I Refuse This Life, Your Highness! - Chapter 108

Airdren was desolate. The snow that had fallen yesterday lay heavily on the rooftops, and the trees in the beautifully tended garden seemed to cower in the cold, standing silent as if frozen in time.

The first to greet me as I stepped out of the carriage was Revien.

“You’ve arrived, Your Grace.”

“…You can speak to me more casually.”

Revien gave a strained smile and extended his hand. Taking it, I stepped down from the carriage and walked through the familiar garden into the house. It was my first time returning since I’d left for my wedding day.

Though it was the house I was born and raised in, it felt strangely unfamiliar.

The mansion was well-maintained, but the atmosphere was heavy with the weight of everyone’s shared fear and unease. Occasionally, servants passed by, bowing politely but with visible effort to appear indifferent as they glanced at me and Revien.

Revien led me to the drawing room. Sitting on the sofa, surrounded by the room’s warm air, I felt more like a guest than a member of the household.

“Your parents… they took their medicine just a little while ago. They should be ready to talk soon.”

“…I see.”

I had been told they had been under the Emperor’s brainwashing since I was a child. Unlike Erma, who had completely lost her sanity, they were slowly recovering with regular doses of the antidote.

“What do you think?” I asked, looking at Revien.

He gave me a questioning glance, as if to say, What do you mean?

“Their condition… does it seem normal to you?”

“…Normal?”

He lowered his gaze, looking toward the fireplace. At first, I thought he was watching the flames, but I realized he was avoiding my eyes.

“I don’t know, Yuraine,” he said quietly.

“…”

“I don’t know what their normal selves even look like.”

Revien’s face, as he said those words, resembled that of a child who had forgotten what they wanted to say. I had never seen him look so vulnerable.

“The way they treated you… it was probably always the same,” I offered, trying to console him.

“…”

It was meant as reassurance, but his expression only darkened further. After a while, he stood and helped me to my feet, saying he would take me to our parents. They were in the drawing room attached to my father’s chambers.

“Mother, Father. Yuraine is here.”

Revien knocked on the door but didn’t wait for a response before turning the handle. The drawing room was dimmer than other rooms, though well-ventilated and clean. A faint scent of medicine lingered in the air.

After giving me a brief glance, Revien left without a word, as if to give us space to talk.

My parents sat on the sofa, facing each other. Unsure where I should sit, I remained standing. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like sitting down. Their slightly dazed expressions turned to me.

“What are you wearing?”

I glanced down at my outfit, realizing they were questioning why I wasn’t wearing a dress.

“This is the Duchess’s formal uniform.”

“I see…”

Their disapproving gazes made my body instinctively tense. I felt as though I needed to apologize for something, though I had done nothing wrong. Even after the brainwashing had been lifted, their eyes remained cold.

I thought of Reia, who had calmly watched his biological father’s body sway on the gallows. If I were given the authority to execute my family, I doubted I could go through with it. I didn’t hate them enough for that. I was simply… curious. Why?

“…Why did you treat me the way you did?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you treat me so differently from my brothers?”

At that, my mother smiled faintly. It wasn’t a kind smile—it was twisted.

“Well, you have to distinguish between a person and a monster, don’t you?”

“…”

“The fear and despair of giving birth to something that wasn’t human—could you even begin to understand that?”

“Something… not human?”

“How could a Lamia be human?”

For a moment, I felt dizzy, but at the same time, something struck me. My mother’s voice was filled with rage. It wasn’t simply cold or indifferent—it was overflowing with emotion. She continued to hurl venomous words, and my father glared at me with equal intensity. Their rejection of me was absolute and brutal.

Yet in their eyes and voices, I sensed something peculiar. Such vehement denial, at times, can only exist when paired with…

“…So you did love me,” I said softly.

Their rejection was, in a way, an affirmation.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” my father roared.

It was then that I understood. They had given birth to me. They had loved me, and precisely because they had, they had been all the crueler to me.

My parents were people who utterly despised Lamias. To have given birth to one themselves, and for that Lamia to inherit the magic that should have gone to their eldest son—it was something they could never accept. That’s why they treated me so harshly and tormented me. Perhaps it made the shame of having borne a Lamia feel a little less like a sin.

Like scrubbing at a stain on their skin, they used coarse blades to scrape me away, knowing full well it would wound them too. The Emperor’s brainwashing had merely added fuel to their cruelty.

But none of that could absolve them now.

