I Am Her Secret Beauty - Chapter 56

When Nan Lian clashed with Nan Zhiya over her lover, Nan Xi was still too young to understand love, focused on her studies in middle school and contemplating her future path.

But she knew how severe and intense that conflict had been. In comparison, Nan Zhiya’s approval of Nan Xi’s relationship with Mu Xi, even gifting them a home to live in, seemed incredibly merciful.

Nan Xi felt a sense of shame whenever she faced Nan Lian.

She wondered if her own happiness today was built upon Nan Lian’s past struggles, as if she were stepping over Nan Lian’s pain and sacrifices to find joy.

Despite this, upon recognizing the root of Nan Lian’s inner turmoil, she decided to address it directly.

Pulling a thorn from a wound would hurt and bleed, but she knew Nan Lian feared even more the constant, dull ache of its presence.

“Sister, please give yourself a chance.”

Nan Xi sat beside Nan Lian, gently stroking her overly stiff back. Feeling her tremble, she pressed her entire palm against it.

She said, “Forgetting isn’t as hard as it seems. You choose to remember because hope hasn’t died, that’s why you want to go to Z City to uncover the truth yourself, isn’t it?”

Nan Lian remained silent, appearing to hold onto her composure with the last of her strength, though it was clear to anyone that she was breaking inside.

In some ways, she envied Nan Xi. Nan Xi seemed to have quickly moved past the pain of past hurts. When she was with Mu Xi, her happiness was unreserved and genuine, she had truly let go.

…Of course, because Nan Xi had reclaimed what she had lost, while Nan Lian could never retrieve her own.

But what Nan Lian resented was Mu Xi. In her eyes, Mu Xi, like herself, had made mistakes in the past. Yet Mu Xi carried no burden of guilt and had even come with Nan Xi to see her.

Was it because of amnesia? Forgetting really was a blessing.

So, if one was to forget, it should be done completely, no need to dredge up painful memories.

“Nan Xi.”

Nan Lian called out to her sister in a hoarse voice.

She felt terribly cold, so much so that Nan Xi couldn’t bear it and wrapped her arms around her, trying to share her warmth.

Nan Lian’s rigid body gradually softened in her sister’s embrace.

“If you’re truly certain about this person, I can’t oppose it.”

“You were the one who was hurt. Now that you’ve chosen to forgive, I can’t decide on your behalf to keep holding a grudge.” That would make her no different from the person she despised the most.

Nan Lian raised her hand and touched Nan Xi’s shoulder. “But I still don’t recommend you two going to Z City.”

“Why not?” Nan Xi asked obediently.

“Because there’s nothing to gain from it.” Nan Lian spoke only to Nan Xi. “Home Economics University is in Z City, and you want to investigate the past, don’t you? Reasoning backward from the outcome, do you think there could have been any good process that led to someone losing their memory and disappearing? It will only bring you both pain, so it’s unnecessary.”

Nan Xi stayed quiet, listening attentively, like a doll keeping her little mistress company.

“This is a lesson I’ve learned from my own experience. Please think it over carefully.”

Nan Xi and Mu Xi left Nan Lian’s office.

Once outside, they could no longer see Nan Lian clearly, only the faint outline of her figure sitting motionless on the sofa. It was uncertain how long she would remain like that or when her heart would finally find some peace.

Nan Lian’s secretary escorted them downstairs.

Given the unusual and confidential nature of the matter, they hadn’t arranged for a driver. Instead, Mu Xi had driven them here herself.

The return journey was silent. Mu Xi focused on steering, her mind a tangled mess. Nan Xi leaned against the passenger seat, her expression clouded with deep confusion.

“Mu Xi, I’m starting to think emotions are a dangerous thing,” Nan Xi murmured softly. “They’ve nearly withered my sister away, someone who used to be so vibrant and full of life has turned gloomy. When I was ten, I never could have imagined such a thing; I always thought my sister was as invincible as my mom.”

Mu Xi listened to Nan Xi’s words.

She had spoken very little all day. In fact, it was only after Dr. Anna’s diagnosis that she had suddenly realized how hollow she was inside. The vast gaps in her memory had rendered her a shallow person.

No wonder she had spent the past few years living like a machine, unaware and unfeeling, repeating the same routines day after day, enduring unreasonably strenuous labor without a hint of injustice or grievance, just as she struggled to feel excitement or happiness.

This realization frightened Mu Xi. People like her shouldn’t exist in the world. Humans aren’t machines; their worth isn’t measured by how much they can do or how hard they work.

Her inner world was so barren it could barely hold any emotion, cracked with deep fissures that couldn’t even accommodate something as simple and pure as Xiao Ji’s obvious crush. In truth, she was dull, boring, and unconsciously lonely.

Now that she had fallen in love with Nan Xi, who was emotionally rich and direct, never hesitating to fight for what she wanted, even in matters of the heart, Mu Xi felt her own inadequacy more intensely when they were together.

…Perhaps it wasn’t inadequacy, but insufficiency. She simply wasn’t enough to deserve someone as wonderful as Nan Xi.

When Nan Xi suggested they go to Z City together to uncover the truth of the past, it had given Mu Xi a glimmer of hope.

