I Am Her Secret Beauty - Chapter 71

A few days later, a winter rain descended upon City Z, cloaking this peripheral city in an even deeper chill.

After the drizzle ceased, City Z remained overcast for several consecutive days.

The gloomy weather evoked thoughts of hunger, disaster, and death. Perhaps Nan Lian felt the same, which was why she came here alone, wearing the sunglasses she hadn’t taken off since arriving in City Z.

Before her lay a small patch of land, Su Wen’s grave.

After Su Wen’s death, Nan Lian had her buried here, in City Z, her hometown.

Her family had tacitly consented, for in the end, flesh and blood return to the place of their origin.

Even the most expensive cemetery in City Z couldn’t compare to a resting place like Nan Youlin’s, but the surroundings were elegant and tranquil. Had Su Wen been able to foresee it, she would surely have been satisfied. Around her were the pine trees and white chrysanthemums she loved, though with the onset of winter, the chrysanthemums had gradually withered, leaving only the pines standing silently around the slumbering souls.

Nan Lian stood before the tombstone, holding a bouquet of red roses that starkly contrasted with the surroundings.

They were the flowers of love Su Wen had once persistently begged her for, though the now-resting Su Wen likely no longer wanted them.

It didn’t matter. Nan Lian had never been one to indulge others’ wishes.

In fact, her actions during this time were no different from digging up Su Wen’s long-buried bones, exposing the filth she had desperately tried to hide during her lifetime to the light of day.

Disregarding the deceased’s wishes, disturbing her peace.

Nan Lian stood before the tombstone for a while before speaking to the radiant woman in the small photo on the grave:

“Tell me, if I had known from the beginning that Bai Ran was your family’s child, your own cousin, would I still have treated her that way?”

Su Wen wouldn’t answer her.

But Nan Lian already had the answer.

“I would have,” Nan Lian’s lips curled into a self-mocking smile. “I’ve always been like this with all of you. There’s really no difference. What I’m doing now, more than uncovering the truth of your death, is really just trying to find a way out for myself.”

“Su Wen, I only beg that you didn’t die for me.”

“I’m wretched and rotten to this extent, but I beg you, don’t let it be that you were killed by your mother because of me back then.”

Su Wen gazed at her through the photograph, smiling, her delicate features forever frozen in the youth Nan Lian could no longer reach.

“Did I ever tell you why I liked younger sisters?”

“They’re completely different from me, so I find them endearing.”

Nan Lian bent down and placed the red roses beside Su Wen’s tombstone, close to the tender face in the photograph.

The tombstone bore the names of Su Yongzhen and Huang Jie as her parents, and Mo Yuan as her friend, but it would never carry the words “Nan Lian’s wife.”

No mention of Nan Lian would ever appear.

“Now, the person my younger sister likes might be facing something similar to what you went through. I will help them to the end,” she said. “Though I cannot repay my debt to you, at least there are others I can make amends to.”

…

The matters she had come to City Z for were mostly resolved. A day earlier, Nan Xi and Mu Xi had already returned to City A. Now, after paying her respects to Su Wen, Nan Lian had no reason to stay any longer.

People streamed into Nan Lian’s hotel room, expressionlessly packing her belongings into neat bundles.

Throughout this time, no one spoke to Bai Ran, who stood in their midst feeling lost and disoriented. She hadn’t even known that Nan Lian was leaving City Z.

But now, watching these people pack, she understood… Nan Lian was leaving.

In truth, Bai Ran hadn’t come here because of Nan Lian. She was Su Wen’s cousin, and City Z was her hometown too. After returning to her hometown in despair, she heard from an acquaintance that her cousin’s former lover was here investigating the circumstances of her cousin’s death. Out of curiosity, she went to Nan Lian’s building, where Mu Xi happened to spot her.

Then, for some reason, she ended up staying at Nan Lian’s place. After all, Nan Lian’s suite had plenty of rooms.

