Fell Deeply In Love With My Ex-Husband's Fiancé - Chapter 81

Chapter 81: Self-Restraint – Deep in the night, the warm bed held two people…

Deep in the night, the warm bed held two people.

Lu Feiran opened his eyes. He didn’t move immediately, instead maintaining a slow, deep breathing pattern, alert and vigilant.

He was tightly held in Lance’s embrace. Not only were both of Lance’s arms wrapped around his body, but one of his legs was also draped over Lu Feiran’s calf, as if afraid he might slip away.

Lu Feiran indeed intended to slip away now. His expression was as serious as a soldier about to enter battle. He gently gripped Lance’s wrist, slowly lifting his arm, then, with extremely slow movements, cautiously wriggled forward, carefully replacing Lance’s hand into the empty space behind him. He then inch by inch pulled his leg out from under Lance’s, finally freeing himself from the confinement.

He stepped lightly out of bed, his bare feet touching the floor. He drew the bed curtains, then squatted low, moving with the silent, stealthy grace of a cat, circling the large bed to retrieve Lance’s phone from the other side.

He then swiftly slipped out the door, quietly arriving outside the locked room. He remembered that Lance hadn’t locked the door when he came out; surely it could be opened now?

Outside, the cold wind howled, the sea breeze was biting, and heavy rain had started since midnight, filling his ears with the sound of dense rainfall.

Sneaking around in a dark house doing this made Lu Feiran inevitably feel nervous.

But he didn’t dare turn on the light. He only turned on the flashlight on the phone, when he suddenly noticed the door was indeed ajar, with a small gap, like a tempting drumstick deliberately left to lure him into a trap.

Lu Feiran nervously glanced back a few times. After confirming he was the only one on the first floor, he pushed the door open.

He opened the drawer where Lance had tossed the pill bottle last time. It was empty. His heart sank. He opened several cabinet doors one after another but couldn’t find the medication anywhere.

Just as he was disheartened and preparing to give up, he suddenly spotted a manila envelope in the corner.

Lu Feiran opened the envelope and found it filled with white pill bottles, identical to the one he had seen Lance taking.

His heart suddenly pounded rapidly. He kept checking behind him, then used his phone to take a picture and search for a translation online.

Perhaps due to the worsening weather, the island’s network signal was intermittent and unstable. Five or six minutes passed without any search results appearing.

He had never felt so terrified in his life. Every second slowly ticking by felt like an execution.

Finally, after a while, the search result came up. The drug was called Aripiprazole, commonly used to stabilize mood and control impulsive and aggressive behavior.$^1$

No wonder. Since arriving on the island, Lu Feiran had felt that Lance’s reactions were not quite right. His responses to many things were muted. Sometimes he could force a smile, but he frequently lost his composure, and the smiles looked stiff and false.

Rumors about Lance having a mental illness had existed for more than ten years, yet Dr. Benjamin said this was his first time taking medication.

This indicated that his condition had clearly worsened recently.

Was it because of me?

Lu Feiran felt a pang of sadness. He had once been locked up by Lu Liye in a psychiatric sanatorium, where he had seen many patients in serious conditions.

Some of them were not seriously ill to begin with, but those who were sent there were inevitably abandoned by their families, leading to an irreversible deterioration of their condition.

The idea of accompanying Lance in treatment overshadowed everything else at this moment. Lu Feiran knew he absolutely could not bring himself to truly abandon him.

It wasn’t because of Lance’s persistent entanglement, but because he himself couldn’t bring himself to leave him behind.

But this wasn’t something that could be achieved overnight. Twenty days was far too short. Did he have to stay here forever? He could accompany Lance, but definitely not on this island.

Lu Feiran walked upstairs. The wooden stairs made a slight creaking sound in the dead of night—slight, but enough to prick tense nerves.

Fortunately, when he drew back the bed curtains, Lance was still sound asleep on the bed, his posture unchanged.

Lu Feiran let out a breath, put the phone back in its place, walked around the foot of the bed, and cautiously climbed back in from the other side.

He had just pulled up the covers when he heard a jarring sound of metal clashing. Lu Feiran’s face changed. He sat up in panic, seeing Lance’s eyes bloodshot, his jawline tightly clenched, and the nerves at his temples twitching, as if he was struggling desperately to restrain something.

His right hand hung down behind him, gripping a silver metal object. Lu Feiran glanced at it, and the hair all over his body stood on end.

It was a chain, as thick as his forearm. If someone were locked somewhere with it, the lock would surely remain intact until the seas ran dry and the stones crumbled.

“Where did you go?”

A hoarse voice squeezed out from his throat. The atmosphere was so solidified that he could barely breathe, carrying a sense of impending death.

Yet, Lu Feiran noticed that Lance’s hand was shaking violently. His most naked and dark inner thoughts could not be suppressed by a few days of medication.

He wants to lock me up, Lu Feiran thought.

Suddenly, Lu Feiran wasn’t panicking at all. Lance had the thought, but he hadn’t acted on it.

