I Heard That I am a HeartBreaker - Chapter 84

“Is that so? Then will Senior remember me forever because of my shamelessness?”

In truth, there were times when Qiu Shuang truly admired Qi Sijiao; she could somehow link everything in the world back to the topic of love. Qiu Shuang could only admit defeat in that regard.

The world had truly changed. Qiu Shuang didn’t say much; she felt that this might be the happiest New Year she had ever spent in her life, even though her relationship with her family remained the same and a stranger had been added to the mix.

But it didn’t matter, because Qiu Shuang had found something important.

“? Did you die outside? Are you not coming back?”

Looking at the message sent by her cheap older brother, Qi Sijiao was momentarily speechless. How long had she been away from home before he finally looked for her? The New Year had already been spent at someone else’s house.

“In the middle of bravely pursuing love.”

“666, I wish you failure.”

The New Year in the north was always like this. This sparsely populated plain only managed to become lively under these circumstances; unlike the usual hustle and bustle, this was a bustle entirely made of happiness.

“Happy New Year, Senior.”

“I wish you a Happy New Year as well. Though, I hope this kind of thing only happens once. I don’t particularly wish for another time where someone I’m only marginally acquainted with breaks into my home to spend the New Year with me.”

After looking at the other girl, Qi Sijiao didn’t say anything further. Since things had reached this point, she had no other options. Senior already had a poor impression of her; it was what it was.

“Senior, sometimes I really don’t understand. Why do you have to be so good? If you were a bastard like me, how great would that be?”

Qi Sijiao felt she had probably gone completely mad. She was actually considering the possibility: what if Qiu Shuang really were a bastard and accepted her “offering” of herself?

Even if the two of them weren’t in a proper relationship—even if they were just relatives or friends—she truly wanted to stay by the other’s side. Qi Sijiao didn’t normally accept such strange arrangements, but for Qiu Shuang, she could.

She was so jealous of that unknown future person who would eventually walk hand-in-hand with her; that person would receive Senior’s focused gaze and a heartbeat that would never betray them.

Why couldn’t that person be her? Was it because Qi Sijiao arrived too late? Yet people always said the latecomer takes the prize. She had clearly fought and scrambled, but it seemed this was the only result she could get.

“Senior, you aren’t suited to be a ‘virtuous woman,’ believe me.”

Qiu Shuang looked up at her and smiled.

“Why do you say that?”

“The kind of girl who doesn’t dare to take the initiative has no way of walking into your world. You need a forceful woman to swing open the doors of your heart and walk into your soul. Only then can you be together. You don’t dare to be proactive; you will always only be passive.”

“To be honest, I feel my personal views conflict with yours, don’t they? I think you could change your way of thinking, Senior. We don’t have to have a short-term relationship. It’s not like you’ve never been in love before, right?”

Qi Sijiao’s eyes grew brighter and brighter.

“Didn’t you date that Chen Jining who went to Germany before? You can date me too. We don’t even have to make it public. I can help Senior block everyone out, and Senior can do whatever she wants to me. I can satisfy you in every way.”

Qiu Shuang truly didn’t understand why the other girl was always so insecure, yet what she said was, to some extent, correct.

She was indeed a bit too shy, and given her personality, it seemed very difficult for her to proactively pursue someone.

Her inner self wasn’t purely bright and radiant; she had many twisted thoughts, but those thoughts were eventually strangled in the cradle by extremely high moral standards.

Qiu Shuang looked at Qi Sijiao seriously. The main reason she didn’t want to engage in “one-off fast food” wasn’t out of stubbornness.

Sometimes Qiu Shuang also felt lost; she wasn’t sure if she understood the true essence of love.

When she was infatuated with Chen Wanjun, was she also merely prying at the other’s body? Every time she thought of this, Qiu Shuang felt ashamed.

She loathed it when others pitied her for her beauty, but in the end, it seemed she was just a common mortal as well.

So, what right did someone like Qiu Shuang have to take the initiative? She didn’t seek to understand others; she only waited for others to push open her door.

But in reality, no matter how hard the person outside knocked, she wouldn’t open the door for them.

Though it sounded a bit cruel and arrogant, that was just the kind of person Qiu Shuang was—standing high above as a judge, formulating one strict regulation after another.

She demanded everyone’s obedience, only to eventually abandon those rules herself when she became infatuated with someone who didn’t fit a single one of her criteria.

“Do you want to corrupt me?”

“With the utmost pleasure.”

Qiu Shuang looked at the girl before her, who was using every trick in the book and subconsciously wanting “negative distance” contact with her.

The other girl was indeed very beautiful—beautiful by both traditional and non-traditional standards—but what of it?

Qiu Shuang didn’t like others pursuing her with such a conceited attitude. She wasn’t some so-called commodity, nor was she a trophy to be displayed.

While she hadn’t chosen anyone, Qiu Shuang could continue to maintain her equal attitude; after all, in worldly perception, love was just like that.

