Her Imperfection for Wifehood - Chapter 47.2

Chapter 47.2

When Wei Zhengqing published the statement in the newspaper severing our paternal relationship, A-Jing must have seen it too.

I am not sad. I am not afraid of being laughed at by bystanders, nor am I afraid of them cursing me, saying I got what I deserved. The only thing I fear is hearing the ignorant say, “Wei Yinxia and An Jing are immoral.”

A-Jing, my love for you is not immorality. I’m sorry, I can’t control their vicious mouths. It’s my fault for bringing trouble upon you.

After saying goodbye to my mother and the others, I went to Aunt Hong’s place, distraught.

The door was locked.

I had the key.

But I was completely ignorant of Aunt Hong’s whereabouts.

And A-Jing, the An house was occupied by bad people, and both A-Jing and An Xi were missing.

I stayed at Aunt Hong’s house for a few days but never waited for her. Neighbors only said she had moved, but no one knew where.

During those days, I often sat by the river, watching the clouds in the sky.

Every time I heard the sound of wheels rolling behind me, I would turn my head, watching until the vehicle disappeared, and then until the sound disappeared.

I missed the cool air after the rain on the day A-Jing rode me to pay the protection fee, I missed the autumn breeze brushing my hair, I missed the bicycle A-Jing bought, rode with me once, and then lost on the roadside…

Most of all, I missed A-Jing.

I endured the ache of longing and refrained from inquiring about A-Jing’s whereabouts. In fact, I no longer had the face to see her.

No news is good news. I only hoped that she and An Xi had safely left Shanghai.

An Xi had tried to send messages, asking if I was willing to leave with A-Jing. How could I not be willing?

Both siblings were people of their word. If I said yes, I believed they would bring me out at any cost, but I couldn’t drag A-Jing down.

Wei Zhengqing told me that the An siblings had angered Kahn, and Kahn had already arranged secret surveillance around the Wei house, just waiting for them to deliver themselves. Whether he would kill without mercy or capture and torture them was unknown.

When A-Jing’s life was at stake, it was better to be safe than sorry. Besides, Wei Zhengqing hadn’t released my family yet. I couldn’t leave.

So, I sent a reply, urging them to leave quickly and not worry about me.

After gaining my freedom, I kept thinking: What else can I do for A-Jing?

Kahn was the culprit who framed A-Jing, ruining her reputation and making her homeless. He was also the great demon who took the lives of A-Jing’s parents and many innocent people. He had to pay with his life.

So, I called Wei Zhengqing, begging him to tell me Kahn’s whereabouts under the pretense of helping him eliminate a future threat. After that, I dressed myself up beautifully and approached Kahn.

Wei Zhengqing feared Kahn and also resented him. Who likes to be led by the nose?

In the hotel room, Kahn’s vulgar words and actions were an insult to me. For a weak woman, to escape unscathed was next to impossible.

I couldn’t dirty myself. My body belonged to A-Jing. There was only one path before me—mutual destruction.

I am not afraid of death.

My only regret is that I won’t grow old with A-Jing. I promised to stay with her until we were a hundred, but I will have to break my word.

But why, why was A-Jing outside the window? Why did A-Jing have to hear those offensive, lewd words from Kahn?

A-Jing.

You must hate me to the core, right?

Living is more painful than dying. I deeply understood this sentence.

I gambled my life, but only managed to stab the wooden hairpin into Kahn’s shoulder. Just when I thought I was going to die right there, A-Jing returned. My great hero returned.

A-Jing grabbed my hand and made Kahn die by her and my hands.

In that moment, my legs were weak and shaking violently. I wasn’t afraid of blood, nor was I afraid of killing. I was afraid of the look in A-Jing’s eyes.

Those eyes, which should have been bright and clear, that gaze, which should have been full of tenderness, were filled with icy hatred.

And that wooden hairpin—in the old town that night, I had used a small knife to carve the character “Jing” on it. It was my cherished gift, and the cherished name of A-Jing.

The hairpin was abandoned in Kahn’s neck.

How could I not understand? It wasn’t the hairpin A-Jing abandoned; it was her feelings for me.

Amidst the hail of bullets, several Lu Gang brothers died to cover our escape, and the one I was most familiar with, Bai Yang, also died.

They all died because of me.

My feet were bloody and numb from being dragged by A-Jing while running barefoot, but my heart was even more numb.

I had no right to cry out in pain, because I was the one who deserved to die ten thousand times over.

Lying in bed that night, when A-Jing asked if I had a heart, I wanted to say that I did, and it was filled with you, filled with my great hero.

She wouldn’t want to hear my voice. I understood. I stayed silent.

She said she wanted me to suffer while living.

A-Jing, you are so cruel. It’s only right, as I was cruel first.

Finally, A-Jing fell asleep with her head on my chest.

She didn’t ask me for an explanation, didn’t ask me if what Kahn said was true or false.

Explain what?

I was speechless, and I got what I deserved.

The Sincere Garden was the beginning of the entire setup. An Jing, as the head of the An Corporation, fell into “our” meticulously set trap two years ago.