Lu Feiran became completely calm. In the dim light of the night, his eyes curved slightly, like a cup holding clear spring water. He gently grasped Lance’s trembling hand and found that his palm was covered in a thin layer of cold sweat.

He softly reassured him: “Don’t be afraid. I wasn’t leaving. I went to check on the dog.”

The roles were completely reversed. The captive repeatedly told the captor not to be afraid and assured him that he would stay by his side.

Lance hadn’t expected this reaction.

The medication made him fall into a deeper sleep, but a persistent feeling of unease made him wish he had an extra pair of eyes to constantly watch Lu Feiran, even while asleep.

Realizing his embrace was empty, Lance struggled to wake up. Looking at the empty bed, his eyes were bloodshot with rage.

The estate’s alarm hadn’t sounded. He forced himself to wait where he was, relying on the last shred of his sanity.

But the result of waiting last time was Lu Feiran flying out of the country. He hated waiting.

Therefore, he brought out the chain he had prepared long ago. If Lu Feiran returned, he would definitely…

Lance hadn’t expected Lu Feiran to comfort him.

The chain was taken by Lu Feiran. His fair fingers grasped the sturdy links, creating an extremely discordant image. But even more incongruous was Lu Feiran clasping the chain onto his own wrist!

“This is too heavy. It would be very inconvenient to sleep with. You should get something lighter. It’s so thick, are you planning to tie up an elephant?” Lu Feiran joked, his voice and expression showing no reluctance whatsoever.

Lu Feiran moved closer, speaking so that his breath brushed against Lance’s ear, making half of Lance’s body melt away like snow under the scorching sun.

Lance had lost count of how many times Lu Feiran had saved him.

He obsessively wished for all of Lu Feiran’s beautiful qualities—his kindness, gentleness, and tolerance—to be directed only at him. He wanted to hold onto everything, hide it, and fill his own body with it.

Everything must be his. Everything can only be his.

Lu Feiran couldn’t tell what Lance was thinking, but he could see from his expression that he had relaxed considerably. The terrifying look of ferocity had vanished, which reassured him greatly.

“Seriously, I only got up to use the restroom. After I got up, I suddenly wondered if the puppy was sleeping well in the new environment,” Lu Feiran said, clasping the other end of the chain onto Lance’s wrist. The cold silver metal lay snaking across the flannel sheets, looking utterly out of place.

“Okay, now we’re chained together. Should we sleep? I’m so sleepy.”

Lu Feiran lay down first, pulling the covers over himself. His face sank into the pillow, his black hair covering his eyes, making him look softer than water.

Lance immediately leaned down and embraced him, lying down with him.

However, the sense of security gained after extreme despair couldn’t truly soothe him. He suspected that he was seeing a miracle because he had unknowingly prayed to a deity.

He was a staunch atheist who never placed any hope in something abstract and ephemeral.

But now, the deity seemed to be in his arms.

Lance decided to show his devotion: “Did I scare you just now? I’m sorry.”

Lu Feiran closed his eyes and patted his hand: “A little, but it’s okay. I’m very brave.”

Is he really very brave? He was clearly scared by the horror movie earlier.

Lu Feiran said, “Help me with something tomorrow. Please help me name the puppy. It can’t go without a name forever. It can be an English name, whatever you like.”

Lance paused. His tense muscles completely relaxed at that moment. He softly said, “Okay, I’ll name him.”

Neither spoke again. Lance’s eyelids felt as heavy as lead, but he forced them open, watching Lu Feiran’s thick eyelashes tremble slightly, needing to confirm his lover’s existence was real.

His gaze was too obvious for Lu Feiran to ignore.

Lu Feiran raised his hand, the metal chain clanking softly. He gently covered Lance’s eyes with his palm and said, “Stop looking. Go to sleep.”

Lance closed his eyes. Only after he was sound asleep did Lu Feiran let out a sigh of relief and withdraw his hand. This hurdle was successfully cleared.

Honestly, seeing Lance pull out the chain scared him half to death. It brought back the feeling of watching The Texas Chain Saw Massacre with Zhou Zihua in high school.

But this was his lover. Lance wasn’t a murderer; he was just sick, a little paranoid, and lacking a sense of security.

Lance was afraid of losing something, so he would give him that thing.

Afraid he would leave, so he chained them together. Didn’t want him to call the little Bernese Mountain Dog “baby,” so he let Lance name it himself.

Lu Feiran felt he must adopt a problem-solving approach, seeing Lance more rationally.

He needed to help Lance get better, and he also needed to leave the island in time.

…

When he woke up the next morning, Lu Feiran felt completely relaxed. The chain from last night seemed to have never existed. The heavy curtains were drawn back, and the light-blocking film on the glass had also been removed.

Under the overcast sky, the sunlight was weak, only slightly illuminating the room. Lu Feiran faintly saw a card placed on the bedside table.

He picked it up and saw the word “Knight” written on it.

