the Duke’s embrace in front of all these people. My face flushed with embarrassment, but the Duke simply steadied me and held me by the arms as if nothing had happened.

“S-Sorry,” I stammered, coughing awkwardly.

The Duke merely smiled faintly.

“I’m just glad you returned safely.”

Though his voice was soft, it carried enough for the entire reception room to hear. The knights behind him remained at attention, though they exchanged amused glances. Sir Reon, however, was less discreet.

“If you knew what I went through, Your Majesty, you’d be compelled to reward me.”

“If you keep your mouth shut, I might consider it.”

“Is that a promise?”

“It sounds like you’re about to ruin your chances.”

Sir Reon mimed zipping his lips shut, eliciting soft laughter from everyone in the room. For the first time in a while, I felt the tension in the air dissolve completely.

“Yuraine, Sir Riseon seems to be hiding in the Epel Mountains. We searched all day but couldn’t find him.”

“Then…”

Typically, the longer it takes to locate someone in the mountains, the lower their chances of survival.

“…”

Images of the blood-soaked ground, Riseon’s abandoned sword, and the long trail of blood flashed through my mind. What if Riseon had truly…? I hadn’t even had the chance to talk with him properly.

Noticing my concern, the Duke shook his head.

“If he were dead, we would have found a body. He’s likely evading capture, suspecting the Emperor’s search party.”

“Ah…”

“I left food and blankets marked with the Iser crest throughout the area. He should be safe for tonight. If he’s made it as far as the Epel Mountains, there’s a chance he’ll return to the estate tomorrow.”

I nodded. The Duke’s reasoning was sound. I clung to the hope that Riseon would be okay.

“I heard Erma was brought here as well.”

“He’s in the dungeon. The physician is treating him.”

“I’ll go see him. Yuraine, you should take a bath and rest.”

“I’ll come with you.”

The Duke raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll go with you to see Erma. I have things to discuss with you regarding him.”

“Are you sure? You’re still trembling.”

He gazed at me with concern. My entire body trembled from exhaustion and lingering shock. His worry was justified. Still, I couldn’t let him face Erma alone. In the end, he relented, though it took some effort to convince him not to carry me there himself.

The dungeon, dark and dreary even at midday, was chilling at night. The damp, moldy scent was overwhelming, and the stained walls and rusted iron bars carried the remnants of past horrors. Though the cells were empty now, the eerie traces of suffering left behind made the place unsettling.

The faint light ahead indicated where Erma was being held. A muffled presence confirmed it. Before we reached the cell, I tugged on the Duke’s sleeve.

“There’s something I need to tell you… or confess, perhaps.”

“Here? Of all places?”

Despite himself, the Duke chuckled. I couldn’t help but smile at the absurdity of the situation.

“Would you like to see it for yourself? Or shall I explain?”

“You’d prefer I see it firsthand, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I would.”

I nodded, grateful that he understood me so well. The Duke glanced toward Erma’s cell.

“It’s about Erma, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s see for ourselves.”

I nodded again. The dim surroundings gradually grew brighter as we approached Erma’s cell. When we arrived, the Duke’s eyes widened.

Erma was being treated by a physician.

“…He’s injured one of his eyes?”

“Yes.”

The dye used to alter his eye color hadn’t fully worn off, leaving his remaining eye a reddish hue, reminiscent of the Emperor’s. He glared at me with as much malice as he could muster.

“I stabbed him.”

“….”

The Duke stared at me in quiet surprise. The cell floor was littered with bloodied bandages, medicines, scissors, and other tools of the trade.

The physician, who had halted his work upon our arrival, bowed deeply. The Duke gave a slight gesture.

“Continue.”

“Yes, Your Grace. I’m nearly finished.”

When the physician raised a vial to Erma’s lips, the prisoner lunged forward, gulping the contents down greedily. It must have been a painkiller. Up until now, only basic first aid and Countess Chiara’s magic had kept the pain at bay. Once the spell wore off, the pain must have hit him like a tidal wave.

This marked a small measure of my revenge. It may not seem like much, but there were others who bore grievances against him, and they deserved their share as well.

“Unexpected,” the Duke remarked.

“There’s a lot of bad blood between us.”

The Duke chuckled softly. “That’s what most would call a grudge.”

“Yes… a grudge. If I hadn’t known anything, I might have…”

I trailed off, biting back the rest of my words. The Duke didn’t know what Erma had done to me. Until recently, I had been under the influence of the Emperor’s brainwashing and trusted Erma implicitly. It was all in the past now, and I didn’t want to burden him with that knowledge.

As I struggled to find a way to steer the conversation, footsteps echoed from behind. It was Countess Chiara.

“Countess.”

“I thought the physician might be finished, so I came.”

Ah, of course. Countess Chiara could undo the Emperor’s brainwashing. And Erma was still heavily intertwined with the Emperor’s will.

“It may take some time,” the Countess said calmly.

The Duke glanced around.

“Is it suitable to do this here? Wouldn’t it be better to move him to a room inside the estate?”

“This is fine. If he were moved and managed to escape, it would be far more troublesome.”

“That’s true. My apologies for the trouble, Countess.”

“It’s no trouble, Your Grace.”

The physician packed up his supplies and left, leaving behind two guards stationed at the cell’s entrance, along with the Countess, a knight to protect her, and Erma.

“Aaaagh!”

Just as we were about to leave the dungeon, a blood-curdling scream echoed from behind. Startled, I turned around, only for the Duke to steady me with a hand on my shoulder.

“…Is it always that painful?”

“There are many ways to do it. It seems the Countess is using a harsher method.”

Did the Countess also bear a grudge against Erma? Or was it because he was effectively half-Emperor? I realized then why Sir Reon hadn’t reacted when I stabbed Erma’s eye, and why neither the Countess nor the Duke had commented on it. They all likely saw him as an extension of the Emperor, someone with no shortage of enemies.

In my past life, half of my suffering had been due to Erma. If I had remained ignorant in this life, he would have done the same to me again. My revenge, directed at both Erma and the Emperor, was inevitable. The figure before me had always been Erma, so I couldn’t help but focus on him.

“Your Grace, do you see the one in there as Erma? Or as the Emperor?”

“…Good question. To me, it feels like the Emperor is holding the leash, and Erma is the one who let himself be used.”

“Ah…”

In that case, I decided to remain silent.

It was already cruel enough for the Duke to view Erma, someone he had trusted as a childhood friend, as the Emperor’s pawn. To tell him the full truth—that Erma had been an informant and a torturer who had inflicted horrific abuse on me—would be unbearably harsh. Nor did I want him to know.

The abuse I endured had been brutal and degrading. It wasn’t something I wanted the Duke to learn about, not only because it would weigh on him but also because I didn’t want to expose my scars to anyone—not even him.

“Let’s head to your room. I’ve had a bath prepared for you.”

I nodded, leaning gently into the Duke’s side as we walked away.

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