I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 14

“Letter? Really?”

“Yes.”

Lesilli tilted her head, looking at me as though something was unusual. It was strange. I had never received a letter in my past life. I could understand why my parents didn’t send me any, but even my brothers never wrote to me. That memory made me feel lonely.

‘……Ah.’

In my past life, it must have been Erma who intercepted the letters.

“Show me!”

Lesilli politely handed me a tray with the letter and a paper cutter. She seemed oddly pleased, as though my excitement over receiving a letter made her happy.

I hurriedly broke the seal and started reading. The letter was written by Rubien, my older brother. His familiar handwriting nearly made me tear up.

It was a simple letter asking how I was doing and if everything was fine. As I fought back tears, my eyes stopped at a particular line.

• His Majesty the Emperor wishes to meet you.

‘……The Emperor? Why?’

This had never happened before. For the past three years, I had stayed locked away in my room, focused on Erma, Bihen, and the servants. I hadn’t properly acknowledged the Emperor or even my family.

If there had been an imperial summons during that time, even Erma wouldn’t have been able to hide it. A summons from the Emperor had to be obeyed, unless I was on my deathbed.

So, why would the Emperor suddenly want to meet me now?

I hesitated, deep in thought, and stood up from the bed. I went to my desk and began writing a response.

I wrote about the first day I arrived at the Duke’s castle, the vast estate where I had to ride for several minutes to reach the entrance, the festival I had witnessed, and how I spent my time reading books in the library.

It felt strange to write about these things in a letter. These were experiences I never could have imagined in my past life.

I wrote that I missed them, and as I did, tears began to well up in my eyes.

I quickly rubbed my eyes with the sleeve of my nightgown, hoping the tears wouldn’t fall onto the letter.

And the Emperor…

I felt that it would be best to discuss this matter with the Duke before writing further. I carefully set the unfinished letter aside on the desk and entered the bathroom. The smell of herbs filled the room, both bitter and fragrant.

After a long herbal bath, I sat on the couch in my comfortable nightgown and began reading a book.

Halfway through, Lesilli announced the Duke’s visit.

It was already 11 p.m.

The Duke entered, dressed in the same formal attire from dinner, holding a tray. The black uniform, adorned with medals and insignias, looked out of place with the gold tray in his hands, which carried several types of food, wine, and tea.

He approached me, but when he saw me, his face suddenly twisted, and he handed the tray to Lesilli. She quickly took it and placed it on the table. Before she did, I had already risen from my seat.

“Welcome back, Your Highness.”

“Princess.”

“Yes…?”

“Have you been crying?”

“Pardon?”

I had cried nearly two hours ago, just briefly. Once when I was writing the letter, and again in the bath, thinking about my family. It wasn’t for long, but it seemed the traces were still there, as I had kept rubbing my eyes.

“It’s just from reading for too long.”

“Is that so?”

The Duke’s gaze shifted to the book in my hand, then returned to me. His stare lingered for a moment, and I felt an awkward tension, as if I were being interrogated. Luckily, he turned his head.

“Well, I’m glad it’s nothing serious.”

He seemed to mutter something in a very low voice, too quietly for me to catch. Was it a mistake? It seemed strange for the Duke to say such a thing, so it was probably just a misunderstanding.

“What will you do at the hunting tournament?”

The Duke began unbuttoning the top of his jacket as he took a seat. Hm, what would I do? I didn’t have good memories of the tournament. At the start, I was humiliated by Erma, and later, I stupidly wandered through the dark forest, lured out by him, while wolves roamed nearby.

Because I had caused such a disturbance, the participants and knights had to spend the entire night searching for me in the forest. After the chaos, I hid in a tent set up as a resting space and didn’t come out. I didn’t even know what was happening outside or how the days passed.

As I thought about it, the Duke continued.

“I’ve heard you’re capable with a bow. How about training lightly in preparation for the hunting tournament?”

A bow…

“Alright.”

“Don’t you dislike it?”

“No, I don’t.”

At least I intended to use a bow in the tournament this time. Training could help. I was relieved that the Duke had brought it up first, even if it meant taking time away from the library.

“Then I’ll take it that you’ll participate in the tournament as well. I wish you good fortune in advance.”

“I also wish you good fortune, Your Highness.”

“Thank you. Well then…”

The Duke gestured toward the table. Now that I looked at it, a delicious smell was wafting from it.

There were several small bowls on the table, in addition to wine and tea.

Roasted chestnuts, hot tomato soup, peaches preserved in sugar, and apples sprinkled with cinnamon. The tea was herbal.

“If you can, have a little. You didn’t get much during dinner.”

“Ah…”

“You don’t have to push yourself.”

