Hopeless Romance (GL) - Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Meng Qing looked at the small bear-shaped fan on her desk and unconsciously turned it on. “Teacher Meng, you’re using a fan in this weather?” Teacher Qian said as he entered the office, seeing Meng Qing pointing the fan directly at her face. He looked at the sweater he was wearing and couldn’t help but shiver.

“No, I’m just testing to see if it still works before I pack it away,” Meng Qing replied, pressing the switch and tucking it into her drawer.

“How come I haven’t seen that Xu Jian from your class lately?”

“The workload increased, so she stopped running around,” Meng Qing mused. Indeed, it had been a while since Xu Jian had come loitering around the office.

“Students like that must be easy to manage—smart and proactive,” Teacher Qian said, thinking of his own rowdy bunch and feeling a twinge of envy.

“Her Chinese is average. Ye Du is the one with real intuition,” Meng Qing said, pulling out her lesson plans and textbooks to do a quick review.

“But she’s eager to learn! Always coming to the office to ask questions. Even after reaching rank one in the grade, she still has that drive; you really should cultivate her,” Teacher Qian said, blowing on the water in his thermos, taking a small sip, and spitting a stray tea leaf back in.

Considering the bizarre, off-topic questions Xu Jian usually asked—all of which were completely detached from the exam syllabus—Meng Qing felt she was being merciful by not kicking her out. “How about I send her to you next time? I really can’t handle that child,” Meng Qing said. Just as she finished her sentence, Xu Jian’s knock sounded at the door.

“No! I am a person of Class 1 in life, and I shall be a ghost of Class 1 in death!”

“We were just saying we hadn’t seen you in a while.” Meng Qing didn’t bother turning around, knowing it was Xu Jian, but Teacher Qian was very enthusiastic.

“Old Qian, I’ve been preparing for a competition lately, so things are very busy. But I will definitely not neglect my Chinese classes,” Xu Jian said. Although she was addressing Teacher Qian, the words were meant for Meng Qing. Even though Meng Qing maintained a professional distance from her students, Xu Jian knew her persistence had earned her a shaky foothold in Meng Qing’s heart. Recently, however, Meng Qing had been targeting her in class; if Xu Jian daydreamed even for a second, she’d be called on. But on second thought, Meng Qing’s voice sounded so beautiful when she said her name that Xu Jian considered it a blessing in disguise.

“Hah, well, you’d better win a prize for our school then.”

“That’s a given.” While speaking, Xu Jian had reached Meng Qing’s desk. “Teacher Meng, I’m here to help Yao Xingzi carry the exercise books. She’s busy with something.” If one were to look into the Class 1 classroom, they would see exactly what Yao Xingzi was “busy” with—happily eating the dried fruits Xu Jian had specifically bought for her.

Meng Qing didn’t look up, simply pointing to the stack of books on her left. “That pile.” After a long moment without hearing footsteps, Meng Qing knew Xu Jian was lingering again. She looked up and met Xu Jian’s gaze. Meng Qing couldn’t help but think how wonderful youth was; one could be so open and bold through sheer ignorance. There wasn’t a trace of timidity in Xu Jian’s eyes. The way she looked at Meng Qing made her feel as if she were being exposed with nowhere to hide. If Meng Qing hadn’t accidentally glimpsed the book Tipping the Velvet on Xu Jian’s desk the other day, she probably wouldn’t find facing her so difficult.

“I want to wait for you and go to the classroom together,” Xu Jian whispered, taking advantage of the proximity. Meng Qing quickly turned her focus back to her lesson plans, but finding it hard to concentrate, she packed up and left the office. She didn’t head straight for the classroom, though. With five minutes left until class, she decided to have a cigarette at the end of the corridor.

The stack of books was slowing her down, so Xu Jian set them on the floor. By the time she caught up, Meng Qing was already smoking. Xu Jian remembered a quote she had read: If a woman cannot smoke beautifully, she shouldn’t smoke at all. While Xu Jian thought the logic was flawed, she couldn’t deny that the sight of Meng Qing holding a slender cigarette between two fingers was beautiful. Meng Qing’s cigarettes were grape-scented, which made the tobacco smell milder and less harsh. Standing in the drifting smoke, Xu Jian gathered her courage and asked nervously, “Teacher Meng, are you in a bad mood?”

Meng Qing extinguished the cigarette, wrapped the butt in a piece of scrap paper, exhaled a long breath, and turned to look at Xu Jian. She really wanted to understand what this kid was trying to do. After graduation, Meng Qing had taught at a Tier-2 high school for six years. Her graduating classes performed well, and she happened to benefit from a provincial policy supporting new teachers, allowing her to test into a higher-level school. Meng Qing didn’t know anyone in Yun-Chuan and had no connections; getting into Yun-Chuan Middle School was a rare opportunity, especially being assigned to a “Base Class.” She had to teach well here, but she hadn’t expected to encounter Xu Jian in her very first year.

