I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 30

“Still, since it’s Your Grace who’s gone missing, wouldn’t they send out a search party?”

In Eseré, the Grand Duke’s safety was of the utmost importance. Not quite understanding, I asked, and the Grand Duke poked at the fire again. The flames flared up brightly.

“They wouldn’t risk pointless deaths. That’s why I made the rule.”

“Pointless deaths…? Are we going to die?”

I was surprised by the harsh term. I thought I’d grown accustomed to coarse language thanks to Risaeon, but this was new. Still, more shocking than his tone was the meaning behind it—it sounded as though he had ordered people not to risk their lives searching for someone already presumed beyond saving.

The Grand Duke laughed.

“Of course not. Quite the opposite. Everyone knows about this cave. If someone falls, they’re instructed to take shelter here. Because it’s safe, there’s no need to mobilize unnecessarily. But I do worry your brothers might be confronting my knights.”

“My brothers? Why?”

“To demand to join the search for you, no doubt.”

I shook my head. My brothers weren’t that reckless.

“They’re rule-abiding men. While they’d certainly be worried about me, they’d respect the laws of the Grand Duchy.”

“…I see.”

The Grand Duke nodded thoughtfully.

“The rain will stop before morning. It’ll be a tough night for you, but bear with it a little longer.”

“No…”

“No?”

“Ah, no. I didn’t mean anything.”

“Then is it no, or is it yes?”

I didn’t answer. Near my family’s estate in Airdren, there had also been a cave like this. Whenever I misbehaved, my parents would lock me in there.

That cave wasn’t near any hunting grounds, and it was connected to the mountains, where wild predators roamed. At night, the cries of beasts would terrify the younger me.

Even during heavy rains or snowstorms, there were no exceptions. Rainwater would seep into the cave, and there was never a fire. The ceiling dripped with condensation, and it was so cold that I shivered even in midsummer.

Compared to that cave, this one was paradise. There was a warm, crackling fire, and the Grand Duke was here. Even if a wild animal appeared, I trusted he would protect me.

But I saw no need to share that story. Instead, the Grand Duke handed me his cloak.

“Th-that’s okay, Your Grace. Aren’t you cold?”

“I’m not cold at all.”

“…”

I recalled him sitting in short sleeves to stargaze the other night. Reluctantly, I accepted the cloak. Despite the fire, the truth was, I was still cold. The lightweight hunting cloak was warm when draped over my shoulders, especially with his lingering body heat.

For a long while, we listened to the sound of the torrential rain outside. It felt oddly distant, as though it were happening far away. Despite the threatening thunder, lightning, and heavy downpour, I felt snug and secure by the fire.

The assurance of safety was a powerful comfort, softening my entire body. I almost felt like I was sitting in my room, watching the rain from a window.

“Vi.”

“…Ah, yes.”

Lost in thought, I replied a beat too late. The Grand Duke was looking at me.

“Tell me about yourself. I don’t think I’ve heard much.”

“About me…? There’s not much to tell…”

“Anything. Your childhood, perhaps.”

“Um…”

Being asked so broadly left me unsure where to start. I settled on sharing whatever came to mind about my younger years. My childhood, with limited social interactions due to my shyness, consisted mostly of memories with my brothers.

I told him about learning to dance with them, sneaking off to explore the woods and getting scolded, Rvian teaching me to ride horses, and the trouble we got into when our parents found out. I recounted their knighting ceremonies and how they helped me with studies that my parents initially hadn’t intended to teach me.

I also mentioned Rhys and Fea. While Resilly and Bohen were loyal and capable attendants, they couldn’t compare to those who had cared for me since childhood. As I rambled on, I eventually stopped.

“That’s about it.”

“No stories about your parents?”

“Oh, my parents were busy, so we didn’t spend much time together. But they love me.”

“…”

The Grand Duke gave me a curious look.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing. I’m glad to hear it. Come closer to the fire.”

He adjusted the cloak around me, pulling it further forward until it wrapped me like a blanket.

“If you’re bored, just watch the fire.”

“…?”

The idea of staring at a fire like a child seemed silly. But as I gazed at the dancing flames, I found myself entranced. My thoughts grew faint, replaced by a calm emptiness. It was strangely soothing.

After a long while, I glanced up and found the Grand Duke looking at me. When I paused, he seemed to realize he’d been caught and quickly turned his head, as if searching for an excuse.

Had he really been watching me this whole time? Like I’d been watching the fire?

That couldn’t be.

Feeling the warmth of the cloak wrapped around me, I asked softly, “What kind of childhood did you have, Your Grace?”

“Well… My parents passed away early. I relied heavily on the late Emperor for support. The current Emperor also helped me a great deal.”

Though the late Emperor’s assistance was likely true, the mention of the current Emperor sounded far from sincere. His slight smirk as he spoke gave it away. There was no record of the Emperor ever helping the Grand Duke.