Nan Lian never commented on her presence. Occasionally, when she saw Bai Ran by the kitchen island in the morning before heading out, she would give a slight nod as a greeting, but then she would leave without another word.

…It felt a bit like the old days when they were still together, except now there was no intimacy.

Today, Bai Ran learned that Nan Lian was leaving. She had no right to ask when her flight was, whether she was returning to City A, and certainly not whether she would take Bai Ran along.

Watching the room gradually empty, Bai Ran sat on the sofa, somewhat dazed, observing the busy comings and goings.

Once everything was moved out and no one else came in, Bai Ran thought that perhaps soon, hotel staff would enter to clean and, in the process, issue her an eviction notice, telling her to leave this place she couldn’t afford.

Even so, she didn’t want to leave. If she had to be driven out, so be it, she would stay until the very last second before being forced to go.

She sat motionless on the sofa, maintaining the same posture, yet feeling no physical discomfort or soreness.

Until Nan Lian walked in.

Nan Lian had likely returned to retrieve something. Bai Ran knew that Nan Lian disliked others touching certain belongings of hers, like the study Bai Ran wasn’t allowed to enter, so she had to fetch them herself.

Bai Ran kept her eyes fixed on her, but Nan Lian didn’t glance her way even once as she walked into the bedroom, as if Bai Ran didn’t exist in this space, or as if they inhabited two separate dimensions.

In all the days she had stayed here, Bai Ran had never stepped into Nan Lian’s bedroom. She had always obeyed Nan Lian’s rules, except for that one time she begged the housekeeper to let her into the study.

Bai Ran didn’t know what in the bedroom required Nan Lian’s personal attention, perhaps something valuable, though most of Nan Lian’s possessions were expensive.

Faint rustling sounds came from the room, and then Nan Lian emerged lightly, empty-handed.

She began walking toward the main door. Bai Ran knew that once she stepped out, she wouldn’t return.

Which meant this was their final glimpse of each other.

Just as Bai Ran was desperately watching Nan Lian’s retreating figure, trying to etch this last moment into her memory, the woman suddenly turned back like a ghost, her voice equally airy:

“Your cousin had a side job no one knew about. Do you have one too?”

Her words sounded like the rain that had fallen in City Z a few days prior, cold, subtle, leaving an itchy sensation on the skin, with a hint of pain from the chill.

“Yes.”

Before Nan Lian could react, Bai Ran let out a soft laugh. “In my spare time, I moonlight by selling my own body to a rather unimpressive woman.”

The “unimpressive woman” froze in place at this reply.

How should I put it…

Actually, when Nan Lian wanted to provide material resources to Bai Ran, Bai Ran refused.

Nan Lian didn’t mind, thinking she just didn’t like money and might change her mind someday. So, she continued to offer as usual, if Bai Ran returned it, she would just take it back.

That small amount of money meant nothing to Nan Lian; she gave it away casually. Whether Bai Ran asked for more or returned it, it held the same significance to her.

But now, Bai Ran had defined their relationship as “selling.”

Of course, this was a disrespectful way to refer to herself. Nan Lian wasn’t sure if she should correct that statement.

She had to admit that this definition was her initial intention. But as a businessperson, one must insist on a fair exchange, goods for payment. Taking something without giving money couldn’t be called selling; that was gifting.

At this thought, Nan Lian froze once again.

She had always prided herself on being fair, but only now did she realize she had been accepting Bai Ran’s gifts all this time…

“What’s truly embarrassing is that I’ve been thoroughly enjoying it.”

Bai Ran raised a hand to cover the bleak smile at the corner of her lips, waving as nonchalantly as she could manage. “Go on, have a safe journey.”

Nan Lian, with her cold and unyielding heart, didn’t turn to leave immediately.

She hesitated, unsure what she was hesitating about. Was she hesitating whether to apologize? But she had already said sorry to Bai Ran. Was she hesitating whether to compensate for all the gifts Bai Ran had given her? But Bai Ran didn’t want money…

Unable to resolve her hesitation, Nan Lian nodded and turned to leave.