If anything, my mind only grew colder. My parents had tried to raise me into the docile concubine the Emperor desired because it would benefit the family. It was their way of compensating for the disgrace of having birthed a Lamia. Their love for me had never been strong enough to outweigh their shame.

Why had I come back to this house? What did I hope to discover?

Perhaps… it was to sever my lingering attachment.

Maybe I had anticipated this outcome all along. But even if I had, the impact didn’t lessen. Hearing those words from my parents still hurt. I felt a sudden wave of dizziness.

But then I thought of the Duke—of the countless words he had whispered to comfort me. As long as I had those words, no matter what, I would never be denied my worth.

“You didn’t do anything righteous,” I said.

“What?”

“You simply abused your child. And you will face the punishment you deserve for that.”

Their eyes wavered. It seemed they had never expected to hear such words from me. I looked at them for a moment longer before turning and leaving the room. For an instant, I thought I heard the phantom sound of a gallows trapdoor falling. It vanished with the click of the door closing behind me.

Outside, Revien was waiting.

“…You stayed here the whole time?”

Though it hadn’t been long, he didn’t seem to have gone anywhere. It looked as though he had stood there the entire time. Without a word, he led me to his room. After hesitating briefly in the sitting room, he took me into his bedroom. It felt like he was trying to insist he still considered me family.

“Yuraine.”

“Yes?”

There wasn’t much left to say. I wanted to end the conversation quickly and return to the palace. I no longer wanted to stay in Airdren.

But Revien’s next words caught me off guard.

“I’m thinking of giving up the headship.”

“…What? Why?”

His following words were even more shocking.

“I thought… maybe I could pass the family on to you.”

“…”

I wasn’t just surprised—I was baffled. What was he talking about? I stared at him for a long moment before snapping.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“…”

Revien flinched. Of course, I didn’t think he was completely insincere. He must have thought about this seriously—considering everything that had happened, including what Liseon had said and our parents’ behavior. His conclusion, as a form of atonement, was to suggest passing Airdren to me.

But deep down, I knew he couldn’t entirely let go of the position of head of the house. That was just who Revien was. Beyond his personal desires, I also doubted I could manage the family as well as he could. Revien had been raised from birth to lead Airdren, trained in every aspect of governance.

“There’s nothing good that could come from me becoming the head. And honestly, I don’t even want to.”

“Yuraine.”

“…Stop calling my name. Airdren belongs to you. This house isn’t my home anymore.”

“…”

When I stood, Revien rose with a flustered expression.

“Take care, Revien. Give my regards to our parents. And don’t send me letters anymore.”

Not that it mattered—I would burn them anyway.

“Did you… read the letter I sent before?”

“Oh, so that was from you?”

The letter had arrived addressed only to Airdren and Sierra. I hadn’t even opened it before burning it. I told him as much.

“I didn’t read it. I burned it.”

Revien’s face clouded. What had he written in that letter? Judging by his expression, I could guess—it was probably something heartfelt, sharing emotions he’d never spoken of before. Perhaps it was similar to what Liseon had said, vowing to recover fully and protect me.

“I’m leaving,” I said.

“Yuraine!”

His desperate voice reached out to me, but I pretended not to hear and walked out. As I made my way down the long hallway, Revien didn’t follow.

By the time I stepped out of the mansion, the carriage I had arrived in was already waiting. It wasn’t until I climbed into the carriage that I realized I hadn’t said goodbye to Lis and Feya.

…I can call them to Iser.

They were my personal attendants anyway. Staying in Airdren would be awkward and unproductive for them. Although I hadn’t been married to the Duke for even a year yet, they could always stay in the village below the estate for now, like Miria.

Once I got back to Iser, I’d send a formal letter to bring Lis and Feya over. There was no need for four attendants, but I’d figure it out.

Exhaustion washed over me. My body felt heavy, my nerves frayed and unrelenting. My parents’ words, Revien’s words, and my own responses tangled together, forming an icy knot in my chest. My heart ached. They had been such an integral part of my life, casting shadows over most of it. Cutting ties with them through a few words and a shift in mindset wasn’t going to be easy.

Would I ever see them again?

The carriage raced toward the palace. Two hours of scattered thoughts left my head pounding. I regretted not bringing any medicine. The first thing I’d do when I returned to my room was take something for the headache.

But the moment the carriage door opened, my headache vanished.

It was the Duke who opened the door himself. He looked at me with a gentle smile, his hand extended as if it was the most natural thing in the world. His presence felt like sunlight breaking through the clouds.

I took his hand and leaned into his embrace.

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