But my stomach had already settled, and the fragrant olive oil and dried basil scent from the tomato soup filled the air. I lifted the soup bowl and slowly began eating.

The Duke watched as I finished a much smaller bowl than the typical soup dish while sipping his wine.

Once I finished the soup, my appetite returned. The chestnuts, boiled and simmered with milk, were nutty, sweet, and soft. After eating all of that, I felt a little full.

I took a bite of an apple as a palate cleanser. The sweet and sour taste lingered, with a faint hint of cinnamon and clove at the aftertaste. Without realizing it, I found my spoon moving back toward the bowl.

Before I knew it, I had finished all the peaches on the table.

“You ate well.”

“……”

The Duke was now watching me with his chin resting on his hand. I felt my face flush, wondering if I had eaten too greedily. In my past life, even moving my spoon too quickly had drawn strange looks from Erma and the servants.

However, the Duke didn’t seem to mock me or anything.

“In hunting tournaments, those who don’t participate often ask their spouse or lover to bring back a specific animal. If you don’t want to train, feel free to tell me what animal you’d like.”

“……You, Your Highness?”

“Is there a problem?”

“No……”

There shouldn’t be a problem, should there?

“There’s no need to feel burdened.”

It was more of a burden, though. The “no need to feel burdened” statement itself felt the most burdensome.

“I will participate in the hunting tournament.”

“If you want to, then do so.”

“Yes.”

“Training will be in the afternoon. I’ll send a knight who’s good with a bow. There’s group training in the morning.”

“Send a knight?” I was startled and shook my head.

“The knights are busy. There’s no need to go that far.”

“Well, they’re busy. Busy serving me and you.”

“……”

“They’d be honored to teach you.”

I had nothing more to say. I felt a little guilty about taking up the knight’s time, and also a little afraid of how I would be looked at. But once the Duke had made up his mind, I realized there was no point in arguing further.

As I quietly sighed to myself and glanced at the Duke, I blinked in surprise. I couldn’t believe it. While I was eating, the Duke had emptied two wine decanters.

I stared at the empty decanters in shock, and the Duke tilted his head slightly.

“I have a habit of drinking before bed.”

“That’s… a very bad habit, Your Highness.”

“Haha!”

That was behavior typical of an addict. I spoke seriously, but the Duke suddenly burst out laughing. It felt strange. Was he laughing because he was drunk? Or was he crazy?

“Hahaha… I’m sorry. The way you said ‘very bad habit’ made it sound like something a child would say.”

“I’m twenty… years old.”

I almost said twenty-three. I wasn’t exactly a child, after all. At twenty, I was old enough to get married, inherit a territory, and rule over it.

To the Duke, who was much older than me, I probably seemed young, but I was, in fact, three years older than I appeared. Even though those three years felt like thirty.

“You don’t need to worry about my drinking. I have to drink to fall asleep quickly.”

That sentence almost made me say, “That’s alcohol addiction, Your Highness.”

“Ah, by the way, Your Highness.”

“Hmm?”

I nervously looked at the new wine decanter Lesilli had brought in and began to speak.

“Actually, I received a letter from Airdren earlier today.”

“I see.”

Since it was from Airdren, the Duke probably already knew. The Duke’s glass was refilled, and the pleasant scent of wine filled the air.

“The letter was mostly about asking how I’ve been… but it seems that His Majesty the Emperor wants to meet with me.”

“Ah, yes.”

“Did you know?”

“He mentioned it indirectly through me once.”

My head tilted instinctively. Why on earth would the Emperor want to meet with me?

“You’ll have to go, won’t you?”

“There’s no refusing, I suppose. Do you mind?”

“No, I don’t mind.”

But I didn’t say what was on my mind: that there was no choice. The thought of meeting the Emperor without even a veil to shield me was uncomfortable. Though I answered that I didn’t mind, the truth was I wasn’t looking forward to it.

The first time I saw the Emperor up close was at the wedding. Before that, I had always felt some discomfort around him, though I had attributed it to the awe that comes with encountering someone with absolute power. But after looking him in the eye, it had felt different.

If I could avoid him, I would. But living in the Empire, especially as the Duchess of Iser, it wasn’t possible to avoid the Emperor.

“For now, we can delay it, using the excuse that it’s your first hunting tournament as Duchess. But after that, it’ll be unavoidable. I’ll go with you, so don’t worry too much.”

“Yes.”

The Duke’s offer of going with me did ease my mind.

Not long after, the Duke went to bed. After I had taken a bath, I sat down in my seat, leaning slightly. I could see the Duke’s peaceful face, as if he had never drunk any wine. His face was calm and clean, without even a flush from drinking.

He said he needed to drink to sleep, which made me wonder if he couldn’t sleep without alcohol.

I thought I should look into some herbs that could help with sleep.

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