“Teacher Meng, the first time I saw you, you were also smoking. It was my first day at Yun-Chuan. I had been on a train for a long time, it was very hot, and you were sitting under the grapevine in front of the Yifu Building. When the warm wind blew, you looked exactly like a painting.” Whether it was fate that made the scene so picturesque or Xu Jian’s biased, poetic description, Meng Qing felt a tremor in her heart upon hearing it.

“How come you aren’t this eloquent when you write essays?” Meng Qing tucked the wrapped cigarette into her pocket. She savored that moment one last time before the smoke rings fully dissipated.

“I can be. I’ll write better next time.” Although Meng Qing didn’t say it, Xu Jian could feel the atmosphere relax. As Meng Qing passed her, she paused and said, “Let’s go. Time for class.” Hearing this, Xu Jian was overjoyed but had to keep a straight face. This was the first time—besides roll call—that Meng Qing had initiated a conversation with her. It was worth commemorating. The surge of happiness made her want to sprint to the classroom, but she also laughed at her own silliness. A simple sentence, processed and beautified in her mind until it became monumental—but wasn’t that the essence of youth? In one’s ignorance, even a crush can be a self-contained joy. Even if she would look back years later and think herself foolish and naive, she couldn’t help it; she was completely willing.

…

“Pupu, what was your score?” Cao Yijing carefully read the long, thin slip of paper in her hand. Finding that she hadn’t regressed and had even moved up in the grade ranking, the weight on her heart finally lifted.

“Same as usual, 424.” This score wasn’t exactly safe for Chen Pupu. While it matched the previous year’s cutoff for the music conservatory, she’d be in danger if the cutoff rose. She wondered why she was always hovering on the edge during school transitions. She wished she were like Ye Du. Thinking of her, she realized that from National Day until now, nearing the end of the term, they hadn’t seen each other except for a few phone calls and QQ chats. Whenever she passed by Class 1, if Ye Du was in her seat, she was always writing furiously. Chen Pupu didn’t have the heart to disturb her.

“What are you two doing?” Cui Tong ran out as soon as class ended. Cao Yijing waved her grade slip toward her, and the smile on Cui Tong’s face was instantly “slapped” away by the sight of it. “Don’t. It’s a great day, let’s talk about something happy.” Cui Tong’s grades were the worst among their group of friends, but she didn’t care. She felt her talent lay elsewhere and didn’t want to force herself; it would only make her miserable and feel like she was insulting knowledge itself.

“A great day?” Cao Yijing looked at the calendar by the blackboard. It wasn’t a holiday or even the eve of one.

“Lunch today is on me.” Seeing the grin ballooning Cui Tong’s cheeks, Chen Pupu reached out to poke them down. “Either laugh it out or hold it in. You look creepy like this.”

“I can’t help it!” Cui Tong covered the lower half of her face with her hand, trying hard to calm herself.

“Did your dad accidentally add an extra zero to your allowance?” Cao Yijing didn’t doubt Cui Tong’s family background, but based on her usual lifestyle, “treating others” was usually a foreign concept. She was rarely anything but stingy. At this point, Chen Pupu also began to think seriously about the possibilities.

“How can you say that? Be gentle to the person feeding you, okay?” With that, Cui Tong walked back to her seat with a flourish, missing Cao Yijing’s retort: “But I haven’t eaten yet!”

Teased by Cui Tong for an entire class period, the two didn’t pay any attention to the lecture. Taking advantage of being deskmates, they wrote down all the possibilities for Cui Tong’s strange behavior and held a democratic vote, which ended in a 1:1 tie. Cui Tong remained calm, looking like she had everything under control all the way to the curry shop. Finally, after ordering, before the other two could even ask, Cui Tong blurted it out: “I’m in a relationship.” Then her facial features began to move in a bizarre, frantic display of joy. If she hadn’t possessed a shred of sanity, she would have screamed. Chen Pupu felt the joy was practically bursting out of her throat.

“Lin Meixin?” Chen Pupu quickly identified the male lead.

“Lin Meixin?” Cao Yijing repeated the name, her voice full of confusion.

“He’s in Ye Du’s class. You’re always rushing to dance practice after school, so you haven’t seen him.” Cui Tong admitted it openly. Cao Yijing really loved dance; she could skip eating or sleeping, but she couldn’t skip practice. In her words, while practice didn’t guarantee progress, missing a day guaranteed regression.

“Not bad, Cui Tong.” Seeing Chen Pupu’s gossipy expression, Cui Tong really wanted to bring Ye Du over to see this.

“But what’s so good about dating?” Since childhood, Cao Yijing had always received love letters because she was beautiful and elegant. She wasn’t embarrassed by them; she just felt she truly didn’t have time for such things. Homework and dance practice took up all her time.

“Everyone is different. The happiness you feel in dance is exactly what I get from being in a relationship. That’s why the world is colorful,” Cui Tong said. Although it was “early love” (puppy love) discouraged by the school and parents, and although she knew she was young and ignorant, if love came knocking at this time, Cui Tong would accept it gracefully. Some moments in life only happen once. There are many tomorrows, but only one today.

“Truly a philosopher.” Chen Pupu thought Cui Tong was a wonderful girl because she always said things Chen Pupu couldn’t have imagined—words that sounded incredible or even out of line, yet were always convincing.

