I Am Her Secret Beauty - Chapter 77

Nan Xi slowly straightened up from her previously languid posture against Mu Xi’s door.

She remained pressed against the wooden surface, treating it not as an inanimate object but as Mu Xi’s supportive back, a temporary illusion that the barrier between them had vanished.

“You sound so tense,” Nan Xi teased lightly. “Feeling guilty? Don’t you trust yourself?”

It was the same question Nan Zhiya had once thrown at her.

Seems she wasn’t the only one lacking confidence.

Nan Xi wasn’t sure whether she was merely teasing Mu Xi or genuinely hoping for an answer.

But Mu Xi’s unusual silence, paired with the faint, almost imperceptible sound of her inhaling, piqued Nan Xi’s interest. Her senses sharpened unexpectedly, capturing every subtle breath as though Mu Xi stood right before her, nervously fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, her breathing uneven.

In moments like these, Mu Xi would likely tuck her small face into the dark hair framing her cheeks, afraid of revealing her expression.

Yet Nan Xi didn’t need to see her to know what was going through her mind.

Wasn’t it intriguing to read a letter written on transparent paper?

“It’s not that I don’t trust myself…” A voice strained with forced calm came from behind the door. After two deep breaths, it quickly surrendered. “Alright, fine, I don’t trust myself. They say people change drastically as they grow. Isn’t it possible for someone rotten to turn decent…?”

“Oh, really?”

Nan Xi tapped the door deliberately. The crisp knock-knock traveled through the wood, resonating straight into Mu Xi’s heart. “So, you’re quite sure you’re a good person now?”

Mu Xi faltered, speechless.

Put that way, she truly didn’t know how to respond.

So, Nan Xi doubted it too, especially after speaking with her mother. Nan Zhiya undoubtedly had Nan Xi’s best interests at heart. With her around, Nan Xi would never come to harm.

And that was a good thing.

“I’m sorry.” Mu Xi began apologizing dejectedly, her first instinct being to say sorry, even if apologizing for who she was five years ago felt far too late.

She started murmuring fragmented regrets: her unease since realizing she’d lost her memories, reflections on where she’d fallen short in her interactions with Nan Xi.

She should’ve accepted the truth sooner, confessed her feelings earlier. Her waking time wasn’t fixed, so the water she poured for Nan Xi wasn’t always the perfect temperature. When they bathed together, Nan Xi often stayed above the water longer, maybe she’d even caught a chill because of it.

The more Nan Xi listened, the more astonished she grew. If not for this sudden whim to tease Mu Xi, she’d never have known how many things the other woman carried guilt over.

With equal sincerity, Nan Xi mentally reviewed her own behavior, ready to offer an apology in return.

“Don’t say that. I’ve made mistakes too. Actually, several times near the end, I could tell you’d had enough, but I pretended not to notice and kept going… I mean, when you were lying down.”

Silence followed. Only when Nan Xi listened carefully did she realize, Mu Xi was already crying.

“Stop talking,” Mu Xi said, her voice trembling as the sob she had been holding back escaped along with her words, making her sound utterly pitiful. “I’m really terrible, and I’m so sorry to you.”

Nan Xi knew it, she had gone too far and couldn’t tease her any longer.

Mu Xi had taken it seriously, thinking Nan Xi was genuinely blaming her.

Now, Nan Xi only regretted that this door was blocking their view of each other. Otherwise, she would have seen Mu Xi’s distress earlier and stopped the mischief in time, offering the warmest embrace instead. But it was too late now, so Nan Xi could only rap urgently on the door several times and say, “I was joking. You’re a wonderful person, truly, truly wonderful.”

Mu Xi didn’t believe her and continued to cry.

“Really, what have you ever done to wrong me? How could you not know how good you’ve been to me?”

Frustrated, Nan Xi began listing her own flaws, “With my awful personality: pretentious, picky, and aloof, I’ve had very few friends since I was young. Only you were willing to stay by my side and take care of me. Not just take care of me, but love me too. Among those who care for me, you’re the one who loves me the most, and among those who love me, you’re the one who takes the best care of me.”

Mu Xi sniffled and calmed down a little.

She retorted, “That’s not taking care of you. It’s just what I felt I should do, and I’ve gotten used to doing it. If that counts as taking care, then you’ve been taking care of me too.”

Though she had stopped sobbing for the moment, her voice, muffled by the door, still sounded heavy and sorrowful to Nan Xi’s ears.

It was like a tiny feather fan, tickling the very depths of Nan Xi’s heart.

Truth be told, when it came to Mu Xi working as a butler…

Although Nan Xi had been shocked and puzzled upon their reunion, upon reflection, she realized Mu Xi was indeed perfectly suited for it.

In Nan Xi’s memory, she couldn’t think of anyone else as considerate and thorough as Mu Xi, someone who enjoyed serving others and was deeply responsible.

Even as an alpha, Mu Xi’s attentiveness was no less than that of the gentlest omegas, which was why she could work alongside them.

And she perfectly met Nan Zhiya’s exacting standards.

