Find the One Who Abandoned Me - Chapter 34

He remained silent for a moment, his expression unreadable, as if lost in thought, before finally opening his mouth.

“At first, it was like that.”

His answer, like a ripple over the still surface of water, came quietly. Calliope, knowing his temperament well, waited patiently for him to continue.

“But now… I simply wish to keep you within the bounds of my responsibility.”

Calliope fixated on the movement of his lips with an almost obsessive gaze.

“Even if it becomes overwhelming, I want to believe that I alone can bear the responsibility for you.”

Her eyes widened, sparkling. At his words, she smiled as if she were the happiest person in the world. She had thought he would understand even without her having to respond. But looking back, she wished she had spoken then.

“I, too…”

She hoped her voice now would sound as much like his as possible.

“I, too, wished to become the only one who could be responsible for you.”

In this life, where she had regained all she couldn’t achieve in her past life, she wanted to fulfill those dreams. She wanted to establish her place, pull him out of the pit that was his family, and ultimately change the fate that would lead him to his death.

“To do my utmost until the day my life ends—that is what I call responsibility.”

“The meaning of ‘responsibility’ I know… you were the one who taught me that.”

Calliope, staring down at the white bedsheet, whispered softly to herself.
Even if he could not carry his responsibility to the end, she still wanted to.
Therefore, he only needed to follow the path she had paved for him.

He had wronged her—a grave mistake.
So she thought it was all right for her to act selfishly like this. She lay back down, closing her eyes. Even in the darkness, it was still white—because she was thinking of his eyes.

She opened her eyes.
She could feel the light. It was as hot as the midday sun, yet tinged with the blue hue of dawn.
Before the glass window where the light streamed in, the white curtains fluttered, and a white sheet wrapped around her body.

Calliope shifted her body against the soft fabric, lifting her gaze to the blue, luminous arms that were embracing her.
Immediately, she met his eyes, glowing white.

“Isaac.”

Calliope smiled as she called his name. His gaze, devoid of a smile, had not left her from the moment she opened her eyes.
And the moment she looked into his eyes, she understood—this was a dream.

He had long since left her side, and she was still desperately struggling to get him back.

In the past, he had been her reality, simply by existing.
Now, after turning away and leaving, he had become something like a dream.
Calliope, without trying to wake from this dream, leaned her head into his chest and rubbed her forehead against him.

“I had a dream.”

“What kind of dream?”

“A frightening one.”

“Do you not wish to tell me in detail?”

“No, I don’t.”

Hearing her answer, Isaac tightened his arms around her.
As their bodies pressed together without a gap, even though it was a dream, she could hear the thundering beat of her heart.

Within his arms, feeling her white hair entangle, Calliope spoke:

“Something happened that I could never overcome. I was afraid and sank into a swamp.”

The foolish Calliope, standing atop the bell tower, unable to endure his death.
She condemned herself for her weakness.

It wasn’t his betrayal that had broken her—it was the fact that he had vanished from the world.
If he had simply continued breathing somewhere in the world, even if he had betrayed her, she would not have made that choice.

Her eyes, her voice, her life, her everything—
He, who had been her entire world, disappeared, and so it felt only right for her to disappear as well.

Reading the emotions swirling in her eyes, Isaac stayed silent for a moment before slowly parting his lips.

“Whether in a dream or anywhere else, you need not fear.”

“Why not?”

Isaac’s gaze, watching her, narrowed slightly. His eyes moved back and forth.
Calliope already knew what he would say next.
Soon, like a spiderweb stretched in the dawn light, he spoke in a voice full of secret softness:

“Because wherever you are, I will be with you.”

At his answer, Calliope smiled without even realizing it.

Yes, he had once said that to her before.
She tried to recall how she had answered back then.

She felt a lukewarm teardrop well up at the corner of her eye.

“Liar.”

Her vision blurred with tears, and she could no longer see his face clearly.

“That was a lie, wasn’t it?”

At that moment, her vision changed.

Calliope blinked slowly.
As the tears pooled at her lashes fell, the image of his pale skin vanished — and in its place, a dazzling golden hall stretched before her.

Turning her head left and right, Calliope finally realized where she was.
The royal palace’s grand hall, opened only for the most extravagant celebrations.
Nobles stood around her, covering their lips with fans as they laughed.
Some stared with thinly veiled pity.

She looked straight ahead.

There, she saw his back —
Isaac, kneeling on one knee before a beautiful saintess with flowing red hair.

“I, Isaac Esteban,”

Calliope whispered through her tears.