“‘Knight’…” Lu Feiran murmured the name twice. His hand dropped down to the bedside, stroking the puppy’s furry head. “You’ll be called Knight from now on.”

He yawned and got out of bed, calling Lance’s name twice towards the bedside. Receiving no answer, he went to wash up.

He went downstairs and searched the kitchen, but saw no sign of Lance. He had no choice but to take the breakfast out of the insulated box and eat it himself.

However, it was already late, and breakfast had turned into brunch, yet Lance wasn’t home.

The rain was much lighter this morning but was still falling ceaselessly, which was irritating.

Lu Feiran ate without tasting the food, unable to figure out where Lance would go in such bad weather.

Did he leave the island? If the weather turns, can he come back?

He didn’t go fishing again, did he? The waves must be huge today!

Lu Feiran put down his knife and fork and rushed upstairs to the room with the telescope.

The entire sea had turned blue-black. Waves were crashing one after another, pushing a small, leaf-like boat forward. He saw Lance’s somewhat longer hair was completely soaked. The man looked like he had just been hauled out of the sea.

Lu Feiran shivered with anger. He had heard that some men suddenly become obsessed with fishing, but Lance too?

Going fishing in such terrible weather?

The wind and waves were strong today. He woke up late and missed the sight of Lance battling a big fish. He dared not imagine how anxious he would have been if he had seen it earlier.

Lu Feiran bit his lip and went downstairs, radiating fury.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the fresh flowers that had been replaced a few days ago had lost their moisture and were half-dead. He felt even worse and pulled out all the wilting flowers from the vases, intending to throw them away.

Just then, the front door opened, and Lance appeared framed by the sea and sky.

Lu Feiran ran over. Lance thought he was going to hug him. He dropped the fish and opened his arms, only to have a handful of half-wilted petals thrown into his face.

“Why did you have to go fishing in this weather!” Lu Feiran was furious.

The petals stuck to Lance’s face, which was wet with seawater. Seeing Lu Feiran’s outburst, Lance’s green eyes moved slightly. He asked softly, “Are you… worried about me?”

“Worried about you, my foot!”

Lance smiled, like a ripple occasionally appearing on a calm lake, and quickly vanishing.

Lu Feiran crossed his arms and asked again in a hostile tone.

A flicker of struggle crossed Lance’s face. He said, “You didn’t just check on the dog last night, did you? You saw something else.”

Lu Feiran was stunned. He neither denied nor confirmed it.

During the silence, Lance removed the petals from his face. He picked up the fish, put it in the kitchen, and then returned, removing his soaked upper body clothing.

“Aripiprazole has fewer side effects, but relatively, the drug is milder, and the effect is not as strong,” Lance said. “Didn’t Benjamin tell you when you called him?”

Lu Feiran’s angry demeanor subsided. He shrank his shoulders, not having expected that all his actions had been discovered.

But Benjamin had barely said anything; he knew nothing.

“I need to do things to help me expend energy,” Lance said, stepping closer. The smell of seawater wafted from him, and his whole body radiated coolness. “Otherwise, I don’t know what I might do to you.”

Lu Feiran shivered: “Do what?”

Lance looked at him, his gaze tracing over Lu Feiran’s face and neck, which were red from anger, then sweeping over his exposed ankles outside his loungewear. He murmured something in German, vaguely and softly: “I want to lick you. Fuck you dry.”

“What?” Lu Feiran vaguely felt it wasn’t a good thing.

Lance had thought this the moment he saw Lu Feiran in Paris. At the same time, he took the first pill Benjamin had given him.

After a few days of steady medication, his desires in all aspects had significantly decreased.

Otherwise, he dared not imagine what would happen with just the two of them on the island.

He might break Lu Feiran, and then it would be completely over. So he chose to take the medication to appear more normal.

But external intervention wasn’t effective all the time. When the drug concentration in his blood dropped, those thoughts would return, even fiercer than they were in Paris.

He had to distance himself from Lu Feiran and do something to suppress the “intermittent rebound.”

“Who knows? I don’t think about it now,” Lance smiled, shrugging, looking at the cold leftovers on the table. “Are you full? We can have a late lunch.”

Lu Feiran really disliked Lance’s attitude. He followed him a few steps, saying, “You are not allowed to ignore me. Don’t go out to sea again when the weather is bad. If you absolutely must go, take me with you!”

Lance looked at Lu Feiran, stung by his burning gaze, but he didn’t want to give a harsh refusal, so he changed the subject: “I named the dog. Do you like it?”

“It’s fine. I’m already calling him by the new name, but he hasn’t reacted much yet. He’ll need some training,” Lu Feiran said.

“I’ll take care of it,” Lance said, walking upstairs. “I’m going to take a shower first, then I’ll bring you the computer.”

Lu Feiran frowned and reminded him: “Don’t forget, don’t go out to sea casually next time. It’s very dangerous…”

Lance smiled, nodded, and disappeared at the end of the stairs.