Hopeless Romance (GL) - Chapter 46

Chapter 46

The days repeated themselves one after another, and Ye Du had even begun to grow accustomed to the fact that she and Chen Pupu were drifting apart. Since Pupu’s last visit, although neither had said anything harsh, a strange barrier had formed between them. They both knew exactly where it came from, yet neither knew how to dismantle it. Ye Du was naturally a person of few words, and had she not been constantly frowning, Xu Jian might never have noticed something was wrong. “Is it the competition results?” Xu Jian finally asked on the way back to the classroom after morning exercises. Ye Du’s look of confusion served as her answer.

“That girl, then?” Xu Jian suggested. Excluding the competition, it was the only other possibility. The question actually made Ye Du laugh; she hadn’t realized she was so easy to read. “Neither? Then what else is there to mope about?” Xu Jian’s clever mind couldn’t come up with any other answers.

“No, you guessed right. I’m just laughing at myself.” A moment later, that heavy sense of defeat washed over Ye Du again. “Does she know you like her?” Xu Jian suddenly became gossipy.

“I don’t know. But I’ve never told her.”

“Unrequited love is hard work.”

“You sound like someone who’s been through it,” Ye Du remarked.

“If you can still insult me, then you’re doing just fine.” But things weren’t fine; Ye Du simply had no solution and didn’t want to drown in this boundless sense of helplessness. Even a momentary escape was welcome.

…

Chen Pupu wasn’t having an easier time. Cui Tong had noticed Pupu’s odd behavior long ago and waited until lunch today to ask, “Pupu, why have you been so low-energy lately?” In contrast, Cui Tong was blissfully in love and radiating energy. Cao Yijing, who had finally managed to snag his favorite sweet and sour pork in the cafeteria, was happily immersed in his meal. Hearing this, he hurriedly swallowed his food and asked, “Are you feeling miserable because you broke up with Tong Yuyao?”

“Xiao Cao, did you forget? Pupu was the one who initiated the breakup.”

“I remember, I just worried that Pupu might be saying one thing and feeling another.” Cui Tong wanted to praise Cao Yijing for being considerate, but her conscience wouldn’t allow it. While the two of them chatted away, the subject of their conversation remained silent. Cao Yijing thought for a moment and placed a piece of sweet and sour pork on Pupu’s tray.

“It has nothing to do with him.” Even though nearly a month had passed, Pupu still felt guilty when she thought of Tong Yuyao. To many, it was just another evening after school, but for Yuyao, it was an unforgettable day—the day of his first heartbreak. Pupu had spent a long time trying to figure out how to be tactful, but then she remembered herself from long ago. She couldn’t remember what Yu Xiao had said back then; all she remembered was the sadness. Once a decision is made to hurt someone, kind words only serve to make the speaker feel better. Yuyao hadn’t lingered; he simply asked several times, “Have you really made up your mind?” In truth, he was asking himself: Can I really accept this?

But can you choose not to accept something just because you can’t handle it? Life is rarely that kind.

“But you rarely go to Class 1 lately,” Cui Tong noted while fishing for meat in her Kung Pao Chicken. “I heard the competition is over.” The mood at the table shifted instantly. Pupu felt she had already been proactive by explaining herself and showing her stance. She was actually harboring a lot of anger over the fact that Ye Du hadn’t come to find her, and Cui Tong’s question provided the perfect outlet. “I didn’t notice. I wasn’t the one in the competition,” Pupu said, taking two angry bites of rice. “Don’t mention Class 1 to me again.”

Cui Tong, acting on impulse, blurted out, “So, don’t mention Ye Du either?” It was a redundant question. To Pupu, Ye Du was synonymous with Class 1, just as Lin Meixin represented Class 1 to Cui Tong. Pupu glared at her so fiercely that if Cui Tong hadn’t been busy choking on a piece of chicken, she would have apologized immediately.

“Right! Don’t mention her!” Pupu grew angrier the more she thought about it, losing her appetite for her fried chicken leg. Cao Yijing was baffled; given their history, he didn’t think they’d end up like this. “Pupu, what happened that made you so upset with her?” Pupu couldn’t say. She used to joke about this with Cui Tong, but once she had confirmed her own feelings, everything changed. “Anyway, Ye Du is being a bully. If she doesn’t come and apologize to me first, I’m not talking to her.”

“Pupu, you’ve said a lot without telling us anything,” Cao Yijing said, confused. Cui Tong, however, understood most of it, her writer’s mind connecting the dots. “Xiao Cao, don’t be too curious,” she said with a knowing wink.

…

Throughout her life, Xu Jian had won many first-place prizes, but she was never particularly interested in rankings. She often complained to Chen Qinghe about why certificates couldn’t be exchanged for cash; she didn’t care for empty prestige. But this time was different. She had never been so happy to take first place. She jumped around with Ye Du until she had to stop for air. Ye Du, annoyed, looked like she wanted to hit Xu Jian with a math book. “Please, Number One in the Grade, have some mercy on the feelings of Number Ten.” This only made Xu Jian laugh harder. She even thought their teacher, Li Jiangang, looked pleasant for once.

