Fell Deeply In Love With My Ex-Husband's Fiancé - Chapter 83

Chapter 83: Death – Don’t Die… Please Don’t Die

Lu Feiran sat vaguely near the door. He didn’t know how long this “rebound phase” would last, regretting his rashness. How could he, the only family member, indulge Lance like this?

The fishing boat continued to rock. The morning sky had become indistinguishable from night, black and dark. It was as if there was a giant vortex in the sky, constantly spewing torrential rain.

Lu Feiran hugged Lance, intimately leaning his face against Lance’s chest. The rainwater on his outer jacket once again soaked his cheek.

Though his heart was panicking, his face was extremely calm: “Let’s go back. Don’t stay here any longer. The rain will only get heavier.”

He had to be calm, because he felt an unstoppable sense of collapse emanating from Lance, as if this sudden heavy rain was exactly what he needed, and he was going to gamble everything here recklessly…

Lu Feiran had always been sensitive. He would not easily dismiss the warnings from his sixth sense; he had to remain vigilant at all times.

“Don’t stay here anymore, Lance,” Lu Feiran continued to persuade. “I can’t swim as well as you. If something happens, I won’t be able to save myself.”

He was like a small animal seeking refuge, shrinking his shivering body and burrowing into the warm chest.

Lance looked at him, his eyes gradually softening, as if there was no heavy rain, and all he could see was tranquility.

Lance brushed away Lu Feiran’s slightly damp hair, using his thumb to gently trace the contours of the black-haired youth’s face, noticing the fleeting fear in his expression before it returned to calm.

He was pretending to be calm and afraid, but there was no genuine reliance.

He knew Lu Feiran was only putting on this act temporarily just to go back. In that respect, he was somewhat similar to himself.

Lance held Lu Feiran and rubbed him hard, saying, “Baby, you’re afraid that I’m taking you with me to die, aren’t you?”

Lu Feiran was stunned and immediately said, “No, I truly didn’t think that.”

He was afraid, but he was afraid of the wind and waves and the rain at sea, and he was also afraid that Lance, in his brief irrationality, might put them in danger.

But deep down, he never thought Lance was being malicious.

In his subconscious, he never believed Lance would intentionally do anything to hurt him.

Lu Feiran wanted to say something more, but Lance quietly pressed a finger against his lips. “What’s that word… suicide pact?” He smiled. “But who can guarantee that their souls will meet after death? Besides, no one can be sure if there are souls after death.”

“What if I lose you after I die?” Lance lightly kissed Lu Feiran’s pressed lips. “Don’t be afraid. You are healthy and will live a long life.”

Lu Feiran saw a rich desire for expression on Lance’s face. He stopped several times, wanting to speak, but restrained himself, only letting out a little bit.

“Just say whatever you want to say.” Although the timing was inappropriate, Lu Feiran still wanted to encourage Lance to speak. If he spoke it out, would he be able to return safely?

“You hate being threatened, but I tied you up and brought you here. You detest marriage, but I forced you to sign the marriage application.” Lance’s voice was trembling, and his lips were losing color, but he kept talking. “I screwed everything up from the beginning. You yelled at me, you disliked me, but I still kept clinging to you. You find me very annoying, right?”

Lu Feiran wanted to say no, but his throat was constricted, and he couldn’t speak.

“It’s all my fault for not knowing how to express myself, which is why you always refuse to listen to me. I’m sorry.” Lance bent his waist, like a tree branch bowed by snow. “But I can’t help it. I… I regretted bringing you here every day. I knew I was done, I couldn’t turn back, but I already did it… I’m sorry…”

Lu Feiran’s face was rubbed delicately back and forth by Lance. The edges of his cheeks and jaw were flushed red, even slightly aching, but he didn’t have time to care. All he knew was that Lance’s eyes kept drifting unknowingly to the distance, his hands uncontrollably losing strength several times, and the frequency of his body shaking was highly abnormal.

Lu Feiran abruptly lifted Lance’s face, scrutinizing it. He slipped two fingers into his mouth to check, but couldn’t find what he was looking for. Lu Feiran then forcefully grabbed Lance’s collar and shouted loudly, “What did you eat!”

Lance burst into an abrupt laugh. Due to weight loss, his prominent brow ridge and nose bridge looked even sharper from a certain angle.

Lu Feiran pulled open the drawer behind Lance. A familiar medicine bottle lay quietly there, with pills of various squeezed shapes scattered inside the drawer.

If this bottle of medicine was full when it was brought up, then now, at least half of it was gone…

The few minutes he was locked outside the door were enough to do this.

Lu Feiran suddenly felt dizzy. Something more frightening than the storm rushed into his head. The tears that he could barely control earlier burst out like a broken dam.

He quickly turned around, and a cold slap landed directly on Lance’s face, leaving a bright red mark on his right cheek.

Lance was momentarily stunned by the hit, motionless for a few seconds. Lu Feiran seized the opportunity to shove two fingers into his mouth, trying to force him to vomit.

But he was no match for Lance. With just a slight effort, Lance pulled his fingers out.

“Do you want to die?! If you want to die, go die far away!” Lu Feiran cried out hysterically.

Lance paused, his face pale. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down against his body’s instinct: “The GPS is having some issues, but don’t panic. I’ve already made a satellite call for rescue. The weather is too bad right now, so they might not be able to find us immediately. The boat we took out today is quite large. I’ve dropped anchor. The waves won’t capsize us, don’t be afraid.”

He pointed to the cabinet on the other side: “There’s purified water and food here. You also brought chocolate yourself. It’s enough to sustain you until help arrives.”