Unlike Nan Xi’s obsessive need for answers, Mu Xi hoped that confronting the truth might help her recover her lost memories, including the intense emotions and genuine feelings she once had.

Like a missing piece of her soul, perhaps it could truly make her whole?

Now, with Nan Xi beside her, saying how terrifying emotions could be…

Mu Xi thought, people are always trapped by what they possess, whether it’s emotions or the lack thereof.

“…But I think it might also be because of emotions that your sister managed to survive,” she replied earnestly, truly believing it.

“Huh? I don’t get it. That sounds strange.”

Since Mu Xi was driving, Nan Xi couldn’t pounce on her. Instead, she shook her head and scrutinized Mu Xi from half a meter away, her eyes darting restlessly.

“You’ve been acting weird today too, suddenly so profound. You’re not thinking about ending our relationship, are you?”

…See? Trapped by the anxieties that emotions breed.

Even while driving, Mu Xi quickly glanced at Nan Xi and said, “No, absolutely not thinking about that.”

“Oh, so you’re thinking about something else?” Nan Xi continued playing the curious child, wrinkling her nose and sniffing intently as if she could sniff out Mu Xi’s thoughts. “What do you think about what my sister said? I really need to know right now.”

Mu Xi was focused, yet seemed somewhat distracted.

“She said a lot of things. Which part are you referring to?”

“Actually, many of her words were thought-provoking. Every sentence is worth our careful consideration.”

Nan Xi was amused by her response. “What are you even saying? I knew you were acting strange today. Obviously, I meant the last thing my sister said, about whether we should go to Z City, whether we should deliberately seek out hardship and make ourselves suffer.”

Mu Xi felt somewhat swayed by Nan Lian’s earnest attitude.

That’s why she needed to hear Mu Xi’s opinion again.

Truthfully, Nan Xi had always intended not to dwell on the past, but now Mu Xi’s brain injury made her want to revisit it.

If Mu Xi herself wanted to move forward…

“Actually, I really want to endure this hardship.”

Finally, they hit a red light, and Mu Xi could stop and look at Nan Xi properly. “You know, I’ve endured a lot under your mother’s care, so now… I might have developed a bad habit of liking hardship.”

It was truly bizarre.

But Mu Xi’s deadpan delivery of such a joke was utterly adorable.

Nan Xi decided to set aside the matter they needed to discuss and just enjoy the present moment. “Really? Let me taste how bitter it is.”

During the few dozen seconds of the red light, they shared a brief but lingering kiss.

Nan Xi got her answer: Mu Xi was a big liar. She wasn’t bitter at all, she was the sweetest thing in the world.

Three seconds before the light turned green, Mu Xi pulled away just in time. “Let’s talk more at home.”

She continued driving steadily, with only their moistened lips reminding them of what they had just done.

“So, you still want to go to Z City.” Having gotten her sugar fix, Nan Xi was in a much better mood. She reclined the passenger seat and lay back, relaxed and carefree. “Then let’s go. Whatever happens, we’ll face it together. How does that sound?”

“Are we still going with your sister?”

Nan Xi nodded. “Yeah. The way she spoke, it was basically her way of agreeing. If we insist on going with her, she won’t refuse. I know her well.”

“Hmm…”

Mu Xi fell into deep thought again.

Nan Lian clearly still held a grudge against her, but for Nan Xi’s sake, she wouldn’t throw her out of the car on the way to Z City.

Mu Xi understood this completely, and personally, she actually felt quite sympathetic toward Nan Lian. That wasn’t the issue.

But as an SSS-rank alpha, if someone had managed to give her a brain injury back then, wouldn’t it be dangerous for Nan Xi to go along this time?

Ultimately, why did they have to go to Z City to find the truth? She had disappeared from A City, maybe the truth had been right beside them all along.

…

Amidst all these tangled thoughts, just as they were about to drive into the gate of their new home, it all condensed into one sentence:

“Want to try doing it in the car?”

Even Nan Xi was startled, bolting upright from her reclined position and quirking her lips downward in surprise. “Huh?”

“Want to?” Mu Xi analyzed rationally. “If yes, I’ll drive somewhere else. There are plenty of secluded woods around here… If not, we’ll just go home.”

Though she didn’t know why Mu Xi was suddenly so proactive, Nan Xi was overjoyed, nodding eagerly: “Yes, yes, yes!”

She thoughtfully instructed Mu Xi: “Go switch cars. This one is usually driven by the chauffeur. Take the white one, no one touches it.”

So, the two drove the car home and then drove it out again.

Nan Xi was already rubbing her hands in anticipation. While Mu Xi was switching cars, she hurried back to her bedroom and secretly retrieved the outfit she had hidden in her bag, ready to add another layer of sentimental value to it.

Thus, when Mu Xi found a secluded spot to park, the first thing Nan Xi did was change into that tattered outfit right in front of her.

Mu Xi’s face immediately flushed red.

Even though the clothes were damaged, their function remained intact.

“I really like you today, even though you’re acting strange,” Nan Xi finally got to throw herself at Mu Xi. “Let’s get started quickly!”