Still, despite Mu Xi’s professional-level care, Nan Xi could confidently declare, “Of course, I take care of you too! You take care of me, I take care of you, that’s what people in love do. Otherwise, would our relationship just be about marking each other?”

Her voice cut through the quiet night, clear and resonant, like an evening bell ringing in Mu Xi’s ears, leaving her speechless.

Well…

That made a lot of sense.

Mu Xi had never really understood the mechanics of so-called romantic love.

Liking Nan Xi was an unprecedented act for her, an unfamiliar exploration.

She had confessed her feelings because that’s what people do when they like someone, and because Nan Xi had clearly wanted her to. Otherwise, she might have remained tangled in doubts, wondering if Nan Xi truly liked her, if she should confront her own emotions, and questioning everything.

As for what happened after they got together, it had just felt natural.

Sometimes, Mu Xi even felt that what she was doing now was essentially the same as when she had been Nan Xi’s butler. The only difference was that Nan Xi could now openly be good to her in return.

But now Nan Xi was telling her that this was what people in love did.

That it was called mutual care.

…

At this moment, Mu Xi was immensely grateful to Nan Zhiya for locking her in this room, grateful for the unopenable door that stood between them.

Without the barrier of the door, Nan Xi would see the dazed expression and incredulous look on her face right now and might even think she looked foolish.

She was too flustered, having just received an unprecedented, overwhelming happiness. When such immense joy descended upon her without her being prepared to catch it, Mu Xi would malfunction, unsure how to react or express herself.

She could only bring up the unresolved issue from earlier:

“But if I had done something to wrong you back then, if I had abandoned you…”

Then this sudden happiness would be stripped away in an instant. Her relationship with Nan Xi would come to an end, Nan Zhiya would make her pay the price, and that price would likely include never being able to see Nan Xi again.

At the thought of this, Mu Xi had no choice but to force herself to cool down.

She was waiting for Nan Xi’s judgment, waiting to see what kind of full stop Nan Xi would place on their relationship.

…At the very least, it should be a full stop.

After all, she had once been so hurt by this matter that she had wanted to end her life…

“Yes, if that were really the case, you would be truly despicable. So, you must do your utmost to make it up to me.”

Nan Xi was extremely calm and logical: “You must listen to me in all matters, big and small. Do your best to meet my demands, if you can’t, then so be it. You must stay by my side always, never leave me, and never disappear without a word again.”

“…?”

Mu Xi weakly clung to the doorframe, unable to believe what she was hearing.

The key wasn’t what Nan Xi had said, but her attitude. That feather-light tone, devoid of any blame or difficulty, was it really meant for such a serious matter?

The sword of Damocles hanging over her head turned out, upon closer look, to be nothing more than a paper fruit knife. The place she had thought was a desert was, in reality, just a small sandpit in an oasis.

“That… that simple?”

“Is it simple? Well, yes, because you’ve already been doing it, you’ve always been doing it.” Nan Xi laughed. “So, you’ve been making it up to me all along. How foresighted of you.”

Mu Xi asked again, “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

Nan Xi’s voice was soft: “Mu Xi, this really isn’t simple at all. I’ve never met anyone who does it better than you. That’s why I think you’re the best, who else could be my lover but you?”

And it was a good thing she had long ago decided what she wanted to do,

To cherish only the joy of the present.

Otherwise, if she had held too many reservations or carried too many burdens, she and Mu Xi would have parted ways long ago at different crossroads.

Just as Nan Xi was reflecting on their tumultuous journey of love, she heard Mu Xi crying again in the room.

Who was it that said omegas were usually delicate, fragile, and emotional?

Even an SSS-class alpha like Mu Xi loved to cry, who dared stick labels on them omegas now?

“What are you crying for again?” Nan Xi said, annoyed. “Stop crying.”

But how could a few words from Nan Xi easily stop her?

Mu Xi rubbed her eyes, wiping away the tears that had welled up, but as soon as she heard Nan Xi’s feigned sternness forbidding her to cry, her eyes heated up again, and fresh tears began to fall:

“…I really want to hug you. Right now.”

Nan Xi’s hand, resting on the door, paused.

Hearing Mu Xi say these words in that soft, coquettish tone, she desperately wished she could find a hammer or an axe to smash the door open and rescue her princess from the castle.

Why, just why couldn’t she open this door?!

Mu Xi needed her now, and she didn’t want to be separated from Mu Xi either. It was all because of this wretched door and the hateful window in the room, keeping them from seeing or touching each other…

Inside the room, Mu Xi heard several furious banging sounds from outside.

Then everything fell silent again.

Afraid that she had left, Mu Xi tentatively called out, “Nan Xi?”

“I’m here, but I’ll be leaving soon,” Nan Xi replied, suppressing her anger.

“Are you going back to your room to rest?” Mu Xi didn’t try to stop her, though her heart ached with reluctance.

If only she could hold Nan Xi, just a quiet embrace, doing nothing else, would be more than enough.

“No,” Nan Xi said, giving the doorknob one last fierce twist, confirming it wouldn’t budge. “Be good and wait for me inside. I will definitely get this door open tonight.”