The Grand Duke had been the cousin of the late Emperor. After the disappearance of the late Emperor’s heir, he had shown great favor to his much-younger cousin, the Grand Duke. The Emperor couldn’t have taken kindly to that. Their current antagonism likely stemmed from those days.

Even now, the Grand Duke remained a powerful figure and a potential threat to imperial authority.

“…Did you dislike marrying me?” I asked hesitantly.

Hearing about the Emperor brought a thought to mind, one I hadn’t planned to voice. Was it the warmth of the fire, or the rhythmic sound of the rain that loosened my tongue? The Grand Duke fixed his gaze on me, his eyes thoughtful. Only the crackling of the fire filled the brief silence between us.

“You…”

“…”

“It’s as if you want me to say I didn’t want to marry you.”

“That’s not it.”

I quickly shook my head. Who would want to hear that? I was merely recalling how he had treated me in my previous life. His current kindness felt so out of place compared to then.

“Well… I can see why you might think that. I wasn’t the best at first.”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant! From the beginning, Your Grace has been wonderful.”

I decided to put aside thoughts of my previous life. In this life, the Grand Duke had fulfilled his duties as a husband from the very first day, treating me with kindness. It had been so different from our first formal dinner in my previous life, where he had bluntly declared, ‘I won’t treat you as my wife.’

Of course, in that life, he had kept to that attitude, eventually leading to my demise. But in this life, he treated me with respect and care, acknowledging me as the Grand Duchess. To say he had been lacking would be unfair.

The Grand Duke narrowed his eyes slightly, as if contemplating something.

“It’s a bit confusing, to be honest. Many things are new to me as well.”

“Right… Marriage is a first for me, too…”

At that, the Grand Duke let out a quiet laugh. Slowly, he reached a hand toward me. Startled, I tensed up, but he only tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear. His hand lingered for a moment before withdrawing.

“I’ve seen you smile now.”

I felt a twinge of guilt. Had I been so reserved with my smiles around him? I resolved to smile more, even if I had to force it. Yet, I had a feeling he wouldn’t react much to forced expressions.

The Grand Duke’s gaze shifted to the cave entrance.

“It seems we won’t have to spend the night here after all. Thankfully.”

Following his line of sight, I noticed the rain had lessened to a light drizzle. It was no longer the torrential downpour it had been, and the terrain would now be manageable for the knights familiar with the northern forest.

We sat in silence for some time until distant commotion broke through. The sounds of footsteps squelching through wet earth and crushed leaves filled the air. Voices calling out, “Your Grace! Your Grace!” echoed through the damp forest.

As the Grand Duke had predicted, the search party headed straight for the cave. Looking back, I realized why he had reacted earlier when I’d chased after the rabbit—it must have been a known danger zone, prone to landslides. The soft, unstable ground had almost seemed inevitable in hindsight.

“Your Grace! Your Grace!”
“Yuraine!”

Before the rest of the party could arrive, my brothers burst into the cave, their expressions panicked. They rushed to check me over, their hands fluttering everywhere. Only after ensuring I was unharmed did they acknowledge the Grand Duke with a bow.

“Are you unhurt, Your Grace?”

Rvian’s voice was respectful, but concerned. The Grand Duke merely waved a hand dismissively. Moments later, the knights poured into the cave.

“We’re relieved to find you both safe. The collapse was larger than expected, and we were worried for Your Grace as well,” Sir Leon said, exhaling in relief.

At that, Risaeon turned sharply toward him.

“Wait a moment. You said there would be no need to worry!”

“Well, His Grace was with her.”

“What does that even—”

“He likely held her and fell together with her. That would explain it.”

Risaeon’s skeptical gaze turned to the Grand Duke, who simply stood and began dusting himself off. When Risaeon caught sight of the cloak wrapped around me, he fell silent.

“Do you think His Grace would leave the delicate Grand Duchess to fend for herself?” Sir Leon quipped, clearly feeling lighthearted now that the worst was over.

The Grand Duke shot Sir Leon a brief glare.

“Don’t waste your breath on nonsense.”

“Yes, yes,” Leon muttered, clearly chastened.

Delicate. Hearing that word, I felt like I understood why the Grand Duke had shielded me during the fall, wrapped his cloak around me, and cared for me in every small way. It wasn’t necessarily because I was his Grand Duchess—it was because I was fragile.

“Take off your cloak, Yuraine.”

“Hm?”

Risaeon had reverted to using my name without any title, a lapse that drew the Grand Duke’s attention. Rvian noticed and quickly stepped in.

“Your Grace, please forgive the informality. Risaeon is well-versed in medicine and wishes to check her condition first.”

“As you wish.”

While Risaeon examined me for any injuries, the Grand Duke rose and began giving orders to the knights. The knights, for their part, were hovering around him, equally concerned that he might have sustained an injury himself.

As my brothers guided me away, I couldn’t help but glance back at the Grand Duke. He remained focused on directing the knights, not sparing me another look.

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