“Don’t talk nonsense, I’m going to be a writer.”

“Then let me interview you: will a writer in love be any different?” As the owner brought over two bowls of curry rice, Cao Yijing squeezed in a question. The aroma of the curry was rich. Cui Tong instinctively took a deep sniff and sighed. “Probably that I’ll be sharp enough to notice that even the curry tastes better than usual.” Chen Pupu made a move to dump her curry into Cui Tong’s bowl. The “debt” of being subjected to this sugary romance could only be repaid by making Cui Tong choke on extra curry.

…

This New Year’s Eve, Chen Pupu stayed in Yun-Chuan. Usually, the whole family would return to their hometown to visit grandparents, but Qin Wei and Chen Sijun changed the plan, considering that the third year of high school was approaching. Chen Pupu had originally thought about inviting Cui Tong and Cao Yijing out, but Cui Tong had prioritized romance and rejected her. If it were just her and Cao Yijing, it wouldn’t be as fun, so Chen Pupu ended up staying home to enjoy “family bliss” with her parents, though she wasn’t particularly enjoying it. When she received a call from Tong Yuyao, she had just finished a fried chicken leg, and her hands were covered in grease. Qin Wei held the phone for her. Chen Pupu didn’t feel like saying much; she only heard him say he was downstairs at her apartment complex before asking Qin Wei to hang up.

“Why did you come out in your pajamas? You’ll catch a cold.” Tong Yuyao was bundled in a down jacket and still felt the weather was biting.

“It’s fine. I’ll go back as soon as you’re done talking.” Chen Pupu had just eaten warm food, and her heart and stomach were feeling cozy.

“Um, Happy New Year!” Chen Pupu waited for a moment, but Tong Yuyao didn’t seem to have anything else to say. She couldn’t help but think this boy had a problem—travelling all this way in the freezing winter just to say “Happy New Year” when he could have just messaged her. Just as she was about to say thank you and leave, Tong Yuyao spoke again: “Actually, I wanted to say more than that. Pupu, you know I like you. Even though you’ve rejected me several times, I don’t want to give up. It’s almost a new year, and I think I’ll still like you as much as before. So… are you willing to try being with me?”

Chen Pupu didn’t know if her mind was slow from being full or if the dropping temperature was making her lightheaded, but at that moment, she actually felt a flicker of interest in his proposal. Although she knew for certain she didn’t have romantic feelings for him and only saw him as a classmate, as he said, there was no harm in trying. Some things you have to start before you can know the real outcome.

And so, at the start of 2010, the romance between Chen Pupu and Tong Yuyao began. However, the experience wasn’t great. During the precious, short winter break, Tong Yuyao either invited Chen Pupu to go swimming, took her to watch him play basketball, or asked her if she wanted to go jogging to exercise. Chen Pupu felt their definitions of “dating” were miles apart. At first, she agreed out of politeness, but after a few times, she couldn’t be bothered to waste her time. When she told them about their “dates” after school started, Cui Tong nearly spat out her water. Before she even finished choking, she asked, “Pupu, why did you even agree to Tong Yuyao?”

Chen Pupu couldn’t really explain it herself. She couldn’t even feel any change this brought to her life; it seemed that besides having a boyfriend in name, nothing had happened. She aimlessly flipped through the textbooks on her desk and said, “Maybe my brain was scrambled by the fireworks on New Year’s Eve.”

“You two just protect yourselves and don’t let yourselves be bullied.” As soon as she said this, Cao Yijing felt like an old, nagging elder, so she quickly added: “That’s what my mom told me. I have no use for the advice, so I’m passing it on to you two.”

“Also, don’t let the teachers catch you, or your parents will be called in.” Cui Tong wasn’t worried; her parents had started dating in middle school and had created her after a long romantic journey, so they didn’t have much of a leg to stand on to oppose her.

“Don’t worry, I’m only telling the two of you. Just help me keep the secret.”

“You didn’t tell Ye Du?” After asking instinctively, Cui Tong felt the question was a bit inappropriate. Chen Pupu shook her head. “I don’t know how to tell her. Besides, she has competitions this semester, I can’t disturb her.” Thinking of Ye Du, Chen Pupu would remember fragments of life where Ye Du wasn’t present—like the camping trip, the New Year’s countdown, and right now.

Even when she was alone with Tong Yuyao, Ye Du would burst into her mind like a sudden flash of inspiration. Sometimes she couldn’t help but wonder: if the person in front of her right now were that familiar girl—not as a friend, but as a lover—how would it all naturally happen? Between her and Tong Yuyao, it was the latter who kept moving forward, pushing her step by step to a point where she had to give an answer. But between her and Ye Du, it seemed neither could be the brave one. To take it a step further, she had been the first to make a cowardly choice. Although she didn’t want to face it, she had to admit that a large part of why she chose to be with Tong Yuyao was to distract herself. Perhaps once she got used to another person, things would have a different ending. Perhaps because it had been so long since she had seen Ye Du, Chen Pupu felt she missed this most important friend more than ever before.