I am a thorough bad woman. A-Jing said she would not forgive those who hurt her. She will not forgive me.

I could only properly touch A-Jing while she was asleep.

Her hair was longer, her face thinner.

Boom, boom, boom. My heart was pounding fast, reminding me of my “first time” with A-Jing.

Sleeping together was part of the original plan, but after falling in love with A-Jing, this became so difficult to execute.

A-Jing cherished me like a treasure, spoiled me, loved me, and couldn’t bear for me to suffer the slightest wrong, so she was reluctant to take me. But I was afraid I would never have the chance again, so I insisted on giving myself to her. Even if she hated me after knowing the truth.

A-Jing, I was shameless and selfish, only wanting to be your woman, to make sure you could never forget me.

I had learned about sex, both with men and women.

A-Jing said she was inexperienced. I believed her.

My first time, A-Jing’s first time. The harmony of two bodies was also the harmony of two souls.

I was sleepless that night. A-Jing’s breathing was long and soft, gently hitting my cheek.

Borrowing the faint light of the bedside lamp and the proximity to A-Jing, I was able to clearly see her face.

Her brows, her eyes, her nose, her lips… I had kissed every part countless times, and I held every part firmly in my heart.

Tears soaked the pillow.

The night in the basement was the same.

A-Jing’s face rested on my chest, falling asleep to my heartbeat. I wished she could also hear the utterly sincere and unwavering affection I held for her.

I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. Why did I fall asleep?

A-Jing, she abandoned me.

In the unfamiliar room, I hugged my knees and cried loudly, more sorrowful and despairing than I had been in twenty years.

A-Jing.

You took my heart, and you also took my life. If I have to live the rest of my life without you by my side, I would rather have died in your arms yesterday than live and never see you again.

Crying and laughing, I frantically searched my body and the bed.

Aunt Hong heard the commotion and immediately entered the room. I fell off the bed and grabbed her hand, asking: “Where is the jade Guanyin? Aunt Hong, my jade Guanyin, the Southern Red Agate Guanyin I wore around my neck, did you take it? It must be you, right? Please give it back to me, please…”

Aunt Hong squatted down, hugged me, and shook her head.

Everything was gone.

The wooden hairpin, the qipao, the jade Guanyin—everything connected to A-Jing was gone.

I pushed Aunt Hong away and forcefully pulled open my collar, seeing that the marks A-Jing left on me last night were still there. I laughed through my tears, and cried through my laughter. This “scarred” body was the only thing still connected to A-Jing.

I am so afraid. Because the wounds she inflicted will eventually heal.

Aunt Hong picked up a button and handed it to me instead.

A button. A shirt.

Only then did I realize that the clothes I was wearing next to my skin were A-Jing’s. I clutched the torn button, pressing it against my heart as if it were a priceless treasure.

It was A-Jing’s scent; there was no mistake.

Seeing that I had calmed down a little, Aunt Hong helped me lie back on the bed.

She took three items from a bedside drawer. One was a moon-white silk handkerchief embroidered with red plum blossoms on the corner. It was the handkerchief I used as Hongying. A total of two were embroidered, and both, at different times, ended up in A-Jing’s hands.

I knew this handkerchief was the token that convinced Aunt Hong to move after Sister Yunqing bought her a new house.

Another item was two tin frogs. One was rusty and barely recognizable, while the other was bright and new. Both were gifts from A-Jing.

The tin frog was the only thing I brought from my birth family, and I secretly took it into the Wei house.

Once, Wei Lan’en discovered it, snatched it, and threw it into the fountain in the front yard. I dove in and retrieved it.

It was once my spiritual support.

To prevent it from being discovered again, I wrapped the little frog in cloth and hid it under the bed. Only when I was very, very sad would I crawl under the bed at night and take it out to look at it. I had survived once; there would surely be a next time.

After becoming close to Aunt Hong, I moved it to her house, telling her it was my most important possession. The new one A-Jing later gave me, I kept with the old one.

The third item—no, it could no longer be called an item, as it was in shredded pieces.

It was—the marriage certificate between A-Jing and me.

This was the second time A-Jing had torn up my marriage certificate. The first time I wasn’t sad, but this time, she tore up my dream and my heart.

She was telling me that it was time to wake up from the dream.

She and I could never be together.

Since that day, in a daze and repeating my routine, I was like a walking corpse, staying indoors and refusing to leave the room.

Every day, Aunt Hong would buy a newspaper and deliver it to my room. I wanted to see the news of Wei Zhengqing’s death on it.

Many, many days later, I remembered that I had forgotten to tell A-Jing that Wei Zhengqing was not my father. Kill him or slice him up, it’s up to you. Or, let me do it.

A-Jing, I know you have very important things to do. I won’t drag you down anymore. I will guard our memories and wait for you.

One month, two months, one year, two years. Whenever you return, I will welcome you.

I still have so much love I haven’t had the chance to give you, so many sweet words I haven’t told you, so many things I haven’t done with you. A-Jing, you must remember to come back.

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