“What do you mean? What about you?” Lu Feiran lost himself for a moment, and his anger instantly extinguished.

Lance looked at him, forcing a cold smile: “I’ll wait outside with you. Don’t be afraid.”

“What… what do you mean outside? Can’t you wait inside with me?” Lu Feiran staggered a few steps forward, following Lance to the edge of the cockpit door.

Lu Feiran was gently pushed, taking half a step back. This half-step became an uncrossable chasm. Lance pulled his arm free, slipped into the rain curtain, closed the cabin door, and sat with his back against it.

Lu Feiran’s entire body went rigid. It took him several seconds to realize sluggishly what had happened.

That’s right, Lance had never intended a suicide pact, but he wanted to die himself.

Separated by the glass, Lu Feiran continuously pounded on it, his palms turning red, but he wouldn’t stop.

Don’t be afraid… How could he not be afraid! His lover intended to die; how could he not be afraid?

Lu Feiran instantly understood that everything Lance had said moments ago was his final testament. And his final words were entirely devoted to apologizing to him, saying sorry, and saying don’t be afraid.

Lu Feiran had never imagined that his Moon would actually fall.

“Lance!! Get in here! Just throw up the medicine, and you’ll be fine!” Lu Feiran yelled through the door, using all his strength to impact it, but Lance had jammed something in from the outside. No matter how hard he pounded, only a tiny gap would appear.

From his angle, he could only see Lance’s soaked blond hair. The rain made the glass blurry, preventing him from observing Lance’s breathing or chest movements.

Lu Feiran pressed his hand against his chest. In the inner pocket was an A4 paper folded twice, with the ballpoint pen sketch on it. Only by holding it there could Lu Feiran find the strength to launch a hysterical reprimand.

“You are a coward! You’re going to die just like that? This is nothing!”

“Who agreed to let you die! Are you being this irresponsible to me? You tied me up and brought me here just so I could watch you perform suicide?”

…

After a long silence, Lu Feiran’s voice became hoarse. His provocative and angry shouts received no response, ultimately condensing into repeated “Don’t…” and “Don’t die…”

After another period, he didn’t even dare to mention the word “die” anymore, afraid it would come true.

Lu Feiran’s left hand tightly gripped his pants, his fingernails aching, almost breaking.

He started breathing in deep, ragged gasps, his chest heaving violently, but he still felt suffocated and increasingly short of breath, forcing him to open his mouth wide and try harder to draw in oxygen. However, one gasp didn’t finish before he eagerly drew in the next breath.

In the vicious cycle, Lu Feiran’s hands and feet began to tingle. His left hand couldn’t grip his pants, and his right hand couldn’t push the cabin door. His vision blacked out, and he fell backward, collapsing heavily onto the floor.

Lu Feiran knew he was hyperventilating again and had to save himself.

But forget about using a bag to aid his breathing; his whole body was limp, and he couldn’t even lift his hand.

Despairing tears flowed incessantly. His wide-open mouth pooled saliva, which cunningly leaked from the corners of his mouth, unable to close.

Lu Feiran’s face was a mess, his vision flashing between black and white. His entire arm, down to his fingertips, was so numb he couldn’t feel its existence, but he still forced himself to lift his hand. It rose halfway, unable to advance an inch further, his index finger reaching toward the cabin door…

As his consciousness faded, Lu Feiran only felt a large hand, icy like that of a non-living person, covering his mouth, allowing him to complete the exchange of air in the arched space of the palm.

The rain carrying the scent of seawater washed away all the familiar smells from between the fingers. But when this familiar hand pressed against his mouth, he uncontrollably calmed down.

Lu Feiran thought vaguely, Is Lance saying “don’t be afraid” now? But he couldn’t hear… How could he not hear…

When his breathing gradually stabilized and his consciousness returned somewhat, the hand also loosened, abruptly falling away, drained of some strength.

Lu Feiran turned his head and saw a blurry shadow lying parallel to him. He grabbed the blanket from the chair, wrapped it around Lance’s face, forced himself onto his knees, and settled Lance on his lap, lying on his side.

Then, he forcefully shoved his middle finger into Lance’s warm mouth, pressing hard on his throat.

Lu Feiran didn’t know exactly how to induce vomiting; he could only rely on instinct to do everything he possibly could.

Only at this moment did he clearly realize that he absolutely could not allow Lance to completely leave him.

Did he hate Lance?

When he learned that Lance had deliberately used someone else’s identity to deceive him and mock him, Lu Feiran felt a physiological disgust towards him.

But this man, whom he had both loved and hated, had successfully broken in a second time.

He truly couldn’t accept gentle love anymore, because he would avoid it, deny it, and prevent intimacy from happening. Only Lance, with his house-breaking craziness, could barge in again, allowing him to comply in a half-willing, half-forced manner.

And… that person, even at the point of death, would cover his mouth, guiding him to find his breathing rhythm.

Lu Feiran wiped his face with his clean right hand. His left hand was burning with pain, but fortunately, he had successfully made Lance vomit.

Lu Feiran quickly cleaned up the surrounding area, then buried himself once again in Lance’s chest, listening to his strangely frequent heartbeat through his clothes, biting his lower lip and cursing: “Madman.”

If Lance left him, he would be reminded of Lance with every breath he took.

Lance would completely become a ghost hovering beside Lu Feiran. Without his hand, Lu Feiran’s breathing would even go haywire…

“Don’t die… Please don’t die. You won, I really can’t lose you. You won…” Lu Feiran mumbled with his eyes closed, pressing his face against Lance’s neck.