Whoever loves more is at a disadvantage; whoever loves more must lose all face.

Since you are the one begging for the other’s hunt, what right do you have to hold your head so high?

“I really hate this inexplicable arrogance you all have. You are all indeed very excellent, but does being excellent mean you must have me? Compared to physical alignment, I pursue spiritual resonance. I will not agree to your request, and you don’t need to think about having some short-term ‘exchange’ relationship with me. That is something I will only do with a partner I intend to keep for a lifetime. I don’t want to be hidden from the light; I want to appear openly before anyone.”

Qiu Shuang looked at Qi Sijiao. She thought she might be angry or cold, but it wasn’t until she spoke those words that she realized she was actually calm.

“If I like someone, I will tell everyone openly. I will very proudly let others know who she is to me. I don’t want some sneaky underground affair. What difference would there be between that and wild beasts mating at random in the summer?”

Qiu Shuang didn’t want “flowers in a mirror or the moon in the water,” nor did she want those private, sweet lies. To love someone is to be open and honest, much like Chen Wanjun—even if Qiu Shuang ended up with someone else in the future, she would candidly tell everyone that she once loved her.

There is no wrong in love. After hearing what Qiu Shuang said, Qi Sijiao lowered her head. She wanted to force a graceful smile, but in the end, tears flowed before the smile could form.

Qi Sijiao thought she was truly finished. She would look back and repent for the thoughts of her youth—why couldn’t she love someone with her whole heart?

She felt as if a giant stone was pressing down on her heart. Qi Sijiao suddenly thought of all those years past, of those girls who had once admired her with equal sincerity. Had she rejected them just as coldly? By comparison, it seemed Senior was much gentler than her.

After all, Qiu Shuang didn’t respond with malice, nor did she destroy the gifts and letters sent to her; she simply responded over and over again that they weren’t a match.

But why be like this? Why be so gentle? Qi Sijiao actually wished Qiu Shuang would beat her, curse her, or even leave her bleeding and broken.

That way, she could wake up completely, or even be happy about it—after all, where there is no love, there can be no hate. Only by leaving such a place in her heart for the other could Qi Sijiao let go easily.

She wanted to stand before the other girl, to be the “only one” in her mouth, to desperately make the other belong to her. Qi Sijiao felt that this time, she had truly fallen.

“Senior, you can’t force someone who loves you to be in the most ordinary of relationships. Everyone has a giant cage in their heart restraining a beast. I’m truly afraid that one day, my cage will be opened by you, and I’ll end up hurting you.”

“Oh? You mean you’re going to imprison me? Or rape me?”

Qi Sijiao thought she was already dark enough; deep in her heart, she had many foul thoughts. But in reality, when she heard those words come directly from Qiu Shuang’s mouth, her face flushed instantly.

She felt her heart hammering incessantly. Perhaps Qi Sijiao’s image of Qiu Shuang was too perfect, causing her to overlook that Qiu Shuang was actually an adult woman a year older than her.

Qi Sijiao couldn’t imagine Qiu Shuang saying such things, despite the fact that she herself had already done some very excessive things in places Qiu Shuang didn’t know about.

“Why are you blushing? To be honest, I fully believe you have the ability. After all, your family is very wealthy and you’ve been a family of great lawyers for generations. For an ordinary person like me, making me disappear from this world would seem to be a very simple matter.”

“No! I would never hurt Senior!”

Qiu Shuang looked at the other girl’s inexplicably pained face and laughed. It was strange; she used to think that lust was something that accompanied love. Qiu Shuang held an appreciative attitude toward the physical bodies between people.

When she saw Qi Sijiao suddenly turn red in the face, she found it truly hilarious. A battle-hardened veteran of the “love field” was pretending to be a pure, innocent girl in front of her. Was she trying to get her attention? Or was the magic of love simply this foolish?

“Why are you blushing? Is it because you’re imagining some very bad things? What would you do to me? Lock me up and take off my clothes? Or maybe put me on a leash like a dog and make me crawl on the ground to kiss you?”

“Stop it, Senior, how can you say…”

“I’ve realized that your ‘liking’ seems to involve putting a strange skin over me. Life is just like that. I’m no different from ordinary people; I have my own moments of annoyance and my own flaws. Why did you think I was some simple ‘white lotus’ who knew nothing about these things? Perhaps I know more than you do.”

Qi Sijiao was speechless, because that was exactly what she had fantasized. But looking at the strangely smirking Qiu Shuang, she didn’t feel disillusioned. On the contrary, she felt this journey was very much worth it—because she seemed to have found a side of Senior that no one else knew.

In that case, she might be the only person who knew this side of Senior, right? What about the others?

Heh. They probably just treat Senior as something else entirely.

“Senior… this version of you makes me like you more and more.”

Qiu Shuang laughed again.

“Then I’m truly sorry. I really didn’t expect you all to like such perverted things.”

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