Lin Meixin secretly asked Ye Du what was wrong with Xu Jian. It wasn’t her first time at the top, so why was she acting so strange? Ye Du shrugged, saying she didn’t know either. Xu Jian had only mentioned making a deal with Li Jiangang but hadn’t shared the details. Ye Du finally pinned Xu Jian down to demand an explanation.

“I’ll tell you over dinner tonight. Oh, and I have something to do at lunch, so I won’t be eating with you.” Since the universe seemed to be working in her favor, Xu Jian intended to carry out her plan. It wasn’t a complex plan: just walk up to her and say what was in her heart. Those two simple steps had taken Xu Jian nearly two years to confirm. Standing before Meng Qing’s office again, she felt a nervousness unlike anything she had ever felt.

When she pushed the door open and saw Meng Qing’s back, her first thought was: Thank god she’s here. Some types of courage only come once.

“Teacher Meng, you haven’t gone to lunch yet?”

Meng Qing looked up from a literary monthly magazine, her hand still holding the pages. “Clearly, not yet. Did you need something?”

“In this midterm, I took first place in the grade.” Xu Jian stopped. Meng Qing didn’t react, simply waiting for her to continue. “Teacher Meng, before I came to Yun Chuan, I never knew what it felt like to like someone. When I realized I had feelings for you that weren’t just student-to-teacher, I was scared. Everything I was taught told me to respect my teachers, and I didn’t know if this was a form of disrespect. Plus… you’re a woman. Sometimes when I look at myself objectively, I think I’m a very strange person. I tried to see you as just a regular teacher, but ‘liking’ is like a sneeze—even if I hold it in this time, it’ll just find another time to pop out. I know this confession isn’t rational, but I simply can’t help liking you. So now, I’ve come for my wish. I want to ask: Can I like you openly in your life?” By the time she finished, Xu Jian’s head felt numb, but she was proud of herself for reciting the script she had written so long ago.

As reality collided with her suspicions, the impact Xu Jian had on Meng Qing intensified. Her hand gripped the magazine tightly for support; otherwise, she might have dropped it in shock. Meng Qing didn’t know whether to keep looking at Xu Jian or look away; either seemed unnatural.

“Xu Jian, go outside for a moment.” Truthfully, Meng Qing had been mentally prepared for this, but hearing it out loud was still overwhelming. If Xu Jian didn’t have feelings for her, it would have been hard to explain why the girl was constantly around. It had happened so many times that Meng Qing had grown used to having this noisy girl by her side. She began to recall the fragments: Xu Jian bringing her breakfast, Xu Jian rushing to help carry books, Xu Jian giving her useless little trinkets, Xu Jian lingering after self-study sessions, Xu Jian worrying about her—and now, Xu Jian saying she liked her.

Meng Qing wasn’t an expert in love. She’d had one boyfriend in college, but that experience had been as bland as boiled greens; she could barely remember his face. There had been hand-holding and kissing, but until the day it ended, she had never felt a spark. Even that hadn’t been as intense as the panic she felt right now. Yet, beyond the shock of their roles, what panicked Meng Qing most was that she wasn’t repelled. In the quiet corners of her heart, a faint joy was calling out.

…

Outside the office, Xu Jian’s legs felt like jelly. She had prepared for the worst: Meng Qing getting angry, pointing at her, and saying hurtful things. She had even practiced being scolded in her dorm, calling herself a disgrace for disrespecting a teacher. Looking at the fresh ivy on the wall, she realized she had been in this city for nearly two years. She had come to love it—the slow pace, the bicycles, the shop owners napping in the sun, the people eating hotpot in the rain. She wasn’t sure if her love for the city was the cause or the result of her feelings for Meng Qing.

Since it was lunchtime, the hallway was empty. Meng Qing walked to the door and saw Xu Jian’s back. She realized the girl wasn’t as small as she had imagined. Up close, they were about the same height, though Xu Jian’s habit of slouching and her oversized uniform made her look thinner.

“Will liking me… affect you? In your life or your studies?” Meng Qing asked, leaning against the doorframe.

Xu Jian spun around, the answer leaving her lips before she could think. “Yes. It will make me better. This time, I studied like crazy because of you. Did you see my report card? I’m more than 20 points ahead of second place.” In a school like Yun Chuan, where scores were incredibly tight, that gap was significant. She told Meng Qing like a child seeking praise, wanting her to know she was a good person.

“Then congratulations. Your wish has come true. However, you must put your studies and your life before me. And… you must listen to me.” Meng Qing suddenly remembered her first time teaching a class; she might not even have been this nervous then. Xu Jian was speechless. She had fantasized about this, but she always felt Meng Qing was indifferent to her, treating her like any other student (or even favoring Ye Du). She hadn’t made this confession because she was sure of success; she had just been selfish enough to want to say it. “Teacher Meng, you’re not teasing me, are you?” was all she could manage to say.

Meng Qing straightened up immediately. “Then pretend I never said it.” Seeing Meng Qing turn to close the door, Xu Jian rushed forward and grabbed her hand. “No, Teacher, I’ve already taken it to heart.” Meng Qing found it hard to stay composed under Xu Jian’s gaze and instinctively pushed the girl’s face aside, just so her own heart could catch its breath.

A sudden gust of wind rustled the leaves outside the window, masking the sound of two racing hearts.