“Wait.”

Bai Ran abruptly stood up from the sofa.

She had to face the truth.

In those few seconds Nan Lian had hesitated, Bai Ran regretted letting her go so magnanimously.

Bai Ran considered decisiveness one of her strengths. Whatever came to mind, she acted on it as soon as possible. This trait had earned her many opportunities since childhood, some in studies, some in work.

And that one time, it brought her to Nan Lian’s side.

When Nan Lian’s assistant approached Bai Ran, she found it strange. But before making a decision, she made an odd request: she wanted to see a photo of Nan Lian.

She didn’t know she was someone’s substitute. She just wanted to see what kind of person, perhaps so unattractive, would seek a lover from an ordinary person like her, someone with no background or reputation, only looks that stood out among commoners.

The request was simple. Without a word, the assistant pulled up a photo of Nan Lian from her phone, the standard corporate portrait displayed around the company.

The woman in the photo was completely expressionless, staring coldly into the lens as if merely leaving an imprint.

Yet she was stunning enough to captivate anyone.

Bai Ran had never seen anyone so beautiful, both exquisite and sharp, like a silent dagger that would pierce flesh with agonizing pleasure.

Just like the one she later held in her hand, determined to drive into her own neck.

“Is this one okay? If not, I have more casual ones. This one is too formal.” Seeing Bai Ran staring silently at the photo for so long, the assistant grew anxious, afraid the deal would fall through and she’d be scolded. She hurriedly scrolled through her album.

She eagerly found a few photos of Nan Lian taken during meetings or work, ones meant for media release, but more vivid than the corporate portrait.

Bai Ran followed her gaze. Although the photos were indeed different, softer in setting and composition, the sharp intensity emanating from Nan Lian was unmistakably the same. Even at work, she seemed tightly wound, as if ready to draw a blade and strike at any moment.

She really liked that kind of appearance. Moreover, she loved challenges and adventures. Her past crushes had always been on people who seemed unapproachable and would never reciprocate her feelings.

Before she could even consider whether this counted as a form of self-torment, Bai Ran nodded immediately, afraid that the assistant might take the photos back:

“I’ll sign the contract.”

Yes, back then, they had even prepared something akin to a “selling oneself into bondage” agreement for Bai Ran to sign.

And Bai Ran really did sign it.

Without hesitation, without giving the other party any room to reconsider, the moment she saw the photo, she had already given herself over to someone she didn’t even know.

She couldn’t wait to meet Nan Lian in person. Even if Nan Lian were asexual, it wouldn’t matter, just being able to stay by such a person’s side felt like heaven just thinking about it.

Lost in these thoughts, Bai Ran broke into a faint smile just as Nan Lian turned around upon hearing her call.

Couldn’t they have started in a less forbidden way?

Like how it was with Sister Su Wen, more ordinary, perhaps just walking down the street or sitting in the same shop, drawn to each other.

Then shyly stepping forward to ask for each other’s contact information, beginning a journey of tentative exploration, hiding every heartbeat.

As Bai Ran mulled over these thoughts, her hand had already reached into her pocket and pulled out a sticky note and pen.

This was another one of her good habits.

Bowing her head, Bai Ran quickly scribbled something on the note, then strode forward and handed it to Nan Lian.

Nan Lian looked down and saw a string of hastily written numbers, likely a phone number, judging by the digits.

“This is the number I’m using now.” The one she had used to contact Nan Lian before had, of course, already been deactivated.

Bai Ran said, “If you want to get to know me again, call this number. I might come back from City Z.”

Nan Lian didn’t respond immediately, instead carefully examining the numbers.

If this were a business transaction, this string of digits would represent another brilliant achievement in her record of accomplishments.

If it were in another context, such an astronomical number might signify the distance from one star to another, very far away.

Finally, she looked up and said to her, “Okay.”

Then she turned and left.