“Don’t do it.”

“I hereby revoke the knight’s vow I pledged to Calliope Anastas…”

“Don’t say it.”

“And request to pledge it instead to Saintess Clementia.”

She couldn’t see his face.
Only the saintess’s gaze — full of pity and guilt — was directed at her.

Calliope had once run from this place, unable to endure the mockery of the nobles and the sound of his voice denying her.
She had fled this hall, a broken and defeated figure.

But now, knowing it was just a dream, Calliope didn’t hold back. She screamed.

Her cry echoed through the illusionary hall.

Breathless and sobbing, she shouted:

“If you go, Isaac, you will die. And so will I.
You may not know it, but it will happen.”

“Please, tell me this is just a dream…”

With a hoarse, trembling voice, she pleaded:

“Tell me it was all just a dream.”

No answer came.

“Tell me that you leaving me, losing you, and losing myself — tell me it was all fake.”

But no one answered.

Calliope opened her eyes.

The sheets beneath her were drenched in cold sweat.
Her eyes and cheeks were sticky with tears.
Gasping for air, she stared up at the ceiling, still tinted blue before dawn.
Her head throbbed, and pain pierced her chest so deeply that she couldn’t stop crying.

She rolled onto her side, scratching at her chest with her nails until her skin turned red, until the blood rose like red marks.

Burying her face into the sheets, she sobbed.
The dream was real, and the pain was real.
The truth that he was truly gone — that reality was not a lie — made her writhe in silent agony.

Calliope spent the entire dawn in pain and tears.

When the sun finally rose, filling the window with golden light, she got out of bed.
She staggered across the floor and stood before the mirror.

Her reflection, warped by grief, longing, resentment, and pain, was pitiful to behold.

Forcing the corners of her mouth upward, she whispered:

“It’s okay.”

Even though she was breaking down day by day without him, she couldn’t allow herself to collapse.
She was the woman who had returned through time to win him back.

Calliope lifted her distorted lips with her fingers and told herself firmly:

“You are okay.”

You have to be.

She turned her head slightly toward the morning sunlight pouring in.
Bathed in the dazzling white light, Calliope smiled once more —
this time, without a trace of distortion.
It was a perfectly beautiful smile.

Calliope spent her days as if nothing was wrong, smiling peacefully.
She didn’t deny the cracks she had felt inside that night, but she had no time to fall into them.

She kept busy — attending lessons with her tutors, increasing her sword training, spending time with the younger children, and occasionally visiting Ditron Anastas.

His health was visibly declining, but Deyloren, as if harboring deep malice, continued to play the role of the loyal maid without batting an eye.

“The Marquess is asking for you.”

Hearing the butler’s voice, Calliope, who had been sitting quietly in her room, stood up with solemn determination.

To everyone else, it seemed like peaceful days.
But in truth, Calliope’s nerves were sharper than ever.

Since she had begun building relationships with other noble daughters earlier than before, it was clear her engagement must be approaching too.
In her past life, not long after her first tea party, the topic of engagement had been brought up.

Following the butler, Calliope arrived at Illan’s office.
Opening the door, she found him, just as before — like a man captured in a painting, focused on his paperwork.

“Lady Calliope has arrived.”

Taking a deep breath, Calliope stepped inside.
There could be only one reason for calling her at this timing.

“I summoned you because I have something to discuss.”

Standing quietly, she clasped her hands tightly in front of her thighs.

“Please speak,” she replied.

Illan looked up from his documents and fixed his cold gaze on his daughter.
Calliope focused every ounce of her attention on his next words.
She already knew what was coming —
the words she had long been waiting for.

“It’s regarding your engagement.”

At last — the official news that she would see him again.

A spark lit in Calliope’s heart.
Biting the inside of her cheek lightly, she calmed her expression.

Calliope’s man.
Her fiancé, Isaac Esteban — second son of Count Esteban, a close aide to the king and Captain of the Royal Knights.

The House of Anastas had long remained neutral.
But after the deaths of the previous Marquess and Marchioness, and with Ditron Anastas taking control, the family had begun leaning toward the aristocratic faction.

Unfortunately, the aristocratic faction had grown weak.
When the current king ascended the throne, he had crushed those who exploited the people through forceful reforms.

There had been fierce opposition at first.
But the king, if not the dragon’s head, at least its tail, had secretly unearthed and purged the corruption among the nobles one by one — leading to the present situation.

And in such a time, Ditron Anastas’s foolish attachment to the fading noble faction was becoming a serious problem.

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